The next ten days with Nicola were happy. Spending time with her was effortless. We roamed through the city, visited shows, ate, sometimes got drunk, swam in the spas, made love or read books in my warm tavern room. All the while the outside world was being invaded by coldness and snowflakes.

I still had vivid nightmares of the Orc attack and of Julia’s demise. When that happened, my mornings were dominated by grief, despair and apathy. Nicola soon recognized what was bothering me and she let me be. For that I was grateful to her.

One sunny day, when the city was under a step of snow, I encountered Otho. We awkwardly stared at each other for a moment, then approached each other. Neither of us was certain how to act. He was nervous.

“It’s so good to see you,” I said with a neutral voice.

“You as well,” he answered rather timidly and blushed.

“What’s the matter?” I smiled.

“Aren’t you mad?”

“To be honest, I thought I would be... But now, when you’re standing in front of me, I’m happy. I miss you.”

“Are you still on leave?”

“I am. They granted me a few weeks to rest, from everything… What are you up to? Kato told me you work for your father now?” I frowned.

“That is correct. We made peace. Things are good. I sincerely believe me joining Cohort was a mistake. I am happy now.”

“That’s good to hear,” I said rather skeptically. He caught that.

“When I came home my father burst into crying. He apologized. I don’t know… Things are different now. Hopefully they’ll stay that way.”

“I am truly happy to hear that,” I said and hugged him, although somewhat sorrowfully. He laughed and returned the hug.

“Forgive me, Antonius, but I must leave you now. I have a business meeting with one of our merchants. Where can I find you? Are you at home or at the Temple?”

“Neither. I rented a room at the Happy Duck tavern. I don’t feel like going home. And the Temple, I don’t know… I need some distance. Nicola is with me.”

“Nicola? The brunette?”

“The very one.”

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

“You two are…?”

“We are. It’s nice. It’s simple. And I need simple now. And she’s also quite magical.”

“What about Antonia? Have you seen her?”

“I have, I visited her at the Dwarven embassy. She’s happy.”

“That’s good!” he smiled and punched my shoulder.

“Take care, citizen,” I mocked him and punched him back. He then walked away and I stared at him until he turned to a side street. My heart ached. Otho, in a way, was a remnant of the more innocent part of my life. Having him by my side as a fellow Cohortian made things easier. Now, I was alone again and the bond of deeper friendship we’d made in the past months was beginning to dissipate. I could feel it. Otho retreated back to his former self. Once again there was stiffness and detachment coming from him. It’s hard to outrun yourself.

Farewell, Otho, I whispered and continued my way to the post office. There I sent two letters, one to my mother and one to Marius. I felt guilty for not visiting home during my leave, but I didn’t have the stomach for it. So I wrote a nice, long letter to my dear mother excusing my absence by being busy, but that I’m thinking of them and that I’ll visit home soon. I kept Marius’s letter short and sweet. I told him about Nicola and how beautiful the city was under all the snow. And that was it.

That evening I was relaxed. The faint sounds of the tavern bellow added to the coziness of the room. The glowing fireplace, snow outside, Nicola and I lying and bed and talking – everything was as it should.

“What do you want from life, Antonius?” she asked.

“I… What kind of a question is that?”

“Philosophical. Well?”

“I don’t know anymore. In the past I wanted to be someone! The Lord of Vetulonia, or a brave warrior! I wanted my name to echo through ages. Meaningless vanity… But now… Now I would merely like to get myself rid of fear. I have all this despair stacked up inside me. Sometimes it’s tiresome, carrying all this weight. I think if I get rid of this fear, I can live a life without regrets, a real life, a genuine life. Because in the end, I believe you recognize all the past worry, ego, as a big waste of time, regret.”

“What is the origin of this fear?”

“My family. My father thinks of nothing but himself. I suspect he has another family in Arabor. Can you imagine that? And my mother is a martyr. The latter had always filled me with frustration. I thought joining the Cohort would allow me to escape this torment of mine… But no. You can’t escape this sort of struggle. You have to accept it, understand it, most of all face it. That way you can make peace with it and eventually you recognize the torment as meaningless. It loses its power over you.”

“You might be right…”

“What about you? Your mother, her illness, her death… How did you handle all that?”

“Oh, Antonius,” she sighed, “It was very hard, but for the last year I’d been preparing for her end. There were nights when I cried, howled even, into the pillow so she wouldn’t hear me. But with time the torment evaporates. And strange, rather uncomfortable peace washes over you. A realization that some things are out of our control and the best you can do is not be bothered by it.”

“I hope I’m able to reach this state of mind, I truly do. Lately I’ve been having trouble meditating. I’m restless. And those nightmares…”

“Perhaps you should drink the Elixir.”

“I drank it a week ago, it would be too soon.”

“You’re right… Hey, come here.” She leaned towards me and hugged me.