Chapter 56

Ham Ham...Hiss?

I'd slid down a pole as a kid on a playground, but none of them were this high up. And it was so long ago. But I was pretty confident I could get down without dying. Without even a moment of preparation, I jumped over the ledge.

Instant regret. The pole was not smooth and clean like the ones at the playground had been. It was cheap and rickety and it scratched the hell out of my hands. I had to fight myself from throwing my hands off and plummeting to my doom. Instead I came up with a much better plan: I gathered my energy in my hands, creating a barrier between my palm and fingers, giving me a solid place to grab without destroying my actual hand.

The rest of it was smooth sailing. I landed at the bottom, safe and sound. I considered ripping out the Bible and giving the dude a stern talking to, he totally knew about the damn pole—but I didn't feel like it was worth getting into it with him. He must live for that or something. I guess it is a boring job, whatever you gotta do to entertain yourself.

I'd wasted enough time. I was anxious to get moving, find some armor, and get the hell out of there. Without even meaning to I fell into a power walk. From the crater wall there was another ring of darkness, one path cut through it, lit by torches. I cleared it in an instant and shot into the heart of the market like a bat out of hell... right into a display of beam swords. Three fell off and clattered to the floor.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I went to pick them up but a hand slapped me.

"No, girl! Bad! Get away!" I looked up and it was a little chicken talking... one with the head of a bald man.

I dropped the weapons at once and side stepped away, getting swept in the crowd of patrons. There were people EVERYWHERE. The shadows I'd seen from above were actually the hustle and bustle of people, going from stall to stall. I saw people of all kinds. There were fully decked out warriors—both modern and old school style—as well as just normal looking folks who you would never suspect would be looking for weapons at all let alone possibly illegal ones. I passed one stall where an old lady was buying the thickest dagger I'd ever seen. What the hell did she need that for?

The man headed chicken was just the tip of the iceberg of weird merchants. There were dwarves in tall mech suits, a woman made out of ants (who was selling... bug killer!?), long necked mice men. Just an endless buffet of weirdos selling equally as out there weapons.

I didn't know if I could trust the demon kid but I found myself following his directions anyway and walking completely straight.I mean, as much as could be done. It wasn’t like the layout was one big straight shot, instead, like I’d seen from above, it was a circle, with the stalls placed in a sort of maze-like way. I fully expected a minotaur to charge at me at any moment. But, as I walked, it was just tons of people, weapons, and strange merchants.

I tried to find patrons that were as odd looking as the sellers but they were mostly normal people or shrouded from view, wearing weird cloaks I’ve never seen before that made my eyes sort of naturally look over them. I tried to focus on one of them, but it was impossible. It was like the cloak was dipped in vaseline for the eyes, my gaze just slipped off. I made a note of them, deciding that I would ask someone where I could buy them. Surely this was the place.

I took turns, and dodged around stalls and dangerous looking weapons, trying my best to go deeper into the maze, as straight as possible. But it was kind of tricky. I looked around for some guidance, a directory, a map–something. But the market provided no help. I suppose that was fitting its maze like appearance.

But, after awhile, the weaponry got less and, finally, clothes and armor started to show up. I searched the clothes first, hoping to catch sight of those cloaks. Instead, I found mostly sex related outfits that were extra revealing and eye catching–the exact opposite of what I wanted. The armor selection was a lot better. There were medieval suits, space marine styled ones, and even goofy ones, like armor that looked like just a pair of boxers but claimed to provide protection as good as any piece of armor. I briefly considered the briefs, but quickly walked on.

A big hulking man came toward me, lugging a huge pile of swords and I had to dodge out of the way, taking a turn into a dark corner of the maze. I waited for him to walk by but someone noticed him and they started talking, loudly, and completely blocking my way forward.

“Binbo! It’s been so long old friend!” The new person said, my view of him blocked by the giant.

“Ah, Yanta! How the hell have you been doing you rapscallion?” The giant exclaimed and, to my horror, he put the huge stack he was carrying down and between it and his body mass, I was stuck inside the alley.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

Fucking hell. As I debated interrupting their conversation, someone called out to me from behind, “Ah! A customer! Come closer, missss.”

That last word gave me a clear picture of what kind of merchant’s territory I’d stepped into: a snake. I could already imagine the giant coils, wrapping around the booth, as he came up to his full height.

I gulped and turned around. No giant snake. Not even a little one. I looked all around but all I saw was a dead end, with wall to wall stuff, not just armor but odds and ends, weapons, and strange gadgetry I had no way of knowing what they were for.

Someone cleared their throat. “Down here, Misssss.”

I looked down and there WAS a snake. Or at least, the head of one, put on the body of a hamster.

“Uh, hello,” I said.

The little guy ran, his butt wiggling like mad, and he jumped up onto the counter of his booth. “What can I do for you?”

“Uhh…” This wasn’t really what I’d been expecting. But in his huge pile of stuff, it was possible he could have something for me. “I’m in the market for some armor. Not too heavy, not too expensive, but good. And preferably pink.”

The merchant nodded excitedly. “Pink? Very few people who come here want pink! Here, I show you my armor rack!”

He fumbled for something, finding a little handheld device. He pressed a button on it and the walls of stuff moved, rotating around until a whole other wall appeared, this one decked out in only body armor. The other stalls were decked out with, well, cool armor. Fancy stuff. The snake-hamster’s selection was a bit more… eclectic. They were gaudy colors, bright and flashing. And full of seemingly unconnected widgets and gadgets. Wires ran all around some of them, connecting to flashing lights. Some of them looked more like bomb jackets than something that would protect you.

“Well, what do you thinksss?” He said excitedly. I had a feeling he didn’t get too many customers.

“Well… it’s all a bit… overwhelming. I like the colors. But do you have something more… simple? Without all the wires and lights.”

“Ah, yesss!” The guy snapped his fingers and that was when I noticed he had tiny human hands. This place was weird as all hell.

The snake man leapt at the wall and disappeared inside of it. His inventory rocked around as he scurried around, looking for something. The wall shook intensely and something flew out of the center of it. I reflexively held out my hand and exerted my powers, pressing back at it while I also side stepped to ensure I got out of the way.

The extra dodge was unnecessary, my mental grip held it firmly in place. It was a full body suit, with bright pink outlines tracing the whole thing. The lights pulsed pink, giving the rest of the suit an eerie glow. The majority of the suit was black. The pink edges bled out into the dark of the rest of it. Compared to the rest of the snake’s wares, it was a work of art.

I released my hold on it and let it fall into my hands. It was surprisingly heavy, I almost dropped it.

“You made this?” I asked.

The snake exploded from the wall and returned to his place on the counter. “Yepsss! You likess?”

“I do. How much damage resistance does it give? And why is it so heavy?”

“It’sss not activated fully. Put it on.”

I held it up, struggling to raise it, and focused on it.

[ Try on? ]

I hit yes and the suit magically bound to me, one second in my hands and the next I was wearing it. There was a brief pressure when I equipped it but it soon passed and I could move around like I was in my normal clothes.

“This is really cool.” I moved my body all around, trying to find limitations but there weren’t any. It still gave me my full range of movement.

I examined the equipment’s Stats.

[ Pretty in Pink:

Provides 30% damage resistance to:

Guns, Physical.

Provides no extra protection to status causing abilities (Poison, Burn, Sleep etc.)

Can be upgraded for further resistances ]

It wasn’t anything super good, but 30% resistance wasn’t anything to scoff at. If someone’s attack would do 100 damage that make the attack only 70 and make it survivable while wearing my helmet. But the issue was attacks much stronger than that. The armor was only a band-aid, I would need to implement more of my plan to ensure I wouldn’t die in one hit by most things.

The pink outline it had was brilliant, with it I could hide my energy inside it perfectly… once I was able to figure out how to make my energy pink. The armor was as good as I could hope for… now to try and get it without breaking the bank.

I unequipped it, struggled to hold it, and slammed it onto the counter. “I’ll take it! How much are you selling it for?”

“Twenty thousand Versecoinssss.”

It took everything I had to keep a straight face. That price was almost too good to be true. I was expecting fifty thousand or more.

“Sssurprised, eh?” I guess he saw through me after all. “I sssense that you need sssomething more from me. I give you good deal on the armor. But what elsse are you after, misss?”

Him calling me miss so much, even with the snake tick, it made my heart ache for the missing Sam. I pushed that thought away though, back to business, everything I was doing would increase my survivability and I would need that if I had any hope of saving him.

“You’re right, actually. How did you know?”

“I know people.”

He could have fooled me. I didn’t think he spent much time around anyone but that was just me judging on appearances. I really shouldn’t do that. In the Interverse people could look like anything they wanted, looks could show very little of what was going on inside the person.

But maybe it’s always been like that. So, if this hamster snake person said he knew people, who was I to think he didn’t?

“Oh, uh, okay. So, what I’m really after is something that can hide me, make me harder to hit. On the way here I saw some people wearing some weird cloaks that made it hard for me to look at them for too long. Do you have anything like that?”

The merchant laughed, a mix of a hamster squeak and a snake hiss. “You don’t want those. Very expensive. I got sssomething.”

He pressed the button again and the very top of the wall above him shook and a huge black something dislodged from the wall and plummeted–straight toward the merchant.

“Watch out!” I reached out with my mind but the thing somehow was falling too fast, my mental grab missed it.

The thing crashed onto the table, right where the snake-ham still stood, a goofy grin on his face, completely oblivious to his approaching death.