Joel
7th of May, 649
Joel and Espee sat together in the bleachers in the cavernous gymnasium, crowded shoulder-to-shoulder with the other parents as the school's band played through a processional tune. For a graduating class of 45 students from all over the Cygnus area, there were entirely too many people in the gym, and Joel chafed at how he was sweating through the back of his dress shirt.
The school's principal prattled on over the music, reciting a speech Joel was almost positive he'd heard somewhere else before. As she finished the speech, the assistant principal handed her a scroll - a scroll? What is this, a Nell Rogers mystery film? - and with a dramatic flair she unfurled it and began to read names from the list.
A few of Lucas' classmates were ahead of him in the order, and Joel waited patiently for his name to be called. Goddess, he was so proud of the boy. He knew how hard Lucas had been trying to make it through school, and he beamed as he watched him, clad in a silvery robe and cap, talking to a friend of his in the waiting line. Further behind was Ceres, who stood attentively, waiting for her name to be called. Joel had no doubt about Ceres' successes, but the nagging voice in his head told him that he really hadn't had any real role in it.
Joel whistled loudly when Lucas' name was called - both he and Espee stood to their feet and clapped. Espee had told him about the conversation she had had with him the day of the final exams, and Joel knew - rather, hoped - that Lucas would come to the same conclusion that he and Espee had regarding his future. It was important to Joel to know that Lucas wasn't just making a choice to follow Ceres, but he also knew how stubborn Lucas could be. The boy hadn't yet asked him for Tommy's SGNL information, but Joel hoped that it was only a matter of time before he did just that.
The procession came to a pause as Rita Ghannam took the stage and stepped up to the podium to give her valedictory speech. Joel was happy that even though Ceres didn't seem to like Cygnus much, she'd at least made a friend like Rita here. As Rita spoke, Joel noticed shuffling in the rows below - a thickly built man, a buxom woman with a too-tight bun, and... Sephie? Joel had expected Victor to make an appearance at the graduation, but Sephie? He tried not to let his nerves show as Espee gave him a gentle nudge.
"Ceres says she talks too much, but I think she's doing great. What do you think?"
Joel just nodded as the crowd roared over him with applause. Espee shrugged and watched as the line continued forward. Joel's eyes kept peering down at Sephie's back as she leaned over Victor to say something to Ciara.
"Hey, you gonna whistle again? I'll cover my ears if you do," Espee said to Joel, who turned to her with a smile.
"Ceres Rachelle Leonart," the principal called as Joel stood to his feet and let out a deafening whistle once more. Espee flinched but clapped regardless. Ceres waved from the stage, and as she walked off to join Rita and her friends at the side of the stage, Joel's eyes wandered back down towards Sephie.
Sephie didn't turn around, but Joel felt nervous from her presence nonetheless. The rest of the students' names were called, and the gymnasium erupted in thunderous applause. Parents and family members filed out from the bleachers and down onto the gym floor, where Espee and Joel found Lucas and Ceres engaged in rapt conversation with Bobby and Rita.
"Mom! Dad!" Ceres called as she noticed them. Lucas's smile seemed plastered to his face, and Joel could tell he was ecstatic at having finally finished school.
"I'm proud of you two," Joel said, and Lucas beamed even more brightly.
Espee and Ceres were talking to each other, but Joel's hearing buzzed out as he scanned the room to see where Victor and Sephie had gone - he'd lost them in the muddle of everyone converging on the floor, and he felt acutely out of sorts because of it. Rita and Bobby joined their parents, and while Joel could see Carmine saying something to him, nothing was registering. He waved and smiled as they left.
"Dad?" Ceres asked. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm alright. Just hot in here. Anyone else hot?"
"Mm," Espee nodded. "You'd think they'd've put fans in here, but..."
"Let's get out of here," Lucas said. "If I have to be here for one more minute it'll be one minute too long." His smile was no less broad than it had been, and Joel was happy to see it.
"Let's," Espee smiled, rubbing his shoulders. "We've got some celebrating to do, don't we?" She turned to Joel. "Perhaps dinner at the Copper Stallion again?"
"Sure, why not," Joel shrugged. Ceres and Lucas looked at each other, clearly enthused.
Thunder rolled from above them as they walked into the foyer of the school building. The afternoon's heat had baked this room too, and Joel could see towering storm clouds coming in over the Aquilas to the west through the large foyer windows. As they stepped outside, the smell of rain greeted them.
"Mr. Leonart," a familiar voice said as Joel turned to face Victor, who stood with Sephie and Ciara in tow. Joel wasn't used to seeing Ciara - the last time had been years prior in passing as she had been in the process of moving out of Victor's house in Teliander - the tan-skinned woman was beautiful but dangerous, Joel knew. She wore her black, streaked blonde hair in a tight bun at the back of her head, and smiled the sort of smile that one would give to someone they hated. She was pristinely dressed; with the sort of calculated sex appeal one might come across in a magazine. She was curvaceous, heavy in chest and wide-hipped. She was manufacturedly appealing, yet impossibly terrifying.
As the Emperor's Hegemon of Internal Affairs, Ciara Fortula was one of the most powerful people on the Terrahean continent - perhaps even the world. As the amplifier and right hand of the Emperor, she was privy to the Empire's grandest machinations and by far its most dedicated proponent.
If Lucas knew, he'd want to kill her.
Sephie wore thick-rimmed sunglasses and a black dress, adorned with a sunflower pattern. She looked impossibly beautiful in the afternoon's light, and Joel found it difficult to avert his gaze from her. Victor stood next to them both, cleanly trimmed and styled in a grey suit. Joel looked at his raggedy button-up and khakis and felt uniquely out of place.
"Dr. Mataeus," Joel nodded at him. "And the other Dr. Mataeus," he nodded to Sephie, who smiled thinly at him. He knew that kitten smile and knew exactly what it meant. "And..."
"Ciara," Hegemon Fortula said. "Joel, it's been a long time. I hope you've been well."
Espee looked at him. "Friends of yours?"
"Espee, Lucas, Ceres," Joel said, "I'd like you to meet my employer as well as his family. Didn't expect to be seeing you all today. What brings you out this way, Victor?"
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"Joel," Victor said, a sly smile on his face. "Did we not talk about Ceres' graduation when last we spoke? I did say I'd make an effort to come out here before we left to go back north."
"Point taken," he smiled. Sephie's cheeks were blushing.
"But where are my manners?" Victor said, turning to Espee. "My name is Victor Mataeus, and I am with the Noctavian Institute of Scientific Endeavors. Your husband has worked with me over the last decade and a half now on various projects." He nodded to Ciara. "This is my partner, Ciara. She works for the Empire as well. Over there is my daughter Persephone - and she, like Ceres and Lucas here, just recently graduated from her medical school program in Sarrata."
"A pleasure to meet you," Espee said, shaking his hand and looking over the three. Ciara regarded her with a tight-lipped smile. "I've heard much about you, but never anything like this."
"Well, I do like to keep myself rather private," Victor laughed. "But enough about me." He turned to Ceres and Lucas. "So you two, do you have any plans for what you're going to do now that school's in your rearview?"
"Sleep a lot," Lucas offered, shrugging. He looked thoughtful for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, sleep a lot. I work at the workshop too, so I won't be sleeping there." Sephie's eyebrow raised as Joel assumed she was signaling something to him.
"If you're sleeping, you'll miss everything," Victor shrugged. "Have you thought about going to any advanced schools or anything?"
Lucas shook his head. "I don't really want to talk right now," he said. Joel knew how much Lucas hated interacting with anyone from the Empire and was grateful that the boy was trying to endure it for his sake.
"I was actually going to take the test next week to get into the Technica Academy in Sylva," Ceres said, changing the subject. Sephie turned to her with a wide smile.
"The Technica Academy, huh?" Sephie said. She raised her glasses and perched them atop her forehead. Her green eyes sparkled with the dying light of the day. "I actually went there, that's where I did my undergrad work."
"Really?"
"Yes, and it was fantastic. If you have even the slightest love of working with Technica, you're going to have a blast there. I went with a focus on crafting Medica kits, but there's so much you can do there that..." Sephie trailed off, looking around. "Whoops, got carried away there for a bit. Where are my manners?"
Ciara rolled her eyes. "It's been more than twenty years, Sephie. I don't believe you're going to find them."
"Persephone," Espee said, "perhaps you'd be willing to talk with Ceres more about it another time?"
"That's a great idea, Mrs. Leonart," Sephie smiled. "I'll make sure I give my father my SGNL info to pass along to her this week."
Joel felt raindrops beginning to fall as his chest tightened. He was struggling to process anything that was happening right now. Thunder boomed again, closer this time.
"We'll be looking forward to hearing from you," Espee smiled warmly at Sephie. Ceres beamed. Joel caught Sephie's eyes scan over them, stopping for half a second on him. As still as stone, Joel.
"Anyway, Joel, we should be getting going. It's a long drive back to Teliander, and I'm hoping we beat this storm. I'll be in touch with you sometime in the morning tomorrow along our way back to go over some additional directives. It was a pleasure to finally meet you all," he said, nodding at Espee, Ceres, and Lucas.
"Likewise," Espee said, smiling. Lucas grunted and Ceres just nodded. As Victor, Ciara, and Sephie walked away, Espee turned to Joel with a curious look on her face.
"So, that's your boss? Strange. I expected him to be taller."
"And less of an Empire shithead," Lucas offered, and Espee glowered at him.
"Manners, Lucas."
Thunder boomed again and the rain turned from a sprinkle to a steady drizzle.
"We can talk more about it later," Joel said as the wind began to kick up around them. The limbs on the trees above them rustled with their new leaves. "But I'm starving. Let's go."
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23rd of March, 644
Technica Academy, Sylva
Joel stood outside the dorm building as snow swirled on the wind around him. He dug his hands deeper into his coat pockets as he watched his breath go up and away. Sephie had called him to let him know that the procedure had been successful and that she wanted to see him - he'd been away on Victor's orders and missed her appointment, to which he felt a miserable ambivalence. He loved Sephie, that much he knew for sure. He knew that having a child with her right now wasn't the smartest idea and rued that he'd been so impossibly cavalier in what he'd done that night two months ago.
A wretched birthday for you, huh, Seph? Joel thought, chewing his lip. Sephie waved from the vestibule as she pushed the front door of the dorm building open, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.
"Hey," she said, her smile taut. "Come in before you freeze to death. Been blowing all night like this."
"I've got snow in my mustache," Joel said, and Sephie gave a dry smile.
"You do. A little frost looks good on you."
Joel followed her in quickly and the two walked past the empty front desk towards the elevators. Joel had tried to prepare himself for the conversation they were about to have, but his brain felt suddenly like it was full of pudding or mashed potatoes. He couldn't conceptualize the words he needed to say to deal with the astounding wave of grief he felt for Sephie, and the weight of the air between them felt like an unbelievable crush. She pushed the button on the elevator and took his gloved hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.
"We can talk more in my room, but I just want you to know that I love you," Sephie said, and Joel noticed how red and bloodshot her eyes were. She'd put on makeup to try to cover up the puffiness, but it was plain as day that she'd been crying.
"I love you too."
"I'm glad you still do," Sephie said as the elevator opened and a group of students exited, talking about what they'd be doing that night. Sephie gave a ginger smile as one waved at her but motioned for Joel to get on with her.
Sephie kept her hand on Joel's as the doors of the elevator closed. They'd kissed in here numerous times, each time as electric or more as the last had been, but today there was no revelry, no fire to be had. Gravity reigned as they lifted up to the eighth floor, where Sephie's room was. They walked down the hall in their somber silence as Joel's mind raced, still trying to piece together something, anything that he could say to make any of it make sense.
It's never going to make sense, the voice of reason so frequently absent from his thoughts said gently. Joel grimaced as he entered Sephie's dorm room - her suitemate was away for the weekend as she usually was, and the TV in the common area was paused in the middle of what Joel guessed was a Falco Fortis movie. There was a bevy of things splayed out around the room - a heating pad on the couch, a few pill bottles on the countertop of the adjacent kitchen, an open pint of ice cream on the glass coffee table that had left a drippy chocolate puddle - Sephie returned to the couch as Joel took off his coat and hung it on the back of the door.
"Come sit with me," she said, unpausing the movie. Joel felt the cold sweat on his neck - he'd had to lie and make an excuse to Espee just to even be here right now. It was compounding in ways he'd never experienced, and for a moment he considered taking his coat and absconding as quickly as he'd came. As quickly as you decided to cum inside of her, his brain mocked him as he moved towards the couch to sit beside Sephie.
"It was over a few hours ago," she said as Joel put his arm around her. "I've just been..." she trailed, then shrugged. "Some birthday, right?"
He nodded, and he noticed how intensely she was watching his face. The pain was so clear over hers, but why couldn't he break down that wall and let himself cry, too?
"I was really worried about you. I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you during it," Joel said, and she put her hand on his lap.
"I know you were. That you would've been. You don't need to be sorry."
"But..."
Joel weighed his words carefully.
"But what?"
"But I shouldn't've... I shouldn't've even put you in that position, Seph. I didn't want to screw up your future."
"Stop," she said with a harshness that Joel wasn't used to from her. "Really? I'm the one that told you to do it, why are you trying to spin this so it's your fault? I wanted you to do it, you wanted to do it, what are you even..."
"I feel guilty, okay? Like I pushed you into this."
"What? No! Last I checked you weren't the pregnant one, Joel. I made the choice. I did. Not you."
She was crying now, and Joel swept her into his arms. He felt the smallness of her frame heave in his arms, and he could smell that familiar scent of her soap and sweat and shampoo that he loved so much. Goddess, I love this woman. Forgive me.
Joel felt tears on his face, too. They were his. He'd wanted to give Sephie a child, that much was true. He hadn't anticipated it would happen as quickly as it had, and though the fruit of their love was nascent and an indeterminate mass of cells he still felt an insurmountable feeling of grief for the choices they'd both made.
Goddess, how I love her. How I need her, he thought as her tears soaked into his shirt. Seeing was becoming difficult. He buried his face in her hair and let it out. The sounds of explosions and gunfire from the Falco Fortis movie played in the unquantifiable space beyond the island of their grief on the couch.
The world that needed to matter most was just them two, Joel knew. It would always be.