May approaches much faster than the two girls would like. Since Yuna has embraced her growing feelings toward Elise, their relationship has blossomed. For Elise, her boyfriend is everything she could ever wish for. She spent every waking moment on the weekends with him. Yuele was able to those days to express and release his pent-up emotions. His infatuation only grew as Elise became more and more comfortable around her. However, the time he spent with Elise as Yuna meant much more to her. It always felt more special. It feels genuine. Because of this, she feels that she’s actually starting to fall in love with Elise when it’s Yuna.
Her entire life she has felt uncomfortable in her own body like it wasn’t hers. She grew up being more interested in the things boys would typically like. Young Yuna liked to run around and play sports and it felt good to her when she would win. When puberty hit she quickly realized how much stronger guys were and became frustrated that she couldn’t keep up. She started to hate her gender because it didn’t let her do the things she wanted. It was then that Yuna wished to be born male.
It never crossed her that one day she could permanently present herself as Yuele. It was a nice thought, but one she denied. Even if feels uncomfortable in her skin, Yuna still finds herself embracing her femininity from time to time. Those feelings were shared with others she met online. They only shunned her because she wouldn’t let Yuna go. She didn’t know why as there are parts she likes about being a girl.
Like how Yuna loves the Elise she sees when they're together. It’s very similar to when she’s Yuele except Elise’s nervousness doesn’t get in the way. Even when that eventually went away, Yuna feels like Elise puts him on a pedestal. When she’s Yuna, Elise treats her as an equal.
-
Elise readies herself for tonight’s event. She’s already spent far too long trying to get everything perfect even though she doesn’t have reason to now. This night has been planned weeks in advance ever since Grace invited her. She was looking forward to seeing Yuele in his natural habitat. Especially now that he’s her boyfriend now. All of that went out the window when Yuele came down with a fever. It was almost enough for her to not go anymore but Grace asked her to bring another friend instead.
Nat declined and anyone else wouldn't go because they don’t like the music. The only other option was Yuna. All of this was planned of course. A setup because Yuna thinks that she can make something happen if she’s the one going. Maybe she can convince Elise to see her differently.
Grace parks her a few feet away from Yuna’s and Elise’s apartment building. Yuna got ready at Grace’s house so she could explain the entire situation to her. “Text me when you get home so I can text Elise that I’m here.”
Yuna gets out but runs over to her friend’s side and motions to her to lower the window. “Remember, we don’t know each other.”
Grace rolls her eyes, “I’m not stupid, Yunes. I better see you two kissing by the end of the night.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Yes.”
Yuna laughs and runs inside.
Elise knocks on Yuna’s door and it's her who opens it. The outfit she’s wearing stuns Elise. She can’t find the words to describe it other than something out of a psy-fi anime. In reality, Yuna wears a black body suit that’s cutout. All it leaves is enough material to cover her chest supported by two straps over her shoulders and two straps that meet down in her crotch. Her legs are covered with a black skirt and the lower half of black with what looks like black leg warmers with garter belts that connect to the skirt. It’s something Yuele would wear if he was a girl.
“Damn, you outdid me,” Elise giggles.
Yuna loves how Elise decided to dress. Elise spent all week trying to figure out how girls dress for a rave. She found one outfit she liked but still feels uncomfortable wearing it. It’s showing too much skin for her liking. It’s a glittery pink short top and skirt with multiple skinny straps that go around her body to connect the two pieces. It’s not anything extravagant or flashy but it should work. “When did you get so hot?” Yuna comments and it flies over Elise’s head that she was being serious.
“Are you ready to go? My friend is waiting downstairs.”
“Yeah. Thanks for inviting me, by the way.”
Grace drives them an hour north to the middle of nowhere. She takes a dirt road off-road and drives for another then. They eventually reach an open area where dozens of cars are parked. Elise sees people getting out and walking down on path toward some broken-down buildings. A few others are drinking and goofing off in their cars.
“We’re here,” Grace announces as she grabs her bag.
Elise watches her search around it, “I feel like we’re going to get mugged.”
Grace laughs, “Nah. We all look out for each other in these things.” She pulls out a little baggie and dumps its contents into a dollar bill. “I forgot. Elise, do you do any drugs?” She doesn’t bother asking Yuna since she already knows she doesn’t.
“No. I’m good thank you.”
“Yuna, pass the bottle. I need a shot!”
“Hmm, hold on,” Yuna takes a drink of Jack before handing it over to Grace. She’s been taking shots periodically throughout the entire car ride to calm her nerves. It’s been ten minutes since she hit the sweet spot between being too drunk and too sober.
Grace passes the bottle to Elise who drinks a bit too much but wants to match Yuna’s energy. They stay in the car for another five minutes getting everything ready and drinking some more. Once they finish, they walk down a path that travels inside a forest. After five minutes of walking, the three girls begin to hear the faint sound of music in the distance. The underground takes place in a broken down and destroyed building. The walls that do stand are covered in graffiti. The building itself is on the side of an abandoned ghost town that looks like it has endured the cost of war.
The atmosphere is far different than what Elise ever expected. In the main crowd, everyone is dancing sure but there are plenty of people scattered around the sides all doing their own thing. The music is different from the metal beatboxing Elise from before. Here there’s more of a heavy but fast kick drum constantly slapping her chest. It’s very similar to some of the songs in Yuele’s playlist. It’s much easier to get into, much easier to dance.
Grace watches the girls settle into the music. Yuna is who is the first who loosens up. She’s been to dozens of these things so she’s used to them. It’s Elise who’s stiff as a board. She was like that when they first met but that’s okay. These things take a while to get used to. Grace has been coming to raves for over three years now. She’s a veteran. Whoever she goes with, she’s been designated to be the one who takes care of everyone. She’s the rave mom. Part of that job is to make sure Elise gets comfortable. Grace jumps in front of Elise and turns to face her. She begins to dance in a simple way that gets Elise to groove.
The music begins to infect Elise. The beat and rhythm are fast and unrelenting but she’s able to keep up. She knows she’s a bit stiff and wants to loosen up just as Yuna is. Elise catches herself glancing over at Yuna throughout the night. Yuna dances like no one’s watching; no one’s judging. She’s so admirable. It reminds Elise that Yuele exists. Here, Yuna moves like him. Elise always thought they were a bit similar, but tonight it’s so much more. Realizing this, Elise’s tense muscles release their anxiety.
Grace allows Yuna to take her spot so she’s able to dance with Elise. She watches them dance together, perfectly in sync with one another. If she didn’t know the situation between them, Grace would think they were best friends. No, the way they wear their smiles says it's more than that. Elise just hasn’t realized that.
Yuna couldn’t be happier. She’s sure it would be more intimate if she just went as Yuele. She treasures the time she can as her boyfriend, but Yuna has to get close to Elise as Yuna. No, lately she’s been enjoying herself more as Yuna when she’s around Elise. There isn’t a good explanation. Yuna always thought she enjoyed being Yuele more. That hasn’t been the case for a while now.
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
Grace hands them both water bottles when they sit. Hours of nonstop moving eventually got too tiring. They sit along one of the broken walls outside the building. Elise gulps down half her bottle in one swing. “This is nuts. How do you and Yuele do it?” Elise asks Grace.
Grace glances over to her friend in disguise and giggles. “You get used to it. I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did. Most newbies can’t keep up with us.”
“You kept up too, Yuna. You made it look so easy.”
Yuna just smiles and takes a light drink of water.
The news that Yuele began dating Elise shocked Grace as she has never known him to get romantically interested in anyone. She was happy enough that Yuele found someone but thought it would be under the truth of who he really is. The side eye Grace unintentionally gives to Yuna whenever she sees her look at Elise isn’t out of malice. She may not have all the details but still thinks Elise should’ve known the truth since the beginning.
“Sucks that Yuele couldn’t make it. I’m sure he would be all over you, Elise. I would have loved to see that,” Grace jokes.
“Yeah, I miss him,” Elise giggles. “Back when we first met and I thought you two were together, you said it was first for him to flirt with someone. What’s up with that?”
Yuna glares over at Grace, praying she doesn’t say anything unnecessary.
“Not much just that he doesn’t actively hit on girls.”
“Why not? I’m sure he could get anyone.”
Grace laughs and looks over to Yuna. “Despite how he looks, he has trouble with girls.”
Elise looks down at her water bottle. Yuele doesn’t talk about himself much so there’s still a lot Elise doesn’t know about him. The way he acts and speaks makes him seem like a playboy. Elise realizes she doesn’t know Yuele as much as she thought.
Yuna looks over to her girlfriend, rather, Yuele’s girlfriend. Even here she feels like Elise has him constantly on her mind. Anything Yuna does will just be an afterthought. There might not be a way to switch her affection over to Yuna.
“The way you talk about him makes me want to steal him away from you, Elise,” Yuna laughs.
“As if. That will never happen.”
“Then can I steal you away?”
“Try it and find out.”
“That a promise?”
Elise laughs a little harder than she wanted. “Did I ever tell you’re just like him? You both say dumb stuff like that.”
Grace almost chokes on her water while Yuna looks away embarrassed. “Yunes, I would take it as a compliment,” Grace coughs. “I see it. Although if Yuele was here he would’ve kissed Elise right then.”
Yuna glares at her best friend which Elise finds odd. She turns to Elise. “Ignore her, she’s just drugged out.”
“Just a little bit.”
“Will you be fine to drive?”
Grace nods, “Don’t worry Elise, Yuele trusts me with you.”
The trio get up from their spot and join the crowd again. This time, it’s Elise who begins to dance first. Yuna sticks back and watches. After a while, Grace notices and backs up. “Something wrong?” she says in her ear as the music is too loud.
“Am I in over my head?”
Grace shakes her head, “Maybe at first, but I see it now.“
“See what?”
“I see how she looks at you. I don’t think she knows, but she likes you back.”
Yuna laughs, “I’ll try my best.” She doesn’t believe her.
Grace pushes her friend to join Elise. Yuna bumps into her and it catches her attention. The warm smile Yuna receives ceased the forming anxiety in her heart. Elise moves in towards Yuna, almost hugging her, and almost kissing her. Yuna freezes up thinking it is a kiss. No, Elise just wanted to say, “This genre is really dope. Do you know what is this?”
It takes a second for Yuna to register the words. With a big grin, Yuna replies, “Dark Techno.”
-
Yuna helps Elise walk into their apartment building by supporting her over her shoulder. The sheer amount of exhaustion she accumulated throughout the night caused her to crash asleep on the way back. Even now she struggles to stay awake. Yuna just hopes Elise doesn’t ragdoll down on her.
“I hope you had a lot of fun tonight,” Elise mumbles as she drifts between consciousness.
“I really did.”
“Grace was calling you Yunes. That’s a really cute nickname. I’ma start calling you that,” Elise yawns.
Yuna giggles. “Okay.” Not everything went how she wanted. There wasn’t a moment where she felt that Elise was attracted to her. Still, she got the spend the entire night dancing so she can’t complain too much. If it was up to Yuna, she would have rather spent the entire night sitting down just so she could watch Elise dance.
Elise opens the door to her apartment but needs help reaching her room. She grabs a shirt and some shorts to change out of her outfit. Yuna, unsure what to do, looks away. “Can you help me with this? My hair is stuck,” Elise says. Yuna turns her head and sees Elise’s hair stuck on one of the top’s strap loops. “You don’t have to look away, we’re both girls,” Elise says once everything is off.
“Uh, okay,”
“Besides, we’re friends,” Elise yawns.
Yuna watches her crush, her lover, and her desire undress. This isn’t how she wanted to see Elise’s naked body, but she’ll take it. Elise walks over to the bathroom to take off her makeup before she flops down on her bed and nearly passes out.
Yuna sighs and starts to move Elise under the covers. “At least get comfortable. There. Sleep tight, okay?”
Elise grabs hold of Yuna’s wrist before she can leave. “Don’t go. Stay. I don’t want to sleep alone.”
Yuna’s heart stops after hearing that. Elise isn’t even conscious when she said that so there’s no way she meant it. It’ll be too selfish to take up the offer. They might be friends now but they aren’t besties. Would Elise be alright with it in the morning? Would she even remember?”
“Yunaaaa,” Elise mumbles.
The grip on her arm loosens and Yuna can only give a weak smile. “Okay,” she says weakly. “Can I use your clothes to change?
“‘Course.”
Yuna opens the drawer where Elise got the shirt and shorts from. She grabs a tank top and some shorts-shorts. Elise begins to quietly snore which causes Yuna to pause. She has to remind herself that they’re just friends. Yuna looks down at the tank top she’s holding and wonders what the hell she’s even doing anymore.
Inside the drawer, Yuna spots the same notebook Elise panicked over the last that she was here. It’s her dairy. Against her better judgment, Yuna grabs it and opens it. Nearly all of the pages are blank except for the first ten. Yuna wants to read them but this is already a huge invasion of privacy. She allows herself to only read the first.
It’s a poem. It’s a poem about Yuele. It’s the most beautifully written poem Yuna has ever read. All it’s about is the strong hurricane of ecstasy that Yuele gives to Elise. Yuna closes the diary and puts it back in its place before the temptation to read more overtakes her. What she read isn’t infatuation or just a crush. It’s love.
It’s love that Yuna wants to feel.
Yuna gets under the covers next to Elise but gives herself enough space to not get close to her. It’s Elise who grabs Yuna and pulls her towards her. Yuna’s racing heart can’t take it. At the same time, this is heaven. Yuna rolls over and sees that Elise is knocked out. It feels like Elise already knows that Yuna is Yuele. Why else would she do all this?”
She closes her eyes and tries her best to ignore Elise’s warm breath as she falls asleep.
-
The notification of a phone is what wakes Elise. Her eyes open to Yuna’s back facing her. Elise was so tired that she nearly forgot that she asked Yuna to stay. She can barely remember the car ride back. The phone makes a noise against and it comes from in between them. That’s when Elise notices she’s holding hands with Yuna. It’s not that Elise minds it, it just feels too familiar like she’s held it before.
Elise grabs the phone with her other hand and turns it on only to see it’s Yuna’s. She nearly sets it back down but stops when she notices that one of the songs Elise listens to is paused on the music player. Elise doesn’t question it as it’s a fairly popular one. It just makes her smile that Yuna also listens to the type of music she does. What catches her surprised is the Instagram notification. Yuna said she doesn’t use social media.
I suppose she was just lying to me because we weren’t friends yet. I’ll ask for it later.
Elise rolls over on her back not letting go of Yuna’s hand. The memories of last night start playing back in her mind. She had so much fun even though she was a little drunk in the beginning. She wishes Yuele would have been there. Elise would’ve had much more fun then.
Still, the way Yuna was dancing was inspiring. Elise couldn’t help being drawn to her just to match the energy. There were times when Yuna grinned and smirked at Elise just as Yuele does. It was nearly identical. Thinking about it now, they’ve always been pretty similar. It’s why Yuna was so easy to talk to and befriend. Elise has gotten used to the cocky type. Elise finds that Yuna might be even easier to be around. Yuele always seems to be on guard and never shows his vulnerabilities at will. Elise finds that behind the ‘I’m the shit’ attitude Yuna has, there’s still a girl who’s able to cry. It feels more real.
Elise turns her head to Yuna who’s still fast asleep. They have been friends for barely a month now but feels like it's been longer. The only other person who has ever gotten this close to Elise is Nat, but they have been friends since they were in preschool. If things would have gone differently, Elise wishes she would have become friends with Yuna sooner. The guilt of the things she said that she can’t even remember come back again. She understands how much it hurt Yuna, she just doesn’t know why. It’s like Yuna said, she has things to hide. Just as Elise hides her poetry. There are just some things that should never be shared.
Yuna wakes up and rolls over, in the process, letting go of Elise’s hand. Before she can question it, her eyes lock with Elise’s. For a second, everything is perfect. This is what Yuna wants to wake up to every morning. She’s more sure of her feeling now. She’s in love with Elise.
The two smile at each other.