So what’s it like dating someone the size of your leg?” Silverback asked as him as they breathed heavily and drank water from very different sized bottles. The light clanking of metal on metal in the background set a rhythmic tone as Silverback grabbed another giant iron plate and strained to get it to the bar on a Delmarian rated bench press rack.
“I really like her, she’s funny, she’s cute as hell, she makes me happy but damn do I get nervous when things get remotely physical. I’m afraid to hug her sometimes because she hugs super tight and I wanna squeeze her back, and I don’t know what point of squeezing will start breaking bones, so I kinda just pat her head. Spot me.”
“Hell no. I can’t budge that shit. If you drop that bar with me hanging onto it I’m going to the ER before you do.” Silverback wheezed.
“Yea good point. It’s fine.” He said gnashing his teeth and doing a fairly comfortable few reps.
“Well that’s why I got you two those recovery shots, anything shy of car crash, those will bring you back to peak health. So I assume you two haven’t…” he hinted with a smirk.
“That’s personal and a respectful gentleman doesn’t tell about his conques-”
“So no, you haven’t.”
“Nope, not yet. Just cuddling and some light making out.” Vinn sighed.
“Scared as hell hu?”
“Oh terrified. Absolutely scared to death, man. I wasn’t this scared my first time, and I was young. At least I didn’t have to worry that I could break my girlfriend, I just wanted to look good naked and not screw bad. Throw another 200 on there.”
“Vinn I bench 200 as my finishing lift, getting these plates up here IS my damn workout for today. I’m wiped. Why are you adding more, you usually stop adding at 1,400.”
“I still wanna look good naked. You know how hard it is to look buff when you’re covered in fur?”
“Vinn you’re working your frustrations out on the bar and in doing so making your problem of being overpowered even worse.” He noted.
“Crap, that’s a good point. I’mma switch to just legs for a while.”
“I’m not taking these plates off by the way. Anywho, you just gotta be safe and trust yourself. Make sure she’s on top, obviously. Hell, have her cuff your arms back with some log chains or something, tell her you’re just kinky like that. There’s plenty of ways to get around limitations if you plan and plan and plan the shit out of it.”
“Did you have to do anything like this for Dee?”
“No, she’s thick and sturdy and I’m old, it basically equals out.”
Vicki and Nicole sat in the hot tub watching the simulated ocean.
“I’m just not sure if it’s safe.” Nicole said. “What if he just sneezes and pops my head off?”
“If it makes you that nervous, do some prep work. Get the place ready and get some recovery shots just in case. You’re not the first human to have a Delmarian boyfriend you know.” Vicki noted.
“Do you know anyone I could talk to?” Nicole asked.
“No, I don’t know anyone personally, I just, I’ve seen couple walking around before. Not a whole lot of them, but there has to be some safety gear. Just make it like a fun thing, get some fuzzy handcuffs, or …towing cables and tie his arms back. Make sure you are on top. He’ll probably be into it. Hell at this point he’d probably be into anything. You need to go shopping. There has to be some Delmarian compatibility sex stuff. I know a place, I’ve shopped there, I didn’t specifically ask of they have human versus Delmarian stuff but they might, they have everything.”
“Jack is human, why are you shopping for alien se-”
“Don’t worry about it. Here’s the number. You want me to go with you?”
“Absolutely not, this is embarrassing enough.”
“There is nothing to be shamed of, this place is very discreet on their delivery packaging too.” She assured as Nicole looked at her skeptically. “Here, use my gift card. Jack makes a lot of money.”
The door bell jingled on a swinging shop front as the cashier looked unexcited to break from her phone.
“Welcome to Bed Bath and Uranus, the only sex store in town with flame resistant lube. Can I help you?” she droned.
“Hi I’d like to buy some…items. Whispered Nicole, wearing sunglasses and an oversized hat like a disguise.
“We have a lot of those; this is an alien sex shop. Can you be more specific?”
“Let’s say, hypothetically, someone I know was into Delmarians and wanted to explore that.” She whispered.
“We have videos, toys, costumes, erotic fiction, and educational sex holograms.”
“I HAVE THE DAMN HOLO…I have the holograms already. I’m not explaining this right. Let’s say I was dating a Delmarian currently and things were progressing. Is there some kind of…preparation I would need? Any helpful items or a kit?”
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
“You want a Delmarian safety kit because you’re gonna bang a Delmarian and you’re scared shitless you’ll die.” The annoyed lady said bluntly, showing her tattoo of a skull and antler with a number of hash marks counting up.
“…Fine, do you have the kit?” she snipped.
“Kind of a rare item, we can order one. They’re not cheap, bit it’s fast and discreet. They’re not…ILLEGAL per say, but frowned upon heavily.”
“I don’t care, just order it.” Nicole said paying in cash to avoid the receipt.
“You may also wanna go down and check out the furniture store on 15th street.”
“We already have a couch.” Nicole informed.
“Is it a level 2 or higher safety rated couch?” asked the cashier with a smile.
“They have safety levels…for couches?”
“Couches, beds, you name it, they have reinforced it. Honey, get the couch, or you’ll regret it and still be getting another couch after. One correct couch is cheaper than 2 broken ones and a back brace. Get the one with the steel tube frame, it holds up to 900 pounds and doesn’t flip over.” She suggested. Nicole’s eyes stared widely.
“So that’s 15ths Street? Do they air deliver?”
The automatic store doors opened as Vinn in a trenchcoat walked into a well lit supermarket and to the help desk. The lady behind the desk, hand near the panic button nervously put on a smile.
“Welcome to Shop-Mart what can I get for you?”
“Hi, so I need some supplies.” Vinn whispered like he was buying crack.
“This is a retail megastore, we have literally all the things.”
“I got a list, so which is better, Aspirin or Ibuprofen?”
“It depends on what’s wrong; do you need it for joint pain or migraines?”
“Just give me like 800 of both. Also, do you have extreme sports safety gear?”
“For climbing or for motorsports or…?”
“Technically there’s climbing involved but I’m more concerned about sudden impacts. Elbow and knee pads, do you have those foam helmets in human sizes? Adult female, small?” he asked.
“What color?”
“Oh it doesn’t matter it’s gonna be fairly dark in the cave. She can’t see shit.”
“Oh caves! I love cave climbing. We have a wide selection of cave diving equipment.” She perked up.
“I’m listening.” Vinn said, getting his notepad.
“Ropes, pulleys.”
“Ironically no, pass.”
“Hydration packs?”
“Oh yea, several of those. Humans love electrolytes. Is there anything especially for like…cave-based horseback riding?” He squinted suspiciously.
“Nausea medicine if being jostled around makes you sick? You’re doing cave climbing on horseback?”
“Two boxes…of that…stuff. So roughly how much does an average human sweat during an Olympic event? We talking towels, or is there ever a tarp required for this during any extreme sports or…?”
“Sir, I can’t help you if you won’t be more direct. Whatever weird sport you’re into, we have the gear but you have to be blunt with me. Exactly what extreme thing are you trying to do safely?” she asked.
“Hopefully my wife, it’s been a weird week. Ooh, baindaids, I see those in safety kits all the time. Lotta those” He said
“We have romantic massage oils on sale on isle 3.” She winked. Vinn leaned in closely.
“Lady, the last thing we need is a potential loss of traction on a stone floor. Ooh, grip tape, would that be with the skateboards or roofing safety gear?”
Vinn and Nicole stood silently, avoiding eye contact. As the air lift retracted the cables for the couch.
“You’re home early.” Vinn said.
“Yea you too. I had this delivery to be here for.” She muttered.
“We ran out of work, um, at work. Boss sent us all home. So…redecorating some stuff?” Vinn asked. “Nice couch…beefy. Lotta bars on the back.
“Well you said to decorate with whatever I wanted, I paid for it, so I just wanted a slightly bigger couch, you know, in case we have guests.” She bluffed.
“Sure, sure. Makes sense. Bolts down to the floors, you need me to drill for that?”
“Yea once we’re sure it’s in the right spot. They say couches tend to scoot around and ruin your floors, it’s best to just keep them stable.”
“Yea by drilling into the floors. I get it. I’ll get the bits later.”
“So what’s with the uh, red floor tape?” she asked.
“Really needed some color in here, and you know I keep slipping on the dang floor in that spot, I think my coffee mug has a leak.”
“Didn’t wanna get a new mug?” She whispered.
“It’s my lucky mug, the tape was actually cheaper, and it gives it a really hip 80’s look you know.”
“Yea like a skate park, but for…watching TV.”
“Exactly, but with grip. For that gripping television content. I also got us a new coffee table.” He said discreetly holding the top down by leaning on it.
“Oh, no. I liked the old one.” She pouted.
Yea but this one holds things, like medication and beverages, don’t worry about what kind, it’s fine.” He diverted.
“Not using the beer cooler? Anymore” she said, noticing it still there.
“Already full of beer. I like my options.”
“What’s this for?” she asked touching the corner of the tarp tucked behind the pillar.
“That’s a debris, uh tarp, for construction. So we can cover the couch if we’re making debris…from construction. Wouldn’t wanna ruin the new couch.” He shrugged.
“The couch that I bought that you didn’t know I bought.” She eyebrowed.
“It’s crazy how we sometimes just like, KNOW the other person is gonna get something. You ever do that?” He asked.
“Oh yea, all the time. Did you get me a bike?”
“No just the helmet and pads.” He yawned.
“I don’t have a bike, you know.”
“Yea but you never know… ya know? Plus if we do more demo, you gotta have a helmet anyway, all came cheaper as a set.” He bluffed.
“Don’t you have like, big heavy construction ones better than this Styrofoam one?” She asked, looking at the safety demo gear.
“Well now, can you really have TOO many options when it comes to safety? I see you got some groceries?”
“No. I just put this bag in a grocery bag here to double bag it.”
“So what’s in the bag under the bag?”
“Girl stuff, makeup, hair things. I’ll carry it. It’s not heavy.” She said straining to lift it.
“Cool, cool. Yea just, you can keep that stuff in your new room, I won’t bother it. Gotta have your privacy for that stuff I assume.”
“Yea it’s pretty private makeup. There are a lot of secret techniques involved in looking like this. If the boys knew it would ruin the mystery.”
“Yea the magic is really in the mystery. So I’m gonna find the drill bits for the couch anchors, and then do some alone work in the surprise room. May take a few hours.
“Yea I’m gonna go touch up my new makeup. May take a few hours too.
“Just see you at dinner time then? Say 6:30” he suggested.
“Yea sure.” She smiled “I’ll order from that place we both like.”
“Oh and I found these in the yard, thought you might want them.”
“Spurs? Like for horseback riding?” she puzzled.
“I don’t know what they do, but they sure do look as if they could be for horseback riding I think.” He nodded excessively.
“Brand new in the yard, Weird. I think these are the things you use to kick the horse to go faster.” She noted as he grabbed them back.
“You don’t want these anyway they look sharp and you never know where they’ve been. I thought they were something else. They’re pretty old and dirty.”
“Got the tag still on them.” She smiled.
“Probably an old tag, I’ll just get rid of this. Stupid…not what I thought they were used for. I’m gonna go return these. Uh, to the yard out back.” He pointed.
“Dinner at 6:30 it is.”
“Yea neat. See you then.” She finished, checking her phone and dialing. “Yea I’d like to place a delivery order for later. 6:30. I would like one of your famous chicken sandwiches, extra crispy, no pickle, and in a separate bag can I get 3 more of those, rare. Yea like super rare, everything else normal. That would be great. Thanks.” She smiled, hanging up and looking down at her kit of goodies. “Alright, let’s see what kinda stuff you come with.”