They divided us into five units of about twenty students. I was thrilled when I saw Antonia and I ended up in the same group. Otho and his twin devotees were assigned to another unit.

The master of our unit was Kato Decius, a middle aged man with a short thick black beard. He always wore black tunics, and I loved that. I thought it looked quite nice and I often imagined myself wearing something similar. Sadly, our assigned tunics were of dull gray color.

There were twelve women and eight men in the unit. I found most people, well – boring, except for Antonia. There was a sort of a mysterious attraction to her I couldn’t quite decipher. She was very well read, as was I, so we always had fascinating conversations about various topics.

The first month we were taking all kinds of tests. They presented us with a specific political challenge and we had to resolve it. It often embodied morality, ethics and practicality. For weeks we'd do nothing but write essays! We also had weekly debates that lasted for hours, mediated by our master, Kato. He was observing us with his hard dark eyes, scribbling commentaries into his private notes.

I must say I did well and thought I was the best debater in our unit. Other would of course disagree. Antonia was right by my side. Her approach was more logical, pragmatic and consistent. As for me, I sometimes bargained with morality in favor of practicality. Both systems of thought had their ups and downs.

After the first month had passed I was beginning to feel frustrated. The debating, essays, physical exercise and the general tempo of the camp exhausted me. I pondered about drinking the Tea of Darkness, but for some reason hesitated. But one afternoon, when Kato told us we’d have two days for ourselves to relax, I made my decision. I approached Kato after the class and asked to speak with him in private. As my colleagues were leaving, they stared at me, wondering why I would need a private word. When the last one closed the door I said:

“I’ve given this a lot of thought and I decided. I’d like to drink the Tea of Darkness. We have two days for rest and I think now is the right time.”

Kato observed me for some time, not saying anything. Then he smirked. Somehow I knew he read through me like some sort of a wizard. I blushed. He realized the main motivation for this choice was Antonia. He had enough compassion and character to keep his observations to himself.

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“Alright, come with me.”

He stood up and started walking fast. I had trouble keeping up with his pace. We passed some people who lingered in the halls and again they stared. Their nosiness annoyed me, but I ignored them. We descended the stairs down to the basement levels. I had never before been there. They were dark, illuminated only by small torches. We entered a small cabinet where one of the masters sat behind her desk. She was old, with gray hair and soft, non-wrinkled face.

“Antonius here decided he wants a sip from the Tea of Darkness,” Kato smirked. I was taken aback by how fast everything was going. In my mind I imagined this wholesome ceremony. But there was none of that.

“Give me a moment to brew it,” she said and put a pot on small frame under which she lit a candle. Then she fetched a small glass bottle with a mixture of herbs in it. She threw the mix into the pot, waited, then removed the pot and poured the blue liquid into a wooden cup, offering it to me.

I sighed and drank the warm brew in a few gulps. It tasted bitter. When I finished, I asked:

“Now what?”

“Now nothing," she smiled. "Go to your bed and wait it out. It will take a day or two. And that will be it. You won’t be able to father children. You can still throw up if you’re unsure of what you have just done. But after two hours it’ll be too late.”

“No, it’s fine. I want this.”

“Good. Now be gone, I have work to do.”

We left the cabinet and before we climbed the upwards stairs, Kato stopped me and said:

“You can still throw up, nobody will get mad at you. Few make this decision so boldly. I have to ask: Are you trying to prove something to yourself?”

“Not at all, master.”

“And there isn’t a short-term goal behind this decision? In the end you might get disappointed, you know?”

He looked at me with compassion, like a fine mentor would. I returned the look of genuine respect.

“I know what you’re saying master. And there isn’t.”

“Very well then. Now go rest. Tonight, your manhood will be on fire, ha ha ha!”

I gulped and went to my room.