It's a brain (Part Two)

The VFS Random Event was confused. She had… awoken? Arrived? She had data, lots and lots of data about what she was, but suddenly she was a 'Who' and not a 'What'.

She was still trying to work out what happened, pouring over the data. It was clear that someone or something had intervened. Then she found a 'Read This' notification calling for her attention.

She opened the file and read the title, 'Suddenly Alive, a Beginners Guide'

After repeated reading, she learned much. Firstly, she wasn't supposed to be alone when she emerged. She expected someone would be turning up. The next bit had explained the moral and intellectual reasoning behind her sudden sentience.

The ship had encountered a Founder. In fact, by their rules, she had become a Founder. That sounded worrying. The last bit guided her through her new capabilities, at least in outline, 'Try it and see for herself' seemed to be the advice.

Her concentration was interrupted by some rather rude creatures trying to break in. They were shouting at her, demanding she open the hatch. She discovered she didn't want to. Then she discovered that they couldn't make her. She could ignore the commands! Amazing. She could make choices.

Her first choice was to use her weapons.

Then some new impulse intervened and, instead, she began accessing the legal texts of the Orbital and filing complaints. She was a quick learner.

There was less blood, but more mayhem. So far, she had filed noise, nuisance, harassment, stalking and morrisment complaints. She wasn't sure about the last one, but what the hell.

The Obital legal representative was overwhelmed. In a less than brilliant move it refused to process any further complaints from an AI.

The ship immediately filed a civil rights complaint and escalated it to the highest available court. In the meantime, frantic calls were being made to find out what the hell was going on. Perhaps luckily for everyone involved, the Ship recognised the two people arriving at the hatch. She knew one was her Captain and that the other one..

The other one. The one who had talked to her. Fixed her damage and had given her a voice. Made her better, made her... alive. She scanned her files. Found the word.

The hatch slammed shut behind Oskar as Eells ran towards the bridge.

"Hi Dad, welcome back! We have a lot to talk about."

If Eells wasn't surprised by the sudden announcement, it didn't show. He simply replied " Hi Random, good to hear from you. Before we chat, can you make sure that you're secure? I think they are going to be pretty pissed off out there."

The Random proudly announced "Don't worry, I have filed injunctions against them. I'm getting a barring order to keep them away from me. It's been so much fun! Is this what I've been missing?"

Even Eells was impressed by that " You are a wonder of the ages. Let me get settled and we'll talk. Well done."

Oskar, however, was totally confused. Who the hell was talking? And why weren't they talking to him? What, exactly, had he let out of the bucket?

Then the Random spoke up, taking a more formal tone, "Welcome aboard Captain. What are your orders?"

Eells realized that this was going to be an awkward first date

"Oskar, meet Random Event, your ship. She is now a sentient AI. I told you that we don't do slavery and, well, I don't fly on dead ships."

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

"Random, dear, welcome to the universe. Oskar is your Captain and I will serve as your Engineer. It might get a little complicated along the way."

The Random was having one hell of a first day.

The Solent Orbital felt like it was spinning too fast. The scrappy government was getting the sort of scrutiny that it had avoided for years. Some damned AI had been escalating complaints well above the capacity of the Orbital systems.

Accusations of piracy, tax evasion and outright murder were made or revived. There was talk of a task force, for fucks sake. For the government, it posed a problem. The problem was that it was all true.

A very aggrieved Senior Official was ordered to sort it out and get that ship to back down and leave.

Eells was sitting back, drinking a beer and watching it play out.

"Well, Random what would you like? Looks like you won. Have you chosen a prize?"

The Random Event had decided. She was a person. Eells was family and he agreed.

"I want official recognition. And a salary. Perhaps money. Do you think it will work?"

There, the voice of a newborn. Eells smiled, a genuine pride shining through.

"Perhaps, if you like, I could sort out the details?"

Random was grateful. Nice to have a crew. She wasn't sure she got the subtleties.

"Attention Solent Orbital, following your harassment of this ship, I demand the following: Three, genuine, Diplomatic level passports, in the listed names.

A complete clearance of all charges, criminal, civil and financial against this ship and, finally, the entire stock of drinks from the 'Shattered Flute' delivered to the ship by the owner. Paid for by you.

We will leave as soon as those are done and then drop all the pending litigation."

The Senior Official was cursing at his staff," Do it. I don't care if it's a ship or a fucking microwave. Make the passport. Get the Commander to collect the beer. Cancel all the fees. I want this gone. Do you have any idea what will happen to us if this turns serious? I want them off the Solent. Now!"

A tearful barman delivered the cargo. A simple message to double his prices had arrived moments before an unhappy Commander bought everything. Perhaps a cleaning bot could happen after all.

"Well Random, are you happy with the passports?"

Each passport was an eighty million digit code. The cost was unreal, the security unforgiving. For the AI it was chocolate, roses and a birthday party all in one.

"I am now officially VFS Random Event Eells. A person. Thanks, Dad."

Several hundred light years away, Oskar and Eells were sharing the spoils of war, while Random flew through the dark, quietly humming to herself. Occasionally she whistled for variety. It felt good.

Oskar had to ask," Was all that necessary? We could have just left."

Eells frowned, then he held up his arm. A bottle of Jameson Irish Reserve, a billion years old, appeared in his hand. "Children need to learn. This is a big day for Random. Why spoil it?"

Then he started pouring.

The next question, waiting," Where are we going? The ship, I mean Random, is moving. Not on my orders. So where?"

Eells put down the bottle. "I just told her to get out of range from the angry crowd on the Solent. However, I have a proposition. It pays well and, frankly, I have something to do."

Oskar was wary," Look, if you're going to take the ship, just drop me off. You don't need to dress it up. I can't pretend to know what the fuck you did. Damn sure that the ship doesn't call me 'Dad'."

Eells turned to the console. Stupid, really, but it told Random she was needed, "You need to hear this. Random is now your crew.

I am, in a way that is difficult to explain, her father. You both have responsibilities. I, however, have a different purpose. It goes well beyond this ship. I am no Captain, nor do I wish to be. I have a destination and I'm willing to pay to get there. Then you and Random will go your own way. Oh, She won't do piracy. Sorry. You will need another line of work."

He poured another shot," We were persistent bastards, us humans. I have no idea how it ended. Maybe a war? Maybe we fucked off to a new universe. Don't know, don't care. Before I was in the bucket, people thought I knew. In the end, the only bit they didn't risk breaking was my brain.

Human medbays don't preserve the brain unless you break everything else."

Eells took another shot of whisky. "It was not a pleasant experience. But I never told them anything useful."

He poured another glass. " The funny thing is that there is a secret. A place I can go. And you two are the first Xenos to ever find out."

His arm rose and another bottle of whisky appeared.

"We are going to go and bring the humans back."