Chapter 13 Gilderoy Kamen attorney at law

Disclaimer: I own nothing , this is purely a fanfic for enjoyment. Cross-over from various games , books, anime, and movies. The familiar characters you see here belongs to their respected authors and owners.

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In a room somewhere underground, some snake sannin named Orichimaru was resting on his throne. A teen with silver hair, and glasses arrived. This teen was none other than Yakushi Kabuto, agent 000 double, spy infiltrator super spy of otogakure. Of course all of this is self proclaimed.

"Report!" Orochimaru ordered.

"Nothing important to report orochimaru-sama, however, I received a rather interesting news regarding your former teammates." Kabuto reported.

"Hoh?, both of them?, continue." Orochimaru ordered.

"It seems that Jiraiya has been caught raping Kakashi no sharingan." Kabuto said.

There was silence in the room, then Orochimaru's frown turned upside down and went into a full blown laughter that lasted ten minutes.

"Ahem, now where was I?, Oh yes, continue." Orochimaru ordered.

"There was also a report that the new number one most perverted author on the elemental nations groped and fondled Tsunade's Breasts." Kabuto reported.

Silence has once again filled the room and Orochimaru laughed again for another ten minutes.

"Ahem, continue." Orochimaru ordered.

"We'll it seems, that the man survived Tsunade's legendary punch, witnesses said that it claimed that he gained a new powerful jutsu from being the most number one perverted Author of the world, that jutsu is said to be an ultimate defense of sorts, reports seem credible as witnesses say Tsunade herself acknowledged it, it also resulted in him having a religious cult worshiping this Gilderoy Lockhart fellow, that is all Orochimaru- sama." Kabuto reported.

Silence again filled the room, and Orochimaru laughed so hard that his breakfast went out of his mouth due to excessive laughing.

"Kabuto, when is Jiraiya's trial?." Orochimaru asked.

"About one week from today Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto answered.

"Very well, pack up our things Kabuto, were going to Konoha, I would not miss it for the world." Orochimaru ordered

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto acknowledged.

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~Time Skip Jiraiya's trial~

"We are gathered here today to examine case 9895, the case of the accused man named Jiraiya the Sannin and the victim Hatake Kakashi. Our jury is composed of 8 civilian council members and eight shinobi clan heads for fair judgement. What do you have say for yourself?" the Hokage asked Jiraiya.

"I plead not Guilty your honor." Said Jiraiya with a straight face.

"By the way, since no-one wanted to be your defending attourney, not even our lowliest of newbie would accept, but surprisingly there was a volunter, be glad he was available." The Hokage explained.

As soon as the Hokage finished his explaination, the entrance door opened forcefully revealing Gilderoy Kamen but without his mask but it is instead replaced with an intellectual glasses. He walked slowly to his defending victim, that is until proven guilty.

"You!, how come your my attorney?." Jiraiya pointed out to Gilderoy.

"Its simple, it's to rub it in your face that I'm the most super pervert author in the elemental nations, I even groped Tsude's breast and got away with it, they sure we're The best breasts one could only grope to aspire." Harry said boldly in his Gilderoy persona.

The full packed audience gaped at his brazen confession, Tsunade was boiling in anger, Orochimaru hiding in the stands was laughing internally.

"Why yes they sure are, wait!, why I am agreeing with you?, and how did you become my attorney, and I am pretty sure you don't have the right credentials." Jiraiya pointed out.

"Ahh, but I do have credentials, I am a famous author and famous people do what they do best, I bribed the right people of course, and since no-one really bothered to take the case with a high risk case like yours that would end their career if they lose, so about anyone would do." Gilderoy admitted shamelessly.

"Ahem, enough talking, the prosecutor will proceed with his, whatever it his he does." grumbled the uninterested Hokage playing as the judge.

"Thank you your honor, allow me to present the jury exibit A, the photo of the deed, this photo was taken by a mysterious witness who's name shall not be mentioned for his safety reasons, I believe the photo speaks for itself." The prosecutor, said as he handed the photo to the jury where Jiraiya and Kakashi kissing.

"Hey, aren't you gonna object?." asked Jiraiya.

"Nah, to early, let them have their fun for now." said Gilderoy.

"I hate you." said Jiraiya.

There were alot of reaction from the jury making Jiriaya sweat bullets.

"That is all your your honor." The prosecutor ended his opening move.

"The defendent, it's your turn." The hokage ordered.

cue theme song.

"Certainly your honor, the defendant would like to present exibit B and C. This rope and candle was found held by my charge, for what purpose?, how should I know, I will leave that to you, but I would point out that my charge here was seen with these tools whithin close distance within the victim. that is all your honor." presented Gilderoy.

"Hey, why are you helping them dig my own grave further?" questioned Jiraiy as he sweated more and more.

"Its all part of the plan." Gilderoy assured.

"Prosecutor, your turn." The hokage ordered.

"The prosecutor rests your honor, the defendant's attorney already covered the items of interest as my next piece of evidence but I see no need to further explain." said the prosecutor.

Murmurs of talks began to fill the crowd cementing Jiraiya was guilty.

"Has the defendant have anything to add?." asked the Hokage.

"Yes, your honor." Gilderoy said boldly earning him gasp and surprises, even Jiraiya was surprised himself.

"Judge and jury, I would like to present exibit D, and exhibit E, my two signed copy of books of my new books." Gilderoy said boldly earning him his are you crazy advertising your books at this time look.

"Objection your honor, the defendant clearly is advertising his own published books to further increase his fame." The prosecutor pointed out.

"Objection overruled, there was indeed two copies of the defendants two new books at the crime." The hokage explained earning him a look of disbelieve from the people in the courtroom.

"Defendant, continue." The Hokage ordered.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

"Your honor, why would the defendant have my new books on his person, when clearly we are rivals of the same trade, what is his motive?, is he really gay?, did he fall for my luscious good looks and charming personality?, nay, he stole those books so he could pleasure himself in secret... urgg, that didn't came out right, let me have a do over, nay he stole those books to blackmail Kakashi for information, what information?, why my secrets of course." Harry accused earning him the are you crazy look.

"What secret could he want from me?, the secret of my looks?, the secret on how to pick up women?, or he would brave the unknown, and was curious about the secret size of my 'tool'?." Harry explained boldly.

"Jiraiya blushed, Tsunade was finding it hard to control herself from laughing, Orochimaru was was laughing so hard that his disguised face began to peel of.

"No I'm afraid he was not bold enough to venture that far, basing from our last meeting, he wasn't that bold, could it be?, why yes, the logical choice would be for revenge!, seing as our meeting was devastating to his psyche to 'rape', I mean torture Hatake Kakashi for information, I would assume he saw Kakashi flashing his new books in public and realized they weren't for sale yet and assumed that naturally it would lead to me, Bravo!, excellent plan, except someone saw his torture gone wrong or has it gone hot? resulting in his blunder, that would probably be the logical choice." Harry pointed out the crucial facts that further cemented the original scenario on what took place. "The defendant rests your honor."

"We will be having a 30 minute break for the result, this hearing is adjourned for now." Said the hokage.

Murmurs of the case spread from the jury to the mass media, they were not expecting Gilderoy to be a good attorney at all but he presented the facts exceedingly well, they might not turn it into a severe sexual harassment lawsuit, but into a murder lawsuit, hey, how is that any better? well it's the elemental nations, murder is preferable than sexual molestation.

Oh how the great Jiraiya had fallen, he blundered really hard, what would min ago think of him now?, well to be honest he would be laughing inside the shinigami's stomach Jiraiya relealized, "Damn you Minato!." Jiraiya shouted.

Gilderoy visited Jiraiya in his cell in his moment of doom.

"What, have you come to laugh and gloat of my face?, is it that satisfying to know that you succeded in breaking me?." accused Jiraiya.

"Hmm, I have a proposition, I have a way for you to get Scot free, in return, all you have to do is train one of my charge in the art of seals, fare deal no?." Gilderoy offered.

Jiriaya was confused and puzzled at what his rival offered him, he would save him but he would teach the obscure art of sealing to one person, it was a no brainer, he accepted the deal and signed the contract Gilderoy offered.

It was finally the time of judgement, both the defendant and prosecutor presented their cases brilliantly that their names would be written in the anals of history.

"Ahem, now for the jury has finally delegated and here is the result." said the hokage.

"We the jury found the defendant..." was interrupted.

"Objection your honor!." Said Gilderoy boldly causing chaos in the court room.

"Order!, Order!, what is the meaning of this?." The hokage asked Gilderoy confused.

"We have new evedence your honor, it would turn the whole case in New light." Said Gilderoy boldly.

"What could possibly, you have to present that would change the jury's decision?." asked the prosecutor diabelievingly.

"Ohh?, well this is interisting, I will allow it." The Hokage declared.

"Very well I would like to call to the stand the victim Hatake Kakashi." said Gilderoy boldly.

"mumble, mumble, mumble." chatters could be heard in the court.

Kakashi sat in the testimony chair.

"Do you Hatake Kakashi, With sound mind and sound body swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth." asked the hokage.

"I do, your honor." answers Kakashi.

"Very well, defendant proceed, and make it count." The hokage ordered.

What Gilderoy asked was words they never thought he would utter and surprised the people in the room greatly.

"Hatake Kakashi, do you, in sound mind and sound body drop charges with the defendant Jiraiya?." said Gilderoy.

"I Hatake Kakashi, with sound mind and sound body hereby drop the chargers against one Jiraiya the Sanin." Kakashi said as it were the normal thing to do.

Their was silence, everyone could not believe on what happened in front of them, Tsunade was slack jawed and Orochimaru's jaw was so low, that it hit the ground rolling his tounge half a meter length. Good thing nobody noticed due to the shock they received.

Then there was an uproar, most of the people of the room protested.

"Objection your honor!, my client have been clearly submitted in genjutsu, making him delerious and say those words." said the prosecutor

"Objection overruled, as much as I want to say that you are right, Kakashi has been guarded all this time by my trusted anbu so this clearly is valid, well with no victim charging the lawsuit, there is no case, the defendant is is free to leave, this court in now adjourned, case closed." said the Hokage.

"Nooo!, the is so unfair, beaten by a complete newbie, this will cause a major stain on my record." The prosecutor cried his concerns.

"We'll sucks to be you, I'm off, 'Super Gilderoy Kamen Attorney at Law Away!'." said Gilderoy Kamen as he left.

Jiraiya was dancing same crazy happy dance, Tsunade and Orochimaru stood in their seats for an hour not moving an inch unable to comprehend what had happened.

A few days later Jiraiya met Gilderoy Lockhart to give Jiraiya the instruction and pictures and profile for Harry, his soon to be student, before Gilderoy left, Jiraiya had to ask the question everyone was curious about.

"How did you get Kakashi to withdraw the lawsuit?." asked Jiraiya curiously.

"Why it's very simple, I just bribed Kakashi another of my rare not yet published book, meaning he has the only book of that particular series except for me in existance, he agreed to our deal right away, well I fulfilled my part of the bargain, it's time to fullfil yours." Gilderoy saw as he walked away leaving Jiraiya to his thoughts.

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Authors Note: And finally the awaited chapter of the series.