‘Azriel and I are both screwed.’ The phrase keeps echoing in my mind as I touch my lips, replaying the memory of what happened before he left my chambers last night. Why is it so difficult to let go of this lingering thought? I wouldn’t say it’s his fault alone – for I started it. If I didn’t tell him about my feelings, he probably wouldn’t do that.
I told him what I feel, and he showed me how he feels as a response.
Is this truly what it's like to love someone? Because at some point, I feel like my heart is being manipulated, and because I'm not used to having such feelings, it made me feel that something is wrong.
Feelings truly make even the wisest people stumble, and it becomes a weakness after. The thought of facing him today is daunting, as he may seek me out if I don't attend and assume I'm jealous. Additionally, the empress may question my absence, as I should be celebrating alongside them.
Tonight's event will revolve around dancing, presenting an opportunity for me to forge connections when the opportunity arises. I mustn't allow my emotions to consume me throughout the day, and engaging in social interactions would serve as a beneficial distraction.
Since the guests are mostly the families of the dukedoms in the Ruivenfiere regions, I should test the waters and turn Hervouet’s allies to support Azriel instead. Among the regions – which used to be kingdoms, Herzoyona Eskal, Greizenne, and Alryne are the most influential. These three are on Hervouet’s side including Beruvia, and I’d say he’s good at finding the right connections. I have to at least get the support of one of them. I should tell Azriel to do his part too, or perhaps … the empress. But is it even proper to talk about alliances at a wedding feast?
Still, I have to figure something out. I now have a greater reason why I should be proactive and take things seriously.
I heard a soft knock on the main door, prompting me to open it. Three maids stood there, assisting each other in carrying a rack filled with exquisite dresses, most of which were lavish and suitable for special occasions. Could these dresses possibly be from Azriel?
“Good morning, milady. His Highness wanted to give these to you. He picked all of these himself,” one of the maids gave an awkward smile. “He’s thoughtful, isn’t he? He also told us to keep that a secret from others.”
Her question sounded more of, ‘how can he give someone all these when she’s not even his wife?’ That … or I might be overthinking. Who knows? He probably bought some for Kathrynne.
“I appreciate you for bringing all these. Perhaps I should thank His Highness myself later. Would you mind helping me get dressed up? I plan to explore the palace, especially the gardens. The event isn’t starting yet, after all.” I requested, and all of them nodded in approval.
"If that pleases you, then we'll be happy to do it." One of the maids pressed her lips together, and it was obvious that there was something she has to say but holding herself back from doing so.
“If you want to say something, go on.” My voice sounded authoritative, and one of the maids froze upon hearing me. The other two, however, focused their eyes on her.
“I-It’s … uh, we’re aware that you’re a guest but, in the Ruivenfiere palace, there’s a rule that guests are only allowed to explore the main palace and its vicinity. The public is forbidden to explore to visit the crown prince's palace, the eastern and the southern palace unless invited. This is also supposed to be the crown princess’ chambers,” she’s simply implying that I’m not supposed to be here. It sounded like a rejection, though I’m aware that’s not what she’s saying. I wanted to retort because that’s usually how I’ll respond in such situations but I know I’m not in the position to act proud.
“So, what if she’s here? She’s my special guest and I invited her myself. She’s the princess of Eurhyia. That alone means she deserves special treatment among others,” Azriel's voice resonated from the hallway, and as he appeared outside the door, he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed, frowning and glaring at everyone.
Can’t he act dignified for once? Azriel is displaying a rather casual demeanor in my presence. He should consider formalities, especially when we are in the company of others.
“Forgive me for my impudence, Your Highness!” one of the maids said, while the others bowed to acknowledge his presence.
“If the empress is the one who heard you say that to her guest, she’ll have you executed already. Leave us alone for a while and be back in five minutes,” his voice was cold, and the maids immediately followed without question.
As he closed the door behind him, a wave of tension washed over me upon seeing him. However, to my surprise, his expression softened almost instantly as soon as everyone else had left the room. It was remarkable how quickly his demeanor shifted from being in a sour mood to seemingly being in a good one.
“Sorry about those maids. I wasn’t expecting them to be like that to you. Should I banish them?”
“No, there’s no need to be dramatic. They just can’t believe that you have a guest with special treatment. I can imagine them talking about us, though.”
I can only hope that they won’t talk about us in a bad way, or start rumors. But even in Eurhyia, being in the high society also means having your name caught in rumors. I guess it can’t be helped.
“I don’t care about what they think so it’s fine. You didn’t mind me telling them that you’re the princess of Eurhyia, aren’t you? I couldn’t think of another valid reason.”
“No, it’s fine. I already saw these coming – that one day I have to let people know. I’ll be too belittled if you’ll say that I’m a random commoner who got invited. Besides, that would be a lie.”
A heavy silence hung in the air, leaving me with the responsibility of initiating a new topic of conversation. "Thank you for the dresses. They're beautiful. You're also in good timing since I wanted to discuss something with you," I said, breaking the ice.
“What is it?”
"The wedding ball is taking place tonight, and I've been contemplating the idea of establishing connections with various individuals. Hervouet and I had a conversation yesterday, during which I urged him to share information about his allies. It appears that Beruvia, Greizenne, Alryne, and Eskal are among those who support him. If you find yourself with some free time during the event, I suggest engaging in conversations with the dukes to garner their support. I will do the same."
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I know that I planned again without him, but I think there’s no need for him to complain about that unlike before.
“Can’t you just let loose and enjoy the events? You’re stressing yourself too much,” he commented, not seeing the opportunity he can get from the situation.
“How can I not? Do you really want Hervouet to drag you to the hell hole he’s preparing for you? You can’t get an opportunity to talk to these leaders personally every day. If you have better plans, then I’d love to hear it,” I said, and my blood began to boil at his lack of initiative.
"These people will see me rise as emperor one day. If I won't show them that I care about the next empress, they'll think that everything is just a show, and the reason why I gathered them is that I want to talk about wars. That the wedding isn't my priority. I can't do that," I bit my tongue as I looked away, but I admit – he's not wrong. Hervouet said that he’s planning to start the rebellion once Marrossi’s barriers get destroyed which will take around seven months, according to his predictions.
Maybe I’m being anxious because I don’t care about the wedding, since I didn’t see its importance. I forgot that the event is about Azriel and Kathrynne. Of course. How can I forget? I can’t believe how embarrassed I am now, and I don’t know how to keep my cool in this situation. Yet, I can’t admit that I lost the argument.
I know it's reasonable for me to think about his safety because I love him. But it was too late when I realized that he has responsibilities with another woman, and I don’t even know how he sees her. My realizations made me want to disappear.
"I believe I understand what you're going through, and perhaps you need some time alone to collect your thoughts," he remarked, providing a sense of relief. As he turned away, seemingly on the verge of leaving the room, his words came across as cold to me. However, I couldn't expect him to be warm towards me, as it would be inappropriate given the circumstances. I suppose I allowed myself to be overly influenced by the events of yesterday.
"Do you …" he looked back at me, and I hung my head in embarrassment. "Never mind. I'll say it once I articulate my thoughts properly.”
──•~❉᯽❉~•──
The warm scent of the lavender incense which had been placed at various intervals earlier welcomed me as I entered the great banquet hall. It was occupied with people clamoring for their expensive and luxurious clothes, chatting with each other. A group of violinists, pianists, and harp players were placed at the end of the hall, playing music to set the mood of the banquet. Part of the hall was rounded tables and seats, each table adorned with flowers at the center, while the bigger part of the hall was a spacious dance floor. Knowing that the guests are nobilities from different dukedoms, some will sure show off and try hard to stand out.
At least that's what nobles are like in Eurhyia. But the banquet hall won’t be this spacious for nothing. The space itself demands people to fill it, and it will be rude to keep sitting down.
As I observed from a distance, I noticed a man of similar age standing with an air of dignity, yet he seemed to be alone, quietly observing the surroundings. His striking ivory hair immediately caught my attention, and as I approached him, I couldn't help but notice his captivating purple eyes, reminiscent of those from Eurhyia. Could he be from Eurhyia, like myself? There was only one way to find out.
I approached him and I lifted my hand for a handshake, but instead of holding my hand, he pulled out a translation device that looked like a gold bracelet and offered it to me.
Ah, he’s probably thinking that I can’t speak his language.
“Evd, zueniar nis xyare hyem quevbes mueslyo. Fiyerie nel Thyra Van Zia Edevane, riene ru Eurhyia. Kyjes ni wuregi er vraen.” (‘Thank you, but I do speak the language. My name is Thyra Van Zia Edevane, princess of Euhryia. It’s a pleasure to be your acquaintance.’) I spoke, and gave a confident grin. He seemed surprised hearing me speak the language, and he reached my hand to shake it as I offered.
“Therona. Fiyerie nel Raleigh Von Laszlo, jaehn ru Herzoyona Eskal.” (‘I see. My name is Raleigh Von Laszlo, Grand Duke of Herzoyona Eskal.’) his stony face softened a bit after we exchanged words in Euhryian language.
“It’s interesting that I’ll meet someone who can speak Eurhyian,” I complimented, and he remained composed, which made me disappointed. I was expecting him to talk like a normal human instead of a rock, but at least he’s responding.
“I wasn’t expecting it because Izavenes usually can't speak a foreign language. You did mention that you're the princess of Eurhyia, but you don’t have the features of one. How can you be that, when you’re an Izavene?”
“I can return a similar question. You look like a Eurhyian. How can you be the Grand Duke of Herzoyona Eskal?”
“I was born in Eurhyia,” he admitted, but the question wasn’t answered yet. “The late king of Eskal bought me from an orphanage because he didn’t have an heir, but when Eskal lost the war and the king died, I became a duke and pledged my loyalty to the empress to save my kingdom from further violence. Among the Ruivenfiere regions, only Eskal is led by a human. Now, you’re the one who should answer my question.”
It was a somber realization that both of us carried the weight of tragic war stories. Knowing that he was also of Eurhyian descent, I couldn't help but feel a sense of connection between us.
“My mother is an Izavene, and the human Eurhyian king is my father. I was kept in the palace, but I had a bad reputation since the nation sees me as a monster after they saw me use my powers as an Izavene to wipe out the army from the recent war. I had to run away because I can no longer call my home 'home.' Then I found myself here. The rest is history." It's amusing how I can confidently say all these things that I used to be hiding. But the situation demands it – if a person says a personal story, it would be good to share some in exchange to win the trust.
"Ah, another story of rejection. At this banquet, as you have noticed, nobody's approaching me because they know that I'm different from them. I was given a special ring to enter Marrossi to avoid getting killed by the barriers. But the coldness of the ones here towards me is because of the differences of the race. Izavenes tend to look down on humans, especially since these are all nobles. Power influences a person’s mindset. So, you have my thanks, princess. It’s a bit awkward to stay in one corner alone.”
"Then if you knew this will happen, you should've brought your duchess with you to keep you company. An invitation from the empress is an order unless there are valid reasons why you can't attend."
"I don't have a duchess," I held my jaw from dropping. Is it because he's young? He's around his mid-20s. Probably 26? It is undeniable that he is attractive and I’m sure it can naturally attract the attention of noblewomen. I couldn’t help but wonder if it would bother him if I ask about it.
"You seem to be a fine person. Why don't you have one, if you don't mind me asking?" his lips twitched and for a second, he made an exasperated face but forced himself to respond with an awkward smile instead.
I can imagine that it’s annoying. I probably crossed the line, so I looked down in embarrassment, and if I can only return the words, I would.
"Sorry, Your Grace. I shouldn't have asked that." I said, and part of me wants to run away.
“It’s fine. I understand it, since it’s a common question but quite awkward for me to answer. Noblemen in my region mostly fear me since I’m known to have a bad temper. So, they don’t want to entrust their daughters to a hothead like me, although some of their daughters tried hard to win me over. I’ll leave the rest in your imaginations.” Honesty was obvious in his words, but I can tell that he was not proud of it.
“Don’t you think it’s sad to be alone? Besides, you will need an heir later on for the sake of your people,” I said, trying to convince him to see the need.
"Princess, it's not good to depend on your happiness to other people. People come and go. It's good to have them, but don't depend on them for everything. Because if you won't handle things properly, the person will be your greatest joy and pain."
As the background music grew louder, capturing everyone's attention, all eyes turned towards the wedding couple as they took to the dance floor. Within a matter of minutes, the rest of the crowd joined in, creating a lively and joyous atmosphere.
"Since we find ourselves here, engaged in conversation, may I have the pleasure of this dance?" the grand duke asked, his voice filled with a gentle charm. He delicately lifted my gloved hand and pressed a kiss upon it, his gaze unwaveringly fixed upon me. Though his gesture caught me off guard, I had a feeling that its significance would become clear in due time. The intensity in his captivating purple eyes conveyed a message, leaving me with no choice but to accept.
"Certainly, Your Grace. It would be my honor," I replied, acknowledging the privilege of sharing a dance with him.