A deep breath.

I was clenching and unclenching my fingers, trying desperately to calm myself down. To think about what happened.

I couldn’t.

Those feelings and desires, what I did with Sofie…well, it wasn’t that, thankfully. I didn’t know if I could handle that scenario. But still, I couldn’t help but think about Birgit. I took out my phone and, sure enough, she still hadn’t called me back.

She had. A voice in my head told me. I almost physically jumped at that. I felt like I had officially gone mad. There was no other explanation.

But there is. You’ve seen it after all.

“What are you talking about?” My voice shook, and I couldn’t understand the impulse that led me to try and talk with the voice, but I did.

You’ve seen my life. Glimpses of it at least. The damnation of my marriage. My battle with Paragon. You’ve seen them. Lived them.

“Who are you?”

Someone that’s about to go away. It was so close. Like it was whispering in my ear and I would probably run from it or fight it if I could. This Birgit of yours called. She was annoyed that you interrupted her training with…what was his name again? Azam? It doesn’t matter.

he also doesn’t want you to go with her to the little party they’re throwing. Apparently you’re too much work. Sofie told me, and she heard it straight from her mouth. You’ve been this road down before–or at least I have–so let me spare you the pain. Give in. You almost did when we last talked.

“I won’t.” I tried to muster up as much conviction as I could. Not just in my words, but in my head too. Even if I was going crazy, I wouldn’t give up. Not again. Never again.

I’ll take care of your folks. They won’t know the difference. They’re good people and they deserve this much at least. And you know that your friends will be better off. Just think about it, yeah?

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“No.” It wasn’t my proudest moment, but I considered it for a good few seconds. It’d make it all so much simpler for everyone. But I couldn’t. Silence followed. No voice in my head, or any sound from anyone or anything else.

And then my phone rang. It was Birgit. I felt like I was heavier than the Earth. My breathing quickened and the phone went on ringing. What would I say to her? What could I say to her? Even so, I picked it up.

“Bir-birgit?”

“For helvede, I yelled at you, I didn’t freeze your balls off.”

She sounded annoyed. Sofie, talking, hugging, kissing. Those were the only things in my head. Well, not really. I could almost feel the slight drop in temperature that accompanied her annoyance. No matter how well she managed to control her powers, it would still happen. I pictured her calling me an idiot, or a greek giant, while I shot something back at her.

Sofie, talking, hugging, kissing. I was on the verge of tears.

“Hello? Alex? Listen, there’s something we have to talk about.” She sounded guilty. My mind flashed to what the voice said.

I didn’t say anything.

“Does your giant size interfere with the signal?” she asked. It was playful, and I knew not to take it to heart. But I really did feel like an idiot.

“I love you,” I said without even properly thinking about it. “I love you, I just hope you know that. I probably wouldn’t have made it through this summer if not for you. And I know that you had your family issues and everything, but even yet, you helped me more than you know.”

She was silent now. “Holy-you-your corniness! I just finished my training! Why do you-”

“Go and take my nightmare journal. You should have it. Just in case.”

“Alex.” All the edge seemed to disappear off her voice. It was always like flipping a light switch, how she would become so tender at times. “I-I love you too. You know that, right?”

“I know I’m burdening you,” I said, once again without thinking. “I know about the party. Too much work, huh?”

Once more, silence for a few moments.

“Talk to Ahmed. He has connections. I think. He’ll help you find Kent Smith. Promise me.”

“Alex you don’t-”

“Don’t,” I snapped at her.

“I know I was wrong. That’s what I wanted to t-”

“Just don’t. We both know you were right. Call me when you’ve talked with Smith. Please-please just do that.” And I hung up. I was probably making a mistake, not letting her talk. Like I had with Iraklis back during summer. Except, with everything that had happened, this time it would be for the best.

I took a deep breath and thought about my options. Answers. I needed answers. So I made my way to the library.