Chapter 17
Fuck This Cave
I'll say it once more: fuck this cave. First it was our savior, then it was our one hope of getting weapons, then we got weapons, oops they aren't great weapons, then we were almost killed by vines, then we escaped, then we were attacked by vines again (which had far too impressive AI), we made one hell of a cool escape and now we were about to go splat on a big rock.
ONE OUT OF FIVE. So help me, as soon as I was back out of the game I was leaving that review.
And, fuck it, there was a way out of this but I was gonna get an earful from Stephen afterwards. But if it worked? Who the hell cares.
I kicked off the ceiling and got us going down the middle of the tunnel. We were level with the exit now, so no more hitting the top. It was a straight shot.
"Darcy! What are you doing?" I could kind of see him trying to look over his shoulder. Oh man, he didn't even notice the blocked entrance yet.
He caught sight of it then.
"Oh fuck, Darcy, no, I know what I said about the helmet, but its probably just from actual attacks. Not something like this."
He tried to struggle and get his foot wedged into the ceiling to stop us but that was futile. We had one hope and I was gonna take it.
I grabbed Stephen by the scruff of his neck, forced the helmet to be the first thing to hit, and buried my head into his chest.
We hit, fishbowl first. And pounded right through the boulders. Didn't hinder us hardly at all, no resistance, we went straight through, like a giant fork through a King Slime.
We kept going, way past the exit of the cave, and slammed into the ground. I lost my grip on Stephen and spun out of control, becoming a rolling wheel of flailing limbs. But eventually I lost momentum and came to rest on the cool, wet grass.
It was still raining. I loved rain but, at that moment, I was sick of water. I gasped and took in air, about as ungraceful as Stephen. I sat up, coughing. I caught my breath as fast as I could and then checked my health, fearing the worst.
I was okay. In the grand scheme of all that happened, the little bit I lost was nothing.
I noticed Stephen a ways off, his legs flailing in the air, his head buried in the ground. I couldn't help but laugh as I got up and went over to him, dodging his legs and giving him a yank.
He was stuck in there pretty good.
"Stephen, stop moving! You need to disengage the helmet." As much as he hated it, I wondered why that wasn't the first thing he tried.
There was a click and the top of the fishbowl rotated around to his neck and spat him out. He fell onto his back and he stayed there, just staring at the sky.
I looked down at him and offered my hand. "You good?"
"Never," he said, slowly, "Ever… put that thing back on me." He took my hand and I pulled him into a sitting position.
"Oh come on, the helmet saved our lives, dude." I went over to it and began the process of wiggling it free.
"Don't care. That was a lot. A LOT. Just for some stupid noob weapons. And we lost one. And now the kind of okay one is out of ammo." He stopped, seeming to realize he was complaining an awful lot so he dialed it back a bit. "But... we survived. So... thanks for that."
I yanked the helmet free, it dislodged with a pop. I held the fishbowl out to him and gave it a pat. "All thanks to this guy. And that, too." I pointed to his sniper rifle a few feet away.
He went and retrieved it. "Yeah, you're right." He looked at the sniper rifle with a newfound appreciation. "Still don't like it either though."
So much for that.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
I put the fishbowl back on, the pink tint returning, somehow filling me with nostalgia, if it was possible to be nostalgic for something you've only had for, like, twenty minutes tops.
The hole we left in the boulders was shooting out water everywhere. Whatever was making the water rise hadn't stopped at all.
"Okay, we better get out of here. I can't imagine what just happened was very quiet," Stephen said, quick to turn his back on the cave.
But I kept looking. The rocks were shaking again. It's possible that the water was the culprit but the longer it continued, getting wilder, the less I could hope for that. One of the largest rocks shook like mad.
"Get down!" I tackled Stephen just as the rock exploded from the cave.
It soared right over us, landing uncomfortably close and absolutely crushing the ground underneath it. The rest of the rocks were brushed aside as the mass of vines wound their way out of the cave.
What in the fuck dude!? These fucking things were impossible to shake!
But they didn't come flying out at us to drag us back to a watery grave. No, it was worse. They whipped around and around, a tornado of vines growing ever larger.
[ ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! ]
Almost my entire vision was filled with flashing red alerts which was the opposite of helpful. But it quickly got to the point:
[ A great evil has been unleashed!《 Vines From The Depths 》is activated! ]
[ 《 Vines From The Depths 》
> A new battle royale mode! It's all of you vs an eldritch horror!
> Every User that competed in this match must now take part in this mode.
> Every day at the time of original activation (4:44 PM EST) all Users will gather to fight.
> A random User will be appointed to control the eldritch horror.
> The rest of the Users are given seven days to defeat the User controlling the Eldritch Horror.
> After which the winner will be decided.
[ And the prize? ]
There was a pause and if you'll believe it, a way out of place MIDI drum roll.
[ An Advance Entry to the Interverse Wide Tournament!!
> If a User fails they will no longer be able to enter the tournament any other way.
> But—the Advance Entry will come with special rewards once things begin in full. More details to come! ]
That... was a hell of a lot of information at once. How long had they been planning to do this? They didn't provide any of these details in the original announcement of the Tournament.
But, were they serious? If we failed there was no other way of getting entrance? What the actual fuck.
Stephen appeared just as overwhelmed as I was.
"This is... crazy. Shit there's more," He said right as an abundance of alerts filled my vision.
[ ALERT! Eldritch Horror's Host is being chosen ALERT! ]
Instead of the cave shaking, the entire ground rumbled and rolled, spilling me onto my butt. It was a blessing in disguise because I would have fallen down anyway once I saw the figure that appeared above the swirling vines.
It was a familiar small frame, but minus one pigtail, and about one hundred times the amount of rage as the last time we saw her.
"Oh fuck," Stephen said, voicing my thoughts but my internal dialogue was more like OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK endlessly.
Her eyes were locked onto mine as she descended into the vines, her crazed grin returning, ensuring it would haunt me for the foreseeable future.
The whirling of the vines became even more intense and a hulking body began to form. It was mostly vines, but there were millions of them, making a massive monster. Two giant arms spread in the hurricane, becoming long and pointed—claws, ribbed with thorns. A face took shape, horrible thorn teeth with vines that hung down, flowers sprouting down the tusks, plants that appeared diseased and poisonous, speckled with strange and bright colored specks.
"It looks like..." Stephen began.
"Fucking Cthulu," I finished.
Where Cthulu would have had a bald green dome, this one sprouted pig tails, bright colored flowers sprouting all down their length. The final detail of the face was the worst sight of all: the girls' eyes, even bigger, just as intense and every horrible foot of them aimed at me.
I wanted do run. I needed to run. But I was rooted to the spot. A mix of awe at the horror of what was happening and also the absurdity. What were the odds that this crazy lunatic girl would be the one chosen? It wasn't fair. We'd come all this way, fought like mad to get into that cave and back out, and now this happens??
"Point five stars!" I shouted as one of the monsters giant hands came for us.
"What??" Stephen yelled, missing our doom approaching as he looked to me for an explanation on my outburst.
"I'm giving this game a point five in my review!" I finished my declaration right as the hand came down on Stephen.
The last I saw of him before he was crushed was a look of complete annoyance. But, hey, that was better than a look of terror. My dumb outburst helped.
The hand broke the ground as it hit, sending out a wave of air that I somehow managed to fight against to stay on my feet.
"DIE BITCH!" The monster roared, it was the girls shrill voice overlaid with the deep rumble of an ancient monster.
The giant hand's fingers moved into a flicking position. I didn't even try to run. I held my arms out, accepting my fate. She flicked me, right on the helmet, and I flew at super sonic speeds. I thought maybe I would be okay, I just seemed to be soaring across the map, but then I drifted down and hit the ground.
I landed helmet first so no damage, but the hit made me bounce into an out of control roll. My body ragdolled, slamming into the ground again and again, my health bar dropping instantly, going into the negatives.
I was dead, but it kept going, until my body was wrecked, limbs flying off, leaving nothing but the helmet.
My fishbowl finally landed, harmlessly, my bodiless head slightly visible from its murky pink tint, blood dripping all over it.
[ GAME OVER ]