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Choices

A damn tease, that’s who Jade Knight is. I’m becoming less convinced of all this big talk she constantly does. She gets me riled up only to act like I’m some innocent virgin that’s never had her first kiss.

It’s infuriating.

She says she wants me, I practically spell out that I want her too…and she rejects me. Ugh frustrating, and it’s more annoying that I still don’t want to leave. I want to keep trying and get her to see there’s no reason to run from this. Whatever this is. I want to explore it beyond a business deal. It’s worth exploring and the possible heartbreak. She can act as if she only cares for herself and her image but I know that’s not the only side to Jade. She’s shown so much care and attentiveness to me and Leya, making sure I’m taking care of myself above all else. She’s reminded me I can be confident and say what I want and that’s alright. She’s taught me to keep my head up and only accept the best for myself and everyone around me.

In the short amount of time that I’ve known Jade she’s made a major impact on my life. For the first time in so long I don’t want to apologize for what I want. I don’t want to push my feelings aside for everyone else. I want to be selfish and indulge. I meant it when I said Jade is more satisfying than anyone I’ve ever met. With her I feel comfortable, my worries are forgotten, and despite this current situation, I feel wanted.

Ugh this is dumb, there’s no reason for us to play games. The only time I play is with my toddler. Why do we need a contract and deals? Why can’t I just take her out and show her off? Why does it have to be a business deal? Why am I so frustrated when I knew this is what she wanted? She just wants to fuck me and the sweet gestures are just a way to do that.

I look down at the cake in front of me, my appetite completely gone. I’m frustrated, with Jade, myself, sexually, and the longer I sit here the more adored I get. I just don’t understand why this all has to be so damn complicated.

“You look displeased Angel”. I bite my lip as Jade’s words cut into the awkward silence. No shit, Sherlock. I wonder fucking why.

“It's getting late. I should probably go” I mumble the words without looking up. Do I want to leave? No, but in my emotional state it’s better for me to get some distance. Or I’ll go the hell off on Jade for constantly playing with my emotions. I can feel her eyes on me, watching my every movement. Normally, I’d feel nervous or anxious but right now I’m just annoyed. Especially with myself for having feelings for Jade.

I can feel her eyes on me, they’re so penetrating. Get a grip Angel.

“Angel-”.

“It’s fine Jade, besides I have some reading to do”. I cut her off, looking into her eyes meeting the sharp glare head on. She doesn’t like being cut off but I don’t like being played with. I need some space from her. I know in the end I’ll agree to this deal for the benefit of Leya, but I need to get my heart prepared first. That way I won’t get my heart broken.

“Thank you for tonight Jade. Dinner and dessert was amazing, but I should go”.

“Yes, you said” her words are harsh and her tone is sharp. Now I’m not the only one looking displeased but I don’t care. I stand from the table avoiding her glare trying not to let my frustration show. I have no right to be mad at Jade but she’s irritating me because the longer I stay around her, the more I want her to try.

“Right, goodnight Jade”. I start ordering a ride home as I head to the door. This isn’t how I thought this night would end. The way she stares at me, tries to care for me, she’s supposed to be this cold-hearted CEO that shows no affection, but with me she’s the opposite.

Does it all mean nothing?

Am I being delusional?

I can’t be even Nate says this is unlike her. He says this means something and I’ve caught her eye. Maybe I’m just the object she needs to gain control of her business. She does say that’s all she cares about.

“Angel…” Jade’s voice calls me back and I turn to find her a few feet behind me. She stares like she wants to say something, her eyes are bright, shining.

Fuck, why does she have to be so ethereal and leave me breathless?

I watch the flash of emotions cross her face before she tightens her jaw. I silently plead for her not to run from this. To fight for me to stay and prove that I’m not being delusional. But the straightening of her shoulders and the way her fist is clenched at her side tells me she won’t. I silently hope for her to give this a chance and see me as more than a business deal.

“Nate will take you home”. A wave of disappointment hits me so strongly I know it shows on my face, however I simply nod.

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“Goodnight Jade” I leave her penthouse feeling frustrated, confused, and turned-on. One night out and I think Jade is suddenly going to change and ask me out. She doesn’t date so why did I assume she would compromise and try for me? I’m so out of her league if she’s going to date anyone I’m sure it would be Nikki. Her gorgeous tattooed best friend. I’m sure she’s as strong as Jade and could handle her and her family with no problem.

I go outside and Nate is waiting in the front. He holds the door open and I climb inside with a sigh. He gets in quickly starting the car and driving off.

“That sigh didn’t sound too good”. I groan, leaning my head back against the seat.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing major really. I just like to make my life difficult, that's all”. Nate’s deep chuckle sounds through the car, making me smile. It reminds me of my dad, before our relationship went to shit.

“Did something happen with you and Ms. Knight?” I bite my lip, staring out at the city lights. My mind thinking of Jade and the look on her face before I left. She never seems conflicted but for a moment there was a frown and she was clearly biting her tongue.

“Can you keep a secret Nate?”

“Yes ma’am”.

“I have feelings for Jade, that seem to be growing with every meeting. I don’t really know what to do about it”. I exhale, relieved to get that off my chest. I recently realized that it weighs heavy on my shoulders. This whole situation went from no-brainer to major hesitation.

“I have to admit it’s a bit of a relief to hear you say that”.

“Why?”

“You seem like a sweet genuine young woman and I can tell that you care for Jade beyond her name. She’s never had someone want her for something other than what she can provide. It’s refreshing to hear that someone cares for her”.

“I do care for her but I don’t think she wants me too. She doesn’t date and I doubt that’ll change for me”.

“Have you told her how you feel?”

“No, it’s a bit complicated”.

“Life is full of choices. You can choose to tell Jade and let the cards fall where they will, or you can hide your feelings and distance yourself. If you intend to pine after her in the silence of your friendship, well that usually causes more harm than good”.

“So, you think I should tell her how I feel?”

“I think you should follow your heart and do what gives you peace. What will make you happy? Hiding your feelings, or telling Jade how you feel?” I don’t answer because I don’t know. The idea of fucking up the friendship we’ve established has me terrified of telling Jade that I like her. But thinking of keeping my composure around her constant teasing and sweet affection seems impossible. I don’t say anything for the rest of the ride, reading over the contract, contemplating my decision. I thank Nate and step out of the car, heading inside. My aunt is cuddled up on the couch with her newest boyfriend, smoking and watching telenovelas. Wine and discarded dishes are on the table. I like Enrique so far, he’s definitely the nicest and most respectful man my aunt has dated.

“Hola mija, how was your date?”

“It wasn’t a date” I mumble, taking off my shoes at the door and holding them in my hand. I head to my room distractedly by my thoughts of Jade consuming my mind.

“Are you alright Angel?” Enrique calls and I nod absentmindedly. What was she going to say? Was she going to ask me to stay? Would something have happened if I did? I wish I would’ve stayed, just a little longer.

“Yeah, sorry to interrupt”. I frown thinking back to the look on her face. Her eyes were on fire, she looked passionate about whatever she was thinking about. Like when she told me about all the small and local businesses she’s helped grow and why she loves her job. I go to my room and change out of my clothes before texting Logan that I’m on my way over.

I know my aunt and Enrique don’t mind me being here but I want to give them privacy. Just because my night turned to shit doesn’t mean I’ll ruin theirs. I’d rather cuddle my daughter to sleep and remind myself why I’m doing all of this. It’s not for me or Jade, it's for Leya and the life she deserves. I can ignore my feelings for the betterment of my daughter. I think. Who am I kidding? I have no control of myself around Jade.

I make it to Logan and Taylor’s house around 10:30 at night, texting him that I’m outside so I don’t wake Leya. He opens the door and I smell the smoke, hear the TV, but pay it no mind.

“Hi” I walk past Logan, I’m sure I still look “displeased”, according to Jade. What does that even mean? I look irritated, obviously. She rejected me after turning me on so much. She keeps playing with my emotions. The teasing, the flirting. I thought I loved it, and now it drives me insane. Why does she have to be so hard to read? She’s making this so difficult. Am I thinking about this too much right now?

“Angel, you good?”

“Mhm” I walk past Logan, Taylor and Cash in the living room, going up to check on Leya. I make sure she’s sleeping fine, her monitor is on, and the smoke isn’t leaking into her room. I kiss her forehead before leaving the room, thinking back to Nate’s words.

Can I hide my feelings and still be friends with Jade? If I tell her will she still want to go through with this deal? For now it’s best if I avoid her. I can keep the interactions to a minimum, only for appearances. I’ll sign the papers tomorrow so maybe I can convince her to have Nate pick them up. Or I can give it to Alexia when we meet tomorrow, she wrote the contract anyway, so it’s going to her eventually.

I go back downstairs and go straight to the kitchen, too lost in thought to answer their questions. I don’t want to think about this night with Jade. I have to leave everything at work. No unnecessary flirting, no more kissing, and no imagining all the things I want her to do to me. That last one will probably be impossible but it’s worth the effort. I grab a glass and bottle of Tequila from the fridge. I can do this. I can hide my feelings. It won’t be the first time, it’s just usually not this strong. I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want Jade.