The lighting was different and darker. The nurse veered away and into another door as Nicole stared at a pair of blue glowing eyes in the darkness. She was drawn to them, like a moth, to a pair of glowing blue eyes in the darkness. It’s a real problem with Osirians on planets with a lot of insects.
I know you…you’re that Gizzy person I talked to about my marriage papers. You’re not a doctor…are you?”
“Legally no, technically sometimes, that’s not related to this. I’d like you to note the grey conical device just above your head.” She said casually as Nicole looked up and felt a strange bassy oompf of heat, suddenly fumbling to the floor as a rush of memories flooded back to her all at once. Gizzy handed her a signed consent form and a thumb drive. She already knew it was the video she made to herself, explaining her consent and conversation.
“In case you wanted to have a third party scan for authenticity to prove it was unaltered and genuine. Feel free to do so at your own convenience.
“You set this up?” Nicole whispered. “All of it?”
“Of course I did. That’s why they call me a villain, honey.”
“Why? Why torture us?”
“Because you still have a fear chip implanted in your arm and that brave dumb bastard just showed all of Delmar he’s willing to die for a human wife. That was the move that will get 2 council members to see my side, and one that lost a bet and reluctantly has to. The program is complete and the integration laws that will be voted on at tonight’s council meeting will be more then approved. Do you realize your little show just changed a lot of people’s lives for the better? Do you realize that you volunteered to make this world a better place by facing your fears and that is exactly what I did?” Gizzy grinned. “And so much more even I didn’t expect.”
“I volunteered, not him. You nearly got Vin killed. You paid a crazed killer to fight my husband to the death knowing he would probably die, you psychotic bitch.”
“Oh come on, we rigged that shit too. I had snipers on the roof of the arena ready to put him down if it got too close, with my best man on lead target.”
“It looked pretty damn close to me.” Nicole huffed.
“It had to be close. We had to make it look convincing. Actually if Vinn didn’t do that horn thing we were ready to take the shot, which was really good timing. Just…wow, shocker, I’m still not over that move.” She chuckled with a slow clap.
“Wouldn’t you be on trial for murder or rigging a death battle?”
“Honey, I cheat a lot. I’m good at it. We had a fall guy and everything. I get away with so much shit it’s unreal. Villain, remember? And tonight, your ally for the cause, but I don’t play fair in a game that’s not fair to begin with. I play to win and usually do.” She said reaching back and offering some meat and cheese samples. Nicole slapped it away, a few discs of meat sticking to the wall.
“So in the tunnels you had snipers keeping me from drowning?” she squinted.
“Actually no the water is harmless to you. You’re aquatic characteristics kicked in with the nanoshot. You could breathe underwater for like 20-30 minutes, we could remotely drain it before you drown. You may even be able to breathe underwater indefinitey, we just didn’t test that yet. You and Vinn were never at any high risk of death, it just seemed that way because that’s what I wanted it to seem like. That’s why the tunnels work. If it doesn’t seem real, it doesn’t work. You should be thanking me right now. You came to me with a dumb mistake, I gave you the free option to get out of a marriage you didn’t want, I showed you both who you truly are, to yourselves and to each other. I brought a racist council closer together enough to get paperwork in motion and did you forget the whole thing comes with a bunch of money? You asked me a favor, I offered you a job, and you did the job, Good job, gold star for Nicole. Sure, I lied to you about some shit, and scared the hell out of you as promised, and then paid you more than I offered for the trouble.” She said producing a huge envelope of cash.
“It wasn’t for the money.”
“Exactly. Tell me that wasn’t the most intense scary movie you ever experienced. You can get the little GG gold logo tattooed on your leg if you want. I’ll allow it.”
“You took it too far, and you don’t even feel bad about it?”
“Of course I feel bad about it, I feel bad about a lot of thing I have to do, and that’s politics. It’s a shitty job but it keeps my family safe and quite frankly It’s what I’m good at…preventing wars, or ending them really quickly. I’m a monster, and I used that to do the best I can with it. Don’t think it doesn’t stress me, or make me sick sometimes.”
“You seem pretty heartless to me.”
“Well technically none of us Osirians have a heart, we don’t even have blood, but I digress. We do have feelings.
Leadership is a series of bad decisions and you get to pick the lesser evil to unleash. And if it makes you feel better, that part about Kraken hunting you down forever and murdering you... That was off-script. He was supposed to threaten VINN, and apparently when you hire a psychopath to be a psychopath they can go a little out of control on the script lines. Thankfully he’s dead and you get to keep the head as a trophy. Unless you don’t want it, I’ll add it to mine. Monsters like me have to work with other monsters too sometimes. I made your live hell for a little while, I’m a bitch sometimes, I’d do it again if I had to, and I’m sorry it has to be that way. Here are your divorce papers, your change of name approval, and an envelope with a shitload of money.”
“You can keep these papers and stick them in your big blue ass. I’d be honored to have that Delmarians ridiculous last name.” She said, ripping them in half and throwing them.
“And they money?”
“I’m keeping the money, but the rest of that you can shove up your ass. This is my money now, I got stuff to do with this and Vinn deserves compensation. But I still hate you.” She snipped.
“I know sweetie. You’re not alone there, and I think I’ll get over it some day. And lookie here it’s Vinn the Merciless, as they’re calling you. Well played, we’ll get you a nice gold prosthetic horn until that grows back.
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“I just wanna go home.” He said hanging his head.
“Why do you look so sad?” Nicole asked.
“I just proved I can rip a dude’s head off, and it’s just made me more worried about accidentally hurting you.”
Vinn, I’m like the great and powerful Ozz, Instead of a heart I gave you Thark testosterone drugs and some balls, and instead of going home with red shoes, I gave Nicole her true self and a lot of money. You missed the…son of a bitch I’m not repeating that. Quit whining and go bang your wife.
“We’re just not compatible, I can never truly feel like I can even hold her without risking her life.” He said.
Actually, you couldn’t kill her now if you tried.”
“What? Nicole said. “I get hurt falling off the bed.”
“Well you probably used to but have you noticed since you’ve been in the caves you seem to heal pretty damn quickly?”
“Well I haven’t really got hurt to know.”
“And the weird cravings, and the night vision? You really think that was all in your head? Nicole you’re a tiny little monster. I don’t know how to tell you this but you’re kind of an aquatic technozombie.”
“I don’t follow.” Vinn blinked.
“Yea me neither.” She admitted.
“Swear to gods, I hate being the only self aware character in a story full of idiots. I keep forgetting nobody else knows the plot! Nicole you know why you’re different? You know why you never felt like the others and never fit in?”
“Because I’m weird or have a mental disorder?”
“Well yes but those are side effects. I have your bio scans here and I didn’t notice this at first but something was off. You fascinated me, something about you was familiar. I assumed it was just a fluke until you had your first…encounter of the third kind with the lover moose.” Gizzy said raising eyebrows a them both. “Sex, you had sex with Vinn, everyone knows. And I’m guessing despite all efforts and safety you ended up very happy but scuffed up and sore? Most humans that have a love tussle with a monster end up no pun intended slightly banged up. Anything from scraped knees and elbows to bruises from him holding you too tight to…um…that one case of a spiral fractures spine leading to death but I digress. You took a recovery shot.”
“Antler to the head”
“Ow, those hurt. I’ve been there, but mine was…attempted murder.”
“Yea so…every hospital has recovery shots; they’re about as rare as epinephrine.” She shrugged.
“Yea, and for a human they just speed up your recovery via nanobots. The nanobots mimic the bodies healing cells and boost the human body’s ability to regenerate and heal injuries. Hence why they can fix a broken arm in hours but you get decapitated and they don’t do shit. I never in my life had a human react oddly to the nanoshots except a few mild irritations here and there. But your body bonded with them…or the…check the scans. 0.8 percent nonhuman cells.” Gizzy read off the tablet.
“Wait… is she…pregnant?” gasped Vinn.
“No dipshit, she’s just under 1 percent alien. Menacodian to be exact. They are so rare we’ve only ever confirmed 2 live specimens. One of which I have as a pet. We love her. Her’s our buddy. But out of the 2 samples we’ve studies we learned…well jack shit frankly we have no idea where they come from or if there’s more, HOWEVER, they were both aquatic, cold water loving reptiles with curious natures, dark vision, rapid healing underwater breathing and just the most vicious little teeth you ever saw. Horrifying. So thankfully you didn’t get the teeth but your childlike curiosity may have passed through. When was the last time you felt cold?”
“In the cave, the night before…”
“YYYYep. And I’m guessing in the caves you could always sense where the water was.”
“Actually yes. So wait. You’re saying I’m a tiny part alien and because my alien husband can only have rough sex, I took a nanobot shot that mutated me into something else?”
“I mean…sorta. You’re still 99.2 percent human but those nanobots have only gotten stronger since binding with the Menacodian cells. Menacodians are tough little shits, they can fall 3 stories to stone and never even get a booboo. Ours does that all the time. I’ve been injecting her with nanobots for years now she’s basically got plot armor. You’d still get hurt, but you’d heal. Realistically if your fuzzy hubby broke your spine in half while doing the horizontal tango with a 2 foot height difference, you’d heal in hours, minutes even?
“What am I going to become…some sort of monster?”
“No, this is it right here. This is your final form. You always have been a little monster, Nicole. Now you just got the healing factor of a monster too. Maybe not enough to bolt adamantine to your skeleton and give you sushi knives, and I do NOT recommend decapitation. You will totally die if your head is cut off…probably. This only gets you so far, you’re not a god, you’re just better than human. But hey, at least you two can bone now without worrying about Vinn rolling over and crushing you to death. If you break a few ribs, they’ll just heal in seconds. Hopefully that will spice things up in your relationship because honestly you two are just too damn…mushy. You’re so gentle it’s kinda gross.”
“Well I think we prefer it a little bit mushy, but it’s good to know we have a safety net.” Vinn smiled.
“You can’t break me.” She sighed, hugging him.
“No you still CAN break her, don’t try it. But she’ll heal. Again, this death insurance, not invulnerability, She’s only about 30 percent more durable than any other 5 foot zero girl pushing 30. Don’t go full apeshit on the sex, you’ll just be broken up and regenerating every 5 seconds and it’s gonna hurt…every time.” She said puffing her cigar.
“So it’s over?” We heal up and go home and do whatever we want? No more stalkers and nightmares and sleepwalking tunnels and death following us?”
“Yep…pretty much. Have fun.”
“Okay just one more question…” Vinn asked as Gizzy rolled her eyes. “What is the deal with Jack?”
“Honey he can explain that to you in the next chapter, I got shit to do and I’m very late for something I planned on being semi-late to. Ask Jack who he is. Seriously go. I’m leaving, this isn’t my home, I just do the overlord scenes here.” She said, flipping off the doom lighting and removing the overlord robe to reveal a classy black dress and combat boots, heading out the back door.
Gandalf sat down and glared at Gizzy, slowly enjoying her steak in a sexy yet kinda snide manner if you can imagine that.
“You’re very good.” He admitted.
“I bet you REALLY hate me now.” She said with a mouthful of mangled flesh.
“Oh not much more than always. To be honest, I was always on the fence about the purists. They paid me just enough to stay on that fence, but if the tides shift, so be it. I’m still on the council and I will still make your life difficult when I can, and you will keep being you. The gods have a sick sense of humor.”
“Not all of us, mostly just me. But you had to resist cheating for a long time and I bet that hurt your little ego almost as much as knowing I’m still on the council.”
“Resisting the urge to cheat is something we’re both used to. And there will be another day when you ask for my help and we roll the dice again.” He said confidently.
“Well that’s the fun part about gambling, isn’t it? If you’re the only one cheating there’s no rush. There’s no risk, no fun. God this steak is good, we really need to get some actual cows on this moon. Delmarian soldier meat is not quite the same, but with some Carne Asada seasoning it’s not far off.” She said widening her jaw for a massive obscene bite of rare, bloody orange muscle.
“If I were to accept your Fupar challenge with some form of amended exception, would you really still want to collect my head?” Gandalf asked.
“Yep. In a heartbeat.” She admitted. He chuckled, and shook his head.
“You would make someone a fine trophy as well.”
“And we both know it’s not my head you’d have put on a plaque for your secret alone-time room. The fact is, you’d have to agree to find out and you may have no balls, but you’re not that stupid.”
“Traditions and rules, Gizzy. Some of them must be kept sacred.”
“For now.” She smirked.
“But you got what you wanted, and Lord Keanu was very impressed. You should have all the funding you need now for anything you want too.”
“Not quite. I still want the full mining rights to Earth. We’re not even close to that one yet. That’s at least…3 maybe 4 books off.”
“I don’t know what you’re saying half the time, Gizzy but your insanity amuses me. I’ll leave you to your…steak.” He said cringing uncomfortably.
“Bubbye punkin.” She waved with individual painted nails, kicking her feet up on the table as she chewed.