I.

I woke up hours before sunrise. Eerie silence and the thick darkness in my room made me feel uncomfortable. For some reason I felt like crying. A memory of my grandmother, who’d died a couple of years ago, came to my mind: It was a lazy summer afternoon, hot and dry. I couldn’t have been more than four years old. My parents were visiting some relatives in Arabor, so my grandmother was taking care of me. She was making us lunch in the kitchen, while I was outside, chasing ever elusive butterflies. Before I could catch any, I tripped and fell, banging up my knee. I don’t recall if I felt any sort of pain, but I do remember how the sight of blood frightened me. I started crying and grandmother rushed to my aid and nursed my grand "battle wounds”. While I was sobbing, she kept smirking: “Cry, cry, you poor little creature. Cry, and you won’t have to piss as much!”

I very much loved my grandmother.

I don’t know why I had watery eyes that night. Fear of the future's uncertainty perhaps, although I felt no particular anxiety. That morning was the day I would find out if I had been accepted into the Cohort, the ruling body of our Republic. When I had told my family of my intent some months before, they didn't take it lightly, my mother especially.

“What?!” she had screamed, throwing her arms in the air. My father smirked. He thought of how having a son in the Cohort might benefit him. He was a weasel that way. My older brother was quiet and was waiting for my mother to express her own outrage, so he could repeat it. He was not an imaginative person. He usually mimicked other people’s ways when trying to express himself, one of them being my mother.

“Are you mad?! You do so well in the Academy! You’re smart, you can do whatever you want with your life! You can achieve so many things! And you’re joining the bloody Cohort?! You’re giving your life for the Republic?!” She was screaming. Very theatrical, my mother.

“The same Republic that allows you, us, to live the way we live, free. What’s wrong with being in the Cohort?” I asked with a pretended innocence.

“Which division?!” she demanded to know.

“I was thinking Army or Diplomacy. I’d prefer the ladder.”

“To be a soldier?!”

“A diplomat, preferably.” I raised my finger and smirked.

“You won’t be allowed to father children or to own any kind of property, you do know that?” She had a tendency to ask rhetorical questions when reaffirming her outrage.

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“Oh, they never told us about that!” I countered with dry sarcasm. A light smile appeared on her face, but it was immediately annihilated by grief.

“Do what you want,” she hissed and stormed to the inside of our house. After mother had left, my brother continued her tirade: “Mother is right. Have you thought this through? A soldier? Are you up for it?” Sometimes I wanted to strangle him. I kept quiet and glimpsed towards my father who seemed entertained by the theater.

“And what’s the long term ambition?” he finally asked.

“Be knighted. Full service, for life. I’ve made up my mind.”

He sighed, but I could sense his approval and even a hint of respect for my decision. My father looked down on people who got too comfortable with the everyday life. Simpletons, he called them.

In the coming months my mother didn’t warm up to the idea. We didn’t argue, but the mood was dark.

It was getting daylight, so I stood up and walked towards the window. The stillness of the night was disappearing and was replaced by the sounds of the upcoming day. I put my tunic on and climbed down the stairs. I felt annoyed, as I knew my mother was already awake making everyone breakfast.

In the common room she was sitting at the table, drinking herb-water. I sat down at the table and stared down at my fingers.

“What do you want for breakfast?” she eventually asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“Nothing, I’m not hungry,” I sulked. She was having none of that.

“Don’t be silly. You! Look at me!

I raised my eyes towards hers.

“I don’t agree with what you’re going to do today. It’s foolish and a waste of your time and talents. But this is your life, your choice and I respect that. Yes? Now, let me feed you.”

And she did. She also talked of an ancestor of hers, a founding member of the Cohort, back in the days when Giants came to our lands and helped us build the Republic.

“I don’t know much about her, not even her name! But I do remember my great-aunt telling me about her. Supposedly she did many amazing things. Let’s hope you picked up some of her traits!”

“We’ll see,” I said in a low voice. I ate my breakfast (eggs, beans, bread and an apple), then stood up and yawned.

“I have to go now.” I mumbled while stretching.

“Don’t you want to wait for your father and brother to wake up?! At least wash up your face, you can’t go so scruffy looking to the academy! On this day especially!”

“Marius is already waiting for me!”

“Will he be joining the Cohort as well?!” she asked almost annoyed.

I shrugged my shoulders, smiled, gave her a kiss on the cheek and ran to my best friend’s house.