Chapter 14 Stick of Doom

Disclaimer: I own nothing , this is purely a fanfic for enjoyment. Cross-over from various games , books, anime, and movies. The familiar characters you see here belongs to their respected authors and owners.

WARNING: CONTAINS ADULT SITUATION: NOPE NO LEMONS.

It was back to same routine for Harry. Kakashi was finally well enough to be a Jonin instructor again and Naruto was now complaining about a long overdue C rank mission and was annoying Kakashi, he finally let up and listened to the Naruto's request. Team seven arrived at the hokage tower shortly after Naruto's nagging. They opened the office door and was greeted by the Hokage.

"Ahh, Kakashi just the ninja I was looking for." greeted the Hokage.

"What can I do for you Hokage-sama?." asked the curious Kakashi.

"Kakashi, as if this moment, one of your genin named Harry is to be transferred for apprenticeship to ...you don't want to know." The Hokage said cryptically.

"Why is Harry getting an apprenticeship?, I deserve it more!." complained the last Uchiha.

"Ahh, I suppose you don't mind being Jiraiya's apprentice then?, I suppose I should mention you along with Harry, I'm sure your gladly be welcomed." said the Hokage smiling.

At the mention of Jiraiya, Sasuke paled at the thought, it was well known that Jiraiya's trial about being attracted to the opposite gender, he shuddered at the thought that he might receive his next special treatment.

Somewhere Orichimaru sneezed. "Did someone uncover my love for cute little boys?, no, this feeling, phew!, for some reason I felt fear for my future body's health." said Orochimaru in his throne.

"No thank you Hokage-sama, and congratulation Harry, your going to definitely need it, I heard Jiraiya's reputation has plummeted and is attracted to cute boys." Sasuke said to Harry.

"Ehh?, then who is going to be a replacement member for our team?." asked Naruto.

"Do not worry, Sai come in." Said the Hokage.

A pale boy with an emotionless expression entered at the room.

"Hokage-sama, genin Sai reporting for duty." said Sai in a monotone voice.

"Ah, yes, Sai, meet your new team that you will be assigned." The Hokage introduced.

"Okay team, meet me at training ground seven to get ourselves reacquainted." said Kakashi with his eye smile.

Little did they know that they forgot about their C rank mission that they were going to ask for.

"Ahh, hokage-sama, where might my new sensei be?." asked Harry.

"He said to meet you at the hot springs, said something about reacqauinting to his manly side, if you ask me, he needs to get to a brothel and be done with it, now where was I?, oh yeah, he will be waiting at the brothel..., I mean hot springs, kids this days, grumble, grumble." said the Hokage.

"I will take my leave, Hokage-sama." said Harry as he left.

Harry left for the hot springs right away, it didn't take long and he found the perverted old toad giggling behind the hotspring wall, and Harry approached him.

"Hmmmm, a peeping old man, this sounds about right, hey old man, I'm here to be your apprentice, no, not the peeping kind." greeted Harry.

"Hmmmm, go away, shooo, can't you see I'm busy?, I will teach you the art of sealing later, now shoo, shoo," said Jiraiya.

"Hmmm, I see, it's time to re-educate you senior citizens to get your priorities straight, if your not going to teach me, I'll Henge into a most vile specimen to walk the earth and teach you the meaning of fear." threathened Harry.

This got Jiraiya's attention and scoffed at Harry.

"Try your best shot kid, I have seen Orochimaru with the tongue thing, nothing can scare me anymore." Jiraiya boasted.

"I see, your funeral then, HENGE!." said Harry as he transformed into the most terrifying thing he could think of.

What appeared to Jiraiya scared the shit of out him, it was a bald pale man wearing a dark creepy robes, the man has red eyes that glowed, and a face that only a mother could love, no I mean it was a very deformed face resembling another snake bastard he knew of, what scared him is that he really was on par with Orochimaru if not greater in the scale of freakishness. The thing was, the snake face bastard was holding something like a living time bomb for Jiraiya, and his eyes was bulging at the thing the bastard was holding, it was for the lack of better word, a weapon commonly referred to as a sword, not that kind of sword. Yes, it was a pink dildo vibrating back and forth, threatening Jiraiya's manly being. Then, the thing spoke as he heard it said the words of freakish proportions.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

"I am Lord Voldemort, behold my death stick of mass destruction, a little one on one session with me, and you you will scream 'Yes master' with no complaint, now feel the power of my stick of doom, your doom that is, Bohahahahaha!." laughed Lord Voldemort.

Jiraiya has never felt so violated and threathened at the same time, then this Lord Voldemort fellow took a step, then another step towards him holding the stick of doom, Jiraiya felt his life span cut short every step the dark wanker took until he could not take it any longer.

"Sssssstay away from me you perverted madman, I may be a pervert, but not that kind." said Jiraiya as he began to ran away.

"Ahh, fresh meat, more than enough meat to feed my weapon, hehehehe, let's take our time together, little boy." said Voldemort as he approached closer holding the stick of doom and it seemed to emit lightning sparks, giving it an ominous effect.

"EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!." Jiraiya screeched like a little girl and ran, but unluckily for him, he ran towards the girls hot spring section of the spring resulting in him having a beating of a lifetime.

Time skip, a few hours after the girls giving Jiraiya a beating.

Harry finally decided that the man has learned his lesson well enough and visited his new sensei.

Jiraiya was having the worst day ever, his supposed recovery from a slump was thoroughly crushed by that that monster of a snake bastard who's name shall not be named. He saw his apprentice arrive giving him a look that would spell his doom if he would not start teaching him seals properly. He finally gave up, and spent his time teaching Harry about seals which he found out that Harry has a knack for it forgetting the frightening event that he shall not speak about.

Time skip, 2 months later.

At the Hokage's office.

I Jonin Hatake Kakashi nominate Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki and Sai of Team 7 for the chuunin exams.

I Jonin Kurenai Yuhi nominate Kiba Inuzuka, Hinata Hyuga, Aburame Shino of Team 8 for the chuunin exams

I Jonin Asuma Sarutobi nominate Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Choiji Akimichi of Team 10 for the chuunin exams

I Sannin Jiraiya nominate Harry of Team Icha Icha for the chuunin exams.

The Jonin of the room looked at Jiraiya funny for sending one grinning for the Chuunin exams.

"What!?, he's more than ready, in fact this will be easy picnic for him, don't make me call for him, and have him whip out his stick of doom." Jiraiya answered fearfully.

"Umm Jiraiya-san?, what is the stick of doom?." asked the curious Kakashi.

Jiraiya silently whispered into Kakashi's ear and said, "It is an evil pink dildo that vibrates and generate sparks, but now that he had received my teaching in seals, that evil dildo can now shoot lightning literally and figuratively." said Jiraiya.

Kakashi could not comprehend and proccess what he heard and fainted from the shock.

"Jiraiya, what did you tell Kakashi to make him faint?." asked the curious Hokage.

"Ohh, just Harry's stick of doom, if you ever make him mad, you will loose your sanity." Jiraiya said as he vanished in a shunshin leaving the ninja's in the hokage tower to ponder Jiraiya's words of warning.