That warm sensation remained with me as I remained trapped in an ocean of thick, heavy blankets. But they were soft against my skin, as I noticed how some people had scrubbed me down with soapy water in my conscious and unconscious state, and then my bruised skin was coated with a thick ointment. The tight bandages soon began to itch around my arms and legs. It was loud at times, then silent, but my swollen eyelids were far too heavy to lift at times.

And finally, I succumbed to pitch black.

* * * * * * *

The soft sound of crackling wood was faint at first, but grew louder. For a moment, my heart began to beat faster, and as my vision slowly started to come back to me, a dull pain had formed at the back of my skull. When I weakly turned my head to the side, the urge to cough overwhelmed me, and I spat out dark blood on my palm. The hut I was in was tiny; a small hole in the roof allowed a great deal of smoke to escape from the small fire. When I drew back the blankets, I found myself in a clean smelling long sleeved shirt and pants, far too big on me. On a chair next to the bed I was on was a neatly folded jacket, and to my great shock were two polished boots.

After taking in my surroundings, I managed to get up on my feet, using the chair for support. A thin line of white appeared on my face that shone through the thickly woven tapestry, which blocked the entrance. I paused to listen; the silence outside slightly unnerved me. But when I slowly pushed it back, a soft wind met my face. There were a great deal of huts near the one I was in, some with smoke floating on their tops, others lacking. The scent of roasted meat met my nose.

I wasn't sure why I did, but I quietly slipped through the tapestry. The damp grass was soft against my bare feet as I limped forward, the hot sun causing sweat to build up on my bandages. Not a whole lot of people were out, although it appeared to be late afternoon. In the distance was a mirror of endless blue, white sea foam crashing against the rocks down below from a nearby cliff. I settled down on the grass, a lump rising in my throat, wondering if Honda and the baby were in a safe place. Hoping that Svetty had kept her word. What if my child arrived before I could reach them? My fingers tightened around the slippery grass at the thought of not being present at all during their birth. I buried my head in my my knees for a while, solemnly promising myself that I would find them as soon as possible and build a home for the three of us.

Something struck me against my right shoulder.

As I slowly looked up, another item splattered against the back of my head--warm and slippery. When I touched my scalp with my fingers, wincing in pain, I saw that they were coated with mud. Several more stones landed on my clothing, pelting my arms and legs.

Underneath the hailstone of rocks that fell on me, I managed to struggle to my feet and turn towards the sound of twigs snapping. A small figure in the shadows of the nearby trees was bent over on their knees and was scooping up more when they suddenly froze and stared at me. Their knotted shoelaces were tangled up. The hunk of mud gathered in their palms slowly landed on the grass with a heavy splat as they straightened themselves up.

The young'un was a thin girl, with frizzy hair, similar to the color of wheat in two long braids that reached her back. She was quite tall for her age, which I would have guessed she was either eleven or twelve. Her baggy overalls were covered in patches, her white T-shirt streaked with dirt. And yet, her blue eyes defiantly looked into mine, like a lion observing its prey. Yet I could see every resemblance of her father on her face---the round nose, the tight set mouth, the cheekbones. Her small hands were balled into fists. In a fit of rage, she immediately picked up some of the earth and chucked it at me, wildly swinging her skinny arms.

A deep, lingering ache settled in my chest; it startled me to see how much she had grown. I wondered if she still loved arts and crafts, or to smile and laugh as much as I had remembered. I did not flinch, just continued to silently watch her. She did not say a word, and, seeming increasingly frustrated that there didn't seem to be a reaction on my part, aimed a large rock directly at my head, before taking off and running through the bushes. Her shoes crunched against the dirt as she disappeared behind a couple of huts. I stood there helplessly, my heart pounding.

"Adlai!"

The voice was faraway at first, but became more clear, amongst the sound of the waves beating upon the rocks. Rufus was panting, sweat stains visible on his shirt. He leaned forward breathlessly, placing his hands on his knees. From his pants pocket, I could make out the edge of his pistol visible in the orange light. A pleasant smile formed on his face when he finally reached me.

I kept my gaze on where the child had gone, the ache in my chest stinging far more than the stone that had collided against the side of my head. For a moment, I looked down at the ground, stones scattered on the grass.

"Don't do that to me. The doctor came to check your temperature and found you gone. We were about to try to get you to eat a little some---" He suddenly frowned. "Mercy. What happened to you?"

My ears rang.

“I…I—I…I must’ve spaced out.” Immediately, I glanced at my muddy clothes. "No, no, no, I…I slipped and fell. Kind of lost my footing." As the lie left my lips, the heavy, achy feeling inside of me deepened. "Nothing to worry about, really."

Rufus sighed and wiped his sweaty forehead. "That is not good. Now we have to change the bandages because that could cause an infection. You're not even supposed to be on your feet for another few weeks. The good thing is that you are awake. The meds must be working. Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

"How long have I been out?" I whispered.

He cleared his throat, seeming reluctant to reply. "Almost three months.”

Three months. I hadn't even realized my knees had given out because I found myself on the grass and him attempting to help me stand up. A fly buzzed around my left ear, and I think he said something else. My mouth was dry, throat tight. There was nothing left. There had to be nothing.

Rufus' voice echoed in the distance, but I was trying to shrug him off me, attempting to walk. A map. I needed a map. I could easily find one nearby. The world around me seemed to shrink and then expand in size, and my feet were suddenly heavy, like logs. Each step was incredibly painful to me, but I didn't care. If I could just figure out where this place was, and calculate how long the journey would take to reach the coral reefs where my wife, unborn child, and the village members were, I would be able to perhaps make my way back to the underground caves, although the idea of being trapped alone in the dark for so long made shivers travel down my spine.

"Would you listen, please? Stop fighting me."

His stern tone jolted me out of my trance.

”I need you to calm down.”

Both of his hands were placed on my shoulders. When I finally looked at him from behind the curtain of matted hair over my face--he briefly exhaled.

"Look. We've pinpointed the Khonies' location. Three hundred men have been sent down near the coral reefs and are keeping watch over the population. They've spread out. I'm sure you are aware that they do not take well to civilian folk, so we had have to go undercover. They are alive and surviving off what they can." Rufus glanced down. "But what I will say is that Baldwin's focus has shifted. Tremendously. We’ve all noticed it.”

"How?" I quietly asked.

"I don't want to burden you with so many details. You need to take the time to let your body heal. I promise I will explain everything I know to you. But right now, I need you to trust me." As he helped me to my feet, the sky had turned from a deep orange to a light blue. The small campfires in the area had become more visible. "That's all I ask."

”No,” I repeated, shaking my head. “You must tell me something—anything.”

”You need to rest—”

”I have to know.”

Exasperated, he rubbed his eyebrow. “I’ll tell you what you have done so far. So let’s make a deal. You walk, I’ll keep talking.”

I didn’t answer, but began to move my feet as we trudged sideways in the thick grass.

Rufus studied me. "You probably don’t remember it. We found you nearly dead, right by the coves, near the eastern side of the city. There is now a seventy mile dip of fresh flowing water pouring down the streets of Navu and Flanders. That you have created. Because civilians now have access to this resource, there have been several massacres occurring between the Red Mambas and the city dwellers. They are attempting to seal it off, but more people are resisting them."

”Right now?” I stood still.

His eyes narrowed. "If you value the lives of those you wish to protect, I strongly advise that you do not return south. Do not come near them. If you are seen there, they will be executed on the spot. Any group of Khonie or civilians that Baldwin finds you associated with, he will slaughter them. He has specifically ordered his men to do so. He has already bombed eight security wards up north and has captured three cities already, pressing them for any information on your whereabouts. They are hot on your heels like dogs. So I don’t need you wandering around these parts.”

I stared at my empty hands, my heart racing.

"You created that dip," he continued, trying to hide the astonishment in his voice. "You manipulated solid rock in front of everyone's eyes. How…how you’ve managed to done so, well, you are the only one can tell us. The people think it’s a god or spirit. Do you understand, Adlai? Baldwin is stressed—apparently, he underestimated your capabilities. The officials, the scientists---they are at every corner, waiting to take you back to that lab for more research purposes. If you move, destruction will follow. You must stay hidden; out of the public’s sight.”

"And if I do, more bloodshed will follow. Huey Baldwin will continue to kill, whether I am here or not. I refuse to do nothing and let him take away innocent lives." I closed my eyes. "I refuse to let him threaten yours and everyone else's. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can hardly do so now. There are things I can't tell you about myself."

”I need you to breathe for me.”

”I can’t stay put. I won’t. That’s all I’ve been doing my whole life. I can’t do—“

Rufus remained silent. Another wave of dizziness had taken over me, and my legs gave way, slippery against the ground. He reached out and supported me, crouching next to me, but my palms were shaking, shaking. My wife. My child. It was a cycle—I had failed again. Everyone was either slaughtered or be prepared to be hung or shot. My eyelids were droopy, heavy, and when I began to cough, stuff rose towards the back of my throat.

”You need to breathe,” he murmured.

"No," I whispered, feeling the mud on my hands, before collapsing into the sand. "I'll protect every man, woman, and child I see."

* * * * * * *

The doctor diagnosed me with active tuberculosis and prescribed me an antibiotic---round green pills that I had to break in half in order to swallow. He was the mustached man who had seen me that morning on the beach, the one who had given me that canteen of water. I hated to admit to anyone, let alone myself, most days I found myself too weak to move and hacked up blood and mucus. Fortunately, the wounds on my body had healed up, so I no longer had to wear the bandages.

It hurt to cough a lot of the time, and keeping down food was impossible, mainly because it would come back up so quickly. It didn’t matter what it was, not even fluids, like broth or tea or water. But whoever was tending to me would be unbelievably patient, simply cleaning me up and washing my soiled sheets and clothing multiple times a day. Rufus visited me every evening, and although I was mostly too exhausted to speak because I was constantly vomiting in a plastic bucket, he would always be there.

And slowly, very slowly, my strength began to return, although my joints were incredibly sore. My appetite returned, and as I began to put on a healthy amount of weight again, my continuous thoughts towards where my wife and child were grew. I longed to see them and missed them more than ever each and every day. I wondered what name Honda had given our child, and I dreamt of holding them in my arms every night, so that when I awoke in the mornings my pillow was soaking wet. I remembered Rufus' warning about heading down south, and knew that I would have to force myself to be patient and prepare for the right timing, which I could not rush, although the temptation was all too strong. Nor did I dare let anyone know that I was soon to be a father in as little in a month.

The doctor wasn’t too happy to see that I had stopped eating again, but I had mostly lost my ability to really taste anything. If he had known I had devoured human flesh, not a single person would have stepped foot in the same room as I was. Chewing and swallowing was such a chore, and I spent many afternoons staring at the entrance of the hut in the shadows, listening to adults laugh and children shout in the distance. I hated myself. For being sick, for leaving everyone behind, for what I had done to Fritz, my complete failure as a father, for my immoral deeds.

As the infection burned through my lungs, I begged those who came to my bedside for information. Directions. Any directions. I tried to explain to them that I knew what I was doing. But my words were slurred, and I would only slip into the darkness after a panic attack, staring at their still, concerned faces. My shirt was drenched with sweat—I needed to leave this place, get to my wife and child as soon as possible. When I awoke, it was always dark and cold and I tried to stand in order to go to them, but I could barely move my legs, trapped under a layer of fatigue. I could hear the wind blow from outside, or the branches hit against the walls of the hut due to strong winds.

I had been lonely all of my life and believed I would be able to manage, but such heaviness had me watching most families work together---their children laughing and playing. Between civilian and Khonie I saw no difference, just human beings. I would never be able to escape the heaviness of coming back to an empty, dark hut. I took long walks when I wasn't supposed to be out of bed to escape the loneliness and would wake up the next day feeling worse after being exposed to the harsh elements.

What killed me the most inside was the look of terror in the young'un's eyes when they saw me. How they would stop in the tracks, freeze, how pale their faces would become when my bare feet would crunch against the dead leaves. I believed I could have endured anything else in the world. I was not sure if they knew who I was or not. I was not sure if it mattered because my appearance seemed horrifying enough. Most likely it was my height—I was far much more taller than most of the men here. Due to being ill all the time, and with Rufus being occupied with other matters, I knew I must've looked a fright with my sunken eyes and dirty, matted hair that fell to my waist.

A girl immediately grabbed her sister’s hand, pulling her away and rushing off when I slowly held out the worn ball that they had been kicking with that had rolled in my path. I left it by a nearby tree in case they came back for it to resume their game. Three young boys playing swords with twisted sticks took off screaming when they spotted my shadow, crying and sobbing and running to their parents. A few little ones who were playing with marbles, blocks, and jacks scrambled past each other, accidentally scattering them on the ground in their haste to get away from me. I wondered if my own child would be afraid of me and look at me the same way as they did. The thought was too much for me to bear, and my eyes burned at the corners.

I stood still for a long time, the wind blowing my hair in my face. Reaching out with my muddy fingers, I quietly knelt down, and, after picking up each and every one, wiped them off with the hemline of my shirt in the sun. The coolness of the brightly colored glass marbles settled in the middle of my dirty hand. I slowly placed the toys in a neat pile in the grass.

On better days, when I was more careful to remain out of their sight, I heard their voices, their giggles, their excited shouts as they did cartwheels and raced each other and climbed trees. Six girls jumped rope and played hand games, clapping their palms in rhythm as they loudly chanted songs in a unique tune. A couple of boys climbed into a small, rusted wagon and rode it down a very steep, grassy hill at full speed—hollering at the top of their lungs, their arms extended up in the air. When they abruptly crashed into a cluster of bushes with a heavy thud and laid on their backs, cracking up with glee, they picked up the wagon up on opposite sides and eagerly began carrying it up to the very top of the hill again.

Their eruptive laughter did make me softly smile—as long as it existed, that was the most important to me, and made me momentarily forget the emptiness inside of me. I promised myself to protect this; all of it.

In the distance, several men who were by the sea fishing moved away when they saw me hugging my knees and sitting on the rocks, watching them catch their supper in small, knotted nets. And a few women who had set up their laundry to dry, took one glance at me, and slipped back into their huts as I slowly limped on the worn path, their eyes peeping through the splits of bamboo.

I then decided to take these walks at night, where people were less likely to see me. The beach offered me some of the companionship I desperately craved, although it was as empty as I was on the inside. Damp sand clung to my fingers, what remained of my memories. The sharp scent of salt filled the air, burned my wet eyes.

In the midst of my loneliness, I applied more of myself to the technique I had taught myself while being trapped in that cave. During those evenings, when the stars were bright and the ocean was calm and still, concentrating on the boulders and rocks around me allowed them to lift them up off the ground and throw them amongst each other, causing them to break and shatter apart.

In the darkness, a large crack spread across the surface of the cliff, before falling apart. I soon was able to acknowledge that each and every living thing in it had water--the plants, the trees, animals. When I lifted the clear spheres of moisture from their roots, they wilted and dried up. The earth and mud and rocks. Like palm trees obeying the wind, they swayed to the movement of my fingers, the heaviness in my skull, the fire deep in my mind.

* * * * * * *

The steaming bowl of gruel and oats was warm against my palms as I scooped up small clumps and shoved them in my mouth with my fingers. As I was hunched over, chewing quietly, there was a small knock near the threshold of my hut. Two shadows crept over on the ground, but I did not raise my head, though I watched them from my peripheral vision, under my matted hair. Rufus and the doctor stood side by side.

Their faces were pale; and dark circles sat underneath their own eyes. No doubt the long meetings they hosted in the main hut during the night had interfered with their sleep schedule, or what remained of it. Rufus briefly smiled, his blonde hair sticking up, ruffled like bird’s nest.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, although I could tell he was wincing at my appearance.

"I'm alright," I whispered, scooping up the last bit of gruel from the bottom of my bowl.

There was a moment of hesitation as he finally accepted my lie. "Good. That's very good." He eagerly gestured towards the mustached man next to him. "This here is William. You may or may not remember him, but he's--"

"I know."

I set down my bowl and wiped my hands against my pants. They both gave a sideways glance to each other as I got to my feet and quietly limped towards them, ignoring the pain traveling down my legs. I slowly extended my left palm to the doctor, which he shook.

"It is wonderful to see you standing on your own two feet," William said. His voice was extremely deep, and he frowned as he studied my frame, as my clothing hung onto me like a tent. "You're still underweight, so I would suggest you eat a little more. Healthy, nutritious meals. I don't see any problem with you going up and about. Just make sure to take it easy." His eyes glowed in the dim light. "You've only just recovered, you know."

I did not look them in the face, because I was afraid of what they would find if I did so. His words almost made me burst out and laugh. What I wanted to ask him was what made him so sure. Before he could open his mouth, I stepped closer and placed both of my hands on their shoulders, the leather material of their jackets cool against my skin. To be able to touch a human being—the sensation was wonderful.

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They appeared quite startled by this gesture. My fingers dug into the fabric.

"Let...let me help you." It came out of me in a raspy croak. "Please? Let me come and help you."

William stared at me. "Are you sure? Maybe wait a few days. I don't think that it would be pract---"

"I can assist the men you have down south."

Rufus sighed. "We've talked about this."

"Then I'll be out of here by first light."

A look of indignation crossed his face. "Did you not understand what I had spoken to you about before?" His voice rose. "What a selfish, stupid idea. You set one foot down there, you put everyone's lives in jeopardy. I've already explained it to you as clearly as I could. The Red Mambas are burning down cities and people's homes and shops, shooting down civilians to the ground like cattle. Looking for you. Only you. And you have the nerve to stand there and tell me that you insist you want to go wherever you wish for the hell of it?”

"They will continue to do these things once I'm locked down in a lab," I gently replied, lowering my arms. "I just want to help you both. Take it as payment for what you have done for me. What good will it do to have me stay here, cooped up in here? It would be even more self centered of me to—”

"Absolutely not. No. You've done all these things, and yet continue to make such a mess," Rufus interrupted. "You didn't listen to me the first time back in Portia, when I told you to stay put. The people who you were with in Selva, do you wish the same to happen to the ones remain alive as well? Or would you like for Baldwin to pay a visit to them before he takes you back in?”

My face burned.

”Haven’t you learned anything? You cannot be near these people—your presence attracts Baldwin’s attention. I had merely days to take my family and flee, because Baldwin knew I had been involved with you. We were homeless for six months after our apartment was burned to the ground. Jane passed away a year later, so I’ve been constantly trying to keep my own child away from the bombings. If you—”

”They do not need to see my face.” Fritz’s mutilated body flashed in my mind. “But…that is why you must come with me. They would benefit more if they encountered a different person, or spoke with one of your men.” I took a step forward. “We could work it out. They just need someone to guide them.”

“Different?” he snapped. “That would do nothing but raise a panic. Especially when they recognize you, and they will. We are all the same to them. And frankly, you ought to leave them be. For good. Some things you just have to let go. This is one of them.”

“I already know the kind of person I am.” My voice cracked. “Children run away from me. Nobody can look me in the eye. I do not expect them to. But I want this to end as much as you do. I-I just want to help you, your family.” I gestured at William. “Him. Everyone.”

He frowned. “You’ve made decisions—“

A thick layer of ice suddenly spread out and crackled across the ground, extinguishing the fireplace, but I didn't care, ignoring the blood traveling down my nose.

William jumped and took a step back.

”Have you forgotten already, Rufus?”

He didn’t move.

“Let me help you, then. I know fully well what I’ve done. I’m reminded of it every single day. You seem to forget the role you played in this.” Spittle flew from my mouth. “Don’t pretend to act as if your own hands are clean. If you had never taken me to Jova that day, things wouldn't be where they were now. Have you ever paused to think about that? Or are you trying to forget it? You’re one of the absolute last people I would ever take any moral advice from. How does it feel to contribute to a madman’s idea of a united—” I rapidly struck my chest with my left fist three times. “—strong, independent country?”

His face was as pale as snow.

”Tell me!”

Silence.

“You allowed their officials to do this to me. And you are going to sit on your high horse and act like you’ve got all of this under your thumb? You're just like the rest of them, if not, even worse. You might as well wear the uniform again. Put on the badge, the shoes, the helmet. You forget. You forget that you are under the mercy of the people around us.”

Rufus looked so stunned that his mouth was slightly agape. William's eyes had fallen on the frost that had settled in the dirt. Silently, I looked down, breathing heavily, before pushing past both men and stepping outside in the late morning light. The heat was gentle against my skin, and I didn't even know where I was going, nor did I care. I frantically rubbed at my sweaty forehead, trying to ignore the stinging sensation going through my cheeks. The sound of a dog barking in the distance echoed in my ears, followed by a child's happy, eager laughter, who tossed it a stick.

I kept walking until the grass turned into sand under my bare feet and the salt water lapped around my ankles. Bright yellow and pink starfish lazily hung on the coral reefs. The cold sensation made shivers travel down my neck and spine, and I studied my reflection for a few moments, before I spotted Rufus' behind mine. I didn't look up.

You cannot be near these people.

”I’m sorry,” he said. “Truly.”

I wiped the blood from my nose on my sleeve. It left a streak, like an artist’s touch on a gray canvas. A long silence passed, before he spoke again.

"I apologize. I know it fixes nothing, but I just want you to know that…if I was given the chance to—”

“You don’t have to pretend otherwise.” My eyes fell on a hermit crab scuttling in the sand. “I’d rather you didn’t lie to me. Baldwin lit everything ablaze. Their homes. Their crops. Then he shot everyone there.” I paused. “Even the little ones.”

It took him a while to attempt to speak again. “I—”

”I’m a monster,” I said. “Because I let that happen. I only want to do some good for once in my life. Even a little would do.”

He took a shaky breath, trying to recover his voice as he wiped his face, wet from the mist in the air. The years had been unkind to him--deep wrinkles sat across his chin.

I closed my eyes. The roar of the waves grew louder. “I don’t think you understand.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

”You’ve already told me the truth,” I replied. “Why are you going back on your words now?”

”You were only but a child. Too young to understand what was happening. Too young to be placed under such experimentation. You under the care of adults who have failed you, including myself. And I..." His voice wavered. "I have to live for the rest of my life with that. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I know I don't deserve it. But I only wish to keep you safe now. It's a promise I had made to your mother, and one I fully intend to carry out until I draw my last breath." He paused. “I know where she is. I can take you to her.”

A lump gathered in my throat. “I deserve no protection. You’re wasting your time. She would have disowned me if she’d known what I’ve done. She wouldn’t recognize me.”

”Stop talking like that.”

“It has to be true.”

"No. I owe you a great deal of things. I wanted you to fully regain your strength and settle down for a while, before I could tell you these things," Rufus said. "I believed you had been dead all this time.” His eyes were red. "Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you? The last thing I need is for you to be taken down to the lab again. I won’t. I’ve lost too much…I can’t lose you too. Not a second time.”

I slowly turned around to face him.

"Fever came for Jane as quickly as it took her. Nothing I could do but bury her and be there for my daughter. She needs me. That's all that matters." He sighed and gazed at the mostly blue sky, as if trying to make sense of it all. "She'll be eleven this coming spring. I'm teaching her everything I know; what basic tasks I've learned in the army. How to shoot a gun. To hunt. To use a knife. Because I won't always be here to help her.”

I looked down. “I’m very sorry to hear that.”

His face crumpled. I couldn't tell him that I had a young'un on the way. At least not yet; not until I was prepared enough to provide with such details. I did not ask him more about my mother--I wanted to withhold myself from that information until I was in a better state of mind. But due to the expression on his face, I knew that it was anything but good.

I remembered his daughter’s frightened face as she had held onto her stuffed bear that rainy evening, shivering. I wish I could take it back. I'd give up everything to do so.

“You mustn’t burden yourself so,” Rufus gently said. “You keep beating yourself up over things you cannot control. It’s impossible to take responsibility for every single thing in the world. You are putting too much—”

“I can control them, and I will. With me being here, it can’t be easy for Mary.” I slowly exhaled. “She must be terrified of me. I can’t…I can’t imagine…” When I glanced at him, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I can’t live with the thought of traumatizing a child. I’ve tried for so long to move past it, but I never will.”

”You need not worry about these things.”

My face stung.

”I am to blame for what has happened.” He clenched his jaw. “I need you to understand that. Me. Damn it all, what right does a man have to take a child away from their mother? For the sake of securing a mere position in a political party? There isn’t a day that goes by where I wished I had turned around that car. You have every right to shoot me down in this spot, Adlai. Every right.” His eyes were wet as his voice trailed into a whisper. “Nothing can change that.”

“There's no use fretting about what we could've done,” I softly said. “It's useless to point fingers at each other. What's done is done. There is only now.”

”What is it that you would like?” Rufus asked. “Tell me.”

”If you believe I can do anything worthwhile in the present, I simply ask that you let me help.” My gaze fell upon the coral reefs and towering rocks around us, gazing down at the sand. "It doesn’t have to be much. Please.”

He bit his lower lip so hard that blood drew from his skin. “If you wish to come south with me, you can only aid in protecting and establishing borders around where they had set camp. No interaction whatsoever. You must promise me to keep away from the Khonie you have brought out of the security wards over the years. For their safety. The men and I will figure out communication. If you violate this rule, you have to leave.”

“Yes,” I slowly said. “I promise. I swear.”

Rufus frowned, as if pondering my words. His blue eyes were a lot paler in the light, with a bit of green around the irises. They seemed to slightly sparkle. Finally, he spoke. "You think if I gave you a map, you could space out a decent trail for us?"

I faintly nodded, tearing my gaze from the foaming waves. He folded his arms.

”There’s another thing I need for you to do.”

”What’s that?”

”Live,” he calmly replied. “Never stop doing so.”

* * * * * *

It was a rainy, cold morning.

A bullfrog landed on on a branch. Large puddles reflecting the gray sky littered the chocolate earth. The sensation of wearing boots seemed so strange after years of going barefooted that it seemed as if I were sliding down a slippery slope, so I decided to go without them. I packed clean clothing, a blanket, half a loaf of hardened bread, and several rounds of ammunition. There weren't many firearms to go around, although William did provide me with a rifle and a too big jacket. I had been told to meet with the others in the middle of the camp near a clearing.

It had begun pouring harder when I headed out, and drops of cold water had leaked down the edge of my helmet and spilled down onto my hair, which was plastered to my face and soaked sleeves.

The sound of giggling filled the air.

Rufus' face was pink with laughter, as he began twirling, running in circles, helmet off, halfway collected with water, as it was lying in the ditch. I remained behind a tree, slowly crouching on my knees and resting a hand on the bark. Upon his shoulders was the little girl, her arms stretched outwards as if to touch the sky, her cheeks apple red. She had on a buttoned coat and striped pajama pants, which were coated with mud, her long legs dangling on her father's shoulders.

When he suddenly held her upside down, Mary released a high pitched squeal of delight, laughing with glee as she watched her golden braids hang in the air. Her bare feet were covered in blades of grass and mud. Rufus finally scooped her up in her arms, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he placed a kiss on her cheek. They both leaned their foreheads against each other. Despite the bright smile on her face, I could see the deep distress in her pale blue eyes.

"Don't go," she whispered.

"You know I have to," Rufus whispered back. "I'll be back as soon as you know it. You will see.”

"I can come with you," she whispered louder. "Nothing can ever scare me. I'll be brave like you. I’ve even been lifting to build up a little muscle.” Eagerly, she rolled up her left coat sleeve, revealing her skinny arm, which she confidently flexed. “See?”

Rufus hid a laugh, but managed to maintain a straight face. “It’s not like the wrestling matches we used to watch on television, buttercup. These guys have machines. Big machines. Weapons.”

“I can help—”

”What you can do is keep watch over this place until I get back. You’ve been doing a swell job before. I know you won’t let me down.”

“But…can I have a different job this time?” Mary’s tone changed. “It’s such a little thing.”

Rufus shifted her in his arms. “If I see you can take good care of the small things, I will definitely allow you to take care of the big things. And right now, you are exactly right where you need to be.”

“I can help you with the big things.”

"No. That’s when you're old enough, and you’ve demonstrated to me that you are responsible. But right now, you must do as you have promised me. You need be a good girl. Mind Stephanie, and continue to practice your letters and numbers. And I want you to at least finish reading a book every week. Picture books don’t count.”

Mary's eyes widened. "How about now?"

"What?"

"A minute has passed. Which is sixty seconds. That means I'm older, right?" She grinned. "Oh, I forgot to tell you! I shot a rabbit the other day, because we were running low on food. The biggest one you’ve ever seen! I borrowed your rifle, since you told me I could only use it for emergencies and this was a real one. Just the way you showed me. And I put it back in its place. Cleaned it up and everything. I wanted Stephanie to come and cook it, but she nearly had a heart attack when she saw it. She said we were having bread and vegetable stew that night. Can you imagine passing up such a prize for—” Mary made a gagging noise and crossed her eyes— “vegetable stew?! She wouldn't even let me bring it inside. I even offered to skin it, but she still passed. So I gave it a proper funeral and buried it in the back, since I didn’t want the dogs to get to it. Near the bamboo patch.”

I slightly smiled.

Her father chuckled. "I think we may need to wait a good six or seven years before you can tag along. And don’t be giving people such a fright. It isn't a very polite thing to do." He suddenly narrowed his eyes. “Have you been throwing rocks at the Clancy boys again? Their mother caught you doing so the other day and was very upset. I had a long talk with her the previous evening. I’ve spoken to you plenty of times about it.”

”Losers,” she mumbled under her breath.

Rufus raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

”Tommy is such a baby, even though he’s almost thirteen. I was minding my own business, collecting seashells at the beach. They won’t leave me alone.” She frowned, fidgeting uncomfortably. “Yohan kept telling me that I was going to blow away in the wind, since I hardly weighed a pound. I told him he was going to cause an earthquake, ‘cuz he always eats everything in sight and breaks everything he sits on. That’s when he pushed me, and Tommy wouldn’t stop laughing at me, although he’s just as fat. And then they threw my bucket into the water, so I lost all of my seashells.”

”You should’ve went and told me.”

Mary looked away, before her face turned red. “But they started it by calling me chicken legs. And then Yohan pulled me off my bike and stole it when I tried to leave. They’re annoying. It’s not my fault they can’t swallow what they want to chew. Besides, they’re two years older than me. So I did what I had to do. Tommy was crying a lot, but at least I got my bike back.” A hint of guilt was visible in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to throw that hard.”

Rufus bit his lower lip. “You hit the youngest one in the face with a rock and gave him a nosebleed. You absolutely know better. You could’ve really hurt someone. I expect an apology to be given to Mrs. Clancy and the boys when I get back. A decent, sincere apology. And behave. If I hear about you throwing rocks at anyone, there will be consequences. Do you understand?”

”But—”

He remained silent.

"Yes, sir,” the girl quietly said. Then she perked up. “So, can I come with you?"

"You know the drill, buttercup." He squinted and glanced up at the sky. "You'll catch a cold out here if you don't hurry back and get dry. Why aren’t you wearing shoes? And Stephanie won't be too happy to find that you've got your pants all dirty." When he set her down, he knelt in front of her and felt into his pocket. "Think you could hold on to this for me in the meantime and take good care of it? I'm counting on you."

The girl gasped with excitement as she reached out and caressed a bright pink stone with her hand. When she smiled, a large gap was present between her two front crooked teeth.

"Is it a diamond?"

"Not quite," Rufus grinned. "Archeologists refer to this as an agate stone. When you hold it up to the sun, light will pass through the surface and shine through. It's like a mirror, since it is translucent."

"What is an a-archeo--"

"Mary!" A shrill voice echoed in the air. In the shadows, a short, chubby women stumbled through the grass, wearing a thick white robe. The lantern swung from her left hand like a church bell. "You'll freeze to death out here. Come inside!"

"But what does that word mean?" the girl pleaded.

"Haven't you been using the dictionary I gave you last year? All the answers you seek are in there." Rufus straightened up as William came into view. "When I come back, I'll ask you for the definition. I’m going to quiz you. And I'll give you some more words for you to have memorized clear and through."

"Mary!" The word was lost in the wind.

"More homework? But, Dad, that book is boring." She rolled her eyes, but carefully pocketed the stone. "Why can't you read it? It's supposed to be for old people like you. Oh hello, Mr. William!" When she waved, her sleeve was soaked with rainwater. "It's good to see you."

The mustached man chuckled. "Why hello, young lady. I see that you are an early riser."

"I sure am," the girl boasted, sticking her thumb into her chest. "I can wake up earlier than anyone here. And I can drink black coffee without cream or sugar, just like you guys. Old folks don't like anything sweet. They just want to sit around and read newspapers all day."

Rufus gave her a tight, quick hug. "That's not true. It’s just that such things are rare now— but I wouldn't mind having some sugar in my coffee once in a while. You, on the other hand, have no business to be drinking caffeine for any reason. And you better hurry back, before Stephanie strains out her vocal cords."

Mary shrugged. "I wouldn't mind, honestly. She yells too much and sounds like a dying hawk. I've never even heard her talk. Have you?"

Her father gave her a stern look.

"I-I mean, I'm..." The child spun around and waved. "I'm coming, Miss Stephanie!"

Quickly, she placed a kiss on Rufus' face and took off running, her hand in her pocket to make sure that the stone wouldn’t slip out onto the grass. Once she was out of sight I finally stepped out from the shadows. Rufus' back was facing me, but when he turned around, he politely smiled, dumped the water out of his helmet and placed it on his damp blond hair. Gone was the color in his face; a ghostly white replaced it. His shoulders were slumped over again.

William studied me.

I knew the questions he wanted to ask, but he didn't. My mind was racing, and the guilt and heaviness only weighed heavier upon me when I noticed Mary's tiny footprints in the mud. There was nothing to do, or nothing to say as we silently descended into the shelter of the dark trees.

* * * * * *

Thunder rumbled in the distance, and we drank from the puddles in the ground to stay hydrated. It was difficult to navigate through the sharp rocks and tangled bushes, and many times William slipped and fell. But we simply helped him up and carried on until the rain calmed once more from above. The mud rose and coated our feet, and the map in my hand became so damp that the printed ink began to bleed against the wrinkled page. When we selected a small spot and decided to rest for a while, the sky was slowly growing dark.

Several gunshots rang out, causing a hole to form into the trunk of a nearby tree. There was heavy shouting, and the smell of smoke burning filled the air.

The earth shook so hard rocks broke apart and fell upon my head. It was suddenly very, very hard to breathe, and I found myself wheezing. Rocks shattered on the ground like hideous crystals. Groggy with sleep, I frantically struggled to sit up, coughing in the dense smoke. The sky was pitch black. What once resembled a tree was now a pile of rubble and splintered wood. Ashes and cinders filled my lungs, and the sound of machine gun fire peppered in the distance. Fighting back the nagging pain in my bad leg, I began to crawl on my hands and knees through the crumpled, torn roads. I coughed uncontrollably. Dozens of fires were burning amongst the piles of rubble.

Licking my dried lips, I slipped off the strap securing my rifle hanging from my right shoulder and reloaded, shakily pushing up the magazine cartridge up. My vision was blurry as I tried to locate any new soldiers in my mist. The bandoliers slung across my chest glowed in the faint orange and red light. Another blast echoed in the distance, throwing me off my feet. As I paused, crouched on my knees, I could make out frantic footsteps coming my way. My head was starting to hurt already, but I managed to slow down my breathing. As my left index finger curled around the trigger, the shadows grew closer. William began to crawl on his hands and knees, scooting further behind us.

My heart skipped a beat. Slowly, I lowered the weapon. Rufus' face was smeared with ashes, and he clutched hissack tightly to his arms. His shirt was torn across through the middle, his nose bleeding. Panic rushed through me when I saw how exposed he was in the open.

Before he could open his mouth, a fiery blast erupted from one of the crumpled buildings. I somehow managed to throw myself on top of him, and we tumbled head over heels in a ditch as more concrete and rubble rained upon our heads. A thick layer of it had settled over us like a blanket. After it was somewhat quiet again and the gunshots in the distance were muffled, I released him and leaned my back against the dirt, breathing heavily. William tugged on his helmet.

Rufus weakly sat up, coughing. His now dark hair and eyebrows were covered in dirt. "Damn bastards," he muttered, reloading his weapon. "Can't even let a man sleep for a moment."

Another explosion of dirt and rubble shook the ground only a few feet away from us. As we ducked again, the sound of bullets ringing out echoed in my ear. The dirt in my eyes made them sting and become all watery, and I coughed heavily again, spitting on the ground. Williams gritted his teeth. Mud and debris coated his shoes, and he leaned his head against the ground, gasping for air. When I sensed the vibration in the earth, my palms began to tingle. As I slowly slipped down the small slope, Williams raised his head.

Coughing heavily, I kept moving forward, my hands slippery on smooth wood on the rifle. I could see their red uniforms, hidden in the trees. When Rufus and William caught up to me, I slowly took off my satchel, and dropped it to the ground with a small thud. The moment I handed my rifle to Rufus, I could sense the pressure in my veins.

"Hold onto that for me, please."

"Adlai, get back here," Rufus yelled. "Get back."

My ankles sank into the damp mud, but I could hardly hear his voice in my ringing ears. When I turned around, the straps of my helmet dangling in the air, I saw how stiff and frozen the two men were. I focused my gaze on the soldiers rushind towards us, scrambling on the ground like insects, arms and legs spread out. It was difficult to see through the smoke, the small fires that had taken form around us. William shouted once more, his words invisible, before settling down again once more. They raised their weapons again, but I gestured for them to put them down. William began to protest, but his friend immediately pushed the rifle downwards, his blue eyes wide.

I gave them a solemn look.

Rufus remained still.

And soon, I could feel the earth's sweet heartbeat.

"They're mine," I whispered.

When I slammed my left bare foot against the ground, a large, gaping crack rapidly spread across the surface, leaving a jagged line that left large chunks distended up into the air.