Joel
13th of January, 644
Technica Academy, Sylva
The fluorescent lights of the dorm room cast it with a disconcerting, uneasy glow. Everything felt dreamlike, displaced. The light flickered, then stayed constant, then flickered again. Joel took a deep breath as he laid back on the bed, comforter cold against the bare skin of his back. Sephie undid his belt deftly, then slid his jeans down his legs and onto the floor. He steadied his breathing, but his heart raced. She smelled too good, looked incredible, and he wanted her more than anything in the world. She climbed back onto the bed and hovered over him in that oh-so-familiar way, wearing naught but her bra and underwear.
This is not the first time, but it needs to be the last. Joel, you're a hypocrite. The same thoughts, in spin cycle, never let free from the machine.
Joel felt his throat tighten as she wordlessly tugged at his boxers, a sly smile creeping across her face. They were both well aware of the effect her presence had on him, and she gave him a wink as she grazed over his manhood with her hand. She traced her hand up his stomach and his chest to his chin and mouth, planting it on his lips. He kissed her finger, and she kissed him passionately as her other hand touched him. He wanted her, he knew, more than anything in the world. And she, he thought, wanted his children. She'd said as much before, and Joel had been completely remiss in being careful.
"Seph," Joel said. "It's your turn." He wanted to be inside of her so badly, but instead slipped his hand down the front of her panties. She was slick with wetness for him, and she moaned as he touched her, coils of mahogany hair falling loosely over her shoulders and chest. She looked beautiful with no comparison.
"I can't take it anymore," she said, breathing heavily. "I need you, Joel. I need you now."
He understood that all too well. He mounted her and slipped inside of her, feeling her dangerous warmth and wetness around him.
"I love you, Joel, I..." she said, his pace quickening as they moved together. They had been compatible from the first time they'd made love, and it'd only gotten more intense from there. She bucked her hips at Joel as if to draw him deeper to no avail, but he loved the look on her face when he knew she felt good. He kissed her, their mouths enmeshing, tongues intertwining.
It was a forbidden desire like no other.
"I'm going to..." Sephie said as she gripped Joel and pulled him against her, her back arching in climax. Joel's logic and reason disappeared as he, too, whipped them into a frenzy.
"Give me your baby," she whispered as the endless rondo of their love drew to a feverish close. The words were all Joel needed to be pushed over the edge as Sephie wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him in deeply as he filled her with his seed.
As he pulled out of her and lay next to her on the bed, sweaty and exhausted, Joel remembered it was a dangerous day to be doing this. What he also didn't know was whether he cared or not anymore.
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28th of April, 649
Joel's Workshop, Cygnus
"Are you alright? You look pale. Do you need something to drink?" Sephie asked as she sat at Joel's desk. It was late in the afternoon, and it was surreal feeling to have her near again, let alone across the table from him. Her fingers grazed the back of his hand and memories of the love they made came flowing back violently. Joel was unable to respond, but she just smiled warmly at him. Same as it ever was, Sephie.
"You haven't said much at all, Joel. Did I really surprise you that much?" She rested her hand on his. "I just know that it's your birthday tomorrow, and I wanted to come say hello while I was nearby - in person."
"Seph," Joel said, his tone nervous even though he was trying to keep it in check. "This is dangerous." The last time they'd been alone like this together was the day after the abortion five years prior - and after that, Joel had tried hard to maintain distance between them so as not to spark painful memories. It was increasingly obvious to him now though that the time apart hadn't deadened anything he'd hoped she felt, or what he'd felt for her.
She only looked marginally different than the last time he'd seen her, and when he tried to imagine Victor being her father, he had a hard time doing so. Her features were softer, her smile gentle, her eyes still bright and green. She had shown him a picture of her mother once, and he knew exactly where she'd gotten all her genes from.
"I know it's dangerous," Sephie said, shrugging. "But well, here I am. I'm on business if anyone really wants to know. And while I can't stay long today - I have some things to attend to with regard to the upcoming changes in Cygnus later this evening - but I just wanted to make time to come see you today. I'll be picking up something for your birthday later, too, so you'll likely be seeing me again tomorrow. That is, of course, unless my dad tries to assign me something to do."
"You're working for him now?"
She sighed. "Yeah. It's not my optimal career path, but the pay is out of this world, and I'll be getting to put all that Medica knowledge to good use. The Emperor requested that my father find a good doctor to add to his staff, and well, nepotism?"
"I'm sure they wouldn't've hired you unless you were as good as I bet you are," Joel said, and Sephie cackled.
"Oh, please, don't flatter me. I do hope I don't disappoint you, though. I probably would never have gotten into any of those programs without your help."
"The least I could do."
"Well, thank you. But that's beside the point. I know you've got work to do, too, so I don't want to intrude on it too long, but... hey. Tomorrow, maybe, do you want to get some lunch? Have it on your tailgate like old times?"
"Seph," Joel cautioned. He remembered the first time they made love in the bed of his truck. It was alarming for Joel to realize that had been eight years ago now. "Don't you think the guys will notice I've left? I have to leave early anyway tomorrow..."
Sephie put up a finger to stop him. "I know. I don't really want to hear about her, though. I hope you can understand that."
"I do. I get it. I'll refrain from it."
"Thank you," she said, standing up from the chair and coming around the desk. Joel stood up to meet her. He stood just about a head's height taller than her, and she was just the right height to look down and kiss her upon the forehead.
"You know the guys won't notice or care if you're missing tomorrow," she said, attempting to be seductive. "I mean of course, not the whole day, but if you slip away just for like... ten minutes? They're up to their eyeballs in work, they won't even know."
"Seph," Joel implored, but she simply smiled.
"Joel, look. I'm not in college anymore. I'm trying to build my own life, too. I'm 27. This isn't just fooling around anymore. Things are different."
"Sephie. Things are different, you're right."
"Then why do I still feel like this for you, Joel Leonart?" she said, taking a step forward. She looked away from Joel, trying to hide her eyes. "We'd... we'd have a kindergartener right now, Joel. I think about that a lot. I think about what he'd look like, how he'd talk. But... I'm sorry. That's too much. That's not what I'm here for."
She stepped back, but Joel stepped forward to meet her. He reached out his hand for her to hold as she wiped tears from her eyes. She gave it a tender squeeze.
"Well, at least I know I'm not alone in that wondering," she said, her voice tight. "I'll be alright though. It was hard enough getting in the car to come here today. Do you know how long I've been trying to plan to see you and just chickened out every time?"
Joel stepped forward once more, closing the gap between them. She looked up at him with those radiant emerald eyes. The blinds on the windows were closed, and of his employees Joel knew that only Billy remained for the afternoon. He was on the other side of the warehouse in one of the paint bays, and the noise from the ventilation fans would keep him from knowing anything.
Goddess, was he actually thinking of doing this again? Her eyes were dewy with tears that seemed to be stuck where they were. Her hair, long in the days of the Academy, was now shorter and tied back but still radiated like an ember. Her pale skin, gently freckled - he'd never known her to love the outdoors - and as Joel wrapped his arms around her, he could smell her familiar perfume. She never changed it, he thought, and she buried her face into his chest. Sephie was smaller than Joel, both in height and stature. One good squeeze and he supposed he could snap her in half like a twig but would never do that. She stayed there for several moments in silence as he held her, and for those few moments he could feel tension leaving her body.
"How long's it been, Joel?" Sephie whispered to him after several more moments. "How long's it been since you held me in your arms like this?"
"A long time," Joel said, not quite certain. It had been at least since that night in 645 when they found out she was pregnant for the first time. Perhaps the last time he held her like that was after they decided not to keep the baby. He blocked it out in his mind.
"Well, I've missed it," she said, and looked up at him. He wanted to kiss her. It was a primal impulse, unbearable to deal with. It felt normal to do so, but yet he resisted. "Joel. You know how I get when you look at me like that," she said with a chuckle.
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"Sorry," Joel said, breaking off the embrace. His SGNL buzzed on the desk several times, and she looked at him knowingly.
"It's time for me to get going, anyway."
"Are you going to be alright?"
"I'll be okay. Just a little caught up in all of it, you know what I mean?" She gestured towards his desk. "You should probably get going, too."
"Probably."
"Yeah," Sephie said with a shrug. Joel saw the wistfulness in her eyes when she looked at him. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"
"Really?" Joel asked. He felt silly for sounding so eager, but the idea excited him. He didn't care if she knew that.
"Of course," she smiled. "Wouldn't miss it for the world. Well, unless I get sent back to Teliander or something. But never mind that! You know how we celebrate birthdays, Joel. It will be a good day."
"I know," Joel said sheepishly. She winked at him as she left the office.
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"The big 39 tomorrow," Espee smiled as she leaned against the doorway to the kitchen. Joel could smell what was likely to be his birthday cake baking in the oven, and the thought of it made his mouth water. "Figured I'd get a head start on it tonight given how busy tomorrow might be. My mother even said she might try to stop by, she's in Cape Hale this week so perhaps we'll see her tomorrow or the next day?"
"Oh? The more the merrier," Joel said, unlacing his boots on the landing. Espee shook her head with a knowing look.
"Well," she said, shrugging, "at least my father isn't around to crash your party anymore." Joel remembered when the Baron had come to one of their parties many years before, when they'd lived in Stormhill Ridge. The man had gotten so drunk and so angry that when he passed out in the empty bathtub, nobody bothered him until morning. Baron Haellam had died when Ceres was young, though, and while he knew it hurt Espee to make a joke like that, he also knew that she made it at her expense to make him smile.
"Shame," Joel said. "Would be all the more interesting if he did happen to show up, huh?" He stood and gave her a peck on the lips as she gently batted at him with a dish towel. "I'm sorry I'm late, I practically had to beg our Empire liaison for an early release for tonight and tomorrow."
"Mmhmm. Well, at least there's that." She looked at Joel with questioning eyes. "But I did try to call you. Why didn't you pick up? I was worried that maybe something had happened."
"Ah, well, I had my hands full. I felt the buzz, but I didn't get a chance to do anything about it, me and Billy worked right up 'til it was time to go."
"And when you were on the way home?"
"Well, I saw that you'd called and figured it'd just be a good idea to make a beeline home. I'm here now, right?"
"Hm. Can you just call if you're running behind next time, then? Doesn't do me any good to worry like that. Cybele only knows that you could've been in a car crash, and I wouldn't've even known."
"You sound like Ceres, Esp. And please, don't put that out there in the universe," Joel said, shuddering. He hugged Espee tightly.
"I know, I shouldn't've said that," she said, nuzzling into his chest. He hoped she wouldn't smell Sephie on his clothes. "Goodness, Elysium only knows what I'd do if I lost you, you know. Twenty years of life together and I wouldn't change any of it. I'm sorry if I came off too defensive."
"No apologies needed," Joel said as he stroked Espee's back. He felt his SGNL buzz in his pocket as he held her, and she noticed, pulling away from the hug. Joel fished the device from his pocket and bit the inside of his mouth. "Work again," he said.
"Is it Shandi?" Espee asked, trying to peek at the screen.
"No," Joel said, shaking his head. "That Empire guy, Victor. Hold on." Joel read through the message, feeling more annoyed as he read on. "He's saying he wants me to go back into the workshop and speak to him on the secure line there. Is he joking right now?" Joel sighed.
"Can I see?" Espee asked, and Joel turned the SGNL towards her. She scowled as she read it. "Doesn't he understand that you have a wife and a child you need to spend time with? Ceres never stops complaining about you not being around."
"Esp," Joel said, gently but firmly, "you know that this is temporary. We've talked about this. Remember what I told you about the payout when everything's finished with this project. It'll be the last."
"If they decide to pay you, Joel." Espee looked annoyed, and Joel knew that look all too well.
"It's a contract. He's never stiffed us before, has he?" Joel gestured around the room. All around were their material possessions - new Technica in the kitchen and in the living room - upstairs, a new mattress the last completed job had netted them. "This project... I shouldn't even be saying this, but this thing? It goes right to the damn top of the Empire."
"What do you mean by that, the top?" She looked at Joel, eyes widening. "The Emperor?"
Joel neither confirmed nor denied. Espee's eyes said it all to him.
"I see then. I hope you haven't forgotten about your promise, though."
"Terra Promissa," Joel said, the words leaving his lips like a spring breeze. A phrase his father used to utter - the "promised land", a dream of a better life for his family. Of all the division and discord between the two men, they'd both wanted to provide for their families and found common ground there. While his father never lived to see that dream achieved, Joel had remained steadfast in trying to make it happen.
"Will we get there?" Espee asked. To her, the idea of Terra Promissa was akin to Elysium, the afterlife realm of those of the Cybelian faith - while Joel had long since abandoned thoughts of those ideals, he knew it meant everything to Espee. "We've been talking about it for so long now. I pray to Cybele every night about it; you hear me. I know you do."
"I know. I'm trying. This is about as close as we've ever been, Esp. You just have to believe in me."
The night felt frozen around Joel. Other things were clouding his thoughts of good intentions.
"When will you be back?" Espee said, breaking the silence.
"I'm not sure. He can be pretty long-winded."
She studied his face carefully, then nodded slowly. She placed her hand on Joel's cheek, rubbing at his stubble.
"Guess I won't wait up, then." Espee gave him a tender peck. "You be safe driving out there. Call when you're on your way back."
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"Sorry to have to call you in here at this time of night, Joel, but it couldn't wait," Victor said, his face looking haggard on the Technivision screen in Joel's office. Joel unscrewed the lid from the bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass, placing his feet up on the desk.
"What's this all about that you couldn't even tell me over the phone, Vic?"
"The Emperor sent out a missive about two hours ago regarding some new developments with the Cygnus annexation - Joel, it's official now. Things are advancing faster than we'd previously expected, too." He paused and took a breath. "They're saying on or around the 18th of May is when Commander Hawkridge's battalion is to be deployed."
"Peacekeepers or..."
"I don't know. I needed to tell you right out because General Nox is now part of the plans again. I have no idea how the Emperor doesn't think it's a terrible plan, but..."
"Do they know you're talking to me? Are you sure you're not on a bugged line?" Joel put his legs down and sat forward. "Don't you think they'd be tracking who the Hegemon Council is contacting after news like that?"
"I'm on a burner," Victor nods. "I bought this in Amme Reven on the ferry earlier in the afternoon. I didn't expect to need it so soon, but here we are, right?"
"Right. So what's this mean for our plans?"
"Well, now that we have a fixed date for when things are about to hit the fan so to speak, we can prepare for it. I have a feeling Nox and Hawkridge both will be quite intrigued about the work you're doing, so we're going to have to bury our communication somewhat. With them both coming, I feel almost obligated to start coming by once or twice a week. They're setting up a command post to the west of you at the edge of the Cygnus territory, so I think Ciara and I will be operating from there."
"Okay, well, that's worrisome about Hawkridge and Nox, but..."
"Yeah. I don't like it either, but what the Emperor wants, he gets."
Joel shook his head.
"Look, Vic. All this is great and all and I know it's gonna fuck most of what we've got planned sideways, but I gotta know if this is gonna impact the most important thing I've got going on, alright?" Joel couldn't help but crack a smile as he took a drink of the whiskey.
"And what's that?"
"My time off tomorrow evening. Birthday, Espee's got me locked down. You'll have to deal with her if you can't guarantee it."
Victor laughed, which was an unusual sound from the usually stoic man. "Ah, yes. I'm familiar with that. I think we can still allow it."
"Good. It wasn't a request."
Victor sighed. "Anyway, we've got more to discuss but I don't think now's the time. We'll need to start getting our contingencies into place for later in the summer in the event something turns wrong and you and yours need to escape."
"Why would it do that?" Joel felt the creeping unease spread across his back.
"You know Nox. We've talked about Morren before, too. While I don't like invoking that tragedy, it's always something to be aware of. The man is capable of atrocities. We need to be on our toes."
Joel nodded. "Noted. Anything else?"
"Not tonight," Victor said. "Ciara is calling me back to sleep, anyway. We're going on the ferry to Amme Reven again tomorrow."
"Yeah? Persephone going with you?" Joel asked.
"No, she was away most of the day today. Said she'd be back here soon enough, but she'll probably be too exhausted to go anywhere in the morning. She gets sick on the water anyway, remember?"
"Ah, yeah, right, you've said before. If you see her before you head out tomorrow, tell her congrats from me if you would?"
"Of course," Victor said. "She'll probably be glad to hear it. Alright, Leonart. Drive carefully heading home, and don't hang out there too long. No idea who might be monitoring that place these days."
"You bet," Joel said. "Been seeing those purple Drones too often lately."
"Get used to it," Victor said, taking off his glasses and rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "Oh, and Joel?"
"Hm?"
"Have a good birthday tomorrow, alright?"
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"You're still up?" Joel asked Lucas, who was splayed out on the couch in the living room. He turned, startled - an episode of the Empire's "Dumbass Davis" sitcom played on the Technivision, its titular character falling down what appears to be an endless set of stairs. "Would've thought you'd be out by now, it's after 0100. You alright?"
"Uh... oh yeah, I'm good. Just trying to get my brain to chill out. Been studying all night, and I tried to sleep and couldn't, so... uh..." Lucas said, gesturing around the room. Joel sat down on the loveseat adjacent to Lucas.
"Yeah? When are the exams? Good to hear you're studying. That tutoring helping any, you think?"
"Next week or so. Not 100% on it but like end of the school week? Then we have graduation the week after that. That's if I pass, anyway." On the screen, Davis came to a cartwheeling collision with a telephone pole. A large bird's nest fell on his head, and he slumped into a heap on the ground. Lucas chuckled, distracted. "Sorry. Uh, well, tutoring's okay. Justine's smart but y'know, we've talked about this before. I'm just not that good at writing. It's rough on me." He turns his attention back to the screen. "I feel like I got bees in my head, Joel."
"I remember that feeling," Joel said. "I barely made it out, too. As soon as I graduated, I got the blazes out of Cirrus Heights and..."
"...ran right smack dab into Espee," Lucas finished. "You've told me this all before, Joel. Can I just watch this now?"
"Sure. I might watch for a bit too, been a long day." Joel watched as the ground below Davis shook, and as it stopped a gigantic bird swooped down from above, picking him up and carrying him away. The bird continued its flight all over town as Davis flailed helplessly. Joel looked over at Lucas, who was fixated on the screen with half a goofy smile on his face.
"Leave it to the Noctavians to make this kind of stuff," Lucas laughed. "Buncha people who just love seeing others get hurt."
The large bird swooped down over the ocean, and a gigantic whale breached the surface to gobble up both Davis and the bird.
"So what's that make us?"
The smile dropped from Lucas' face.
"Man, do you always have to do that?"
The whale on screen beached, then exploded in a variety of colors, covering everything in a viscous, paint like substance.
"Do what?"
"Just come in and suck the fun from everything?"
"What? Excuse me, Lucas, but..."
"Man, I'm tired. Please can you just go already?"
Joel shook his head. He hated the feeling that this was his place in the family, but he knew that all the work he was doing would someday be worth something, or at least he hoped.
"It's always some philosophical thing with you," Lucas continued. "Terra Promissa this, in the future that, you know? Ceres is pissed, too."
"Is that what this is about?"
"I mean she has a point, but..."
"Whatever. Let her be mad. You know what's going on, so don't act like you don't."
Lucas looked at Joel as if he had five heads and said nothing further.
The Technivision screen blared with no sense of purpose.