We left Megalopolis the next day. Again we flew with eagles. It was more pleasant than the first time. Especially when we reached heights and birds calmly glided through the autumn air. I almost felt as if I died, as if Antonius didn’t exist any more and whoever or whatever I was at that moment, I was above – ha ha! – this sometimes harsh dream we call life.
They dropped us off at their outer border, the confluence of three great rivers. Our legionaries were already there, idly waiting for our arrival. When we landed they gathered around us to once again admire the great birds. The eagles seemed indifferent to the small crowd. But they did observe the nearby horses with a peculiar malevolence.
“Do they eat horses?” one of the legionaries asked the eagle master Lorelian.
“Oh ho ho ho, no no. Well… Sometimes. Rarely. We train them not to.”
“What about us?” Marius asked with a grimace, stepping a step backward.
“Oh ho ho ho, no no… Well, rarely. Only when provoked!”
The eagle master then hopped on one of the eagles and yelled:
“Farewell, my brave Vetulonians! I hope we shall meet again someday!”
He whistled and they all flew off. Marvelous beasts!
I wanted to say hello to Marius, but he got ordered to board one of the five ships that were waiting for us. I hoped we’d wind up on the same one, but unfortunately he ended up on the ship number one and we on number five.
This was supposed to be the more pleasant part of our voyage. No walking, no riding, just idly sailing down the river to our next stop, Sodomir. I hugged my horse goodbye, which made almost everybody laugh, but I didn't care. The horses were then sold to a tavern in the port. I hoped they'd be treated well.
The ships were somewhat small, about thirty steps long and ten steps wide. There were no cabins and the lower deck was just one large space. One sail. The northern breeze was a constant during autumn so there was no need for rowers. The journey was supposed to take us seven days. The river was very wide. At times you couldn’t see the other bank, so sometimes it felt like we were out in the open sea. The first night the commander allowed legionaries to get drunk on wine. They sang war songs, played cards and even fought a little. Tiberius found a corner, crawled in a sleeping bag and slept. Otho, Flavia, Atia and Cecilia started playing cards as well. They invited me to join them, but I was not in the mood. At first I observed their play, then decided to go up to the deck. Although I wore warm clothes I was still cold. The deck was lit with a few lamps and they made for a pleasant atmosphere. I glanced towards the stern of the ship and saw a sailor at the rudder, smoking a pipe. At first I entertained an idea to join him and chat for a bit, but decided against it. I felt like being alone, so I trotted towards the bow. There I took out a tobacco stick and lit it with the help of a nearby lamp. Despite the cold it was a pleasant night. Sailor songs echoed from other ships on the river with an elusive intensity.
“May I have one of those?”
Julia. She scared me half to death.
“Of course. You scared me half to death.”
“Didn’t mean to. I tend to move in silence.”
“That you do.”
I gave her a tobacco stick which she too lit with the help of a nearby lamp.
“I didn’t know you smoke.” I frowned.
“It’s a habit of mine that comes and goes,” she smiled.
“My father told me that smoking is not good for you,” I exhaled.
“What does he know?” Julia rolled her eyes with annoyance.
“So, young Antonius! Where do you see yourself one day? What are your long term ambitions?”
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I thought for a moment or two and answered:
“I always dreamed of becoming a Lord. I thought I’d be good at it. But now, I don’t know…”
“What don’t you know?”
“I have the smarts for it and I feel like I see things other people miss. But what I don’t have is the temperament for it. I’m too impatient when confronted with stupidity or trivial matters. Prone to anger as well... Although one could argue anger is simply a manifestation of impatience. If one is patient enough to let the anger perish, why bother with it?
I’d be a better fit for the position of Vicelord. Or Advisor. Although that job is too much of administrative nature for my tastes. Vicelord, yes… That would work.”
The Advisor was the third most important rank in the Cohort. The Advisor acted as an intermediary between different Knights, Captains and the Lord. A powerful position with lots of responsibilities. Some would argue that the rank of Advisor was more powerful than that of Vicelord, but that was debatable.
“What about your friends?” Julia asked and exhaled.
“To Otho a lot of people seem to respond quite well. He was one of the most popular students at the Academy. Girls especially like him, heh. And he knows how to counter the annoyance of responsibility. Him, I could see as a Captain one day, despite his personal burdens and ill moods. Cecilia and Flavia are both very smart and know how to carry themselves... But they'll remain a Knight for the rest of their lives. Nothing wrong with that.”
“What about your legionary friend? What’s his name? Marcus?”
“Marius.”
“Well?”
“I love him deeply, but he should never get knighted. Let him remain a pledge.”
Julia mused. “How so?”
“He has too much to prove and has an ill perception of responsibility. He’s immature. He's like a spoiled child, but filled with haunting sadness and non-existent self-esteem. A very malicious combination.”
“An odd way to talk about a friend, is it not?”
“Not at all. He’s also other things. He’s brave, the bravest person I’ve ever met. He’s funny, and one who possesses a sense of humor has a sense for irony, intelligence and joy even. He’s loyal, as much as his darkness allows him to be – still more than most people. He’s disciplined when he wants to be. Marius has lots of desirable traits. But one can’t ignore the darkness hidden right beneath the surface. We all have it, some more than others.”
“I like the way you think, Antonius… Perhaps Kato was right about you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not going to lie to you. If it were up to me I wouldn’t have picked you for this mission. When I read Kato’s recommendation you appeared cocky to me, arrogant even. Kato’s report was full of praise, yes... But your know-it-all attitude along with your extreme lack of patience concerned me. These traits make you almost a bully during a debate. You see, the four of you being chosen for this mission isn’t about learning. It’s a part of a grooming process. And although I agree the Cohort needs knights like you, I wouldn’t feel comfortable to let you advance beyond that.” She smirked and stared straight into my eyes. I wasn’t cold anymore, quite the opposite. I felt hot.
“How do my words make you feel?” she smirked.
“A bit angry and annoyed,” I answered as calmly as if we were discussing weather. My cold calculated demeanor took her by surprise. I could sense that.
“Of course. Your whole family was taken hostage by your father and his illusions of his own brilliance. And your mother, who instead of stepping up and protecting you and your brother, chose a life of a martyr. And with that, making her children martyrs as well. So it is quite logical your old built up frustrations erupt when confronted with authority. Authority whose intellect you feel is inferior to yours,” she kept pushing. She was good at it. Despite being unpleasantly surprised by how much the Cohort knew of my private business, I remained calm.
“I guess I have much to learn,” I almost whispered and smiled. Because it was true, I had read countless books and scrolls, but what did I know about life?
She returned the smile and asked for another tobacco stick. I gave her one and took one myself. We smoked, while the boat glided down the river.
“I didn’t mean to be so provocative, Antonius,” she finally broke the silence, “I wanted to push on you a bit, see where you stand. You did well. Better than most… Vetulonia and Helena will need people like you in the future to come.”
“I’m honored you think so,” I answered with sincerity.
“… Titus told you about the island?” her voice fluttered.
“He did,” I blushed, uncertain as to why. In a way it felt like I betrayed Titus.
“Whatever anger you have inside you, it’s nothing compared to mine. You’re merely angry, but I – I died on that island. That was the hardest thing for me to accept, that they managed to end me, they… Managed to break me. They got their way. They killed something inside me. Something I’ll never get back. That was taken from me by sheer evil.”
“How does one move forward from that?”
“You never do. I use it though, as a boundary marker of what is truly important in life. And I urge you to do the same. Use it for good, use it to cleanse yourself of petty nonsense that doesn’t matter. Use that anguish for good, Antonius.”
“I will,” I assured her. She smiled, exposing the wrinkles around her eyes. She threw what was left of the tobacco stick over the deck and said goodnight.