The deafening silence.
The nonexistent time.
A place without night or day.
A place that lacks gravity, where shattered pieces of red diamonds are floating.
The weight of these experiences is beginning to take its toll on my sanity. It feels as though I am trapped in a never-ending solitary confinement, uncertain of how much longer I can endure. Time seems to blur, leaving me unsure of both how long I have been in this state and when I will return to the outside world.
What made it worse is, I don't have anything that can answer my questions.
A small glimmer of solace amidst the chaos is the sight of Thyra's recovering body on the opposite side of this ethereal realm. A transparent wall serves as a barrier between us, allowing me to observe her progress with a sense of hope.
Though I’m sure that I sealed her in the Rhinecrest I made, I’m not sure where I am, if I’m alive, or what happened in my body after I poured out all my powers just to save the woman that I love that feels close, yet out of reach.
Is there even a future for us? If not, will there be a way for us to have our lives back?
Despite my limited knowledge of the Rhinecrest and how it works, I made the decision to seal Thyra's body within it. While a select few understand its true nature and capabilities, even after exerting all the remaining powers I possessed to ensure her recovery, my mind remains plagued by anxiety. The uncertainty and restlessness persist, overshadowing the faith I have in her eventual restoration.
How long will she be in the Rhinecrest? As far as I know, the one who created it is the only person who can set her free. But with myself being here is what makes the issue complicated. Could it mean that I happened to seal myself in a Rhinecrest that I created for her?
This damn reality … can’t we just live far away from the empire and forget all of these happened?
“Thyra, how long will it take for you to wake up? Can you hear my voice?” I’ve lost count of how many times I said the same words, but I heard no response as if I'm talking to a wall.
Not until now.
I shut my eyes as I had a glance at the combination of two blinding lights coming together, and I looked once again the moment it stopped.
Thyra’s eyes opened slowly, though she was still floating, but I’m sure of it. She’s awake.
“Azriel?” her weak voice gave me the hope that I'd been longing for the whole time. I know that if I were in the outside world, I’d feel like my heart will burst.
But I can’t feel anything strong, and not even I can touch myself.
“You’re finally awake,” I responded, and I can’t find the right words to explain the mixed feelings I'm having at the moment.
“I’ve been hearing you calling my attention all this time. I doubt that I heard you just a hundred times. I couldn’t answer because I can only see my floating body from afar. But today, I can’t see myself from afar, as if my soul entered my body once again. I’m confused. Why are we floating? Where are we? Are we dead?”
I’m not daydreaming. She really is talking, and this isn’t a hallucination.
“What’s the last thing you remember before this?”
“I remember hearing your voice, where you’re apologizing that ‘this is the only way you can think of to protect me from them,’ and that I should wait for you. So I suppose, this is the Rhinecrest, right?”
“The place you’re in, yes. But I’m not sure of where I am, because this place certainly looks different from yours.”
Thyra reached out and touched the invisible wall that separates us, and in response, I placed my hand where hers was. However, I cannot directly touch the wall itself, as I am currently without a physical body.
“I don’t know about the Rhinecrest, but don’t you think it’s possible that your red diamond ring created its own Rhinecrest and sealed you in for you to recover?" she paused as if analyzing something.
“Now that I think about it, I have to thank you, Azriel, for saving my life. But creating a Rhinecrest to help me recover consumed your life force. Red diamond Izavenes like you are different from other Izavenes. My theory is, perhaps after pouring out everything in your hands, your ring saved you and put you in a red diamond Rhinecrest too. Which is why you’re not having it in your finger, but it’s scattered into pieces floating around you.”
The words she said rang bells in my ears. That idea never crossed my mind the whole time I was here.
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Until this moment, my understanding of the Rhinecrest was that it served as a vessel for someone's recovery at the cost of depleting my own life force. I had anticipated my own demise in the process, yet here I am, still present alongside Thyra.
The fact that she remains by my side reinforces my certainty that she has not succumbed to death. The true nature of the Rhinecrest and its impact on our lives is a mystery that I am now compelled to unravel.
“You don't have to thank me for it. I made it out of impulse because I was too scared at the thought of losing you. If anything, I feel sorry because I don’t know how I can get us out of here. Aside from restoring someone’s life, I also knew that the only person who can free the one sealed in the Rhinecrest is the one who made it. Assuming that it’s true that a Rhinecrest that my ring automatically created, how then can I set you free if I'm here?”
“We kept on avoiding each other back then, but we only have each other now. I don't have the answers either, but for now, we can talk about everything. There might be an invisible wall that separated us, but hearing and seeing each other from afar should be enough for now. We have to accept our current reality.”
I admire her courage to keep us in high spirits. Unfortunately for me, all I can think of is … I’m the one who should be blamed for everything.
“You’re right. This is the best time for us to talk. In case you didn't know before I created the Rhinecrest, the grand duke was with me. I told him that if I’ll die, he should bury my body somewhere. If he saw two Rhinecrests on the ground soon after I created it, then I suppose he’ll be our hope. I doubt that he’ll be too selfish and turn a blind eye. Considering you’re involved, he’s probably looking for ways how to set you free.”
Thyra’s eyebrows furrowed, her eyes burning in anger.
“What are you implying, Azriel Liev Ruivenfiere? Why do you keep sounding like you’re pushing me to Raleigh? How could you?” her words clarified it all – that I made a wrong judgment this whole time.
“I thought he had eyes for you. Do you have any idea how much he loosens up when it's about you? It's hard not to jump to conclusions. If it’s not love, then perhaps he cares for you as a friend.”
“He’s unexpectedly kind, but that doesn't mean there's something else. I see him as an ally. Allies and friends are not the same. Do I even have to spell that out to you?”
No. At this point, I already knew her understanding of the matter. There's nothing else that needs to be discussed about Thyra and the grand duke.
I wish to talk about our complicated relationship, but I don’t know if I’m supposed to ask about that.
“It’s fine, I get it. I won’t press the issue further,” seeing us talking now reminds me of the last thing I told her before we get in here. “Did you give my words some thought? The last time we talked was when we were on the beach, and I told you that my marriage is annulled and that I'll be needing a new empress."
It felt like an embarrassing thing to open up, knowing that at this point, a lot of things probably happened in the outside world. Either Hervouet or Eviona has taken over. It's likely that I no longer have a home to return to.
I wanted to ask her if she still loves me as I do, but at some point, I know that it can’t be entirely true, even if that’s how she believes she feels about me.
Thyra closed her eyes and her lip twitched, a reaction that intensified my negative feelings. It seemed apparent that she was withholding judgment on my thoughts, perhaps deeming them foolish or unworthy of being expressed.
“I think you’re asking the wrong question. We both know that’s no longer possible. I’d be lying if I’ll say that didn’t cross my mind, but it’s a pointless wish now. The truth is, if we managed to return to the outside world, things will be more complicated if we’ll get involved in politics,” she cut off eye contact as she paused.
“You can’t go back to the place you once called home, and neither can I. You know how much hatred Eurhyians feel towards me and my life will be in line if I’ll return there. We both have nothing to return to. The thing is this – I’m not the kind of person who’ll run away out of defeat. So, running away is the last thing on my mind."
Of course, that’s the Thyra I know. She'll face anything head-on because she knows she's capable once she figures out her enemy's weakness.
This is exactly how she escaped death plotted by Queen Corianne, including Hervouet’s trap set on her. Her courage and determination are admirable – and those are some of the things that I lack.
If I were to return to the outside world, my inclination would be to escape and forge a new existence in the shadows. There must be a country that would accept fugitives – one way or another.
That’s what I want to believe, at least.
From the human perspective, Izavenes are forbidden jewels. We’re not supposed to exist, as we only oppress humans and steal what’s theirs.
The truth is unknown to them, unaware that a power-hungry human king orchestrated the transformation of his subjects into Izavenes, lured by the promise of immortality offered by the gems hidden beneath the captivating lake despite not knowing what happens when someone swims into the lake.
This knowledge eludes the human populace, leaving them unaware of the true origin of our kind.
“Then you’re saying that … once we return, you’ll fight and aim for the throne?” I asked, though I already know the answer.
“I won’t be doing that because I want to, but I’ll do that for you to get what’s yours. You said before that you’re the weakest among your siblings. I won’t be surprised if they insulted you because of that. So, I’m going to fill their mouths with rocks and let them beg for mercy at your feet.”
She never changed. She planned everything on her own, without including me. Her plans sounded like all I have to do is to sit down and watch her work out her plans. For she always believes that she can do that knowing what she’s capable of.
This doesn’t make her too different from Eviona in this aspect. Thyra never met Eviona, so she can have this level of courage.
She doesn’t understand the weight of her words. I must stop her from facing Eviona.
“You no longer have to do that,” I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting to hear her opposing me.
"Why? I'm not good with words, but the reason why I want to fight for you is that I love you, and I owe you my life.” She gritted her teeth together, disappointed with my words that contradicts her plans.
“Can’t we just leave the empire and start from scratch?” she sure sees my suggestion as ridiculous, but isn’t that the safest way to save our lives? If we’re going to risk our lives to overthrow whoever is leading the empire – won’t it be suicide? It defeats the purpose why I let her live in exchange for my life.
“See things this way,” her voice was authoritative, but she was avoiding my eyes as if avoiding seeing my 'cowardice.'
“If you love your empire and your people, you’ll fight for them instead of letting them go and save your life by running away.”