I ran my hand along my bandaged right leg, moving up to my thigh to gauge the pain from my wounds. Grimacing as I touched the main injury, the pain brought back memories of how a woman like me took down eight criminals on my own.

I couldn't shake the feeling of the monster I’ve become when Azriel’s power was transferred to me.

Even though their destiny was sealed when the grand duke handed them to me as "toys," I was certain that I wouldn’t let the day end with them surviving.

I have many things I wish to share with Azriel – from how his powers have affected me to the unfamiliar abilities I now possess, and the current happenings since my return to reality.

However, what I want to express the most is my longing for his embrace and to confess my love for him. But I know that I never will. The Rhinecrest itself created a physical barrier between us, mirroring the reality that a married prince like him cannot be with a fallen princess like me.

I sighed as I released my troubling thoughts. Throughout my life, I believed I was intelligent, but I never anticipated that I would become a fool the instant I developed feelings for him – Azriel, the man who was once my adversary and is now the source of both my happiness and agony.

Yet, simultaneously, I can't shake off my doubts about whether this is genuine love that I'm feeling. Part of me still believes that everything is just a lie. But how can get rid of this feeling? I’m sure it can’t be for nothing.

I shifted from a sitting position to lying back on the bed and closed my eyes.

Is marrying his brother my best bet for a peaceful palace entry? Consulting the former empress and potentially enlisting Eviona's help are crucial. My knowledge of Eviona is limited to her power I can’t even imagine.

On the flip side, Hervouet's intentions could be perilous. While I understand his goal of using me to seize the throne, it wouldn't be surprising if he aims to make my life a nightmare due to past actions.

What I know for certain is that marrying him is like playing with fire, but at this point, I have nothing left to lose. Those with nothing to lose can be more dangerous, and I'm confident he hasn't considered that.

Surely, he can't expect me to be compliant and loyal, right? He can't be that naive.

Regardless of the scenario, one thing I am certain of is that I will never be his puppet. I have already triumphed over him once, and I am confident I can do it again, and again if needed.

A gentle knock resounded from the door, and a soft voice called out my name, seeking permission to enter. Though unfamiliar, the voice lacked any hint of menace, instilling a sense of reassurance.

“Come in,” I replied, and the door creaked open, revealing a lady with wavy golden hair and bright, silver eyes. She appeared timid and cautious, yet her eyes betrayed a sense of anticipation and brimmed with curiosity.

“I hope I’m not intruding, Lady Thyra,” she stepped in and closed the door behind her, and sat on the chair next to my bed. “I’m glad to see that you’re awake and well now.”

She wore a stylish crimson dress with golden floral embroidery, looking captivating. Knowing Raleigh's strict rules, it was odd that the lady, possibly Louvienne, the grand duchess of Eskal, came alone without any servants accompanying her, especially considering I'm a stranger to her.

“Ah … Thank you for your concern. It’s an honor to meet you, Your Grace. I wasn’t expecting you to spare time to visit me.”

I found myself unable to meet her gaze, as if an invisible force held me back. It seemed like the proper etiquette called for a formal conversation to begin.

Or so I thought.

“Oh please. Let’s drop the formalities. Raleigh’s friends are my friends too. Both of us don’t care about formalities when it comes to our friends,” a wide grin spread through her face, that seems to be the most natural thing she can do. “Anyway, apologies for the late introduction. My name is Louvienne, Raleigh’s lucky wife.”

She chuckled at her introduction and gracefully laughed at her own lighthearted remark. The term "lucky" seemed out of place to me. I had anticipated her to introduce herself as the grand duchess, but she introduced herself in the simplest manner possible.

“Thyra Edevane,” I answered, neglecting the title I had which I had thrown away by choice. After all, it’s pointless to call myself the first princess of Eurhyia when everyone’s pointing a dagger on my neck.

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“I’m sure Raleigh told you about me. But I find it strange that you only called yourself Raleigh's wife instead of telling me that you're the grand duchess."

“Though that’s true, but it’s just a title. It feels like saying it that way especially in an informal meeting like this would sound like I’m boasting. Besides, I want us to be friends. I don’t want to set boundaries just because of titles.”

I don’t remember the last time I met a humble noble who wouldn't rub their titles on other people's faces. But everything about her felt different.

“I’d like to invite you for an afternoon tea once you’re ready. Of course, you have the right to refuse if you don’t want to since I don’t want to force anything. I heard you had wounds earlier. It must’ve hurt.”

The grand duchess shifted her gaze to my wounded leg and immediately squeezed her eyes shut upon seeing it. Her demeanor turned sour, yet she made an effort to smile despite her discomfort at the sight of wounds.

She must be the kind of lady who never experienced serious injuries. Her life must be full of luxury and peace. It’s the kind of life a normal person would ask for, but not everyone can afford the luxury of having a worry-free life.

I hid my leg under the blanket and let out a sigh. “They're not as painful as they look. There may be a lot, but they're tolerable. I have a high tolerance to pain, you see."

"I don't think it's a good thing to get used to pain," she looked away and paused. “Raleigh told me everything. You’ve been through a lot, Lady Thyra. I find your strength admirable. Not everyone can make it this far.”

She’s not wrong. Most people would lose themselves if they were in my shoes, but my goal is clear – and failure is not an option. I can’t imagine what kind of wreck I’ll be if I’ll fail twice.

“I don’t know if I’m supposed to be thanking you for appreciating the strength that I have. I guess I should. But it’s nothing special if you ask me since my life has always been about survival from the start.”

Louvienne narrowed her eyes in silence, giving it some thought. Judging by the look on her face, I don't think she understands where I'm coming from.

"In Eurhyia, whether the child is born from a mistress or not, the firstborn will always inherit the throne unless incapable of leadership. I was the daughter of my father’s mistress, so the queen saw me as a threat to her son. Of course, she wanted her son to become king. So, I experienced being threatened and looked down on by her. That includes several assassination attempts, but I was spared from all those because I've been on guard. What made things interesting is that I'm close to her son whom I see as a little brother all the time. He's been too dependent on me because I was the only person he could open up with, and losing me shattered him into pieces and he lost his sanity. I won't be different from a bird locked in a cage for the pet owner to admire if I go back there."

“Your brother went mad without you, then,” she commented, trying to picture the situation. “That's because you ran away, right? Because the queen might kill you? I also heard from Raleigh that one of the reasons why you escaped is because you wanted to search for the person who killed your father, who happens to be the crown prince."

"That's right. Not that I'm proud of any of those. As you can see, I get entangled from one conflict to another. I'd understand if they're minor conflicts, but my life has always been on the line. All these circumstances made me turn into the monster I am today."

“Lady Thyra, you’re not –”

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but a lot of blood are shed in my hands. It would be too kind if someone would still call me a normal person. But don't you think I'm just acting this way because violence runs in the veins of Izavenes? It was as if we were born to destroy humans."

"Not because violence runs in your veins means you have to live that way. I believe everyone deserves redemption. You may not be able to change your past, but your future is in your hands. Our life's battles won't end, but it's about how you'll prepare for war."

Of course, a kind-hearted soul like her will never understand. If I continue discussing things about how I see life, we won't stop from disagreeing with each other. Her motive is pure and she's trying to help, but there's one thing I'm aware of – I am beyond saving.

“Forgive my impudence, but please don’t worry about me. My life may be a mess right now and I sound pessimistic, but I’ll be fine. I have plans, and I guarantee that I’ll fix everything, especially the lives of those that I ruined. I cannot return the lives of those who died in my hands, but I’ll see what I can do for those who are still alive.”

"You're only talking about having Prince Azriel's life back, correct?"

Her question hit me hard, and just hearing his name made me feel exposed and defenseless. I can't shake the feeling that I'm responsible for his unconscious state and his mental suffering in Rhinecrest, especially now that he's alone.

Emotions overwhelmed me as the final image of him flashed in my mind. A man whose spirit seemed crushed by isolation, nearly sacrificing his life to protect me. These thoughts filled my heart with sorrow, guilt, and self-disappointment.

Her warm hands gently touched my face, wiping away the tears that I didn’t notice. The grand duchess embraced me wordlessly, melting my frozen heart and filling it with a longed-for warmth coming from someone I can consider as family.

At this point, she isn't the grand duchess, but simply Louvienne, a lady who wants to help using emotional support. She may not have the answers that I wanted to hear, but this alone was enough to give comfort to my troubled heart.

Louvienne let me cry everything out, and I let out a sigh as I pulled myself away. "I'm sorry you had to see me this way. Thank you for lending a shoulder to cry on," I looked away to avoid her eyes. "I can't believe I'm being this emotional. It's not like me."

"It's alright. I hardly did anything, but I suppose there's no need for me to ask about everything because I believe I already understand everything behind those tears." She replied.

I wish I could do something to give her something in return, but since I don't have anything, there's no way I can return her the favor. She's the complete opposite of Raleigh, but at the end of the day, both of them are only doing these for my sake. It’s the kind of support I don’t deserve, yet it was given.

“I’d like us to be … friends,” I almost bit my tongue as I hear the words that won’t commonly come out of my mouth, and Louvienne gave me a warm smile for an answer.