Midlight Guardian

Level: 20

Age: 80

Health: 4,000/4,000

Stamina: 2,075/2,075

Reiryoku: 1,750/1,750

Description: One of the most deadly creatures to exist, it was born from the sperm of Jormungandr. Its venom is potent enough to melt solid stone and can spit it from a great distance. No one has been bitten by one of these and lived to tell the tale. Its scales are hard enough to turn away a dragon's claws. If threatened, it releases a toxic miasma from its mouth. It is recommended that anyone encountering this creature should flee on sight.

"Sarah?" I asked, a hint of bland wonder in my tone.

Yes? How may I help you?

"Tell me, what the hell is that?" I asked, indicating the enormous monster in front of me, looking like I was about to be a midnight snack.

That? Well if my eyes don't deceive me, I believe that is a really big fucking snake.

"Oh I see. One more question."

Of course. I'm more than happy to answer any and all questions you might have.

"Great. Let's see, how do I phrase this, um… What the fuck is it doing down here!?"

How should I know!? It's probably guarding the cell!

Ugh, great… just what I needed. Looking at the truly monstrous beast, I could only lament my fate. It was easily 100 feet long and thick enough to swallow a hippo in one gulp. The scales in the thing were a luminescent black, shimmering beneath the spotlight overhead. Six, yes you heard that correctly, eyes glared down at me as it flicked its tongue.

The room I was in was massive and made completely out of stone, which made sense considering it needed to house this big fucker. The ceiling was probably 200 feet tall and the diameter of the room was at least twice that. At least it gave me plenty of room to run for my life.

However, for as big as the room was, there wasn't much in it besides my new trauma. Is this because I didn't fall into the snake pit in the Shadow Ogre lair? I kinda feel like that's the reason. Like someone really wanted me to fall in it and when I didn't they thought, "I'll show that big fucker!" and here we are.

It's not paranoia when you know someone is out to get you.

The only other thing of note inside this room was the large jail cell on the other side. I assumed that's what I needed the Cell Key for. Now I just need to get by this guy and Bob's your uncle.

Easier said than done.

But you might be wondering, "Ushio, how did you find yourself in such a predicament?" Well, let me tell you. It all started once I entered the Tower of the Ogre Princess.

The bottom floor was surprisingly nice and looked like a fancy hotel lobby. I don't know what I was expecting, but I do know that wasn't it. On the left side was a counter and everything, but there was no one behind it. On the other side was a very nice waiting area with a comfy looking black leather couch along with a wooden coffee table and a couple of chairs that matched the couch.

But you know what they say, looks can be deceiving. Just because they looked comfortable, doesn't mean they are. First I Scanned them.

Plush Couch (Uncommon)

A comfortable couch made of black, faux leather. Good enough to sleep on if you find yourself in the doghouse.

-Durability 13/13

Upgradeable

Plush Chair (Uncommon)

A comfortable chair made of black, faux leather. Perfect for reading.

-Durability 14/14

Upgradeable

Wooden Coffee Table (Common)

A table made out of oak.

-Durability 15/15

Upgradeable

With that done, I decided to sit my firm and muscular backside right on that thing, and the description did not lie, it was comfortable. Not so much that I would ever choose to sleep on it, however, but I could see myself relaxing on it.

That's when I started to think, my house doesn't have anywhere to sit does it? The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of having somewhere besides my bed to take a load off. After all, it's pretty sad to have nowhere to put my feet up after a hard day's work. That's when I came up with a brilliant idea.

I stole it. The couch, the chairs, the table, everything. You know what they say, what's yours is mine and what's mine is also mine. I doubted Hiyori would mind too much, I mean, how often did she even come here to relax? Not often I bet. They would get much better use in my apartment.

It was at that point I started looking for anything else I could spruce up my place with. Honestly, there wasn't much, but there was one thing I liked. A painting. And not just any painting, oh no! It was a painting of Hiyori's Hollow, which looked just like her I might add, wearing a provocatively small and tight red dress, sitting with her legs crossed and a saucy smirk on her lips.

Thinking about how great that would look on my wall, I stole that too. Basically, if it wasn't nailed down, I could take it. However, it was at this point I remembered all the nice things that were in the houses from the other districts and I started to bash my head against the wall.

I could have stolen it! A fridge, a stove, a hot water heater; hell, I could have gotten it all and the kitchen sink! Maybe I'll have some time after I save Hiyori to run back and rob them?

Fingers crossed.

But as I was bashing my head against the wall, lamenting my lack of foresight to rob the ogres blind, I did remember what I was doing here, namely, looking for the entrance to the jail.

So that's what I did. I know it was supposed to be below the tower, so it wouldn't make sense for it to be on a higher floor, these bastards just probably hid it. Well, if they thought they could keep something from me, they had another thing coming.

Several minutes went by and I was starting to get frustrated. It seemed that no matter where I looked I couldn't find the stupid entrance. There was only one more place to look, and that was behind the counter.

Which, thinking about it now, should have been the first place I looked. I mean, just think of movies. How often is there a secret switch hidden under the counter?

Every time. Literally every single time.

So I dashed over there, searching for the door to my destiny. Oh, and the prison entrance. I got down on all fours and looked beneath that well polished counter and you know what I found?

A button, bright and red, just laying there mocking me. He could have informed me at any time of his whereabouts but chose to remain silent. The nerve of some inanimate objects, am I right?

Pushing the inconspicuous little thing, while hoping it wasn't an alarm of some kind, a noise from behind me caught my attention. The decorative wall, which was made out of some kind of wood and carved with images of koi fish jumping out of a pond, split from the middle and slid open, half of it going right, the other half going left.

Intrigued, I sallied forth, entering the deep, dark abyss, unknowing of what fate had in store for me. Down and down I went, deeper into the crust of the earth. I had no idea how long I'd been walking, but even as my legs ached from the distance, I never stopped.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, I finally reached the bottom. In front of me was another door, this one with a large, brass ogre head snarling at me. As if I could be intimidated by such a thing.

Also I was tired and pissed from the trek down here, so there was no way I was going back up there empty handed. However, as I went to open the door, I found myself stymied once again, for you see, they pulled another dastardly trick on me, and locked the door.

The fiends!

Left with no other choice, because kicking the thing only hurt my foot, I began my arduous journey back to the front entrance. Though it was long and fraught with leg cramps, I eventually made my way back to the top, feeling like a certain panda trying to learn kung fu.

"Where could they have hidden the key?" I wondered, before my eyes fell upon the drawers in the counter. Wasting no time, I bravely opened each one, uncaring of the potential danger they possessed. If they were booby trapped, then so be it.

But they weren't and I found it on the third try. "Huzzah!" I cheered in jubilation, before taking out the chair I stole from my Inventory and sitting down for a bit, resting my legs.

Once I was recovered, I made my way back into the abyss. Once I reached the bottom, I stared at my oldest foe, a locked door, with victory in my eyes. I would not be defeated this time, for I have his only weakness.

A key!

I inserted the key into the lock, expecting to hear the tell tale signs of a lock being undone. But to my utter horror, the key refused to budge. No, it couldn't be… I stared at the snarling ogre, whose face looked far more like a grin now, as a deep, mocking laughter echoed around me.

I fell to my knees in despair. I had the wrong key!

Just kidding. I Scanned that bitch the moment I found it. No way in hell was I making that trip again. I probably would have tried to blow it up with the booby trapped treasure chest from the second Shadow Ogre Lair.

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Luckily I didn't have to try and the door slid right open.

And that brings me to where I am now, staring at a giant ass snake who looked like it wanted to introduce me to vore. But jokes on him, not only would I taste terrible, but I also come with a staggering amount of indigestion.

"So, any ideas?" I asked Sarah, staring at the horrifying monstrosity in front of me. I saw a special once, about the world's largest known snake, the Titanoboa, and it made me very glad the dinosaurs were good and dead.

And yet, here I am, facing down the leftover remains of a god's wanking session.

Um, aim for his eyes?

"That's… actually not bad, thank you," I said. I watched as the colossal serpent rose up, preparing itself to strike. I rolled my shoulders, preparing for the hardest fight I've had yet.

"Alright you ugly ass worm, let's do this!" I roared, charging towards the snake.

One epic anime fight later

I did it! I beat that big ugly mother fucker! It was close, and had to be one of the top ten greatest fights of all time, but here I stand, figuratively, the victor.

I was currently sprawled out on my back, taking in massive breaths of air. That fight had been utterly exhausting. It would have been real easy if the damn thing didn't have so much damage reduction. Made the magnum damn near worthless.

Actually, that's not true. The Debate Ender put in work, doing nearly half of its Hp in damage. But that was with all six shots! What should have been 9,000 damage was reduced to 1,800.

Fuck that sucked. But at least they were all shot by Shadow and not me, so I still had a full cylinder, or at least I did. Hopefully I'll be able to see this bad boy with all its sexy damage output, and not be reduced by some bullshit snake!

Eventually I realized that though its scales were nearly impenetrable, its soft and squishy insides were not. I used a substitution in combination with the treasure bomb, which did not make him happy.

Then I pulled a Harry Potter and stabbed the bitch in the roof of his mouth before whipping out my .44 and ending the debate once and for all. It only took two shots before he went down.

And good riddance.

But there was an unfortunate side effect to copying a character whose only redeeming quality is his enormous amounts of plot armor.

You have been Poisoned

Time remaining: 45:00

That's right, I'm Poisoned. Big shocker, I know. And while I may not have a phoenix to save me, I do have an antidote. So I quickly grabbed that bitch out of my Inventory and chugged it like it was a Red Bull.

It might not have given me wings, but I'm not Poisoned at the very least. That being said, my Hp was disturbingly low, so I also grabbed my Moderate Health Potion and downed that as well. I now had nearly 700 Hp. I could drink my other health Potion, but I decided to hold onto it for now.

Beyond that, I was pretty much good to go. Sure my Stamina and Reiryoku weren't in tip top shape, but they weren't that bad. So now it was time to see what Mr. Snake over here has in his wallet.

I stood up and made my way over to the enormous corpse. Damn he was a big mother fucker. Wonder how many snakeskin boots I can get out of him?

Would you like to loot the body of the Midlight Guardian?

[Yes] [No]

Hitting yes, I watched in satisfaction as it disappeared in particles of light. Now let's see what goodies I got, shall we? First up we have…

Midlight Serpent Shard (Rare)

A crystallized fragment of power belonging to an extremely powerful foe. By combining 10 of them, you can create what is known as the Serpensoul, a mysterious artifact that allows you to summon your very own Midlight Guardian.

Ooh, now isn't that neat. At first I was a humble barbarian, content to go through life punching assholes in the face. Then I became a ninja, a stealthy assassin who stabbed assholes in the face. And now, I can evolve into a summoner, who brings out a big ass snake to bite assholes in the face.

It's all coming together now. My evolution reaching its apex.

Great Fang (Rare)

A fang dropped by a mighty serpent, still dripping with a potent venom.

Can be used in crafting.

Ok, I assume that would make either something that granted Poison Resistance or granted a Poison attack of its own. I really need to find a blacksmith. And not just because I want to go around poisoning my enemies, but because my weapons were also getting pretty beat up. Between deflecting bullets from a Minigun and trying to stab a big ass snake, their Durability was pretty much shot to hell. Hopefully they lasted for the rest of the dungeon at least.

Thick Scale (Uncommon)

A thick scale dropped by a mighty beast. It has great defensive properties.

Can be used in crafting.

Ok cool, more things to make other things with, I'll take it.

Serpent Blade (Rare)

A heavy spear forged to appear like the tongue of a snake. Not only that, the metal itself has been imbued with venom, giving each strike the potential to Poison an opponent.

-Attack 75

-Durability 15/15

-Chance of Poison per attack: 2%

-Requires 50 Strength to wield

-Special Ability: Venomous Strike

Venomous Strike

By concentrating your Reiryoku into the blade, it guarantees the next strike you land will Poison the foe.

-Cost 50 Reiryoku

-Cooldown: 3 minutes

Upgradeable

And we have a winner folks! Just when I was beginning to worry about my precious babies breaking in the coming conflict I find a new son. Pulling the Serpent Blade from the Inventory, I admired the large spear.

First off, it was bigger than me, at around 7 feet tall give or take, and had a good amount of heft to it. No wimps would be able to wield this bad boy. Guess that's why it requires 50 Strength to use properly. Luckily, I have Strength in spades.

The blade portion of the spear was indeed shaped just like a snake's tongue, about a foot long with it forking out at the tip and the edge being wavy. The blade looked like it was coming out of the mouth of a snake as well, with an intricate, golden viper head carving.

The wood portion was colored a dark green, and the back end of it was topped with a large, metal cap that looked like it could cause brain damage if I hit somebody with it.

I'll find that out later, I'm sure.

I began to twirl the thing around, practicing with it for a bit. I've never used a spear before, so I wanted to get a feel for the weapon before I tried using it in battle. After playing with it for a little bit, I stopped, satisfied that I wasn't likely to stab myself with it anytime soon.

The last things I received from the snake was 2,000 Yen and a whopping 1,000 Exp. Damn, with that I was almost to the next level.

So, you ready to see what that key unlocks?

"Gah! Sarah, you scared me! Don't sneak up on me like that," I said, nearly dropping my new toy.

How am I supposed to sneak up on you?

"I don't know, but you did. Anyway, to answer your question, yes, I do believe it's time we see just who they have prisoner down here," I said, practically feeling her roll her eyes at me.

I turned my gaze towards the only other thing in this room, that being the cell. I did feel a wee bit nervous, not knowing what to expect. I have an idea of who's behind there; what I don't have a clue about is what they're like.

Only one way to find out I guess.

Walking over to that overly large cell, I was surprised to see a petite figure chained to the wall, her arms shackled above her head. She was dressed all in black, or damn near, in what looked like leather. Now that immediately caught my attention.

A hot chick in leather chained to a wall… Was it my birthday?

Ushio, focus!

Right, right. Anyway, she wore a large pair of boots that went up to her mid shin, with wool or fur capping the top. A large white rabbit head decorated each pair. Hang on, was that Chappy, the rabbit Rukia was obsessed with? Not sure that fits with the rest of the aesthetic, but who was I to judge?

Her pants were, as I said, leather, clinging to her like they were a size too small. Her right leg was bare, showing off her smooth, toned leg, while the other went all the way down into her boot, with a skull and crossbones decorating the outer thigh.

Her midriff was completely bare as well, showcasing her flat, toned six pack. It wasn't the sort you grate cheese on, but damn was it sexy! Her modest bust was covered by a leather jacket, with it being opened somewhat giving him just the barest view of her breasts.

She also had on fingerless leather gloves, one that had spikes along the wrist. Her hair was black, and fairly short, stylized into pigtails, very similar to Hiyori. On top of her head was what appeared to be a police hat of some kind, with her pigtails coming out of the side of it.

Kind of ironic when you think about it. A girl wearing a police hat, chained up in a dungeon.

"So, are you going to say something or just ogle me all day?" she said, making me jump. I gave her a sheepish look, rubbing the back of my head in embarrassment.

"Oh, right, sorry about that. I just wasn't expecting… well…"

"A hot piece of ass like me? Yeah, I get it," she said, with a shrug, giving him a cocky smirk.

"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, I'm Ushio. Mind telling me your name?" I asked, getting a raised brow from her.

"So your Ushio, huh? Didn't recognize you with that getup you got on. Alright then, I'm Kubikiri Orochi. Nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand, big guy, but I'm a little tied up at the moment," she joked, rattling her chains.

"So you are her Zanpakuto…" I muttered, giving the woman a curious look. She definitely wasn't what I was expecting, but I'm sure as hell not complaining. I also wasn't going to question how she knew me, figuring that as she's basically part of Hiyori's soul, she must know everything Hiyori knows.

"You know what I am huh? Good, that saves us some time. Listen stud, I need out of here so I can save that stubborn bitch, and I'll do anything to get out of here, you get me? Anything," she said, spreading her legs, letting me know exactly what was on the table.

That being said…

"No thanks," I said, making her blink at me uncomprehendingly.

-5 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (-5/100)

"What the hell you bald bastard! A hottie like me offers herself to you mind, body and soul and you reject her!? Don't tell me you swing the other way?" she questioned, growling at me while closing her legs.

"Don't get the wrong idea here. If you want to fuck, I'm all down for that. But not because you owe me. If we make the beast with two backs, it'll be because you want to, not because you feel obligated due to some debt," I said, making her eyes widen in surprise.

Gain 10 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (5/100)

"Well, I'll be. So you're a gentleman huh? Didn't expect that after the way you were gropin' the bitch earlier. Fine, I'll give you the chance to woo me out of my pants. Getting me out of here would be a good start," she said, rattling the chains again. I chuckled at her attitude, finding it somewhat refreshing.

"You got it. One rescue comin right up," I said, puffing out my chest. I grabbed the key from my Inventory, getting a curious look from her, though she didn't say anything, before using it to unlock the door. It swung open with a deep squeak, and I stepped inside, making my way over to the trapped girl.

Keys disappear after use, so I couldn't use that to free her, and I don't have anything else that will work. Well, wanton violence it is!

"Alright, don't move," I told her, grabbing my new spear and walking to the side of her. Taking careful aim as to not maim the new hottie, I swung my blade, striking the chain and freeing one of her arms. It did a number on my blade, reducing its durability by one, but it was worth it.

I repeated the process on the other side, freeing the sword spirit from her prison. "Man that feels better. Thanks a lot, big guy," she said, massaging her wrists. I held my hand out to her to help her up, one she gladly took.

Once she was standing, she looked me up and down, a contemplative look on her face. She was a bit taller than Hiyori, the top of her head reaching around my chin. Just a bit too tall to be called fun sized.

"You know, that outfit looks pretty good on you. But mind taking off that mask of yours? Just for a sec," she asked, a suspicious gleam in her eyes. I hesitated for a moment before doing as she said.

Once my face was once more exposed to the air, she gave me a smirk. "Much better. Now I can do this," she said, before grabbing me by my suit and forcing me down to her level. The next thing I knew, I had a pair of very soft lips pressed against my own.

Not only that, but there was also a dainty little hand squeezing my crotch. My eyes widened, unsure of what was going on or what reality even was anymore. The kiss and grope didn't last very long, a few seconds at most, before it was over.

Gain 10 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (15/100)

Kubikiri Orochi backed away, licking her lips and giving me a saucy wink, and for the first time I noticed her vibrant purple eyes, pupils slitted like a snake. "That was for saving me. Now, let's get out of this dump already," she said, walking away with a sway to her hips.

Not gonna lie, she might have looked even better from the back than the front. However, there was something odd that I didn't notice before. She has a tail. And not just any tail, it was a pure, white snake, and I'm pretty it just winked at me.

Oh, I like her.

"You would," I mumbled to myself. That being said, I liked her too. Her and that fabulously, bubbly ass she was currently taunting me with.

As I exited the cell, following the booty, I felt a sudden pain in my stomach. I groaned, stopping to hold it, wondering where it came from. Honestly, I've been having some stomach pain for a while now. It's why I didn't eat any of the food at the second Shadow Ogre Lair.

"Hey, you alright there stud?" Kubikiri asked, stopping to give me a concerned look. I waved her off, feeling the pain ebb away.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just my stomach. Probably something I ate."

"Right. Well, just so we're clear, if you shit yourself, I will not suck your dick. I don't care how big it is," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. My eyes widened at that, fear coursing through my veins like never before.

"Where's the nearest bathroom!" I shouted in panic.

"At the top of the tower," she responded.

"Shit…" I mumbled.

"That's what I'm afraid of," was her response.

I now have another reason to end this as quickly as I possibly could. With renewed determination welling up from deep within my soul, I grabbed Kubikiri by the hand, running towards the exit.

"What are we waiting for! Let's go!"