Lucas
Spring 649
Lucas squinted as he drove the cultivator through Mr. Ghannam's field. The afternoon sun was low in the sky and his work was almost finished for the day, and he was grateful for it. For springtime in Cygnus, it had been unseasonably warm - he felt his mesh shorts sticking to the leather seat of the cultivator and was miserably uncomfortable. Insects buzzed around his ankles as he took the final turn back towards the Ghannams' barn. He'd initially struggled to adjust to the quiet, rural life, but found that deep down he honestly enjoyed it.
His recovery had taken longer than expected - he'd contracted pneumonia and had been stuck in bed for the better part of two months, but the Leonarts had been more than kind to have taken him in. There had been so much discussion about what to do with him - the local government wanted to put him back into an orphanage, but Joel and Espee had been adamant that they could shelter and feed him. It had taken almost a year, but the day he moved into the Leonarts' house in Minors' End was jubilant beyond all measure.
He hadn't anticipated how close he'd ultimately become with Ceres, however. The two initially found their interactions stilted and boring - Ceres had still been coping with the flux of moving across the continent and the further adjustment of a new "brother". The notion of "siblings" went quickly out the window, however. Within the last year, they'd begun to see each other as more than just roommates - they were good at hiding it, but Lucas smiled at the errant thought of the last time he kissed her.
Espee and Joel had been more than wonderful to him. He had been terribly thin when they first found him, and over the last five years he'd grown eight inches and put on a reasonable amount of weight and muscle. He'd never be as big as his father was - the malnutrition had seen to that - and it seemed that no matter how much he ate he'd never not be lanky. Ceres didn't mind this, though. She could stand on tiptoe and give him a peck on the lips and it would make all the troubles and worries of the day dissolve into nothingness.
What would Lethe think of all of that? Lucas thought, but quashed the intrusive idea. He had largely tried to block out those painful memories - everything from that year up until Joel had found him on the side of the road was better left sealed up in memory, where it couldn't seep out and hurt. But it still did, didn't it?
Lucas parked the cultivator outside the barn where Mr. Ghannam was tending to one of his goats.
"Good to see ya, Lucas," Mr. Ghannam said, standing and smiling broadly. The Solstromi man was missing a few teeth and he whistled as he spoke. "Ya did a good job out there, aya. Be hot 'nough 'fore ya know it, mm."
Joel had helped Lucas to get a job on the Ghannams' farm - he'd been working there since his sixteenth birthday, and while the work could be sweaty and miserable, he appreciated Mr. Ghannam's seemingly infinite patience. Mr. Ghannam led the goat back into its pen and latched it as Lucas took a towel from the shed, wiping his brow.
"School should be ending soon, huh?" Mr. Ghannam said, and Lucas nodded.
"Yeah. Finals are coming up here soon."
"Can't believe ya be graduatin'," Mr. Ghannam laughed. He took a water bottle from a nearby cooler and tossed it through the air to Lucas, who caught it and took a drink. "Seems like time just keeps on flyin' by. Rita be graduatin' too, Erzulia knows."
"She's top of the class," Lucas said, and Mr. Ghannam beamed.
"Damn right she is. Ceres ain't lazy either," he said, opening a water bottle for himself. He sat down on the highest rung of the fence, still facing Lucas.
"No sir. Said she wants to go to the Academy in Sylva. She's been working real hard."
"Smart girls, those two. They be goin' places, mm. Ya could do the same, aya. You thinkin' at all 'bout what ya be doin' after this is done? Can't be workin' a field forever. Don't seem like ya."
"I haven't," Lucas said. He'd been milling and chewing the idea since the last year of school had begun. He had no direction as to what he actually liked to do - he hadn't really had much of a life for all the trauma of his preteen years, but was still angry at himself for not knowing as so many of his peers did. Even Ceres had known exactly what she wanted to do, and Lucas was terrified that he was disappointing Ceres in some way by not knowing his own future.
Could I just follow her? Would it be that easy? He'd thought, but the taste the thought left in his mouth was unpleasant. It wouldn't be that easy - he'd need to figure it out sooner than later, no matter what it took.
"Well, ya better get on it! Like de Mother say, don't let it pass ya by, Lucas. Ya taken a lot to get here, so why stop now?" Mr. Ghannam patted Lucas on the shoulder. "C'mon, I'll bring ya home. Ya wanna stop for anythin'? The tamale guy is at the market again, aya - maybe ya bring some o' 'em back for Mrs. Leonart? She like 'em."
"Sure," Lucas nodded as the two walked towards the garage. He liked Mr. Ghannam, but he was too right - he couldn't be doing this kind of work forever. It just wasn't him.
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Lucas left his boots outside on the front mat as he finagled the keys into the lock, juggling the overflowing bag of tamales that Mr. Ghannam had insisted on buying for the family. As he walked in to the foyer of the house he could smell Espee's unbeatable cooking wafting through the air - a delectable blend of garlic and leeks. Lucas could feel his mouth watering as her soups were known all across town - award-winning, even.
"Joel, is that you? I wasn't expecting you so..." Espee said as she came down the entrance hallway, wiping her hands on an apron at her waist. "Oh, hi, Lucas. I thought for some reason you were home already, but I guess not! How was work?"
"Fine," Lucas said, and Espee smiled. She could be Ceres' sister, Lucas thought, the only evidence of Mrs. Leonart being older were the crows' feet around her eyes. Lucas knew that Ceres probably wouldn't appreciate the mental commentary.
"What's in the bag?" Espee said, and Lucas handed it to her.
"Tamales. Mr. Ghannam insisted."
"Oh, Joel is just going to love this..." Espee said, marveling at the bag. "Mr. Ghannam's been good to us, you know. I hope you thank him when he does things like this."
"Always."
"Good. Now go and get changed, we're going to be eating shortly. Ceres should be back soon, but I'm not sure when we're expecting Joel back. He said it might be another late night, so we'll start without him."
Joel had frequently worked long nights at his workshop on the northern edge of town. He was always reasonably secretive with the type of work he did - Empire contracts tended to demand that level of security. While Lucas detested the Empire, he knew that Joel's work kept a roof over their head. He knew he wouldn't want to be in Joel's shoes, and tried not to question the ethics of how Joel provided for the four of them.
Lucas showered and changed before rejoining Espee and just-arrived Ceres at the dinner table, where a pot of thick soup sat at its center, flanked by crusty bread and some varied vegetables.
He still struggled with the idea that he deserved any of this. Meals at Rocky's had frequently been threadbare and almost always second-hand. Rocky had done his absolute best to make sure that the children in his care were fed and clothed, but for as much of a miracle worker as he seemed to be it wasn't always perfect. Hungry nights were a normal thing, and the only salve for it were all-night-long talks with Lethe, who slept in the bunk above him.
"Lucas, are you alright?" Ceres asked, and Lucas noticed he'd been staring at his bowl for too long. He immediately felt the flush of embarrassment rush into his cheeks, but she smiled gently.
"Just tired," Lucas said, trying to cast away the memory of those talks. If it wasn't for Lethe, who knows where he would be? He probably would have died in Riamal Haven at some point. That he knew of for sure.
Espee buttered a slice of bread and took a bite as Ceres continued to scrutinize Lucas' face. She always seemed to know exactly what he was thinking, and he didn't care for it. He'd never been much good at veiling his emotions - and that she could see right through whatever face he was making reminded him in some unpleasant ways of Lethe.
Ceres at last looked away without countering him, and Lucas dug in in earnest to the food in front of him. It was sumptuous without being overwhelming - notes of garlic and fennel and leek floated about and were anchored by shredded chicken and cubes of potatoes. Slivered carrots filled out the rest of it - it was decadent, almost too much so - but having food in front of him was something Lucas never took for granted.
Espee was in many ways the glue that held the Leonarts together - Lucas had heard from Joel that prior to his arrival that she had hated everything about Cygnus. Once Lucas had come, however, she had rapidly softened her view on the rural farm town - and with her newfound sense of purpose, she doted on Lucas much in the same way his own mother had back in Mormont.
When will I lose her, too? Lucas often thought, his mind betraying his better senses. He'd spent so long losing people that the idea of keeping a family structure seemed like an alien language to him.
"When's Dad coming home?" Ceres asked Espee. It was a recurring question, and Lucas knew that Ceres hated that it was the same answer nearly every night.
"Working late again. He said that Billy needed some extra time since the parts they need to weld came in late, and he can't leave until Billy's wrapped up for the day."
"Great. Would it kill him to just be home for once?"
There was the usual, familiar silence. Espee sighed and Ceres shrugged her shoulders.
"He's doing his best, alright?" Espee soothed. "I know it bothers you, but he's trying."
"We're going to be gone from here soon," Ceres shook her head. "This has been going on for years, I wish he'd just get the memo already that we hate it." Espee shot Ceres a knowing but stern look. She dropped her opposition and quietly resumed eating her soup.
Joel was frequently away from the house throughout her childhood, Ceres had told Lucas. His dealings with the Empire had taken him all over the continent, sometimes for weeks at a time. Lucas mused at the idea that his path might've taken him through Riamal Haven at one point. Joel had been coming back from a work trip the night he found Lucas on the side of the highway, and it was through serendipitous luck that their paths had intersected when they did.
Espee liked to call it Cybelian intervention, but Lucas wasn't so sure about the Goddess. He tempered his opinions around her and Ceres, though, and appreciated that their belief brought them comfort. It was something he liked to talk about with Joel when he was around - both shared similar views. Mr. Ghannam was also quite devout - his goddess Erzulia one of the southern continent Fornacis' many faiths. It felt strange to Lucas sometimes to hear Espee or Ceres praying - he'd been raised Cybelian but had largely abandoned it after he was left alone.
"So, are you coming with us to church tomorrow?" Ceres asked - she always asked this on the last day of the work week - Lucas shook his head no. Ceres feigned defeat but smiled all the same. "Maybe next time," she said, just as she always did. It was at Espee's insistence that Ceres persisted, but Lucas remained steadfast. He enjoyed the weekend mornings with Joel, working on cars or getting breakfast at the Copper Stallion. Between school and the Ghannams' farm, he worked entirely too hard to give any of his precious free time to the Goddess.
"I've been thinking about starting a book club here at the library," Espee said, changing the subject. "Lucas, what do you think? Do you think you'd want to join us?"
Lucas shrugged. "I don't know. I like to read, but talking about books is kinda..."
"Not his strong suit," Ceres finished, flashing him a smile. Espee chuckled.
"Well, I figured I would ask. I've been following this one author out of Irusis and..."
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Dinner ended and dishes came and went, and Lucas went up to his room on the second floor. Espee and Joel slept in a master bedroom suite on the first floor, and Ceres' bedroom was across the hall from his own. The house was modestly decorated - along the wall going up the stairs were a variety of photos from places the Leonarts had been. There were photos from Port Alhena - Espee's hometown - with Ceres' grandmother on the beach. Some had people Lucas didn't know in them - and some were older still, like Joel and Espee's first photo as a married couple.
Lucas went into his bedroom - his bedroom, something that still messed with him - possessions of his own that no one could take from him? He splayed out on the bed and stared at the ceiling, letting his eyes unfocus. The farm work wore him out, but it was homework that was hanging over him like a ten ton weight tonight. He knew he only had a few weeks left, but passing classes was going to be a feat in and of itself.
He rolled over, going back in his mind to thoughts of the future. Would he follow Ceres to Sylva? She was undoubtedly going to pass her entrance exam, but would he be good enough to do the same?
A knock at the door disturbed him from his thoughts, and he sat up in the bed.
"Hey, Lucas," Ceres' voice called through the door. "We're going to watch Would You Brush Your Teeth with This? in a few minutes, did you want to come down and watch with us?"
"Eh, maybe later. Kinda tired," Lucas called back.
"Well, if you're not asleep later, we should hang out."
"Sure," he said, and he listened as Ceres' footsteps receded down the hallway. He flopped back once more and his thoughts turned to those of Ceres - they were in the nascent stages of something more than friendship, but it had been in a strange stasis for the last year and a half. They'd gone as far as kissing and some touching, but clothes were always on - he'd never seen her naked, though he was curious - Ceres insisted that she wanted to wait to progress the relationship until they were both out of the house and, for having sex, being married.
Lucas didn't quite get it, but he understood her hesitation. It would be tremendously awkward to get caught being that kind of affectionate under Joel and Espee's roof, and there was always the matter of Ceres' faith getting in the way. He had to grin and bear it, even if his hunger made that difficult at times.
He didn't want to rush her, though. He cared about Ceres in a way he hadn't realized he was still able to care about someone. Besides, he'd been much too young and naive to understand how he felt about Lethe. He thought he loved her - still had thoughts of what that all should've been - but how could he have really known? He'd come as close as saying the words before, but he had been twelve years old then, it would've been ridiculous coming out of his mouth with any true meaning.
He rolled over and faced the wall, stewing in the thoughts. She'd been so kind to him. More than anyone had in years, truly. Their late-night chats and dreams of escape had kept him alive more than he realized in those days, her constant buoyancy towards that future, a life preserver to him. She had come from hellish circumstances, at least as far as she had told him. A violent mother who cursed her name and a despondent, useless father - both of whom beat her and tormented her, from what she'd let slip. She'd run away at ten and come to live with Rocky shortly thereafter.
Rocky. How much Lucas missed him, too. He had previously been a teacher in Valdena before budget cuts left him homeless - he devoted his life to taking care of the kids of Riamal Haven, but Lucas never truly understood how he could've afforded all of it. A man would stop by once a week to speak with him, and Lucas had always presumed that someone had been funding the place in secret. How else would the lights have stayed on?
Lucas closed his eyes. He wanted to try to stay up and wait for Ceres to finish watching her show, but he felt too worn out. Thoughts of Lethe hadn't helped the cause. He'd seen her in his dreams a few times in the past few months, but she'd never spoken, just observed - they were strange dreams, indeed. Fields of vibrant green with a sky that had been ripped in two in violent shades of blue and orange - a dazzling, radiant scene to behold. And always Lethe - sitting on a rock near a stream, like the one they'd gone to when Rocky took them out of town one day - sun-dappled and beautiful, glowing in the light.
He sighed - it wasn't fair to Ceres to think like that anymore. It wasn't fair to himself, either. He knew that she was gone.
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Joel
Work had yet again been hectic. With orders coming in from the Empire's headquarters in Valdena, Joel hadn't had a moment's rest at the workshop. His associate, Billy Rodriguez, had been a relentlessly hard worker, but even their twin efforts hadn't been enough to keep up with what seemed like an ever-growing mountain of work. Shandi Oscarman, a newer hire from the city of Saiph in Elegir, had been doing his best to learn the work, but it just never felt quick enough for Joel.
He knew that Espee and Ceres were growing frustrated with him being away all the time, but he couldn't help it - these, unlike past late nights, were not of his own volition. It was much too late to spend time with them now - Deneb was already high in the sky, and Joel knew that even if he drove as fast as he could he probably would not make it home before Espee fell asleep. Ceres and Lucas would be out, too - he'd noticed them staying up late together, but didn't think too much of it - just teenagers too restless to sleep like regular people.
Joel knew that the influx of work wasn't just because of the portent of war starting again between Elegir and Noctavia - his connection, Dr. Victor Mataeus, the Emperor's Chief of Scientific Inquiry and a member of the Emperor's Hegemon Council, had been dangling information about a new agreement with Velus that would essentially make Cygnus belong to Noctavia. The thought made Joel's skin crawl, but he had promised Victor absolute secrecy - not even Espee could know about it until it was officially announced.
It was the double-edged sword of friends in high places - he knew too much, and it was eating at him not to be able to spill the beans. They'd be getting new work into the shop soon in order to prepare for a 'mining operation', as Victor called it, as the deal had something or other to do with mineral rights - Victor had been intentionally oblique about details.
Victor, Joel thought, sighing. He'd first met Victor on the other side of an interrogation table in a prison cell under the Emperor's castle, Spira Rostam. He had been captured during an operation in which the rebel group Renaissance sought to overthrow the Emperor himself. A long, productive conversation revealed Victor's true intentions - to make use of Joel. Over time the relationship gelled into a strangely respectful friendship - after all, they did indeed share some of the same desires and future beliefs.
In the distance, Joel noticed something he'd seen the last few nights driving home. Drones had been flying low over some of the pastures along the way home, their purple Pulselight scanning the ground below. Joel reasoned that this had something to do with what Victor had said - but the idea of the Empire being so close made him feel nervous.
And if Victor is here, then she will be, too.
Joel shook the thought from his mind. She'd been on it more heavily since Victor told him what was going to happen, and Joel didn't quite know how to reconcile thoughts of her with reality quite as well as he wanted to. It had been, in the moment, a mistake - but she grew on him like ivy and entrenched in his soul like none other could have - not even Espee.
Persephone, or Sephie as she liked to be called, was Victor's daughter and a scientist with the Empire. He didn't mean for it to spiral off into recklessness, but it did just that on that fateful night - her nineteenth birthday - a party where they and everyone else had been too drunk and happy to stop themselves from blowing up their lives.
No, Joel thought, grimacing. I was the only one who went too far that night.
It had been seven years since that night, and four since the last time he'd had his hands on her, his flesh against hers, her taking him in. She'd been pregnant at the end, albeit only briefly - the decision to terminate had not been hers alone, but it drove a deep wedge between them. She had finished her doctorate and went to work for her father, at which time Joel hadn't seen her - just heard news about her from time to time from Victor, who was blithely unaware of his daughter and his weaponsmith's transgressions.
He pulled into the garage at the house and glanced at the clock on the dashboard - it was after midnight. No wonder she's stuck on your mind, Joel thought, gathering his things and going into the house. Too tired to think right.
The entranceway was dark - everyone had already gone to bed by now, as he assumed. It had been lonely doing nothing but working for the last few weeks. Ceres would be going off to the Technica Academy in Sylva in the autumn, and Lucas - well, he didn't quite know what Lucas would end up doing, but he knew that he'd probably be alright with anything he put his mind to.
After almost 20 years of marriage, he and Espee had become used to each other - Joel grimaced at the thought of being "used to" someone, but it wasn't quite inaccurate. They'd had Ceres early on, when Espee was only eighteen - they'd eloped when she was sixteen, away from the watchful eyes of her noble parents. The Baron and Baroness had been livid - the Baron going so far as to have a heart attack at the news - he'd died not too long after. Espee's mother, Baroness Arissa, had eventually warmed to him, though it took a decade.
Besides, what else was a roughneck of the tough streets of Cirrus Heights to do other than steal the heart of a rich girl? Joel saw a lot of his younger self in Lucas, right down to the lack of impulse control. He worried for him but had been trying to mitigate any future trouble as best as he could. The boy was smart and strong - he'd been a fighter since that night on the roadside coming down from Teliander - he saw him as a son, even if Lucas was still not prepared to call him "Dad".
The hot water of the shower gave Joel immediate relief - there'd been so much lifting and hoisting throughout the day and so little time to recover that Joel had worried about how he would feel in the morning. The water soothed his muscles as he scrubbed motor oil from his hands and arms, and he let the water beat down on his face for several moments, just trying to recenter and relax.
0600 would come entirely too early - he'd open the shop doors for Billy at 0700 and they'd mill about and eat breakfast. Shandi would arrive not long afterwards, and the three would get working. Working weekends was not a new thing for Joel, but for his team it had been a struggle - Shandi's wife had just had a new baby, and it was tough for him to be away. The pay, however, was nothing to sneeze at. Billy's brother, Bobby, was in Lucas and Ceres' year - he would stop by the shop from time to time as well. Their father, Ray - or 'Stingray' as he demanded to be called - was a widower who Joel knew well as a fixture at the Copper Stallion's bar.
Joel had taken well to some of the people in town - others, more private types, wanted nothing to do with the out-of-towner - but Stingray had become one of his better friends. Mr. Ghannam, or Carmine, was another close friend. They bonded over being not native to Velus, and Carmine had even offered Lucas a job on his farm, which he had been doing well at. Carmine's daughter, Rita, was one of Ceres' best friends. The girl was all loud noise, brilliance, and massive, frizzy hair, but Joel was grateful that Ceres had someone to be close to.
The move hadn't been easy at all on Ceres or Espee, and Lucas' arrival had compounded that difficulty. They'd eventually come around to it, but Joel couldn't shake the feeling that on some level they resented him for it. Besides, why wouldn't they have? Their house in Alaeris had been gorgeous - a gift from Espee's mother. The suburban setting of Stormhill Ridge, nestled in the Aquilas overlooking the Alaerian capital of Sylva, had been a dream come true for his wife and daughter. Two stories high with a wraparound porch, with more space and land than Joel knew what to do with, it had been a veritable castle.
Ceres had taken her first steps there, and there were many birthdays and parties and festivities throughout the years. Surprisingly, Joel found that he actually liked the new home in Velus more. It reminded him of his own middle-class upbringing - his father Max had been a scientist, and his mother Leanna had been a painter. Their home in Cirrus Heights, a suburb in Beldara, had been comfortable. Had Joel been too comfortable, though, would he have ever run away to the capital and met Espee?
The train of thought barreled through as he took his place in the bed next to Espee, who rolled over away from him as if to invite him to spoon with her. She wore only a camisole and her underwear and he felt her warmth against his skin as he sidled in beside her. All the talk of being empty nesters had inspired preliminary probings of having another child - at 36, Espee had worried she might not be able to get pregnant again, but she'd been soothed by her doctor who assured her it was still possible.
While Joel would've been happy with a second child with Espee, the thought of the child he and Sephie may have had - forbidden thoughts, painful and the cause of many nights of crying alone in his truck at the loss of what could have been. He loved them both in their own ways - a horrendous duality the weight of which he struggled underneath - at least Sephie had been away for a long time and hadn't wanted to speak with him. Or, at least he thought as much, anyway.
Joel closed his eyes as Espee snuggled into him. He felt guilty most of the time for what he'd done, but he knew it wasn't his fault alone - he didn't want to blame Sephie for pushing things in the direction they'd gone, but he didn't want to bear the brunt of the blame himself. You're a coward, Joel Leonart, he thought as he struggled to get comfortable. A coward in so many ways. How do you live with yourself?
He beckoned and begged for sleep, and it came, cold and dreamless.
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Caroline
Caroline had been in this place before. A forest, nondescript yet strangely familiar, with towering pines. The sounds of calmly moving water came to her ears as she walked barefoot on the dirt and pine needles - a brook flowed through, just beyond some rocks nearby. A young woman sat atop the rocks, staring out into the trees. Caroline had seen her before, too. She had tried in earnest to speak to her, but every time she tried, the young woman ignored her and continued to stare out into the nothingness.
And then, usually, Caroline would wake up.
The sky was cut in two distinct halves - one lit by the flaming light of Deneb in full moon, and the other in the gentle cerulean glow of the dawn sky - the duality was always so striking and vivid to the point it almost felt real. The configuration of the sky, however, reminded Caroline that this was just a dream, even if it was a recurring, lucid one. She'd talked to Turonn about it, and he had advised her caution - sometimes, he said, these dreams were messages from the Goddess herself - and to listen if the girl at the center of the dreams spoke to her.
High Vestal Vivienne seemed more cautious than Turonn regarding the dreams - the first few times, she'd dismissed them as just recurring dreams with no sense or purpose, but the frequency had begun to tick upwards in the last six months to a point where it could no longer be ignored. Something was trying to reach Caroline, and she had faith in the fact that it was likely a message from the divine. What else could it be?
"Excuse me," Caroline said quietly, coming around the rocks to gaze upon the woman, who continued to stare outward and mute as the words fell on unhearing ears. "I was hoping that tonight we could speak," she continued, "I'd love to know more about you. Mainly, I'd like to know why I keep seeing you, if that's alright?"
The woman sat as still as stone. Caroline hesitated before speaking again. She knew if she spoke too much that she would lose the dream and fall back into an unrelated thread, usually something fanciful or completely nonsensical. But this? Caroline thought, this feels all too real. How could this be nothing? Why do I keep coming here?
Caroline waited with her breath held. It was alarming to her that she had this much physical agency within the dream, but as things began to slip away from her once more, she stopped caring as much. The sky always tore itself asunder much in the same way - the split opened up into a vacuum of nothingness, and the world around her would unfold as if it had been made of paper - until nothing remained but her, the darkness, and a faint blue light that shone somewhere in the unknown. She'd never stayed in the dream long enough to chase it.