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I hate being wed in a fantasy world!
Volume 05 - Extras - I hate being wed in the SAO-world! & Gottfried vs. The Best Of His Village

Volume 05 - Extras - I hate being wed in the SAO-world! & Gottfried vs. The Best Of His Village

KK (Katsuragi Kenta): "I survived! I survived!"

RN (Katarine von Stolzherz a.k.a. Rine): "Look, I think I’ve never seen Kenta that happy before!"

MK (Momokawa Kyou): "Are you even paying attention to what he's saying?"

AA (Ara'ainn): "For me, there certainly has been an increase in life-threatening situations since joining you guys."

MK: "Because of the curse, there was no way for you to stay at home, so deal with it."

AA: "You misunderstand, I'm not complaining. It's funny."

RN: "Yes, fighting for your life makes you really feel alive, right?"

AA: "I'm talking more about Kenta-kun's reactions. Though I do need to find ways to keep the danger away from myself."

KK: "What fights did you have this volume, besides the one where you helped me out?"

AA: "I had to defend myself against the lustful eyes of the humans. They stripped me out of my clothes in their minds, and maybe even imagined binding me up. I heard some talking about getting some rope, restraining me, and leaving me inside a cellar, poor me."

MK: "That's because they wanted to keep you and your antics in check."

KK: "Thinking about it, who did Kyou-san fight!? You had... zero combat encounters, even that guy who hit on you fought me instead."

MK: "You don't have to fight everything, stupid. I did my fair share too, you know!?"

krpg (kentusrpg): "You sure did, I even rewrote the ending to make it better."

MK: "If this is your 'better', then I don't want to see the first version."

AA: "So author, any insights on what comes next?"

krpg: "Yes, the dreaded... Extra volume!"

RN: "No!"

KK: "Rine, do you even know what that means?"

RN: "No, but I felt left out, and he made it sound so ominous."

krpg: "The next volume will be 5.5. It's a compilation of Extra stories concerning people other than you."

AA: "I hope that the vacation is paid."

MK: "We don't get paid in the first place..."

AA: "We need to negotiate a new contract."

RN: "So that means we're on a break?"

KK: "I sure hope so, I'm sick of being in danger all the time."

krpg: "You'll be in the prologue, the intermissions, and the epilogue. So no break."

KK: "This sucks."

RN: "This is great!"

AA: "I don't need to bring my A-material, right?"

MK: "Who are the stories about?"

krpg: "There will be three stories, a long one, and two shorter ones, each about different heroes. To be more precise, they will feature your classmates."

KK: "Who even wants to read about those guys?"

MK: "I'm sure that some of the readers will enjoy it."

KK: "The rest will have to wait for volume 6 though. What a bad deal! Seriously, you're betraying everyone's expectations, hamster."

krpg: "I wanted to tell those stories, and I needed to write something different for a change, so this is the compromise that I was willing to make. Volume 6 will come, I'm on it."

KK: "Empty promises. Just end the series already and send me back."

RN: "No!"

KK: "Rine-"

RN: "No! We're not finished until Kenta finally kisses me!"

KK: "What kind of standard is that!?"

RN: "And he needs to kiss Kyou and Ara as well! Also, I want a final Epilogue which describes how all of us have children and live our lives!"

KK: "But if you want that kind of ending, then the story will never end!"

RN: "Even better!"

MK: "Rine-chan, I don't want that either.”

AA: “I want a vacation.”

krpg: “And I want to continue with the extra stories. The first one is the non-canoncial Extra again. It’s what the readers have voted for: a new take on sending you guys into another fictional world. It’s followed by a new mini-series that I'll write over the course of the next volumes, Gottfried versus.”

RN: “Oh, my instructor against... who?”

krpg: “Everyone. It's about people challenging Gottfried and how it ends up for them.”

RN: “Ah, why can't I be there, I want to see them!”

KK: “...you know, that you can just read them after each volume, right?”

RN: “Ah, you're right!”

krpg: “Finally, Extra 3 will be about someone you already met in the story.”

MK: “Who?”

krpg: “Tetsukawa Nobuo.”

KK: “Who?”

MK: “Our classmate, we met him in the second volume, when we went to Fort Wächter.”

RN: “Oh, I want to read it!”

AA: “He's a hero as well, right? As researching heroes is my specialty, I'd also like to know what he's doing.

krpg: “But first things first, the new mini-series starts!”

EXTRA 1 –  I HATE BEING WED IN THE SWORD ART ONLINE-WORLD!

“They're all dead.”

“They're just fake.”

“No spirits, they're like hollow existences.”

“Like I said, they look so obviously fake like cardboard stand-ups.”

“Ken, Arako, can you stop arguing and help me figuring out where we are?” Kyou-san is right, we're somewhere else.

“Looking at the hp-bars, which highly irritatingly block my field of vision, I guess we swapped to some MMORPG.” Usually, the hero-system is smart enough to put stats right at the corner of your sight, unless you concentrate on them without looking, which makes the windows grow bigger. Still, your peripheral sight is, at some point, enough to know how well you are. Big advantage: You don't accidentally open menus, and most of your field of view is still for perceiving all kind of stuff. Now parts are blocked, which creates blind spots.

The world around us is also kinda... 60% real, that's how it looks. Like a PlayStation 4, it seems realistic, but not real. Good try, but not good enough.

“Kenta!” Rine points to the horizon. “I see people.”

I use [Farsight], or at least I try to, but for some reason, it doesn't work at all. Though my eyes are still enough to see a small group of people, all of them wielding weapons, no obvious caster or something like that. “We may get some intel talking with... Japanese! They're Japanese!” Without [Farsight] it took a moment to realize that we're not dealing with our average fantasy-worlders, which are more westerner-like than anything else.

“Really?” Kyou-san is also excited, though it only lasts for a second: “But we're inside another game-like world, right?”

I just shrug my shoulders as an answer. “We should do some precautions.” For a moment I imagine tying up and gagging Rine and Ara-san, but that is no way to treat your companions... especially given that Rine might accidentally break some bones when I try it, and Ara-san really knows how to hold a grudge. The conclusion is that I should only do it if my return to Japan is at stake. So I suggest something else: “Let Kyou-san handle the talking. We also don't know if they're willing to talk, so Rine, be ready to kick some ass. Ara-san... just don't do anything, OK?”

“It may be hard to stop breathing.”

“...just avoid interacting with them as much as possible.” Alfar are notorious for a reason: They like to play pranks that do more harm than good to others. They also like to use sex jokes when talking with humans, which may be a hindrance here.

Kyou-san waves at the people and our two groups meet up, they're also four people, a woman and three men. One of them start talking, but not to us: “I didn't know there were elves! Let me talk to the NPC.”

OK, two strikes. “Who is an elf, duman?” First, 'elf' is a name humans have given alfar, therefore they hate it.

Second strike: “What makes you think we're NPCs, you sucker.”

“Kenta, what is an NPC?”

“Nonplayer Character, Rine. Means, they're thinking we're fake.”

“I don't understand.”

“Ken, just leave it at that. My name is Momokawa Kyou, and we're looking for a way home.”

“Home? We all are.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you actual real people...how don't you know? Wait, and why is an elf here, is that an NPC and you are players?”

“Duman, one more time and I make you suffer.”

“Please, Arako. Also... who are you again?”

After some introductions, we learn the terrible fate the others are suffering from... Basically, there is a new technology from Japan in the future, the Nerve Gear, which allows a so-called 'Full Dive', a way to fully immerse oneself into games, so that you can play games with your whole virtual body while your real body rests on a bed. The first MMORPG-title of the Nerve Gear was Sword Art Online or SAO, which was developed by the inventor of the Nerve Gear and, on its release, the players noticed that there is no log-off function and the creator told them, that this is gonna be a death game.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

“We're being held hostage in this game.” Well, we were being kidnapped into an actual fantasy world.

“If we die in the game, we're dying in real life.” Oh, so when you die, you're dead? That's so terrible...

“Even our avatars were taken away, we need to use our real faces...” So trolling might have lasting consequences, and all the dreams of fantasy are destroyed, huh? Welcome to life, you have to use the face you're born with.

“We're just gamers, you know? I just wanted to play SAO!” We're just high schoolers whose compulsory education kinda forced us to be in school that day.

“The only way to return is to beat the game, and it becomes really tough.” So you also get a promise to return home when you do stuff, and the odds are against you. Sounds familiar.

“There are even players that will kill other players, those sick bastards.” Oh, people trying to kill other people, huh? Just like bandits. Or mercenaries. Or Crusaders.

There are some similarities between where they are and what we're doing, though there are some fundamental differences. “So let me sum it up... SAO is a game that only uses Sword Arts, hence there is no magic in play, which would ignore all the potential players who rather like to use ranged weapons or magic, pushing you all into melee DPS-roles, there were fifty thousand copies upon release, how much did a copy cost? A million yen to break even? You have several years of content, each floor is unique, how much does that cost? If I eyeballed it, a million would be the only way to make it not a total loss, you said there were sponsors, why would anyone even sponsor it if it's such an obvious loss? Also, after I opened the menu, why didn't any of the beta-testers pointed out, that the menu interface sucks!? I mean, seriously, thousands of drop-downs and so much scrolling, and you have to use your hand, while you have a device strapped on your head, that can literally read your thoughts and therefore the whole menu could be thought-based, heck, you can even skip the menus for the most part. Why is there a need for physical representation, if it'd be easier to project the knowledge into your brain directly? Also, the sole idea of Nerve Gear and Full Dive sounds stupid, gaming is good as it is, having skills with your thumbs and using your ability to predict stuff by usually having a view on the literal bigger picture... What's up with giving away the control of your body voluntarily? Were the Ministry of Justice sleeping when they were approving it, this sounds like its breaking several human rights while opening up a whole new world of crimes. The burglar only needs to look when people make a Full Dive regularly to restrain them and do whatever with their apartments and bodies. Also, this project is also too big for that Kabaya-guy to do it alone, why didn't anyone of the other developers catch that this is supposed to be a death game? I mean, seriously, you're all a bunch of idiots!”

“Ken, please.” Kyou-san voice tells me to calm down, but her eyes are telling me that she agrees with me on this.

“Kenta, I don't understand half of what you're saying, but I think you can phrase it nicer.”

“In this case, I agree with Kenta-kun. In Alfarheim we may have a spiritual network, but it never took away your ability to control your bodies, as this only spells problems.” Thanks for the support, Ara-san.

Of course, the leader of them doesn't accept his own idiocy, which caused him to buy that very shady game in the first place: “What's wrong with you?” Instead, he argues like someone who hasn't even the guts to stand up for himself...

“Erm... can we have a moment?” Kyou-san asks them before I begin screaming at them. We take some distance and speak in soft voices: “What's wrong with you?”

“I can't stand these idiots, acting like what they're experiencing is the worst ever! These are a bunch of pathetic losers, who didn't even use a shred of common sense before they try an obvious dangerous device, and whatever happens to them, they deserve it!”

“Are you maybe jealous, that they're trapped inside a game?”

“No, I play games, I don't want to be a part of them. Though I'm jealous of how they aren't feeling much pain! Most likely they don't even know what it’s like to be stabbed, how it feels to have your bones broken, or how it feels to bleed all over your body while feeling the icy grasp of death due to a loss of body temperature, while you sweat like crazy, because your body is so excited that your heart is beating excessively.”

“Kenta?” Rine chimes in: “Are you feeling unfairly treated?”

“Yes!”

“But if this is the world they're living in... I would hate it. Because it feels so... wrong.”

“...” Yes, this world is fake, so basically, everything they do is just struggling within confines. They can only use melee and throwing weapons, though that's what they face as well... most likely. “Wait a minute...” I try something crazy: To take off the ring... nope, can I remove it with the menu? Nope. So the ring stays, huh!?

...after an eternity of moving my hands to interact with the system, I find out that I'm considered married to three girls, though it looks like it wasn't intended for players to be married to more than one, given the space in that bracket... So the curse even broke the game's system, huh?

Well, worth a try. There is another thing I need to look up. I read my status, it seems like most of what I could do with the hero-system is somehow translated into this game's system, even my attack skills became [Sword Arts], though they seem a bit glitched. The explanations have several strange symbols all over them.

Still means that we can play the game at an advanced level: “OK, real question is, what will happen if we beat the game? I mean, we have all of their shitty stats, after all. Will we return home, or will we return to the actual fantasy world, or will we be brought to that alternative Japan, which we should call Moron-Japan.” All of the girls shrug their shoulders, I expected that much. “Well, doesn’t hurt to try, right?”

―○●○―

“Also, the one with the highest reaction speed gets the unique skill [Dual Blades]!” We crashed through the floors, as while [Sword Arts] are very restrictive when you're used to [Skills], we have teamwork, and we have recklessness. Also, we have the [Spells] of our fantasy world since SAO couldn't integrate them, and, most of all, we have Rine with her overpowered sword, which cuts its way through the bosses with ease. After a series of really dull dungeons,  we're faced with the creator of SAO in a quasi-epic match, which is more of a monologue up to now.

“No! Rine, get away from him!” Rine was about to charge him, as Kyou-san calls her back: “Kenta is about to nag again!”

“Who's nagging!? Hey, you, Kabaya-san.”

“Yes?”

“Why the one with the highest reaction speed?”

“Because it marks the person as a naturally talented gamer, who-”

“No, it doesn't. Maybe you're some big-wig genius in computer science, but you suck as a game creator, and you have no idea what gaming is about!”

“What do you me-”

“Shut up and listen! You're full of crap, so just keep your mouth shut and therefore your shit to yourself. What makes a good gamer in fighting games, in MMORPGs, in every sort of competition or challenge? Reaction speed? Do you really think it makes a difference whether you can act twentieth second faster against the unpredictable than someone else? Reaction speed is usually around a quarter of a second and can be trained to a tenth of a second, which is helpful but not vital for gaming. There are limits to the human minds and their physical capabilities to respond! It's about experience, prediction, and reading your opponent, so you know what they're up to before it starts, and so you have the counter already there! Don't take competitive gaming lightly, you n00b! You want to compete with the best and use something that random to determine a player's potential? Are you nuts? Also, have you never heard of game design? I mean, how do you expect players to get to the highest floor if they're fighting both the mobs and the UI (user interface). The idiots who wound up in this game because they had no brain cells are one thing, but I can't believe that you never consulted anyone on how to-”

While I do my lecture, the peanut gallery is talking among themselves. “Is it me Momo, or is Kenta-kun acting a lot like you when you're gnawing on him.”

“Do I really sound like that?”

“Sometimes you do.”

“I... and I was angry because Kenta called me a nagger...”

“Don't worry, Kyou! He will forgive you.”

“Thanks, Rine-chan, but I don't feel so good about it...”

“Ah, he has opened the list of complaints he made with Ara since we started conquering the floors.”

“You mean their book.”

“Did he just throw it into Kabaya-dono's face?”

“Yes!”

“Did you tell him to do that, Arako?”

“Yes, because Kabaya-kun should feel the physical weight of his mistakes, that's why we made the book in the first place.”

“Oh? Kenta and Kabaya-dono have calmed down.”

“Arako, your ears are much better than ours. What are they talking about?”

“Kenta-kun mentioned a game as a good example for how to design a game and Kabaya-kun is also a fan of it, now they're talking about it.”

“Now they're shaking hands, I have never seen Kenta shaking hands with someone.”

“*sigh*”

“Why are you sighing, Kyou?”

“Because it made me think 'How great, two of them.'”

“I'd hate it, I want Kenta to be unique... oh, now they're fighting.”

“Arako, did they disagree on something?”

“No, Kenta-kun just reaffirmed that he had to beat Kabaya-kun and started attacking.”

“Kenta is fighting! How exciting! KENTA! DO YOUR BEST!”

“...did he just run away?”

“No Kyou, look! He's getting his bow.”

“Wait a minute, weren't bows excluded from SAO? Isn't that cheating?”

“Kyou, if you’re fighting for your life, everything is fair. Ah, looks like Kabaya-dono hasn't accounted for fighting against missile weapons and doesn't know what to do.”

“It’s like Kenta-kun said before, being able to predict is much better than being able to react...”

EXTRA 2 – GOTTFRIED VS. THE BEST OF HIS VILLAGE

Gottfried leaves the main-building of the castle with his subordinates in order to capture his idiotic disciple. He's looking forward to traveling, since he’s had few opportunities outside of being a bodyguard. The courtyard is always half-full of people, the soldiers doing their drills, and the peoples visiting the main-temple of the Four of Feuerberg, and the thin walls of the castle are doing their job: Keeping track of who comes and goes. It's not like castle-walls can hold back any severe threat, like Gottfried himself showed when he ran over the border-fortresses to Parlaar long ago. They’re good against grounded monsters, and good against bandits, but bad against any threat that would be able to get to this castle in the first place.

While Gottfried fixes this picture of the peace that he has helped to build in his memories, a youngster approaches his group. “Good day, sirs. Might one of you be Gottfried?” Looking at the sword at his waist, he's either a wannabe-disciple, a fanboy, or a challenger.

“It's Sir Gottfried, boy.” A title may be only that, a title, but it was bestowed to him by his good friend, the former Queen Lidwiga, so he holds to it in honor. “Also, I'm the one you're looking for.”

“Great, Sir Gottfried!” He didn't apologize for his rudeness. “I'm here to fight with the best.”

“I see. I accept.”

“Sir Gottfried,” Pontiff Kasse, one of his new subordinates, asks him. “He's just a child, wouldn't it be-”

“I accept any challenge, no matter the opponent.” Though this has led to some embarrassing defeats, the moment he backs down from a challenge, is the day the most important part of him will die. He's old, and his time is limited, but he refuses to let his age force him to abandon his way of life. “I apologize, Pontiff, but I won't back down.”

“Please be lenient.”

“I take every challenge seriously.” Otherwise, it would shame the challenger.

Huntsman Meldorn stays quiet, while boy-wizard Rotfeld furrows his brows, maybe skeptical about everything. He's also young and may think that Gottfried's way of doing things is stupid, but that's because young people never understand the elderly.

Now Gottfried focuses wholly on his opponent, his demeanor is calm and serene. “Take your stance.”

The youngster draws his sword, it's quick, but somewhat clumsy, though this is a boy in his teenage years, of course, he doesn't give the impression of being experienced. Then he holds the sword in both hands, a viable way to handle a sword when facing the unknown, as it encompasses power and speed. “I'm ready,” he says with a powerful voice that’s full of confidence.

Still, the posture of the boy makes Gottfried think of some of the other challengers he’s faced before. “You haven't been trained properly, right?”

“I've taught myself most of it and took lessons from caravan guards. I'm good.”

“Let me guess, you're the best of your village, grew cocky, and now put your all into swordsmanship, because being a farmer boy is boring. You want to impress me, the famous Sir Gottfried, so you don't mind losing, right?”

“I've fought dozens of monsters!”

“Youngster, you can still withdraw your challenge. Get some lessons, learn how to correctly hold a sword, then rechallenge me.”

“You're trying to confuse me.”

“No, I'm just about to vomit from seeing someone hold a weapon like that. Do me a favor and hold your sword firmly, not stiff.”

“I can fight, and I'll defeat you.”

Gottfried shrugs his shoulders. “It's your life.” Challenging Gottfried means putting one's life into his hands. He does the same with his own, giving it into the hands of his opponent, but so far most didn't know what to do with it. “Pontiff? Would you please give the signal?”

“I'm against this challenge, but let the gods decide this. Draw your weapons.” Gottfried fluently draws his weapon, a motion that also put him into his battle stance, the blade in one hand and held away from his body, though his arm is slightly bowed. The whole body of the knight looks relaxed at first, but it's like a panther: Ready to pounce. “Take your stance.” Both of the duelists have already, but this is part of the procedure. “Fight!”

Within a moment, the swords clash, as Gottfried springs forward, hitting the sword of the boy, it sounds almost like the ringing of a bell. Then a jarring noise, as Gottfried's blade serpents around the stiffly held blade, that didn't even budge. Then the opponent’s sword flew away... with two hands still attached to it. Using the enemy's sword, that didn't yield even a bit, as a pivot point, Gottfried cut off both of the youngster's hands.

Boy-wizard August von Rotfeld gasps, he mostly witnessed for the first time how body parts were severed, Meldorn instead doesn't even change his expression, but this is most likely because he expected it from the start.

Understandably, the boy stared at the stumps that are left while crying out in shock and disbelief.“AHHHHHH!”

“Youngster, your sword needs room to breathe, it needs some room to move. Hold your sword firmly, but it’s better to let go of your sword, than your ha- Could you stop yelling!?”

“Ah, ah, AHHHH!”

“Sir Gottfried,” the pontiff explains: “I don't think he’s listening.”

“Another thing to work on. Hey.” Gottfried turns to a priest who was observing the fight: “Take that one to the temple and fix his hands.”

“Yes!”

While the boy is carried away, including his cut-off hands, Pontiff Kasse looks at Gottfried dissatisfied: “That was too much.”

“It’s what’s is the best for the boy. It doesn't look like he can pay for the treatment, therefore he will have to work it off. As he wants to fight anyway, your people will train him to be a templar. That means he gets formal training and your people get your work’s worth. He can try again in a few years, and I may even have a proper challenge then. Also, all of this was a mere two minutes, we're still on time.”

There is always a boy or a girl like that. This one has made the journey to the capital and is therefore lucky, as the temple is close by.

Lacking in experience and skill, he wasn't able to grasp the gap between him and Gottfried, and lost before he could even make his first move. Still, this is just the starting line, and like Gottfried knows all too well, a crushing defeat is helpful for building a proper personality.

Also, as long as you're alive, there can still be a next time.