Chapter 55

A Hellish Descent

I screamed as I fell, fire all I could see in every direction. The flames were hot, but nowhere near as bad as the blue flames from the other night. But that didn't really help me in the moment. I didn't know what I could do. I flipped through my inventory, trying to find something to stop the fall. I searched for the only idea I had and took out a trampoline.

Why did I keep a whole ass trampoline with me at all times? Wouldn't you like to know.

It popped out, almost too big for the hole, and plummeted with me. I had no idea if it would help at all or melt before I landed but it was the only shot I had.

From below, the red glow suddenly clicked off.

"Welcome to—holy shit!!" A voice screamed from below.

The trampoline hit the ground with a loud clatter and I continued down, out of the heat and into a more normal environmental temperature. I tried to direct myself onto the trampoline but I couldn't quite get into the center of it in time and hit it sideways, catapulting me up and off it to the side.

"Ugh, what the hell was—ah!" Whoever was talking had picked himself off the ground right in time to be in the way of my failed emergency landing. I crashed into him and knocked him off his feet again.

I felt him get crushed under me but I kept rolling, up and onto my feet. I put intention in my hand and held it up to the guy's face.

"Who the fuck are you? Where is this? Hell?"

I didn't think it was an odd question. The hole opening from below the church, the fiery descent, and now this dude, decked out in giant ass devil horns, demonic eyes and... wait a second.

I lifted the guy up by his shirt—which looked to have every heavy metal band logo in existence on it. "You're the elf guy from the church," I said.

The teenager laughed. "No, I'm not." I tightened my grip on him and lifted higher. He shook his head frantically. "I'm really not! But I get the confusion. That elf is my twin brother."

I glared at the guy but I thought he might be telling the truth. They looked similar but this guy was a lot taller and his eyes were so filled with joy compared to the other one.

I let go of the guy's shirt and he slinked away, going to stand by the trampoline. He patted it. "That was one of the weirdest entrances I've seen in a while. Definitely your first time here, huh?"

"That obvious, huh?" I put the trampoline back in my inventory and it took everything the guy had to stay on his feet. Eventually it was his tail that saved him, pushing him back into a standing position.

He tried to move on from that but I wouldn't forget how goofy he looked. "Sooo, uh... what you in the market for?"

"This really is the black market? I haven't fallen into hell?"

He laughed. "Nah, nah. Just part of the joke."

I pointed above me. "There's tons of people up there that don't seem to be laughing. Or are they just for show?"

"Nope, those are all actual people. The way it was told to me is that the front was created to be as goofy and dumb as possible so that no one would bat an eye at it. What no one expected was that some poor souls would actually take it all to heart."

My mouth hung open. "You mean the people up there are all believers... of a complete scam?"

He grinned, showing some fangs. "Yep. Kind of became a whole commentary on religion, huh? But it works for us. It's even easier to hide what we do here. So, enough about all that, don't you want to spend some money?" He rubbed his fingers together greedily.

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"I mean, I don't really but I need to. I'm after good but cheap armor. With customizable colors."

"You came to the right place! We've got all that. But be careful with the custom colors—that's where they really get you. Pro tip: get the armor you want; worry about the color of it later. More often than not the salesmen here will try and take you for all you've got or even trick you into believing that there are limited colors and choices. There isn't. There are unlimited amount of people who can customize anything that exists. You'll be able to find someone who can make it look what you need."

I absorbed all the information I could, taken aback that he would freely give all that info out. "Wow, thank you! Y'know, you're a lot more talkative than your brother."

"Yeah, it annoys people. But so does his quietness. We are cursed to be opposite extremes." He sighed, deeply and dramatically. There was a long pause, the biggest gap in his talking since I met him. He shook himself and grinned his demonic fanged smile. "But enough about me! You should get going!"

He patted me on the back, sending me forward down a mountainous path.

"Just head straight! At the very back of all the weaponry you'll find the armor merchants. Be careful and, remember, Sansus is always watching you!!"

I walked on but at that last line I turned around, wondering what he meant by that. Sounded even more of a threat than the normal Santa knows when you're naughty spiel. But he showed no sign that he'd said anything weird, he just stood there, waving at me with his big grin.

Everything about the place was weird as hell but the more I walked the less hell like it got. The red and heat from everywhere slowly changed, becoming normal black rocks and an average kind of heat. The mountain also dissipated as I continued my trek and before long I was just walking on a straight rocky road.

Up ahead, I couldn't see a single thing. Or around me for that matter. Once I made it down from hell mountain, there was nothing but desert. And not an interesting desert with rocks and cacti—it was completely empty. Why were so many places in the Interverse given like zero interesting characteristics? Was it just laziness or maybe they needed to cut down to allow for seamless loading and all the people that populate them.

But, hey, I had no idea what went into making a world so maybe it was a lot more to it than—

My foot stepped forward but instead of landing on ground, it only found air. My body lurched forward and suddenly I was falling. I reached out and clawed for anything to stop myself. My hands found dirt and I held with all I had. My head bonked against the ground but I managed to keep my grip.

I looked down, expecting to see a hell demon's maw but it wasn't just a simple hole I'd fallen into. It was the black market itself.

#

Stretching out below me in all directions was an enormous crater, like the kind of thing you see in pictures of the moon but somehow even bigger and deeper. They went all out on the black part of the name—the entire market was covered in shadows and black tents. But archaic lanterns lit the way, showing the path through the merchants stalls, people walking every which way. Archaic was a good way to describe it all. Where normal shopping centers were bustling places of lights and modern technology—or just menus in our eyeballs—this was an actual black market of old, rustic and seedy.

Underneath a church. And I still had a very very long fall to get to it.

Something started to shake inside my inventory. Weird, but I ignored it, I had more pressing matters. But with no input from me, the Bible flew out of my menu. I reflexively caught it with one hand, almost losing my grip on the ground. It opened up to the one hundred and forty-fourth page and words appeared, accompanied by an echo voice.

[ Oh no! I was too late! I meant to warn you about the pit. It's a bit hard to see it on approach. ]

"Yeah, you think?" I mostly ignored the devil twin and tossed the bible up onto solid ground. And then worked on getting to safety myself.

[ Are you okay? You seem to be struggling a bit there—oh! That was close. There you go! ]

I struggled for a bit until I remembered my mental Magic. I hoisted myself up with them and landed on my butt beside the bible.

I picked it up.

"Alright, so how the heck do I get down there?"

[ Look to your right. ]

I did. There wasn't anything.

[ Oops, I meant to your left. ]

I sighed. "Dude, I'm starting to get the impression that you're more demon-like than you let on. Are you playing around with me?"

[ No! Of course not. Have you ever given directions from a bible? It's hard. But start walking to your left. You'll see it. ]

I didn't have any other options so I did as he said, walking left around the rim of the crater, careful not to fall in again. I couldn't even look down there even more, just the sight made me woozy.

[ You see it yet? ]

"I don't see any—" I walked straight into... something.

I stepped back and that's when I could finally see it: a black pole jutted up from the ground, went up, and then looped down into the pit. I followed it down and it appeared to go all the way. It was hard to tell cause it was the same shadowy color as everything else surrounding the pit.

"This is how I get down? A pole?"

[ Yes! Pretty neat, huh? ]

"Primitive, more like."

[ It's expensive to run a fake religion. The market itself has had to work with scraps. I've heard the pole was even a fight to implement. ]

"How did they get down before it?"

[ They jumped. ]

"Dude, I really can't tell if you're bullshiting me or not."

[ No bull, I swear! I helped you, didn't I? ]

"I guess but you're doing it in a weird way." I grabbed hold of the pole. "Anything else you should warn me about?"

[ Nope, that's it! ...I think. ]

I slammed the Bible shut and returned it to my inventory. I think I was starting to like the quiet twin a lot more.

I stared down into the pit, taking a deep breath, preparing myself for another leap into the unknown.