We sailed by the coast for the next five days. Most of the time I kept to myself. I thought of the world and life and how confusing it all was. Brutus’s words still echoed in me and I admit, I had a hard time accepting some of the concepts he’d presented. Yet I found no better arguments to counter his. For the whole voyage to Attica he let me be. I suspect he sensed my mental torment and didn’t want to interject with my process of building a new, more practical way of looking at things.

On the last evening before we were to reach Attica, he approached and addressed me:

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. I’ve been thinking of what you said and it does make sense to me. But it’s not just this voyage. I’ve been struggling with the collapse of my old way of thinking ever since the mission. I sincerely thought there was more honor in the world.”

“There’s plenty of honor, Antonius, but not among the ruling cast. Power… Power is an odd thing. It twists you, it corrupts you. Tell me something. Would you be able to kill a person? Or to order their death?”

“If you asked me this two years ago, I’d say yes. Now? Yes, I probably could. But it wouldn’t be easy. Taking a life is irreversible. What if you make a mistake? It’s hard to imagine living with such a burden. Impossible even.”

“Tell me, Antonius, do you have a brother or a sister?”

“I do, a brother, he’s older than me. About to get married to a girl from Stelarium.”

“Oh, how nice. I had a sister. She was younger than me by two years. Beautiful. I know everyone says that when talking of someone they love, but she truly was. Brown curly hair, blue eyes. Her smile was infectious. She was my best friend, my very true best friend! And I felt quite protective of her. You see, my father was a drunk who neglected us most of the time, so it was only me, her and our mother.

In her final year of Academy she befriended a shy fellow, an orphan. I didn’t like him. He seemed odd. A pretender, an actor of sorts, I could see through him right away! Now, my sister wasn’t romantically interested in him. But he was charming enough and she was easy going, so in time they became friends. One night, she told me, he revealed his true intentions and became quite aggressive. She managed to fight him off and end their friendship. But unfortunately that wasn’t the end of it. He began following her everywhere, leaving dubious notes, threats even! After two months she got shakes and was on the lookout all the time. I think – no – I’m certain the imbecile enjoyed his new gained power he had over her. He couldn’t own her, but he could at least control her to some extent. I learned all this from my mother. She told me his name and where he lived. So I grabbed a few dear friends of mine and went to visit him. We bribed his landowner to let us in, barged into his room and beat him up until he was covered with blood. I told him if he ever came near my sister again, I’ll end him and will take my time for it. He nodded, promised he’d stay away. But still, I felt something was not right, that this might not be the end of it. A thought appeared in my head: murder him! Not there and then of course. I knew I’d face the courts, but... There are plenty of dark alleys in Lux where one could disappear without raising much suspicion. I failed to listen to my instincts and attributed my ill thoughts to my young, steaming hot blood. We left him there, covered with blood, sweat, vomit and tears. A week later he choked my sister to death. He climbed a ladder to her room during the middle of the night, forced himself onto her and choked her. Or most likely, it was the other way around, I don’t know. I don’t like to think about how it happened. Our neighbor, who was leaving his stables – his cow was about to give birth, so he was up most of the night – saw him climbing down the ladder from my sister’s window. Their eyes met and he ran like a frightened rabbit. After I presented my case and the testimonies of eyewitnesses, a judge granted me vendetta and assigned three rangers to assist me. It took us a year and a half to finally track him down, but we did it. Do with me what you will, she’s mine now and will be forever, the madman sneered at me. I took my time. And I’ll tell you Antonius, I’d kill him again and again and again. And the biggest regret in my life is not ending him when I had the chance. Murder is the same as war, a tragedy, but sometimes it is necessary. If I’d acted, my sister would still be alive. Inaction doesn’t equal morality! There is no enlightenment hidden under the disguise of a frightened rabbit who cloaks his fears with pretend nobleness. There’s no virtue in being harmless, it’s impossible!

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So yes, we had the king assassined. Yes, it’s diabolical, schemes of this sort. And yes, we saved thousands of lives by this vile action. And that’s all there’s to it.”

I nodded and sighed.

“I think I understand. I’m very sorry for what happened to your sister.”

“As am I. I need to be alone now, might as well go to sleep. Tomorrow morning we’ll reach Attica. Be presentable. Good night, Antonius.”

“Good night, and thank you.”

He went bellow the deck, while I lingered about. A sailor offered me some wine, but I declined and soon retreated to my sleeping bag as well.