It was after dark, after Birgit had already left. Sadid had popped in just to tell me that he’d be out for an out of campus party, and that I could go with him if I wanted to. I didn’t because, after everything that had happened, I wanted to just lie down and sleep the night away. Even if I knew for a fact that there would be some sort of horror waiting for me there.
It had actually started out relatively normally. As normal as nightmares like this could get anyway.
I saw my twelve year old self standing over Maria’s shivering, sobbing form, surrounded by my classmates. I had barely realised what was going on before it was too late. It was one of the worst–if not the worst–moments of my life.
And I had watched it happen on repeat a dozen times over.
A voice I didn’t know started speaking, quoting the letter I’d written for myself word for word as various images of my life started looping around.
They’re all dead, disfigured and dismembered.
I saw all the times I wanted to use my power to harm people. From the bald villain back in the summer, to Sadid a few hours ago.
Every time I had gotten angry at both the smallest and biggest things–like when I realised Birgit and Iraklis couldn’t understand what I’d gone through.
Every time I’d let people take advantage of me, yell at me.
Every time I saw Maria and tried to run the other way.
They’d all felt far removed, separate. All these little moments, and all the moments like them. They were few and far between, and then they were more and more, and they were what my life was slowly becoming.
It took little more than a touch, and they were screaming in pain, eventually succumbing to their wounds.
To let loose and take as many of them with me. Birgit, Iraklis, my parents, and everyone I’d met on this island. To–for just one, single moment–let it out.
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It’d free me, no longer needing to watch my every move, my every word. I wouldn’t need to drive myself mad with self deprecating thoughts and nightmares like this one. I wouldn’t hesitate whenever I needed to use my powers like I had before. I wouldn’t live in fear and I would finally have peace.
It went against everything I stood for, everything I believed in, but I was happy. I am happy. In spite of everything I believe in, I am happy.
It would make me…happy.
And then I did it. I was no longer a spectator, watching those events unfold.
I reminded Maria exactly why she should be the one afraid of me and not the other way around.
I showed Iraklis just how I felt when he belittled the significance of Jensen’s proposal–how I felt when he just up and decided to leave everything, leave me behind and go to America.
I did the same to Birgit, for both her comments about my power and deciding to spend her time with Azam!
I went through all of them.
Ivan, Ahmed, Azam, Sadid, eventually reaching my old classmates, some of whom I couldn’t remember beyond a few vague details and the fact that they badmouthed me across the city, making it so I was a monster nobody wanted around.
At one point, I found myself in front of my Atlantis mansion, dozens of bodies surrounding me while I was bathed with their blood. And I wanted to scream in happiness.
I heard a whoosh behind me and felt the ground shake as if something heavy had landed on top of it.
I turned around and was met with what I could only describe as a frail old man. He was extremely thin, and had only one arm. His face was gaunt, his hair grey and his beard pure white, but I could still recognize him from the rest of the nightmares he’d appeared in.
Paragon.
His appearance snapped me out of-of whatever state I was in, and I realised what I’d just done. Before I could even think anything about it however, I felt myself being picked up, and I was looking down at Paragon.
Who was choking me. I felt my neck begin to hurt, and then hurt more, and more as my Adam’s apple felt like it was being shoved back through my throat. I instinctively tried to take a breath, but I couldn’t take any air in, or breathe it out.
In spite of that, my breathing–or attempts at it–quickened, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. My lungs felt like they were about to explode, and my face felt like it was inside an oven.
Drool escaped my mouth, but I barely noticed at this point. Black dots quickly filled my vision.
I was dead.
And then I woke up.