I didn’t end up going to the library.

I didn’t think I could handle it. I knew that what Sofie told me was real. I didn’t know how, but I believed it. It felt real, and after what I went through, it even seemed to fit. But that didn’t help me out in any way.

I stopped at the fifth mansion. That was where the first place students of our year lived. It wasn’t really any different from where I was. It was closer to the city, and a specialised gym was next to it, but the actual building wasn’t any different.

So why did it feel like it was so intimidating to get into it?

“Excuse me?” asked someone behind me. I turned around, only to be met by a tall–almost as tall as me–pale guy dressed in Atlantis gym clothes. He had a Spanish accent. The only reason I knew that was because of Sofie and Sofia, which made me clench my hands.

“Are you all right?” he asked again. He was concerned. Genuinely concerned. Or he was just really good at looking like he was genuinely concerned. He would make a good hero either way.

“I’m fine,” I said, but the words sounded more strained than I would like. “I want to see my gir-” I stopped myself from saying girlfriend, since Birgit and I were pretty much over by now–we had to be–instead clearing my throat, “my friend. Birgit Stine Paulsen? Is she-is she here?”

His eyes lit up at the mention of Birgit. He had a wistful expression on his face. A part of me wanted to wipe it off. For a brief moment I wondered if that part was Jacob Macquoid. If he was the one behind everything bad that I ever did or wanted to do.

But then again, he probably was behind everything good that I ever did or wanted to do either.

“Birgit’s here,” he said. He then narrowed his eyes. “Wait, are you the boyfriend? Soon to be ex from what I hear?”

I let out a long sigh. “Just please let me in.”

“She’s in her room.” He let out a small laugh. “I have to warn you, though, that any frozen body parts are not our responsibility.”

Not feeling like keeping up any pretences, I just left him behind, making my way to the second floor of the mansion. I waited a bit before knocking on her door. I went over every piece of information in my head.

I would tell her the truth. The whole truth. As much as I could bear recounting and then more. She deserved to know. She would yell, I would apologise, and then it would be over.

I knocked on the door.

And Azam answered. He was dressed nicely, a dress shirt and jeans, white and black, both somehow looking good against his golden scales. He scowled at me.

“Well, well, if it’s not our little heartbreaker,” he said, contempt and sarcasm coating his voice. “Get lost.”

“I’m not here for you,” I shot back, not bothering to hide any bitterness from my voice. “Get out of my way, or I will finish what I started.” I wasn’t sounding like myself, I thought belatedly. I was self aware enough to realise, but I didn’t care anymore.

“You’re lucky Birgit stopped us last time,” said Azam, now lowering his voice. “She won’t this time. And I’ve been itching to show you your place.”

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“Get out of here, Azam,” said Birgit from behind him. I couldn’t see her. His large body had completely concealed my view of her room. Azam looked like he was about to argue, but he didn’t. He probably knew better. Knew that we had to do this.

And so, he left. And I finally got to see Birgit. She looked like she was having a war with herself–like she couldn’t decide if she was sad, mad, or both. Though it was safe to say she still looked gorgeous. She wasn’t dressed fancy or anything. Just a white T-Shirt with the WPW logo on it, shorts and pretty sandals.

She still looked beautiful, and I still had to wonder if these feelings were worth anything.

You’re nothing but a cover. A false identity made by Charles.

“How do you know if you’re real?” I asked her quietly.

Now she just looked mad. “Is that what you came here to say?”

“Jacob Macquoid.” I flinched as I heard the name. “What if I told you that was my name?”

“Sounds awfully non-Greek if you ask me.”

“I saw Paragon again.” I thought back to my day. It was-it was all crazy. What seemed even crazier was that the only thing on my mind just a few hours ago was Maria. “He didn’t attack me or anything, but he told me some…stuff. And then I saw Sofie.”

Birgit raised her eyebrow. “Go on.”

“I wasn’t myself anymore. I know-I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the truth. Jacob Macquoid. Apparently that’s who I was. Alexander Adamos was nothing more than a cover made to hide Jacob from-well, I don’t exactly know what from, but that’s not important.”

And now Birgit was looking at me like I was crazy. And the temperature of the room had dropped even lower.

“What did you do with Sofie?” Her voice was dangerously low.

“They talked.” I barely realised that I’d said they. I hadn’t participated in the conversation, but that was all that was. “They kissed too and I-I swear to you it wasn’t me. But that doesn’t matter. Because you were right. I am too much. Everything with Maria, the nightmares, and now this. It’s-”

“Suppose I believe you,” said Birgit. She was mad now. Really mad. “What makes you think you get to decide what’s too much for me? For fanden! I thought you were mad because I said I needed a break from you. I called you a burden and instead of being mad–rightly mad!–you’re agreeing with me?”

“Birgit-”

“No!” She was shouting and I couldn’t be happier that seemingly no one was on this floor. “I’ve seen you do incredible things! I’ve also seen you drown in self pity for months! I won’t let you give up. Understand? I’m sorry, but I love you too much to do that.”

A heavy silence filled the room after that.

“You don’t understand,” I said, looking straight at her. “I can’t-it’s like a movie, constantly replaying in my head. I love you-God knows I love you-but it’s still there. Like me hurting Maria. And I can’t help but think of what will happen when it does happen again. And I’m not able to save myself.”

“Then I’ll freeze you till the røvhul’s out of you for good.”

In spite of myself, I chuckled at that. “You still don’t understand. He’s not in me. He is me. And he is,” I thought back to the nightmares where I lived his life. Jacob Macquoid was a horrible human being. A murderer, a villain, and more. “worse than I can describe.”

“Which means we have to stop him, you idiot.” She stepped closer to me, placing her hand on my cheek. It was tender and, under any other circumstances, it would have made me feel better. Now it only made me flash back to Sofie.

And I flinched back because of that.

Damn her.

“Alex?” Birgit’s voice was small. The only times she sounded like that was when she talked about her parents.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she said, now hugging me. I leaned into it this time.

“Don’t worry, miss hugaholic,” I smirked against her hair. “It’s not your fault.”

We were both silent for a while.

“You’re not a burden,” she finally said. She then looked up at me. “But I have to know where we stand.”