I don’t think I could ever love someone as much as I do with Elise. I would say I don’t deserve her, but that isn’t true anymore. The doubt should have never been there, to begin with. There was never a reason why I didn’t deserve to be loved. My insecurities just got the better of me. Elise just pushes me forward and gives me the strength to overcome them.

Elise showed me this Manga where the premise is about a Viking warrior learning he has no enemies. That there is no need to have one. I think my enemy has been myself my whole life. I’ve hated who I am this entire time. I know that isn’t true anymore. For the first time in my life, I’m comfortable in my skin. There’s no mask to put on. There’s nothing to hide from anymore.

All I have to do now is love Elise as much as I can.

She introduces me to her friends when we show up at one of their houses. No one questions me. There’s no side eye or flinch. They all just tell me how cute we look together. I’ve never liked her friends. They’ve all teased me at one point so I made it a point to tease them back. I guess it’s all because we never got a chance to get to know one another. They aren’t half bad.

For Elise’s birthday, we’re drinking here and then going out to one of the clubs. They all get drunk before I do except for Nat and some guy who’s driving one of us. She pulls me to the side.

“You better fuck Elise tonight.”

“You’re so weird,” I laugh. Nat’s been too invested in us ever since she found out about me. I think the poem she secretly read was the one Elise confessed to. “You need to get off my dick.”

“You’re the hot topic of the night, y’know,” she changes the subject. “Everyone seems to like you, even the guys.”

“I’m not really here for their approval.”

“I know. I’m just telling you so you loosen up a little. It’s not like you.”

I’m pulled away by Elise before I can respond. She takes me to the kitchen where the two guys are. “Hey! Hey! Yuele, tell ‘em where you get your clothes. They wanna know!”

“Yeah man, you dress so dope.”

I tell them but it’s not like it’s anywhere special. I give them the list of websites and they take the time to note it down. They pour me a shot of liquor and we all take one together. This one is enough to make my vision loopy.

I’ve never been to a party. I know we’re just pregaming right now but parties are just like this just with more people. I rarely ever hung out with people outside of school. I never stuck around a particular clique to ever get close to anyone. They all called me their friend. I don’t think that was ever true. I don’t consider them to be my friends. Grace is a friend, and so is Nat. But here everyone treats me like I’m one of them. Like I always have been. It’s nice.

The two guys treat me like I’m one of them. Even though they know I’m a girl, they still see me as Yuele. I should have tried harder to make friends. As Yuele and Yuna. I’ve been missing out. Again, I let my insecurities stop me from doing such.

Inside the club, I’m forced to use the male’s bathroom. I go with the sober guy and he pees in the urinal next to the stall I’m in. “Hey, Yuele. Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

“Back in middle school. I used to bully you ‘cause of how you looked. Listen, man, I just want to say sorry. I was a dumb kid. Can we be cool?”

“We’re square.”

He waits for me outside for a fist bump. “Yo, listen. Elise never talks about it. Like never. But her last boyfriend cheated on her. I don’t ever want her to go through that again so don’t ever think about it, okay? It really fucked her up.”

Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.

I didn’t know. She just told me he broke up with her. It’s not like ever planned to but it’s nice to learn something new about it. “Don’t ever tell her, but I plan on marrying her one day.”

He wraps his arm around me and shouts, “On boys!”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Yo, you chill as fuck man. Give me your Insta, we need to kick it sometime.”

"Doesn't it bother you that I'm Yuna?"

"Not at all. I find it cool actually."

Friends. There are always new things to try out. I should start by acknowledging his name, Danny.

Elise is dancing with her friends when we come out. When spots me she nearly jumps on me. I’m not fond of clubs. I prefer concerts and raves. At least being with Elise makes it much more tolerable. She shakes her ass right where my dick should be and it turns me on. I’m unable to resist and pull her closer.

I’ve been thinking of when I should try again. I shouldn’t have freaked out on her back then. It’s just the memory is too traumatizing to let it. I’ve never been called such hateful words. I’ve never been hit like that before.

I know it's making Elise impatient. I see it in her eyes. I’ve been trying to think of ways to get past it but I don’t think I can. Maybe I should try getting as drunk as I can tonight and try then. That’s the only thing I can think of right because I’m getting impatient too.

Elise has gotten comfortable changing in front of me. Her body is too beautiful. I want to ravage it. I want to be inside. I want to hear her moans and have her calling out my name. It’s all I can think about when I touch myself. Just thinking about it is getting me wet.

She turns and moves her mouth to my ear. “Don’t drink on the way back,” she says like she read my mind. “I’m getting sober too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have something for you.”

“Elise you know I-”

“Just trust me,” she bites my lips.

She sticks to her words as we’re both sober by the time we get back to Veronica’s house. We only stick around around long as we were only there to grab our stuff and say goodbyes. Everyone asks for my socials before we part. I catch Nat’s enormous grin while we walk to her car. Luckily, she stays quiet.

I know what to expect once we get back. I’m just not sure if I can do it. I want to but I know how it’ll make Elise feel if I freak out again. She’ll just think she’s not good enough and special enough to overcome my wall. Just thinking about it only makes it higher.

But she told me to trust her.

Maybe she thinks if I’m Yuele I’ll be able to do it. It’ll only work until I strip down enough to feel like Yuna.

Elise shuts her room door. It’s 3 am and there isn’t a sound to be heard. Her eyes are so lustful. So are mine. “I’ve been wanting you for far too long now,” her sultry lips say then lead me to bed.

“You have no idea. I want to try again. I’m sorry in advance if I can’t.”

Elise pushes me to sit. “You don’t have to worry.” She walks over to her nightstand and opens the drawer. “Tonight, you just have to be Yuele,” she pulls out the last thing I expect. “I want you to fuck me, nothing else.”

She hands me the strap and I grab her down to join me. Any other thought disappears when I bite her lips and move them down to her neck. Elise gasps and grabs onto my jacket. She takes her time taking off while she enjoys my fingers moving up and down her back. She pushes me off to stand so she can take off her top. Her warm hands then move to take my shirt off. It’s enough to turn me back to Yuna.

“Take my pants off,” she kisses my ear. I push her down and do just that. She’s been wearing the lewdest lingerie this entire time. I can almost see everything and I lose focus on everything else. I never thought much of Elise’s body. The thin lingerie only accentuates her curves; all the places where my hands want to grab. “This is just for you.” I kick off my shoes so she's able to take mine off.

Elise holds my hips tight and kisses my pelvis. I feel my underwear get soaked and the world just becomes stupid. I have to close my eyes while I feel her fingers travel down and up my body. It’s just like last time. I feel my breathing getting too heavy for my own comfort.

“Take off your bra for me, slowly.” Her hands grab hold of my ass. “I’m not gonna touch you. Just please.” Elise grabs the waistband of my briefs and slowly pulls them down. “Put it on. Remember, you’re Yuele.”

Elise.

Oh, God.

I love this girl. No matter how many days, weeks, and months pass, I hope that Elise will know that. She’s kind, far too kind for her own good. I should have never thought she was anything else otherwise. I’ll forever cherish the moment we truly got to know each other. I’ll forever cherish the time we spent together since. I want to remember every word that she says. I want to be there for every night, every moment, every time that she weeps. Every light, every life, and every touch as we sleep. Every tear, every wish, and every hug that she’ll never lose. All the kisses and bruises we mark from the love that only grows. I want to be the one who stops her world.

Because she makes my world stop.

I love you, Elise.