Joel

17th of May, 649

Joel buttoned his shirt as Sephie lounged on the couch in his office. He'd been thinking a lot about her words the previous week - what would he do if she were to get pregnant again? He shook away the thought as he stretched his arms over his head. The visitation this time was not just conjugal, as Sephie had come to discuss job opportunities that Ceres might've been interested in.

Joel's depth of secrecy had reached a new level with this meeting - Ceres had asked Espee to ask Victor to ask Sephie about the Technica Academy, and Joel seized upon the opportunity to cut out the middleman and ask Sephie himself. Besides, he had already experienced more than just a little bit of it in hearing Sephie talk about it in those feverish early days. He couldn't exactly tell Ceres that he'd been sleeping there!

Lucas and Ceres' break-up had come as a surprise to both he and Espee - it was no small wonder that Ceres had become galvanized to plot her own course, separate from Lucas. She's always been headstrong, Joel thought, and it'll get her far if she's careful. Neither he nor Espee had heard much from Lucas in the intervening days. Joel knew from Billy that Lucas was safe at least, sleeping on the couch at Stingray's house - he just hoped that the boy would come to his senses eventually and come home and talk things through.

With the impending arrival of Noctavian forces and the annexation of Cygnus just days away, Joel felt like he needed some degree of grounding. Espee was so frazzled with keeping Ceres centered that Joel felt more unmoored than usual. He sought refuge in all-night worknights at the workshop with Sephie in his arms, and though he felt somewhat guilty about all of it, he attributed it - at least this week's encounters - to the pandemonium to come.

"So, are you working late again tomorrow night?" Sephie asked. Joel loved it when she'd lounge around in her lingerie after they'd had sex, and it was something she'd been doing with him since her days at the Academy. Mention something you like once, Joel thought, and she'll remember it forever. The crimson lace was beyond enticing, and Joel found himself staring at her hungrily again. They'd already indulged in one another's bodies twice over the workshop's lunch break, but with Shandi and Billy set to return any moment he knew he'd have to wait until she came back in the evening to take her close to him again.

"That's the plan," Joel said, and Sephie stood from the couch to come around behind him, wrapping her arms around his stomach.

"Good. I'm getting to the point where I couldn't possibly sleep without you," she said sweetly, nuzzling into Joel's back. "It's everything I could've possibly wanted all those years ago, but it's real now, isn't it?"

Joel nodded slowly. "Yeah. It's real." She sighed deeply against him. He loved the way she felt against him, but parts of him had been so chewed up by guilt and fear lately that he wasn't allowing himself to truly enjoy it. Sure, the physical components were incredible, and the emotional connections were more than there - there were just things in the way, Joel thought. Goddess, how callous, he thought as Sephie kissed his back and stepped away to go put on her own clothes. Have I come to thinking of Espee as an obstacle? Is that where I am now?

"Do you mind if I work in your office today? Will the guys have questions if I'm in here?" Sephie asked, putting her skirt back on. "Of course they will, but are you able to keep them out of here?"

"It shouldn't be an issue to keep them out," Joel shrugged. "Maybe we should turn on the fans or something, though."

Sephie grinned. "They would have so many questions..." She continued to put her clothes back on, buttoning up her own shirt as she stepped towards Joel. "Joel, don't take this the wrong way, but... does getting caught ever... appeal to you? Thinking that we might be in danger can be sort of hot."

Joel looked at Sephie and tempered his expression of incredulity. "Seph. In the dorms, maybe, but here? What if your father shows up and walks in on us?"

Sephie shrugged. "At least I'd die doing what I loved." Joel had no response to that other than to laugh, and the two hugged one another tightly. "I'm going to tidy up if you want to get out there. Don't want the guys getting too suspicious. I parked discreetly enough that they wouldn't see me out there, I hope."

"You're fine, no sense in worrying. If push came to shove I'd just tell them you were from the Empire and that'd shut 'em up. There's some truth to that, anyway."

"You're cute when you're worried," Sephie said, getting close to his face. He stole a peck from her lips, and she smiled. "Don't tease me like that right now, Joel. They'll be back soon." Somewhere outside a car door shut and she raised her eyebrow at him. "See? Alright, get on out there. I'll see you soon. Love you."

"Love you too," Joel said quietly as he returned to the floor of the shop. Billy and Shandi had been working extra to make up for the lost productivity of not having Lucas on staff anymore, and Victor was not particularly pleased with Joel's hire crashing and burning. With the annexation coming any day now, Joel felt like he was under incredible pressure to perform, but at least his team was doing the best that they could. If only I could, Joel thought, nervously watching as Shandi and Billy entered and waved at him.

"Alright, we've got a lot to do, guys. Let's get rolling."

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Joel sent Shandi and Billy home just after 1830 - while most nights as of late he'd have stayed at the workshop straight through, he'd promised Espee that he'd come and pick up dinner from home before returning to the workshop for the overnight shift. Sephie didn't mind - she had her own work to do, and the quiet comfort of the workshop's office was 'conducive to good thoughts', as she had said.

Joel took off his work boots at the entrance and smiled at Espee as she came into the foyer. "Hey, Esp. How's things going today?"

"Well, you know what I said on the SGNL earlier. Ceres is having a rough afternoon, but she took the Technica Academy exam this morning. Results for that should be in relatively soon."

"Oh yeah? How'd she do?"

"She doesn't know, but she sounded confident that she did well, at least."

"Didn't expect anything less out of that girl. Smart as a whip."

"Well, before you grab some food and jet on out of here again, maybe you should go see her? Remember what we talked about earlier in the school year. Y'know, the thing with the..."

"Ah, yeah, well... I'd sort of forgotten about that," Joel said nervously. "I mean, everything's in place on your mom's end, isn't it? Like that went all through months ago?"

Espee nodded. "That's what she said, and she sent me the paperwork for it. You and I both know how hard it's been to keep it a secret this long."

"Will it be weird going back?" Joel asked, and Espee shook her head with a smile.

"No. I've grown used to this place, but it'll never be home. There's only one home for me, and it isn't this. Ceres can't shut up about it some days, so I wonder how she's going to take the news?"

Espee's mother, the Baroness Arissa Haellam, had reached out to Joel and Espee with a proposition late in the previous year - as an apology for how she and the Baron had treated her years ago - an olive branch to Espee to try to mend fences, she offered to buy out the owner of their old house in Stormhill Ridge and bestow it upon the family as a permanent home. Arissa had been fond of the house, as she had visited on several occasions for events like Ceres' birthday parties and to spend time here and there with Espee.

Espee had been reluctant to accept it but came around to it when considering Ceres' future - giving her a safe place to live without the concerns of paying for housing on the campus of the Academy would be certain to catch her by joyful surprise. At least, Joel hoped.

"I would wager good, but you never know. Especially because, well... all the Lucas goings-on. It ain't good for her to be this stressed out."

"You're telling me," Espee shook her head. "I'm on the front lines with her. Lucas hasn't even picked up his SGNL in a few days now, do we even know if he's still at the Rodriguez family's house?"

"Billy said that he saw him last night, so I'd assume yes. Not sure what he's up to, but the boy's almost a man grown, it's not on us to pry. If he's staying away, we should respect his space. Why, how many times has Ceres tried to call him?"

Espee looked down towards the floor. "Probably too many," she admitted. "But she's seventeen, she's nervous about so many things - there's only so much that you and I can do to soothe her when she's like this. Whether we're ready to admit it to ourselves or not, Lucas has become a huge part of her daily life, and that he's so outwardly callous about getting away from her hurts me, too."

"I'm sorry, Esp. It bothers me as well. I should drive over there, shouldn't I?"

"No, he didn't want to answer the door for Ceres, and he almost certainly won't for you. I could try, if you want me to."

"I don't know if that's a good idea, either. You said he got mad at you and stormed off when you tried talking him down."

"You're right," Espee sighed. "But what are we to do?"

"Wait him out. I'm just worried he's going to try to skip town or something, really. There's..." Joel said, trying to bite his tongue - he hadn't mentioned the annexation or anything around it to Espee for fear of sending her into a panic - Victor had explicitly said not to tell her, and if she and Ceres were to be spotted leaving town it would've been considered far too timely to be a coincidence. "I just get this feeling he hates it here. What Carmine said got inside his head last month, about this not being his 'thing' forever. We saw him trying to change to match Ceres, then he tried getting more involved in the shop and just ended up getting in the way... I don't know, Esp. I think if we make any waves, that bird's gonna fly off."

"I hope you're right," Espee shook her head sadly. "Maybe we weren't meant to have him as long as we did. I know that's a horrible thought that makes me a horrible person, but I appreciated having him around."

"He's not dead, Esp. He's a few blocks away. If I wanted to, I could go pound down old Stingray's door and see what Lucas is up to, but like I said, the boy probably just needs space."

Espee nodded slowly. "I really hope that everything goes well with Ceres' test. It'll be nice to get out of here in the near future. Hopefully Lucas..." she grimaced, "comes to his senses. Even if he and Ceres don't date again, it would be a bitter pill to swallow to be without the boy."

"His 18th birthday's in the middle of next month," Joel sighed. "He'll be free to do what he wants, wherever he wants, within reason. If he wants to leave us forever, we can't stop him."

Espee turned away. "You don't have to be so blunt about it, Joel. It hurts to hear."

"C'mere," Joel said, wrapping her close to him. She cried into his shirt, and Joel hated himself for seemingly failing everyone in his family. He just wanted them to be happy, why couldn't he be happy too? Espee snuffled, then sniffed at Joel.

"You smell... not good. You should probably shower before you go back," she forced a laugh through tears. "Have you been working on that horrible thing all day? Does that workshop even have air conditioning?"

Joel laughed nervously. "Empire's best," he grinned. Espee laughed harder, smiling now.

"Well, you smell terrible. I'm sure they won't mind you taking a little bit of a break between here and there to clean up, get all that grime off of you."

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

Some things can't be washed away so easily, Joel thought as he kissed Espee. "Alright, I'll go and do that. Hopefully Ceres is still around when I get out."

"She hasn't left the house in days," Espee said ruefully. "I think that's a near certainty."

Joel slumped his shoulders with a sigh. "Wish me luck."

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"Ceres, it's me. May I come in?"

Joel didn't typically dread conversations with Ceres, but with the strain in their relationship as it was and the compounding factor of everything going on between her and Lucas, Joel knew he was walking on dangerous ground.

"It's unlocked," Ceres said from the other side of the door. It was strange to Joel to not hear her immediately defensive, and he opened the door slowly to find Ceres sitting on her bed in the dark. It was obvious that she had been crying, and tissues were strewn all over her sheets.

"Sweetpea, may I sit down?" Joel asked. Ceres nodded, pointing to the end of the bed. "Thank you. I just wanted to check on you. I know things have been hard for you lately, and I..."

"This is your fault, Dad. He wouldn't've left if you didn't fire him from the shop."

"Ceres, be real with me. He was trying to pick a fight with Shandi, what was I supposed to do, let him hang around and get his ass kicked?"

Ceres huffed. "Well, you didn't know what was going on with him. Did you even ask him why he was so upset? Hm?"

"Ceres," Joel shook his head. "None of that matters right now. You're what matters, sweetpea."

"Well excuse me for thinking that I matter enough to you that you don't fire my boyfriend and ruin his life and stress him to the point where he dumps me."

Joel had willingly walked into this hornets' nest, he surmised, and he needed to find a way out of it.

"Ceres, can I tell you something in full honesty?"

"What is it? Is it about me?"

"No, it's about Lucas. You probably won't like hearing it, but the boy's almost eighteen years old now, and if this is what he wants in his life... I can't stop him. Your mother can't stop him. We didn't adopt him or anything like that, so it's not like we can go to the judge and force him to be here. Would you even want him to be here if he was forced to be? I sure wouldn't."

Ceres melted back against the wall. "I love him, Dad. I hate that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"I don't think it's just you," Joel shook his head. Ceres leaned forward.

"Oh? Then what is it?"

"He's told you his past, yeah? About his parents and the Empire and all of that?" Joel asked. Ceres nodded slowly. "Well, I regret not getting the boy into therapy or something sooner. I was just..." he looked at Ceres sadly, "I was just too busy for anything. That includes you and your mother, and I'm sorry for that."

Ceres stared him down hard. "Isn't it a little too late to be apologizing for that? I find out if I'm leaving for the Academy when the summer's over in a few days, and then I don't have to be your problem anymore."

That stung Joel. "Wait. When did I ever say you were a problem, sweetpea? You've never been a problem."

"I hear you talking to Mom about me sometimes. I hear what she says about me, too. You two are always whispering this and that and it drives me mental to not be involved in anything."

"Ceres. I don't think we've been talking about what you think we've been talking about. You're sounding paranoid, and I don't blame you."

"Of course I'm fucking paranoid!" Ceres snapped angrily, then pulled herself back. "I'm sorry. I... I'm just under a lot of stress right now and I don't think now's a good time to talk to me. At least... at least you tried."

"Do you need some space?"

Ceres nodded. Joel patted her on the back as he stood to leave the room. "Should I close this again?" She shook her head. "Alright. Well, I'm going back to the workshop for another overnight. You try to get some sleep if you can. Mom was baking something downstairs if you're interested, I think she got some peaches from one of the shops downtown earlier. Smells like cobbler. Hope it's cobbler, at least."

Ceres smiled at this. "She's trying to butter me up too, isn't she?"

"Maybe a little. I've got to go, but you be good and keep your head up. Remember what Grandpa always used to say?"

"Face it with fury, angel?"

Joel nodded. "Thatta girl. You're a strong person, Cer. You're gonna get through this, but don't hesitate to ask us for help. You're my daughter, after all."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Don't sweat it, kiddo. I'll see you soon enough."

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A light rain began to fall as Joel drove along the roads through Cygnus leading back towards the workshop. He sat in the quiet, mind pulled in a hundred directions, the only sounds other than the road were the intermittent clacks of the wiper blades. The rain made it hard to see, but he swore he saw more of the Drones and their uneasy Pulse-purple light than usual along the drive - but thought that it may've just been a trick of the light and the rain.

Espee was sad, Ceres was irritated, Lucas was gone - things at home really are falling apart, aren't they? The truck rumbled over an overpass as he continued towards the workshop. His thoughts turned to Sephie, who he knew was waiting for him there - he hoped he hadn't kept her waiting too long but knew that she'd understand even if he had. At least one thing in my life isn't falling apart.

At the workshop, Joel pulled in around the side of the building and parked next to Sephie's car, out of sight. He was glad she had stayed - for a moment, he'd worried that she might've left, but knew that was just his mind playing tricks on him with everything else going on. He walked into the workshop to find her in the office, lounging on the couch reading a book, her work laptop closed on his desk. The room smelled faintly of food; she'd reheated something from his fridge for an impromptu dinner.

"You get lost on the way over?" Sephie joked, looking over from her book to Joel. "Oh, huh, guess not. You look all cleaned up. Don't you look good? You did that for little old me?" She winked and turned back to reading. "I was wondering what was keeping you, I sent you a message but I'm not sure if it went through."

"I'm sorry, Seph. I was talking with Ceres about what happened the other day with Lucas, and, well, you know how she can be."

"I hope you were kind about it. She sounds like she's going through a real rough patch, so you do what you need to do to make sure she's got support."

"I tried, Seph. She blames me for firing Lucas," Joel said. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Not at all," Sephie said, lifting her head to let Joel sit down. She rested her head in his lap. "You didn't fire Lucas to be a jerk, though. I can see how she'd be upset by it, and I assume you've already explained to her the rationale."

"You know it," Joel sighed. He stroked Sephie's hair as she continued to read. Goddess, how much I love this woman.

"Did you have any more actual work to do tonight?" Sephie asked, looking up at him. "If you didn't, I was thinking I'm getting a little bit tired and that we can maybe watch something on Technivision together? And of course, other things," she said with a wink. "It's been so wonderful to get to fall asleep with you again. The couch bed isn't the most comfortable thing, but it's somehow better than the dorm room bed at the Academy. I did like how close together we had to sleep, though..."

"No, no more work for tonight. We finished everything earlier, and even if we didn't there's so much other work that needs to get done that no one would even notice going into tomorrow that it wasn't complete."

"Good," she said. "I was just thinking about how comfortable I am and how I hoped you wouldn't have to get up any time soon."

"Did you want to watch something or keep reading?"

"Depends. Maybe a movie? Do you have any snacks or anything in this place?"

"Probably some popcorn in the break area?"

"That would be perfect," Sephie smiled at Joel as she sat up. "Sorry, I know I just said about being comfortable and all, but you know me well enough by now to know I'm not going to say no to popcorn."

Joel kissed her, and he could feel her smiling as she kissed back. "What are you kissing me for? Because I like popcorn?"

"No, because you're too damn cute," Joel said, kissing her again.

"You keep it up like that, Mr. Leonart, and you're in some deep trouble," Sephie said. "Goodness, we're not going to end up watching anything, are we?"

"We could... or we could make love again," Joel shrugged, and Sephie laughed and kissed him once more.

"After the popcorn," Sephie said sweetly. "And the movie. Good things come to those who wait, you know."

Good things indeed, Joel thought, looking at the mirage of a woman in front of him. Goddess, she's beautiful. "Y'know? You're absolutely right," he said, standing up. "I'll go make the popcorn; you pick something for us to watch. Be back in a second."

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Sephie had drifted off on Joel's chest before the end of the movie, but they'd paused it midway as they were having trouble keeping their hands off one another - a recurring problem for them both when together. Joel knew the dangers of what he'd been doing with her, but as she dozed and drooled on him, he knew that if it came to it that he'd uproot his entire life to be with her. To support our inevitable child, he thought, mind curiously restless. I can't see this going any other way at this point. He'd eschewed any protection, both of his volition and of her request - he knew what she wanted, and he wanted it too.

The rain outside continued to come down in gentle waves, and Joel could hear it coming down against the metal roof of the workshop. The office was largely insulated from noise at least, and the only thing louder than the rain was Sephie's gentle snoring against him. He kissed her forehead as she slept on his chest. His mind, ever the anxious ball of misery, found itself curious as to Espee's whereabouts and feelings. Joel had been good at batting down those thoughts before they came to a head, but tonight he felt it acutely. What will Espee say when you tell her you're leaving her for another woman? You're a bastard, Joel Leonart.

He closed his eyes and imagined her alone in their bed for yet another night, wondering when he'd be coming back. It made him feel deeply rotten in ways he'd never felt before. He wondered just how deep the corruption ran at this point, and a painfully rogue thought dared to ask the question - if you could do it to Espee, will you someday do it to Sephie, too?

Sephie stirred as if reading his mind. She turned pressed her back and her rear into his front, and the two snuggled up closely. Such darknesses will have to wait for another day, Joel thought, sighing and melting into Sephie. There is only light with this woman. We've seen it all. There is no one in this world who could replace her. He closed his eyes and banished the thoughts of Espee and of his self-destruction - he gave her a final peck and lost himself to the slip of sleep.

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18th of May, 649

"Seph," Joel said, giving her a gentle nudge. "Do you hear that?"

Sephie yawned as she turned to him. "Hm... it's not morning yet... what?"

"I thought I heard something weird; it woke me up. Guess I was dreaming."

She turned around and gave him a gentle kiss. "You're probably right, love. Goodnight," she said, laying down and snuggling against him.

Joel felt deeply uneasy by the low thrumming he kept hearing - for one, the workshop was generally well-insulated from sounds, and two, there weren't any major roads that ran by the workshop, which was isolated off in a more wooded area. The sounds seemed to be coming from all directions, and every time he put his head down on his pillow, he thought he could feel that deep, bassy rumble. He closed his eyes and pulled Sephie closer, she adjusted until they were practically fused.

His mind raced but sleep just would not come back. The clock on the wall read 0337 - it was far too late at night for traffic or anything like that, but Joel wracked his mind trying to figure out just what could be making all that noise.

Focus, Joel, he thought, trying to shake it from his mind. Focus on Sephie. Match your breathing to hers. Take in her smell. Think of the great night you just had together. All of this pain will be worth something one day.

He closed his eyes again and exhaled deeply - in his mind's eye, he pictured himself and Sephie in a modest home somewhere near the beach - probably Teliander or somewhere along the northern coastline. In the dream he stepped out towards the waves, hand in hand with her. She wore a long white dress, and he, a suit - was this their wedding? - he stepped into the water, his shoes filling up. His socks squished as he walked in up into his ankles.

Sephie followed him, still holding his hand. She kissed him with no obvious regard for her wedding dress getting destroyed by the surf, and they embraced as the sounds of the sea drowned out everything else. The world blurred as if watercolor, yet Sephie remained in crystal-clear focus.

As they pulled apart, they looked at one another, intoxicated in love. Seagulls cawed as they flew overhead, and Joel smiled as one dove a little too close to them. The sky was beautiful in this dream - a beautiful gradient of sunset colors, fading off into the first whispers of night. Joel took her hand, and they walked back up onto the dune, sitting down on a blanket they'd put in the sand. She leaned on his shoulder as they watched the sun disappear below the horizon.

Then, the sky tore. Joel did not understand what was happening, but he was suddenly consumed with an immensity of fear.

Joel, wake up.

Inside the tear came shafts of azure light that seemed to radiate out as if the tentacles of an octopus or a squid - Joel went to hold Sephie to protect her but found that she had disappeared.

Joel, wake up!

"Who are you! What do you want?" Joel yelled, his voice much his own for being inside a dream. No answer came.

"Joel, damnit! Wake up! Something's wrong!"

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Joel sat up quickly in the bed to find Sephie with her hands on his shoulders. He looked at her in confusion.

"Seph, what in blazes is going on?"

"You were... something was going on in your sleep, you were making all these awful sounds. And then... well, you've got to see this," Sephie said, standing up and wrapping herself in a blanket. She beckoned him to follow her out of the office onto the workshop floor.

Joel rubbed his eyes groggily. That dream had taken a turn for the weird, but Joel's reservations about it were quickly set aside as he stepped out onto the workshop floor with Sephie and looked out the large windows that lined the upper half of the workshop's front wall.

A large number of airships filled the night sky above Cygnus – the largest of which seemed to sunder the clouds themselves.

“Goddamnit.”

“You can say that again. That’s them, isn’t it?”

Joel nodded.

“They were supposed to be here today, but I didn’t think they’d show up in the middle of the damn night.”

“You can say that again,” Sephie said, pulling closer to Joel. “Oh, shit. I need to go, don’t I?”

“It’s too late for that, Seph. You’ve got to stay here.”

“Damnit,” she shook her head. “Okay, but what do I do if my dad shows up?”

“He won’t,” Joel sighed. “He’s at the base, isn’t he?”

“How should I know? He almost never tells me anything.”

“But that ship…” Joel trailed, looking up at the goliath in the sky above them.

“Isfandiyar,” Sephie finished for him. “Nox’s ship.”

They stood and watched the ships for a moment in their vibrating silence.

“So what do we do now?” Sephie asked.

“What are we supposed to do? I’m sure we’re safe here. The Empire’s already accounted for us. It’s the people in town I’m worried about.”

“Does anyone here even know about this besides you?”

Joel shook his head.

“You’re worried about Espee and Ceres, aren’t you?”

Joel nodded.

“I see. I think they’ll be fine.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“It’s not worth losing sleep about. They’ve probably got a bunch of things to do before they get started with whatever they wanted this place so badly for,” Sephie frowned, pressing herself closer to Joel. She held his arm tightly. “For now, let’s just go back in the office. I need your arms around me.”

Joel stared at the ships as they passed out of sight. He joined Sephie in the office where he lay next to her, stroking her hair as she returned to sleep. With a kiss on the back of her head, Joel closed his eyes as the sounds of ships lulled him to join Sephie in sleep once more.