It’s 3 AM and Yuna feels the cracks in between her chapped lips. The only light coming from her room is the bright screen of her computer. The only thing she can hear is the quiet music of Elise’s playlist. It’s the only thing that brings her comfort but it also gives the same amount of pain. Yuna wonders how long it’ll take for her to fall asleep this time.
Her phone vibrates but she doesn’t bother to check it. Then she gets a call that doesn’t stop ringing. Annoyed, Yuna grabs it and tosses it across her room. Then there is silence.
Then there’s a knock on the door.
Yuna’s heart stops.
Elise waits on the other side hoping; praying that Yuna is awake. She stands there for minutes, holding her notebook against her chest. Elise knocks again. She thought about doing this in the morning but her anxiety got the best of her. It was stupid to think that Yuna would even be awake.
Then the door opens.
Yuna’s heart feels like it’s about to explode. She stands on the other side, scared to open the door. She can look through the keyhole to see who it is, but her heart already knows. After a very long breath, she opens it and finds Elise on the other side.
“Um, hi.” Elise greets her with a voice crack.
Yuna just wanted a chance to talk to Elise and tell her the truth. She’s been killing herself over the act she played just to spare herself from Elise rejecting her. Now, for whatever reason Elise is here, and Yuna gets scared again. “I don’t want you here. Fuck off before you piss me off.”
Elise ignores her and invites herself in which Yuna lets. “Are your parent’s asleep?”
“Leave.”
Yuna follows Elise to her room trying her best to keep a cold face.
“Then force me.”
“What do you want?”
Elise sits down on the bed and places the notebook on her lap. “I want you to tell me the truth. I want you to stop lying to me.”
“I told you. I was just fucking with you. I fucking hate you, Elise.”
Hearing those words makes Elise doubt herself a bit. The girl who now accepts her feelings, shakes her head. “See. You’re lying again. Be honest with me, Yuna.”
The girl who’s completely terrified bites the inside of her cheeks because the lump in her throat gets in the way of her saying anything. She takes her time to stare into Elise’s eyes. She can’t read them. Yuna doesn’t know why Elise is here but she can only dream it’s about what she’s been wanting all this time.
“Please.”
“I hate you.”
Part of Elise starts to think Yuna isn’t lying. If that’s true, Elise doesn’t know how she’ll be okay after this. So she says, “Y’know, I was only ever mad that you were taking advantage of me. I was never mad at you for being Yuele. I’m actually really glad it’s you. I’m just mad you didn’t tell me from the start.”
“Elise, I-” Yuna chokes on her words. She can feel her eyes begin to become wet. Elise is the only person who can do this to her.
“But I get it. I don’t think I would’ve gotten close to you if you did. I would’ve proven you right, just as I did when I found out.”
“Stop,” Yuna falls to a squat so she can hold her shaking legs.
“Tell me the truth.”
“No.”
Elise moves down to sit in front of Yuna. She grabs her notebook and opens it on the floor. “Can I read you something? All you have to do is listen.”
She's beautiful in every sense of the word
But it doesn't make sense that every night a smile is what you yearn
From her to you is a piece of wood stake dripping blood heart to heart
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
You're so far apart, you're so lost in thought
From every word that she said
Every night, every moment, every time that you wept
Every light, every life, every death that you slept
Every tear, every wish, every hug you never dreamt you could lose
Every kiss, every bruise, every love that came and grew
Every source of pain that you learned to consume
Emotionally, is what we all yearn to
The hold hands, whole talk, trust in one
Just this once you want justice fought
For the right mind talking at the right time
And you'll spend it all writing with your right hand
Right now, logically, it's the wrong kind.
She's beautiful in every sense of the word
But that doesn't mean it gives you the right to fight the world just for her
The feeling isn't mutual even though that's not the issue
You just know what you'll be getting into
Yet you just try to find a way to misconstrue the truth
And it hurts and it burns
But deep down you know it's just tacit
So you play passive and be patient but that just it
Another lame tactic to play by with
So you stay up all through the night to the dawn light
She's beautiful in every sense of the word
A heart warm with the ambition she doesn't like to show
When she talks as it starts to snow and the world just stops
She stops the world, the world stops, the world stops
Her smile makes my world stop
She's beautiful in every sense of the word
There isn't a time or a place where we could fall in love
But if we did, I would make the world stop
Just to get a glimpse of what it would feel like to be loved
You are always the only exception
A warm heart, a warm hug, every kiss
Everything, from your fears and your dreams
Every wish, every cut, everything that has hurt you
Every little bit and a chew that consumes
Because darling, I fell In love with you, Yuna
“I wrote that our freshman year.”
Yuna holds her head in between her knees, not wanting Elise to see her tears. Elise waits for her while her heart can only beat faster. Yuna calms herself and takes a breath.
“Don’t lie to me,” she gasps for air.
“I wrote it on a whim and I never wrote anything like it since. I just wanted to tell you that even now, you’ve been the exception. I’ve always found you to be cute, Yuna.”
“Stop.”
“Please. Just tell me what I want to hear. I know you want to say it too.”
Yuna is unable to hold herself together. Once Elise grabs hold of her hands, Yuna breaks down in tears. Elise holds her and just listens.
“I… I didn’t know how to tell you,” Yuna cries. “I did want to hurt you. I did lie to you so I could make fun of you. I never meant to fall for you. By the time I realized, it was too late. I didn’t want you to hate me. I don’t like being a girl so I dress like a boy. No one understandsp that. No one can. I knew you wouldn’t so I kept pretending because you only liked Yuele. I thought maybe I could get you to like me so I-”
“Yuna!” Elise interrupts. “Lift your head. I want to see you.”
She does as such but is terrified of what’s next. Yuna’s heart calms when she sees Elise’s small smile. It tells Yuna everything she needs to know.
“Just say it.”
“I love you," the words softly roll off her tongue. Yuna looks away, head burning in embarrassment.
Elise doesn’t know what to feel. She’s sure she isn’t gay. Elise has never seen another girl that way, that much she was sure of. Or at least that's what she liked to tell herself. It’s Yuna who’s always been different. The very first time she saw Yuele, Elise always thought they looked a bit alike. It was easier to pretend they didn’t because Elise has always been scared of Yuna.
Now she has heard the truth. Elise has come to terms with the emotions she’s been denying all this time. All that’s left for Elise is to say it but she doesn’t know how to. She’s kissed Yuna plenty of times but it’s always been as Yuele. If she does this now, how different would it be?
Yuna’s eyes are closed.
Elise decides to be the one to take what she wants this time. Yuna’s eyes open in shock the second her lips are grabbed by Elise’s. It’s only for a second but it feels as if time stopped. This small kiss is different than all the others. Yuna can’t put it into words. Neither can Elise but both of them feel that something in their hearts has completed. The world just stops.
“I love you too, Yuna,” Elise says ever so softly after she pulls away.
“But I-”
“I’m sorry it took me a while.”
“I-I’m sorry too.”
Elise pushes Yuna to the floor and kisses her again. “Your lips are cracked,” she laughs.
“I know,” Yuna joins but in embarrassment.
“Let me sleep over tonight. Then in the morning, tell me all about you. I want to know the real you. I want to know everything about you so I can fall for you all over again.”
“Even if I’m a boy and a girl?”
“I fell in love with you both.”
Yuna closes her eyes. Her entire life she felt like she never belonged. She always felt like there wouldn’t be a person who would love the person she is. Yuna has always felt alone. Elise is the only person who has made her feel whole.