Chapter 347 - A Path Beyond Emotion
Yaan could sense the rapidly growing impending danger, but he spoke softly to June, taking hold of her hands after making a request of her that he knew was far, far too selfish of him.
June looked at Yaan dazedly, for a moment feeling confused and thinking that she must be misunderstanding him.
“Yaan, you…you want me to die?”
Yaan’s gaze softened even further when he saw her confusion. He looked at her gently and smiled, forcing himself to hide his pain from her. He did not want June to see his inner turmoil…he wanted her last moments to be filled with a loving gaze and a gentle gesture.
“That’s right, June. You’re not misunderstanding me - I am asking you to die for me. I’m sorry, June…I’m sorry for bringing you back into this world…I’m sorry for selfishly tearing you away from your natural reincarnation, forcing you to become my blood-soaked sword…I’m sorry for bringing you into this hateful world of cultivation…I’m sorry…for bringing you into my life.”
June showed a dazed, lost expression, perhaps for the first time in her life as Yaan’s Dao Treasure spirit.
Normally, she was always bright and cheerful, no matter how grim the situation. She could become Yaan’s sword and cut down countless enemies in one moment, then laugh and hug him in the next. She was loyal to him to a fault, and she would always follow his orders, no matter what they might be…
But that was exactly why she felt lost right now.
Yaan did not order her to die - he requested her to die for him.
Yaan did not apologise for asking her to give up her life - he apologised for giving her this life in the first place.
“Yaan, I don’t understand…if you want me to die, then why don’t you just kill me?”
Yaan’s smile became a degree sadder, and he couldn’t help but stroke her cheek gently.
“June…you never should have transformed into this form. You were killed as a baby, and your soul fused into a plant, forming a unique spirit tree in a rare natural phenomenon. That was your life’s natural progression; that was your path in this life. But I…my Dao Clone…cut down the path of your life, selfishly bringing you back, just so that he…so that I…could speak to you once again. You became the spirit of my Dao Treasure…an unnatural, forced reincarnation. Existing in this state will gradually torment your dao…it will bring you endless suffering. Simply existing as you are now will become increasingly painful over time, growing worse without end as you grow stronger as my sword…”
As Yaan spoke, he felt the clashing of several divine auras outside of the palace hall. He didn’t have much time. Perhaps, the Spirit Plane Lord would suddenly barge in and grab him in the next second…but he needed to do this.
He needed June to understand that this path which he had forced her to follow, was not the right path. He needed June…to willingly give up her own life.
He felt bitter that he was urging her to make this decision now of all times. It would have been better to sit her down and explain things clearly, giving her as long as she needed to prepare herself and make her decision…
But he had no other choice. He didn’t have the time to spend the usual 12 hours to build the final formation. All he could do now, was use his final, strongest emotional karmic severance, to pierce his Dao Treasure into the core of the 13 World Layer formation, completing the skeleton of this formation in an extremely unconventional manner.
He needed June to die for him of her own accord, because he did not have the ability to kill her. The only way for June to die, was for her to willingly give up her life. If she made this choice of her own accord, it would severe the karma between June, the Dao Treasure Spirit, and the Dao Treasure sword itself…
This was the only way to severe the karma between Yaan and June.
The act of a Dao Treasure Spirit sacrificing their very existence by willingly severing the powerful karmic link between themself, their Dao Treasure and its owner, would provide Yaan’s gigantic karmic formation with a sudden burst of immense karmic power, instantly creating the final and most crucial keystone; the core of this grand formation.
“But Yaan…I like being with you…I like being your sword…I…like you…” June muttered, her eyes filled with confusion and unwillingness.
With a sigh, Yaan patted her head softly.
“I know, June. But the longer you spend connected to my Dao Treasure, the longer you spend connected to my dao via the karmic link. My dao…is not something that you can endure. As I grow, you will be cursed with unimaginable suffering. June…your entire existence is currently supported by my dao, and my dao alone. This sort of existence is too unnatural, and will eventually lead to both of us suffering from the collapse of our dao hearts. I wanted to tell you this some other time, but unfortunately, we don’t have any time remaining.”
June seemed to snap out from her daze, finally noticing the explosive and terrifying auras that occasionally breached into the palace. She was a simple girl, but she was not stupid. She was able to understand why Yaan was telling her this now.
“Yaan…you need me to die so that you can live, don’t you?” She suddenly smiled, her confusion and hurt from before vanishing without a trace.
Yaan’s heart stung, but he forced himself to nod.
“The only way for me to escape this predicament, is if I use my Dao Treasure as the formation core. However, this will only succeed if you fuse yourself into the formation and personally severe your own karmic link with the Dao Treasure and myself…this extreme type of karmic severance should be sufficient to briefly activate the formation, but as a result, every single one of your karmic links will be severed and replaced by new karmic links connecting you to the formation. And then…you will be devoured by the formation, to power its activation.”
After hearing Yaan’s pained explanation, June actually laughed and looked at Yaan with a cheery smile.
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“Haha, why didn’t you just say that Yaan? Of course I’ll help you!”
Yaan’s eyes widened and he looked at the cheery girl, whose happy expression was completely genuine.
“You-”
“YAAN!
WAAAM!
Before Yaan could respond to June, his head snapped to the side and he stared with a gloomy expression, finally facing the inevitable arrival of this woman who possessed unimaginable power. She erupted crazily with a golden aura of rage as her deep black hair fluttered in every direction, and she tore down the far wall of the Central Hall of Rebirth’s palace without a single care. Her appearance could only be described as divine, her every feature was pristine and without a single fault. Her beauty was truly unmatched, but her figure rapidly became distorted in the perception of everyone around her, until it was impossible to see her clearly beyond the thick golden aura which suddenly exploded throughout the hall…sending Yaan, June and the mad elephant flying backwards.
They were all instantly injured, unable to even endure the initial wave of her aura. Yaan managed to stop himself from being pushed back too far, but this worsened his injuries and he coughed up several mouthfuls of dark blood. The mad elephant choked out an explosion of black destructive power, whilst June turned worryingly pale. She quickly transformed back into the wooden sword form, hastily shooting into Yaan’s hand before she could be blasted back any further by the impact of the Spirit Plane Lord’s divine aura.
It was just the natural waves of her pulsating aura - the aura from a single one of her 10,000 bodies - but even this erupted with enough power to leave Yaan half-dead!
However, he actually forced himself to look down at the wooden sword, ignoring his body which was being torn apart time and time again under the Spirit Plane Lord’s relentless waves of golden aura.
June knew that they didn’t have much time, and she couldn’t bare to hold Yaan back any longer. Pitifully, in her current injured state, June was too weak, so weak that she couldn’t even return to her humanoid spirit form. All she could do now, was say her goodbyes by releasing her voice from the wooden sword.
“Yaan…please don’t be sad…I enjoyed the time I spent with you…I’m happy…that I got to know my big brother…”
Her voice became faint as the wooden sword was rapidly corroded by the golden aura, but June’s weak voice continued to pierce into Yaan’s mind. Her voice was soft, but to Yaan, who had forced June to this awful end, each of those gentle words felt like a blade being impaled through his heart.
“Please, Yaan…I lived more than enough…you let me live properly…you let me get to know my big brother…so please, Yaan, don’t feel sad…because finally, I have the chance to repay you…let me save you for a change, big brother…”
Her voice faded away, until the sword finally became dull and lifeless.
Yaan hated that he couldn’t even dwell on June’s passing, but he really didn’t have that sort of luxury right now.
He looked up and turned to face the Spirit Plane Lord, who had appeared directly in front of him without a sound. She reached towards him with her glowing golden hand, before Yaan even noticed that she had moved.
As the two made eye contact, the hatred and rage in the Spirit Plane Lord’s gaze reached unfathomable levels, causing the air, the palace, and the entire Central Layer, to tremble violently in instability!
She didn’t realise it, but this instability…would later on increase Yaan’s chances of success.
When the Spirit Plane Lord saw Yaan forcing himself to slowly raise the wooden sword, as if he actually intended to attempt to fight back, she growled at him with a hateful tone, filled with an immense aggression that he had never heard from her before now.
“Don’t you dare resist, heart demon. To think that you…and even sister…deceived me for all these years! For so long, I actually helped my brother’s heart demon! Because of you two, I wronged brother so terribly! Heart demon…you cannot resist me, for in this world, I am god. In this world, you can only accept your fate, and your fate is whatever I dictate. I will capture you, then I will torture you until you explain everything. After that, I will make you watch as I dismantle that incomplete failure of a malicious formation that you spent so long trying to create behind my back, only to fail so miserably in the end…”
Her hand, glowing with golden divine light, expanded drastically and instantly dwarfed Yaan in size. She was not just reaching towards him, but condensing her Divine Power. True Divine Power surpassed Yaan’s cultivation Step - it was simply impossible to even think about trying to resist when she engulfed him with that golden light, engulfing his illusory body, invading every corner of his existence, and gaining complete control over every aspect of his being.
Yaan suddenly felt like he was just a mortal again, a mortal facing a god who dwarfed him in all regards. He was inferior in every regard - power, intelligence, realm, wisdom, experience, and the quality of his being. He was so vastly overpowered, that he couldn’t even think about trying to overcome this chasm which seemed to have no end.
It was as if this was the end of his path, he couldn’t even think about putting up a trace of resistance.
His body suddenly felt weak, like he was a mortal, an exhausted, sickly mortal, who lacked the strength to even move…
Yaan’s mind was broken down, and the only thought that he could think of…was that he had failed.
But something wasn’t right! Right when Yaan’s eyes lost their lustre, as his body lost its strength and his mind lost its ability to control its own thoughts, putting Yaan in a position where he should have been completely subdued and broken down by despair…the Spirit Plane Lord paused.
She quickly turned towards Yaan’s arm, only now noticing that somehow, without anyone seeing how and when he did it, Yaan had lifted his arm up high above his head, holding the wooden sword’s handle and pointing it directly towards the ground below!
She quickly turned to face him and looked into Yaan’s eyes in shock and anger. She honestly expected to see him wearing a mocking, or self-satisfied expression, after he somehow, impossibly, ’deceived’ her like this.
He, a being equivalent to the Immortal Step, somehow deceived her, a three million year old divinity?!
It was only when the Spirit Plane Lord’s emotions surged into chaos, causing her divine suppression over his body and mind to weaken, that Yaan finally snapped back to reality, and he realised what he had done.
His body was sapped of its strength, his mind was suppressed and manipulated, forcing his thoughts to dwell on his believed failure. Even his emotions were toyed with and twisted, deceiving him to such an extent that his heart was flooded with the falsified feeling of absolute despair…
But it was only despair.
Yaan’s dao heart was unaffected by this sudden storm of negative emotions that he was made to feel by someone else. Those falsified emotions were hatefully imprinted body and mind, and combined with her Divine Power, the Spirt Plane Lord was able to indirectly affect the feelings in his dao heart! She made him feel the full wrath of a divinity who wanted to inflict the cruelest of pains - the pain of a dao heart thrust into the depths of despair. An Immortal Step cultivator should not be able to endure this sort of existential torment.
But Yaan was completely unmoved.
As his heart was flooded with despair, his dao was not shaken. He continued to follow his path, refusing to bow down to his broken body, mind, and heart. Even when he believed that he had failed, that he was too weak and could not fight back, his dao relentlessly marched on, unfazed by the storms that it was made to weather.
His dao heart had long since overcome the weakness of falling victim to mere emotions. Emotions, both pleasant and painful, simply came with the territory of life. Yaan was not emotionless, but he had suffered in so many ways, he had experienced so much of this world, he had changed in his personality and outlook on life so many times…
After all he had been through, he had grown numb to all the good and bad in this world. He accepted that he still felt emotions like anyone else, but he no longer dwelled on these fleeting feelings, and he would never let mere emotions control him.
After going through so much over so many arduous years, the way that Yaan viewed his own emotions had changed. Emotions were just sensations like any other, no different to physical sensations, like the pain of being cut or burned, or the pleasure of eating good food, or the feeling of a light breeze brushing past your skin on a clear, sunny day.
Yaan no longer saw any meaning in caring about these sensations, either good, or bad. In this life, pain and pleasure were both inevitable, coming in waves, ebbing and flowing. It was an endless, inevitable cycle, and by now, he had grown numb to it all…
Especially now that every single one of his loved ones had left this world. He really had nobody left, and perhaps, with June’s demise, part of his attachment to the mundane cycles of life had died along with her…
So what now? If he cared so little for the joys of this world, then why did his heart strive so relentlessly; why did his dao continue to hurtle along this path, as if there was some sort of meaning in doing so?
It was exactly because Yaan had nothing else left. All that he had, was his path towards his ambition. With nothing else to live for, this one desire took over his entire being.
His desire…his ambition…
Honestly, his desire was to pursue his ambition, and his ambition was vague at best. But even so, it was without a doubt all that he wanted to pursue right now, given his current troubles.
He wanted to continue walking forwards, to see his path through to the end. He had left so much suffering, death and destruction behind him, that he could no longer turn back, and to give up on moving forwards, would set his ending here and now.…he was not willing for it to end like this.
But really…Yaan wanted to reach the end of this desolate path that seemed to endlessly plague his life. He wanted to fix his twisted dao heart, to mend his broken Dao Soul! He wanted to see what he would become, if he truly mended his dao heart and Dao Soul…
Yaan’s ambition, was to follow the only path available to him right now - to overcome the calamity of the Primordial Devil, to escape from the divinities who would target his life, and to mend his Dao Soul and complete his dao heart, finally realising his true self.
If he managed to reach that point, Yaan wondered…after fixing himself and finally coming to understand who he really was…would that be the end, or a new beginning? Would he finally find his purpose in this life? Would he realise an actual, truly grand ambition, a goal that he felt meaningful, a path that ignited passion in his heart?
Right now, there were so many things that he was striving to achieve, because there were so many things wrong with himself and his life.
He just wanted finally fix everything that was wrong with his life, and then reassess his path from there.
It sounded so simple…and yet, he always felt like he was chasing after an impossible dream.