I carry a sleeping Leya to the car while my friends help me transport all of her gifts into my and Cash’s car. She got so many gifts we’re splitting them between both of our houses, I need to go through her toys and start donating the things she no longer plays with. Jade stayed for the rest of the party and Leya was glued to her hip the entire time, forcing Jade and I together. She still refused to speak to me in regards to anything aside from Leya. We acted and played our part for the sake of appearances but nothing more, it was torturous and made the party feel long. I’m drained and all I want is to go to bed and catch up on the sleep I haven’t been getting because of a certain someone.
Jade is with Monica, walking with her and the kids to the car, giving Karla and Taylor the opportunity to sidle up to my side. I shake my head before they can even speak.
“Don’t, I really don’t want to talk about it right now. I just want to go home, get Leya in bed, and go to sleep before going to my grandmother’s party tomorrow”. I explain to my friends, after loading Leya in the car and turning it on and softly closing the door.
“Are you really not going to speak with her at all?” Taylor asks with a frown of disapproval.
“No, at least, not right now”.
“She’s your wife, Angel”.
“No shit, Taylor” I roll my eyes, getting irritated. I’m tired of hearing everyone’s opinions on what I should do or how I should approach Jade. I know we need to talk and I need to make things right, but it’s not that easy.
“Hey, don’t get a damn attitude with me. I’m just saying that you two need to communicate”.
“It’s not that easy when the other person isn’t willing to listen”. The familiar soft purr of Jade’s engine sounds across the lot and I give Taylor a pointed look. Jade drives past but I don’t bother looking her way as I shake my head. If Jade wants to blatantly ignore me I’m going to keep acting unbothered. Even though I’m extremely bothered.
“I’m going home, I need to get Leya in bed”. I swallow my tears and pride, opening the car door, ignoring Karla and Taylor calling my name and driving away. I sigh, running my hands through my hair as I drive home. The silent car ride only makes thoughts of Jade seem louder between my ears.
It’s as if she knew that her presence and refusal to utter a single word to me the entire time at the party would bother me so much. It’s not the first time I’ve been ignored, this was the same dynamic Cash and I had every time we got into it. He would go off and do his own thing, purposefully standing around me just to ignore me, and I would shrug him off and find someone else to entertain. It was childish bullshit when we were too immature to talk about our problems.
Unfortunately, I thought I had moved past that point in my life. I was ready to own up to my mistakes and accept the consequences of not telling Jade about my past, but now she wants to be childish. I don’t know whether to accept it and wait, reach out first, or say fuck it entirely. At least with Cash I could act like I don’t care and the change in dynamic didn’t bother me, but I’m not that great of an actress when it comes to Jade.
She means too much to me for me to just cast aside as if she’s nothing. I want our relationship to last, I want to be with her, otherwise I would’ve never married her in the first place. I groan and put my forehead on the wheel as I come to a light, but before I can wallow in my self-pity, the light turns green.
The rest of the drive home, I listen to music and do what I can to block out thoughts of Jade. Which is proving to become more impossible as time goes on. By the time I pull into the driveway, I’ve given up on blocking that gorgeous infuriating woman. My mind is consumed by Jade and I’m useless to stop the thoughts and desire I have for her. When Karla asked if I loved her enough to fight for her, I knew my answer immediately. Of course I do, but after she asked that question I refused to answer and changed the conversation.
I carefully lift Leya out of her seat and carry her inside. Enrique goes outside to unload Leya’s gifts from my car while I put her to bed. After a bit of fussing and whining I got her changed and dressed for bed before going to help Enrique. I take a deep breath when we’re done and high-five Enrique once we get in the hall.
“Thanks, she got so much stuff this year it’s insane”. We head downstairs as he laughs and nods in agreement.
“She’s a good kid and easy to spoil since she’s not a brat”.
“I’m glad she isn't. I couldn't handle a bratty kid”. I try to do my best when it comes to balancing discipline and making Leya happy. Enrique goes to my aunt’s side at the couch as I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
“Mija, have you talked to your wife at all?” My aunt asks during a commercial, making me frown. I grab my water and go to the living room, where the couple is cuddled up in their regular spot to watch their show.
“No, why?” I saw Jade and my aunt talking at the party but I didn’t bother to ask what they were talking about. I made myself busy instead and forgot all about it, but now that my aunt is bringing it up, I’m curious.
“She asked how we have been and I told her that we’re flying to my mom’s party tomorrow. She offered us her jet and said it’d be ready for us in the morning”.
“Hm, did she?”
“Yes, she did, so tell her thank you please”.
“You just want me to talk to her”.
“You’re right, I do. She makes you happy, mija. Happier than I’ve ever seen you. You are more confident now, you speak up for yourself and your family. I know it’s not only on account of Jade, but I believe she gave you a push towards this change. She placed you in a different environment where you had to speak up for yourself, so carry that confidence in your marriage as well. Make her listen, mija”. I look at my aunt and sigh, I know she’s right. It wasn’t all because of Jade but I was definitely out of my comfort zone and she let me know it was alright to say what I want.
Why does my confidence disappear when it comes to approaching her? I can’t be the same weak withered Angel. I have to have confidence that I want Leya to have as well.
“Goodnight, tia”. I go upstairs to my room, contemplating her words as I get ready for bed. When I’m settled under the covers I grab my phone and click on Jades contact, contemplating what I should say. It’s not a story I should tell over the phone, but I’m not sure when I’ll have the chance to tell her in person. I’ve contemplated showing up at her job unannounced but decided against it. I don’t want to cause trouble or stress at her job.
In reality, any excuse I can find to avoid having the conversation, I’ve found. Not because I’m ashamed of A.J or anything but the memories are just so painful, it was something that was never mentioned. If it was, then I got hit for it. There was to be no mention of A.J or his father. Something’s are just learned over time. After five minutes of typing and retyping I finally send Jade a message before putting my phone on silent and forcing myself to sleep.
“Thank you for lending us your jet. I’m sorry I haven’t reached out, I know we have a lot to talk about, and I hope we can discuss it all when I get back”.
‣‣‣‣‣‣‣‣‣‣
I look out the window of Jade’s plane as we take the short hour and a half flight to my grandma’s hometown. My aunt and Enrique are talking amongst themselves, while I check work emails and work on Alexia’s schedule for the next few weeks. Since I’ve been doing so well as her personal assistant, she decided to up my responsibility and now I handle a quarter of the work that Amara can’t handle. Alexia also gave me a pay raise on top of that so now I make almost half of what Jade was paying me during our old contract.
I’ve been avoiding checking my messages since this morning, making myself busy with getting Leya ready, but now that we’re in the air I have nothing but time.
“Have a safe trip, we will talk when you return”.
I lean my head back in the seat and think over how this conversation will go. I’m not sure what Jade will think of me when she finds out I got pregnant so young. Maybe she’ll think less of me like my family did. Or maybe she’ll say I was overreacting and be more pissed off that I didn’t tell her. I never know what to expect from Jade, even after all our time together she’s still hard to read.
I know when she’s upset, or angry, or happy, or even interested in something new. But I never know what she’s thinking or what reaction to expect from her during a new situation. She’s great at maintaining a poker face.
We landed at the airport about an hour after the party started. There’s a car waiting for us, also courtesy of Jade and we head straight to my grandmother’s house. Leya is awake and buzzing with excitement since I told her we’re seeing Abuela and A.J. She’s been moving in her seat ever since she’s woken up like a ball of energy. It’s not long before we’re pulling up at the familiar house and I take a deep breath. I haven’t been here in years, but the memories were always great. I loved visiting my grandmother whenever I had a chance.
Her house was a safe haven that my parents made sure to rip away from me as well. As my grandmother got older, and after my grandfather died, they convinced her to move in with them. Now her ranch style house is used as a venue for family parties.
We get out of the car and follow my aunt as she leads the way towards the backyard where the sounds of music, talking, and laughter can be heard. The party started an hour ago so I know it’s just now kicking off. Hopefully, if we go straight to the back we can avoid my mother and the gossipy group of bitches in the family.
My dad and most of the men who simply do what they’re wives tell them to keep the peace will be at the grill or drinking. That should give me time to give my grandmother her present, that way nobody can steal it since it’s from me.
Our presence sends people talking as soon as we enter the backyard and I inwardly roll my eyes. I guess the paparazzi has paid off in some way, before their incessant and overbearing behavior I’d be a lot more agitated at the blatant stares and comments. My aunts, cousins and most of the women around don’t waste time too critique me and Leya. None of them are bold enough to say shit to my face as I go to my grandmother.
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“I can’t believe she showed up and dressed like that? Why didn’t she put her daughter in a nice dress”.
“How long has it been since Angelica got…well you know?”
“I read that she’s married now and to a woman no less, that one”.
“I don’t see that boy with her, what was his name?”
“No, not him he died, the chulo looking boy. The gangster?”
“I heard she’s married now, and to a woman no less”.
“Not surprising, she’s always been out there”.
I roll my eyes at the scattered chatter not bothering to acknowledge their fake greetings. As if I can’t hear them talking shit and being chismosa, gossipy and nosy. We make our way to my grandma’s table where she’s sitting, talking and eating with her three best friends. I smile at the old motley crew and let Leya down so she can run to my grandma. She eyes the rest of the women that she’s never seen unsure momentarily before running over. I greet the women at the table and my grandmother's friends waste no time ushering me to make my plate, eat, and gossip along with them.
“Aye, mis bebés están aquí” (Aye, my babies are here!) I smirk at my grandma’s loud exclamation that practically puts a smoke signal on my presence. She does this every time we speak, making it known that we still have a relationship despite my sometimes questionable life choices.
“Feliz cupleaños, abuelita”. (Happy birthday, grandma). I give my grandma a kiss and take a seat next as Leya and my grandmother exchange birthday gifts. A tradition between the two that’s usually done over the phone. I take pictures and smile as I watch them interact. I’m glad that Leya at least has my grandma and A.J as family, it's not fair for her to get treated like she’s a demon or extraterrestrial. She’s just a kid and she shouldn’t be punished for the decisions I made when I was a kid. But Leya doesn’t need fake people in her life anyway, family or not and neither do I. The only reason I’m here is for my grandma and A.J, speaking of…
“Is my Tia and A.J here?” I haven’t seen her outside but she could very well be with the other women inside. They’re still bringing food outside so I’m sure they’re in the kitchen, but I’d rather not see my parents more than I have to. I can feel the heavy weight of my dad’s glare and see it out of my peripheral vision.
“Your Tia is running late”. My grandma’s friend, Elisa, informs me with a roll of her eyes.
“Mhm, something about the movers being late. I told Victor not to let his friends move their things”. Cara speaks up this time shaking her head like the other old ladies. They look ready to lecture somebody with their faces all turned up like that.
“I did too”.
“Same here, these kids don’t listen nowadays. These young generations just assume they know best. Leya, bebé, don’t be ignorant like these other kids”. I snicker but stop as soon as three pairs of eyes cut to me.
“Speaking of ignorance, didn’t I tell you to bring your wife?”
“Yeah, Angel, are you hiding her or something?” Cara asks and I force a laugh before shaking my head.
“Of course not, she was just a bit busy this time around, but I promise I’ll bring her to meet you rebels soon”.
“Hm, you better, now give me an update, what have you been up to lately?” I fill my grandmother and her friends in on my job, Leya’s progress in school, but when they ask about Jade I go quiet. There’s a lot of nosey people around and I don’t want news of Jade and I being in a fight to reach the tabloids. I wouldn’t put it past anyone here to sell information about me and Jade.
“Jade and I are fine”.
“Just fine?” My grandmother eyes me, knowing that something is obviously different. Usually when she asks about Jade I go into a full tangent about her and our recent dates and any update I can think of, no matter how mundane. I nod and I’m saved from having to go into a full explanation when my mother comes over with my aunt and A.J.
A.J runs over to me and I immediately get out of my seat to hug him back. I sigh and force the tears down as I run my hands through his soft curls. “I missed you Angel”. I squeeze A.J tighter and sniffle before pulling back.
“I missed you too. We’ll spend a lot more time together now though, I promise”. A.J nods and gives me a wide smile.
“Can Leya and I go play? I promise I’ll watch her” I nod and tell them to be careful, watching as A.J takes Leya’s hand and leads them to the other kids. I smile and take a few pictures before going back to my seat, replacing my genuine smile with a fake one reserved especially for my parents.
“Angel, it’s so good that you can finally join us this year. You ran off and we just never heard from you again”. My mother says sitting at the table across from me, while my aunt goes to her husband and my dad at the grill.
“Well, I actually got an invitation this year, surprising since I thought I was disowned”.
“Now, Angel, there's no need to be so dramatic. Family fight that’s normal, so don't be so sensitive. It was a hard enough time finding your address, you just seem to bounce around so much, like some sort of vagrant”. I grit my teeth and hold my tongue from my mother’s comment and try to remember not to let her get to me. A lot easier said than done, especially when I know she’s low-key calling me a tramp.
“Either way, it’s good to have you here. You should eat, I’m going to talk to your cousins, oh but maybe not too much. I hear the company you keep nowadays worry over their image, we wouldn’t want you gaining any extra weight. Oh, there’s your cousin, Alessandra and her husband Jesus, aren’t they just the most adorable couple and their little baby”. My mother gets up and leaves the table after throwing her insults and I roll my eyes. That didn’t take long at all, and she clearly knows I’m married. She wants to act like nothing happened so I know that there’s a hidden agenda to this invitation after all. It pisses me off that they’re using my grandmother as a way to get to me.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with that daughter of mine or where I went wrong raising her” my grandmother shakes her head but I just shrug.
“I’m here for you anyway, I don’t care what she has to say. Her words are meaningless”. At least, that’s the energy I’d like to portray. “Anyway what have you rebels been up to?” I smile to hide my irritation and hurt at my mothers blatant insults, changing the subject.
I stayed with my grandmother for the majority of the party. A few family members and family friends came up and talked with me, mostly to find out about Jade and ask for a favor or money, which I turned down with a sickly sweet, fake ass smile. Whenever someone says something petty I match their energy with my own pettiness. A few hours into the party, people got the hint to stop asking me about my personal life.
My father has made it a point to avoid me, which I’m grateful for. I assume the invitation was more of my mother’s idea. She hasn’t been around since her slick comments when I first arrived, but I can tell when she’s been talking about me. Subtly isn’t really her forte. When I couldn’t take the stares and comments anymore I went to the kids and played with A.J and Leya, along with a few of my younger family members who are unaware of all of the drama.
It’s amazing spending time with both of my kids together. It’s usually just a dream, something that I know I can’t get my hopes up towards, but now with him moving closer to me, I’ll be able to see him more. My parents can no longer stop our relationship from developing. A.J has always been smart so when he asked for the whole story of his birth and father, I told him. He was upset with all of us, rightfully so, and I worked my ass off for his forgiveness. I convinced my aunt to move closer to me since we’re all getting older and they finally agreed. I had every intention of telling Jade once everything finalized with their move, but I know that I waited too long.
A.J is a great kid and smart as hell for a 7 year old. I've told him about Jade and he invited her to one of his games so they can meet. He really just wants us all to be a family and it’s really sweet. Too bad his grandparents, aka, my parents are such assholes and disagree with the whole family first concept. They only want me around because it’s beneficial, they hear that I’m doing better and want to cash in like I’m some sort of A.T.M.
A.J and I sit on the grass while the smaller kids jump on the trampoline. Leya is jumping and having the time of her life with her family and I feel guilty that she doesn’t have more of a relationship with her family.
“Are you and Jade still fighting?” A.J asks quietly so only he and I can hear.
“I wouldn’t say we’re fighting, we just haven’t talked properly”. A.J and I have a pretty clear relationship, we keep each other updated and stay honest with how we’re feeling. It’s the least I can do since I could never be a proper mother to him. Even after he knew the truth he declined to live with me and insisted on staying with my aunt. I can’t blame him since they’ve become his parents in place of me, but I can’t lie and say it didn’t hurt. We’ve kept each other up to date since, most of our conversations taking place over the phone, but that hasn’t hindered our bond one bit.
“Why not?”
“I guess I’m just scared, you never want to upset the person you love, you know? I’m just being a scaredy cat”.
“It’s okay to be scared, Angel. That’s what mom always tells me, and dad says it’s how you tackle fear that shows how strong you are. And well, you’re the strongest person I know, so I think if you talk to Jade, it’ll be okay”. I smile and hug A.J close, he’s just like his dad, always knowing what to say to uplift someone at their lowest.
“You’re a pretty smart kid just like your biological dad” A.J smiles, giving me a toothy grin and puffing up his chest with pride. A similar move my Tio makes when he fixes something. I guess he takes after both of his dads.
“Can you tell me more about him, his name was Andres, right?” I smile and nod and spend the next few hours telling A.J stories about me and Andres, playing with him, Leya, and the kids, then going to eat with my grandmother. When the party starts winding down, I start helping clear the tables, and put food inside the kitchen, and wash dishes with my cousins, when my mother comes into the kitchen.
“Angel, before you leave, there’s something that we should discuss as a family”. Her words float to my ears and I roll my eyes, not turning around as I finish dishes.
“Angel, excuse me, did you hear me?”
“I heard you, I’m just confused about what we need to discuss and why it concerns me”. She’s really insistent on acting like I’m part of this family and she didn’t disown me. My cousins leave the kitchen at my mother’s insistence, so I have no choice but to speak with her alone. I dry my hands and turn to her expectantly, there’s clearly no getting out of this conversation.
“Your grandmother and father didn’t want to tell you but I’m not so prideful. To put it plainly, your father’s bar is not doing well, on top of taking care of your grandmother and her constant appointments, things are getting tougher each week. We need some money, enough for your grandmother’s hospital bills”. I fold my arms and look at my mother’s seemingly sincere face. I knew my grandma had fallen not too far back and needed to go to therapy a few times a week.
She’s also getting older so her health is starting to decline, it doesn’t help that she insists on eating whatever the hell she wants as well. She had gone to the hospital after she caught a bad stomach flu a few weeks ago, but she hasn’t told me of the constant appointments that my mom is talking about.
“How much exactly?”
“Just enough to get the business afloat again. I know you have all those famous connections now, your wife is a big time investor right?” I roll my eyes and shake my head.
“Why should I help you? My grandmother hasn’t told me about this at all. How do I even know you’re telling the truth?”
“Angel?! You really think I’d lie about something as important as this?” I give her a blank look and she sighs exasperated.
“I would never joke about my mother, Angel. I will do anything I can to take care of my family. Perhaps being away for so long you have forgotten how much I have done for you and sacrificed for your well-being. But fine, if you do not want to help relieve the stress off of your grandmother and parent’s shoulders so be it. I hope your wife knows the kind of woman she’s married to and if not I’m sure she’ll find out soon enough". She throws the word wife at me and I know that she secretly has an issue with me marrying a woman. However, considering she wants that woman’s money she knows better to keep her insults to herself.
I sigh and lean against the counter as I consider my mother’s words. If she is telling the truth and my grandmother isn’t doing as well as she’s acting then I’d feel like shit knowing I did nothing to help.
My mother knows my weakness is my grandmother, but I never expected her to use my love for her against me. There’s no way I can say no to helping my grandmother out, even if it means giving the money to them. I groan and rub my face. Dealing with Jade is one thing but now this situation with my mother and her guilt tripping me is another weight I wasn’t ready to hold.