There was something profoundly irritating about waiting for something to happen that you know is going to happen. I know the giant ogre is going to take a nice big gulp of tainted alcohol, but he decided now, of all times, to pace himself.
I'd normally applaud such self restraint, at least when that self restraint did not run counter to my own ambitions. In this case, that meant the death of every single person here.
Do ogres count as people? I mean normal ones, sure, but these are imaginary manifestations inside the head of a little old lady. A little old lady who was remarkably attractive, but still.
Time ticked on ever so slowly as ogres danced and partied the twilight away and I remained hidden behind a stone chair. Perhaps it was a good thing this is taking so long. Lets the rest of them get even more shitfaced than they already are. I'm sure that can only be a good thing.
After several agonizing minutes passed, the Shadow Ogre Boss finally ran out of his cup. Perfect. Now as long as he wasn't suddenly on the road to sobriety, I should be good to go.
Luckily for me and my sanity, or what little I ever had of it, Mr. Ogre was indeed ready, willing and able to continue the party. I watched in eager anticipation as he dipped his cup into the barrel, lifting up a nice, full goblet of liquid agony.
He gave the goblet a look, and for a moment I worried he had discovered the treachery too early. But my fears abated as he took a nice big swig of the stuff. Not the best idea, but he didn't know that.
It didn't take long for him to realize something was wrong. Probably by the burning sensation I was sure he was feeling. Yeah… I remember that. Like fire ants crossbred with hornets.
He dropped the cup and clutched his throat, making gagging noises as he did so. The banging of the drums ceased, as the rest of the group noticed something wrong with their leader.
One brave soul even came up to see if he was alright. What a nice guy. Stupid, but nice. I'm not sure what the big guy was seeing as he hallucinated, but it probably wasn't good. He let out a roar and then gave his underling a right proper bitch slap.
I winced at the sound of what I was sure was his jaw breaking. Stunned silence ensued, well, except for the cries of anguish of the ogre on the floor. Luckily for him, they wouldn't last long.
The boss let out another roar as he turned to grab his sword leaning against the throne. I ducked back behind it, hoping he wasn't able to see me. Thankfully he didn't, or maybe he couldn't with the possibility of him seeing weird shit.
Giving the Scanned info a quick little check confirmed that he is in fact, tripping balls. He is also currently poisoned and enraged, which is exactly what I wanted. Now if the others followed suit and started a brawl with him, I'm all set.
Walking over to his downed minion, boss ogre made a big show about unsheathing the thing. He ignored everyone else in the room and swung the sword down on the guy's neck, removing it completely.
Shockingly, I gained the Exp for it. Maybe that shouldn't surprise me, as it was my plan that led to the killing, but at the same time, I half expected the System to dick me over. Nice to know instigating violence resulted in me getting Experience.
The silence from before had nothing on the quiet from now. Even with the ragged, angry snorts of the boss, it could still be called deafening. But the stillness lasted only for the briefest of moments, as their leader turned to his lackeys and proceeded to accuse them of treachery.
I may not know what he was saying, but the pointing was a decent indicator. So were the affronted looks of the other Shadow Ogres. Soon enough, the others became enraged as well. One by one, their faces morphed into ones of pure anger.
Guess they didn't like the allegation put forth against them. Not that I could blame them. I'd be pretty pissed off too.
One of them began screaming at him, spittle flying from his face, as he whipped out his big, hard rod and threatened his boss with it. Or should I say, former boss? That sounded like a resignation to me.
But rather than take his sass, the boss did something I did not expect. The mother fucker teleported. Just straight up, poof! Gone!
But he wasn't missing for long as he seemingly materialized behind the ogre who just resigned from his position. Guess he didn't take the retirement very well. The ogre's face was shocked as he saw his boss vanish, but his surprise was doubled when his eyes met mine. The realization of what had happened dawned on his drunken face, and it would be the last thing he ever did.
Because he no longer had a head. Damn this guy liked lobbing those things off, didn't he? He's 2/2 so far. Wonder if he'll do the same with the rest.
Speaking of them, it seems like they were snapped out of whatever stupor they were in as they attacked their former leader. What happened next was a brutal display of prowess, and made me glad I wasn't facing the guy directly.
Remember when I said he might not be good at fighting directly, on account of him preferring to use ambush tactics? Yeah, I was wrong. So very, very wrong. Dude was a beast, even when drunk.
And let me tell you, that made the fight so much more hilarious. Twice the regular Shadow Ogres performed an act of friendly fire, and the amount of stumbling and bumbling made the whole thing rather comical.
It was like watching the three stooges try to kill someone using kung fu.
But the boss was in the same boat as them, as he constantly flubbed his attacks as well. He even fell head first into one of the sake barrels. The other ogres laughed until he drowned one of them in it.
He also managed to throw one of them onto a piston holding up a lantern, and now he was a wall decoration. I'd say he was unnecessarily brutal with that one, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black.
However, as good as he was, he couldn't keep up with the numbers. Even if he executed two of them right off the bat, that still left seven. But with them dealing double damage and him receiving double damage, well it didn't take long for his Hp to drop to about half.
And that's when everything changed. The boss entered stage 2 of the battle. He made a goddamn Shadow Clone.
Believe it!
The thing itself looked as if it was made of shadow, with two glowing yellow eyes glowering at the world. Giving it a quick Scan revealed some interesting information.
Shadow Ogre Boss Duplicate
Age: ???
Level: 6
Health: 496/496
Stamina: 330/330
Reiryoku: 460/460
Description: A duplicate of the Shadow Ogre Boss created by a Special Ability of the Shadow Ogres utilizing their own shadows. Has half the physical characteristics of the original and lacks Intelligence. Can use all of the Skills and Abilities of the original.
Well aren't you an interesting little thing? Now I just need to find out how to create one of you. I can see how something like that would be useful in all sorts of ways.
Even if it only has half the strength of the original, it proved its usefulness by teleporting behind a dude and removing his head, just like the original. It also had one large advantage over the rest of the ogres in that it wasn't drunk.
He had no problem hitting whoever he damn well pleased. It didn't take long after for the rest of the remaining Shadow Ogres to fall, leaving the victor to huff and puff in the middle of the carnage, covered in blood and entrails. It was as gross as it was terrifying.
He let out a massive roar, banging his chest like a gorilla. It was the sound of absolute victory, he just didn't know it wasn't his own.
It was mine.
Several seconds ticked by with the only sound being the heavy breathing of the boss ogre. His shadow double stood guard having nothing better to do with his time. Lucky me he was stupid with a capital S, or he might have the bright idea to look for any other enemies in the room.
Of which I am the final one. Technically I was the only one, as his former grunts were actually loyal. But seeing as they were mostly headless smears at this point, I don't think that detail is very relevant.
After getting control of his breath, he lumbered over to his throne, grabbing a fresh cup of booze as he did so. Guess he didn't want any more tainted sake. Too bad, cause I got a whole barrel of the shit.
Oh well. I'm sure I'll find a use for it somewhere down the line.
As he sat down, his duplicate dissipated, likely because he believed he had no more use for it. Oh how wrong he was. Seeing him sitting there, all vulnerable, gave me an idea.
Taking out the Heavy Kusarigama from the Inventory, I gave it a once over, re-reading its text. Specifically the part about its Special Ability, Chain Trap. That sounds like the perfect way to wrap this up.
Literally.
If it works, he'll be immobilized and helpless, allowing me to finish him off rather easily. His Hp was down to about 35 or 40 percent, so a few good Power Smashes ought to do the trick. Or maybe I'll Steal his sword and use that, just to flex on the guy.
Is it disrespectful? Yes. Do I care? No.
Waiting for him to place both arms on the chair's arm rests, I proceeded to use Chain Trap. He made a confused grunting sound as he was wrapped in the cold embrace of solid steel. He began wiggling to free himself, but was unable to escape.
"You know, that was quite the show you put on. Really impressive. Too bad it was all part of my plan," I said, strutting out from behind the throne. He gave me a befuddled look before understanding dawned on his face.
"I see you realize what happened. Too little too late I'm afraid. All your little pals are dead because of you," I mocked, casually walking up to him, and grabbing hold of his sword. Stealing it, technically. He let loose an angry bellow at this, not that I cared much.
"Oh pipe down will you? Not like you're going to be needing it anymore. Let's see, it's called Zannkimaru is it?" I said, having scanned the weapon. I gotta say, I'm impressed by the Stats. By far the best weapon I've gotten yet.
Zannkimaru (Rare)
A unique sword gifted to the current leaders of the Shadow Ogre Syndicate. Its sharpness and toughness are a step above regular swords. Despite its length, it excels at iaido techniques. Has a Special Ability called Shadow Strike.
-Damage 50
-Durability 15/15
-Special Ability: Shadow Strike
Shadow Strike
Instantly teleport to a person's shadow and deliver a devastating iai slash. If this attack lands, it is always a Critical hit.
Cooldown: 60 seconds
Range: 100 feet
Upgradeable
I was practically salivating at the sword's Special Ability. The cooldown was a bit annoying, but I get it. Game doesn't want me teleporting all over the place and removing the head of every Tom, Dick, and Harry I see. But it does allow me to get a decent hit in immediately, and combine it with my Sneak Attack… oh yeah, daddy likey.
But that was for a later date, as I have a current date with a big brute of a man, and I've kept him waiting long enough. Drawing the sword from its scabbard, I give the polished blade a look of appreciation before turning to the still struggling ogre boss.
"Don't worry big guy. All your problems are about to be over," I told him as I held the sword in a ready stance, with the blade tip pointing straight up. I'm sure you've seen it before in a movie, right before a guy lobs another guy's head off.
Fitting, as that's what I intend to do now. The ogre at this point has ceased his struggling, knowing that it was pointless. He didn't have the strength left to escape, making resistance an effort in futility. The only thing left he could do was glare at me.
"It's been fun, and I enjoyed making you kill all your friends, but it's time to say goodbye. Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow," I said, wiping a fake tear from my eye. He only glared harder at my mocking, being able to do little else.
With nothing left to say, I proceeded to do the lord's work and cut off his head. Thankfully it came off in one good swing, a combination of muscle power and the sword's sharpness. It rolled onto the ground, retaining its ugly scowl even in death.
With that done, I wiped the sword clean of blood before sheathing it and placed it on my belt. It made me feel a bit like a weeb, but a cool one. Now it was time to loot the body.
I mean bodies. Because there were a lot of them. Rubbing my hands together in a stereotypical greedy/evil way, I prepared to liquidate the former assets of the ogres, when a chime interrupted me.
Congratulations!
Due to creating and executing a plan that enabled you to defeat a vastly superior foe, you have gained 2 Intelligence and 2 Wisdom.
I'm not sure about vastly superior, but I'll take those beautiful Stats regardless. Every point to Intelligence is another book I don't have to read, and every point to Wisdom reduces my amount of fuckups.
Oh, they were definitely superior. Had you charged in cock out and guns blazing, you almost certainly would have died. I'm actually surprised your tiny, smooth brain was capable of thinking up such a plan. And you'll need a lot more Wisdom for you to not fuck up any more.
"Oh System, it's you. It's been so long since I've heard your sarcastic voice. How've you been?" I asked, sarcastically. In case you couldn't tell.
Grand. Just enjoying the show, waiting for you to Game Over. You know, the usual.
"Good to know, but if you don't mind, I'm a little busy at the moment. Could you bug me another time? How about, never? Sound good?" I asked. I heard the System actually give a sigh at that.
And here I was commending you for your performance. The least you could do is thank me for my generosity.
"Oh yes, thank you for your backhanded compliments. I feel so much better now," I said while rolling my eyes while moving to begin the looting and possibly pillaging.
You're welcome!
Ignoring the chipper tone of the System, I decided to start with the little ones first, wanting to save the big bad boss for last. Most of them were pretty easy to loot, as they were just laying there. No, the problem arose from the guy skewered onto a piston dangling 20 feet in the air.
But luckily my massive wrinkled brain thought of a solution. Use the Kusarigama. It took a few tries, but I managed to hook the blade deep into his chest. From there all I had to do was yoink that bitch to the ground.
I could hear the slow clapping of the System in my head, and I did not appreciate it. Anyway, the plunder I received from the Shadow Ogres made it all worth it. Nine hundred yen, another Kusarigama, and I even pulled one of their loincloths.
Shadow Ogre Loincloth (Rare)
A loincloth worn by a member of the Shadow Ogre Syndicate. Aiding them in their covert operations, this loincloth increases a wearer's speed, while making it harder to be found.
-Increase Defense by 2
-Increase Agility by 10
-Increase Stealth parameters by 5%
Upgradeable
Well, who would I be to argue with such tasty Stat bumps. I am a little apprehensive about wearing the thing. It may not be soiled, but I still know where it's been. But that Agility boost…
Fuck it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! If weird growths appear on my crotch, I'll just have to find a way to remove them!
With that I Equipped my new pair of underwear, because that's what loincloths counted as. Which is good for me as it means my leg area gets basically two pieces of Equipment. Though, I guess this is more like Equipment for my crotch.
"Ooh, silky," I poured, shaking my hips and enjoying the new sensation. It helped to drive off the knowledge of where this thing has been. And with this Equipped, it brought my effective Agility up to… 69.
I wasn't trying to do that, I swear, but sometimes life just works out that way.
Now with that out of the way, it was time to see what was on the boss's body.
Would you like to loot Shadow Ogre Boss ?
[Yes] [No]
Why yes, yes I would. Clicking the yes button, I was immediately greeted with the pop up of all my new belongings. And let me tell you, boy was packing.
The money brought my total to just over 2,500, so that made me happy, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Next was some clothing.
The Silent One (Unique)
Clothes belonging to a legendary ninja who performed numerous assassinations and was never caught. His ability to infiltrate high security areas was unrivaled. Each piece of this set increases the wearer's Stealth, Agility, and Sneak Attack damage. Collecting all six pieces grants a Special Ability. (1 of 6)
-Increase Defense by 2
-Increases Agility by 3
-Increases Stealth Parameters by 3%
-Increases Sneak Attack Damage by 5%
That was pretty sweet. Guess this Dungeon really wants me to travel the path of a sneaky asshole. Kind of weird, considering who the Dungeon belongs to, but whatever, I'm not complaining.
The armor itself is pretty good all on its own, especially considering I don't really have anything else. But what's with the Unique classification? I don't remember that being in the explanation.
Noticed that, did you? To make it simple, a Unique item is unique because there is only one of them. They are distinctive to your own Game, and cannot be found anywhere else. Unique Items are at a minimum, Rare in powers and abilities, such as The Silent One.
Well isn't that something? I've got me one heck of an NFT. Two of them, technically, as the Shadow Ogre Boss dropped two pieces of The Silent One, legs and feet. Which was good, because my shoe had a hole in it from kicking a spiked wall.
Equipping my new pieces of armor, I could immediately tell they were of much higher quality than anything I currently own. The only thing that felt better was the silky loincloth I wore.
I was a bit disappointed that my Agility was no longer 69. That high sure didn't last long. But having better Stats was more important than my immaturity.
Now, let's keep this gravy train rolling!
Next was a map of the Shadow Ogres Lair. Neat, I guess. Kind of pointless to get it now, but I can put it in a nice frame when I get home, make it a real centerpiece to the crap shack I live in.
There was one last thing the ogre had, and that was a pair of keys. Or a key and a half, technically. One of them was broken in half, with its name being literally, Broken Key. Judging from its description, I needed to find the other half and combine the two to open whatever the hell it opened. Oh, and also find the thing it opened. A key was pretty useless without something to use it with after all.
Or so I've been told.
And the intact one was just called a Chest Key. Three guesses what that did. Now if I was a betting man, I'd wager that the chest this key goes to is somewhere in this lair. All I have to do is find it. And lucky me, I just so happened to get a map. Maybe it's not so worthless after all.
Now to seek my fortune, as I am a man of fortune. Misfortune usually, but trust me, I will find it. That treasure is mine!
Now that that was out of the way, the room held one last point of interest. The buffet! So several points, technically, but who's counting? Looking over at all the delectable delicacies around me, I couldn't wait to dig in. My stomach roared in agreement, and that was all the confirmation I needed.
Seems like the two of us were finally over Karin's cooking. At least for now. I'm sure the PTSD will kick in eventually. Probably at the sight of curry. But for now, it's chow time!
Sitting down, I began to stuff my face with heaps of moderately tasty meats, pies and other assorted treats. I was particularly fond of the steak. After about ten minutes I was stuffed full, bloated to an uncomfortable degree.
"Ah, that hit the spot," I moaned in delight, rubbing my tum-tum happily. It may not have been a five star meal but I've had worse. At least this didn't poison me.
Back in the real world
Karin sneezed loudly from her spot on the couch, rubbing her nose and sniffing in irritation, the soccer match on t.v. being momentarily ignored.
"You ok, Karin? You're not getting sick are you?" asked Yuzu in concern. Karin felt a shiver go down her spine at Yuzu's question. Whenever someone got sick, her sister took it upon herself to nurse them back to health. That might sound all well and good, but Yuzu could be… forceful in her method of treatment.
"No, I'm fine. Someone's probably just talking about me," she responded hurriedly. Yuzu didn't appear entirely convinced, but let the matter slide. She would keep a watchful eye on her sister though, just in case.
Karin sighed in relief, but she swore to find the gossiper and make them pay.
Returning to the Dungeon
I felt myself break out into a cold sweat but couldn't for the life of me figure out why. And the snickering of the System in the background sure as shit didn't help. Whatever, I'll deal with it one way or another.
After stuffing my face, and placing a few treats away for later, the last thing I did was take the barrels of sake. You never know when you need to get shitfaced to deal with the problems of the world.
Stolen novel; please report.
Shit, I'm going to end up an alcoholic, aren't I? Guess I'll deal with that when the time comes as well. Future me sure has a lot on his plate
Now, looking at my map, which was no longer fuzzy, I looked at the spot labeled Treasure Room. Well isn't that nice of them? Letting me know exactly where all their goodies are hiding. Almost makes me feel bad for killing them all.
Or almost all of them, anyway. I can see a bright red dot on the Map, and… hold the phone… that son of a bitch is in my treasure room! Doesn't he know that's my booty he be trying to steal!?
I'd make a great pirate.
But more importantly I needed to stop that asshole from taking my stuff. I murdered a lot of people for that, and I'll not see my hard work go to waste!
I rushed toward the Treasure Room at breakneck speed, and with my increased Agility, that was pretty damn fast. In retrospect, running half cocked through a ninja hideout was a bad idea. You want to know why?
Traps! That's right, little bastards laid traps all over the place. There was a pit that led to nowhere, spiked floors, poison darts, a flamethrower, more spiked floors… It was like they were trying to keep people out or something.
But through it all I persevered, for the sake of booty. Fun fact, mine currently had a poison dart or two stuck in it. I really hope the treasure isn't a dud, or imma be pissed.
Anyway I eventually made it to the so-called treasure room, and what I saw left me speechless. Mostly from rage, but it still counts. Because in said room was nothing more than a bunch of barrels, and the ogre I was worried about was just slurpin' away at one.
It was a fairly large space, with stone walls forming a round enclosure. Large steel gates were there to bar entry, though they were wide open at the moment, leaving me to enter at my pleasure.
Well at least he wasn't trying to rob me of anything precious, so that ebbed the fury slightly, but why in the hell is what is basically the wine cellar called the Treasure Room. I mean, it's capitalized and everything! That means it has to be important.
I swear, if I got poisoned for nothing…
But as I moved to commit one last act of violence, I felt a weight at my waist. Looking down, I saw my fancy new katana, just begging to be used. Well don't worry sweetheart, daddy will feed you real soon.
Grabbing hold of the handle, I prepared to unleash my new attack. Not gonna lie, I was a bit giddy at the prospect. I mean, I was about to teleport. How cool is that?
Activating the Ability, I immediately found myself behind the ogre, ready to draw my sword. And who was I to keep someone waiting? Zannkimaru came out of the sheath with a dark purple and black energy following along the blade in an arc. While doing this, I also activated my Sneak Attack, because why not? More damage baby!
But what I didn't expect was just how potent the combination would be. I mean, I suspected, that's why I did it in the first place. But it was far more effective, and visceral, than I predicted.
The poor little drunken ogre was immediately cut in half, blood and guts spilling out of his midcarriage like it was monsoon season. His upper half hit the floor with a wet squelch, while his lower half just kinda… fell over.
I looked at my sword in amazement."Where have you been all my life?" I asked, and I swear I could feel the damn thing purring in pleasure. This isn't a Zanpakuto, is it? Because that was just kinda… weird.
No, it was just your imagination. Don't worry about it.
"You know telling me not to worry makes me worry even more, right?"
*Giggle*
"And stop doing that!"
After doing what I loved to do most, and that was stealing from the recently deceased, from whom I got nothing but money, I packed up the barrels in the "Treasure Room" safely in my Inventory. Hey, just because they aren't shiny and gold doesn't mean they aren't worth something. I have my future as an alcoholic to think about here!
But looking at the now empty room, I couldn't help but frown. Was this really all there was? I mean, this is a ninja hideout, right? So it would make sense that the real treasure would be hidden or something.
I began to fondle the walls like I was a pervert at spring break. Just as I was about to give up, I felt a strangely smooth stone protruding from the stone wall. "Bingo," I said with a smile, before pressing the thing inward.
I heard the whirring of something mechanical before the wall to my right began the shake. I could see a line appear in the rock, which widened further, as either side of it moved away from the other. After several seconds, the walls stopped moving, revealing a secret alcove in the rock.
And in that alcove, was a big, fat, juicy treasure chest. Hot damn, I found it! My Intelligence might be as high as the average hillbilly, but it was still enough to outsmart a bunch of trolls.
The chest itself was made of black wood, with silver metal bands going across it. It definitely fit the description of a ninja chest.
Scanning the chest real quick revealed some interesting facts.
Secret Chest of the First Shadow
A chest containing the secret technique of the Shadow Ogres. Created by the first leader of the Shadow Ogres and passed down through the ages, only the most powerful of the Clan may learn the secrets within.
Hang on… by secret, does it mean that Shadow Clone the Shadow Ogre Boss used? I was a bit disappointed that I didn't learn how to do that after killing the guy. Guess this is why. Well, no use standing around like a slack jawed idiot, let's pop that baby open!
Taking the key out and gingerly placing it in the slot, I was rewarded with the satisfying sound of the lock clicking open. I opened the lid to see the treasures within. The first thing I wanted to check was the weathered scroll, as I have a sneaky suspicion as to what it was.
Secret Scroll Body Duplication
A scroll containing the secret technique, True Double.
I was right! To all the haters who ever doubted me, I was right! Suck it, grandma!
Would you like to learn the secret technique, True Double?
[Yes] [No]
You bet your sweet ass I do! Clicking yes faster than I ever clicked before, the scroll appeared from my Inventory. It unraveled itself and a bright light emanated from it, causing me to close my eyes. Once the light died down, I opened them to see another new screen.
True Double (Rank *)
A secret technique learned by only the most skilled of the Shadow Ogres. Creates a copy of the user by using their shadow with all of their Skills and Abilities, but has no Intelligence to speak of.
-Stats are 25% of the user
-Cost 300 Reiryoku
-Only one copy can exit at a time
Ok, not as bullshit as I was hoping, but still pretty darn good. Judging by the current Stat transference, the Shadow Ogre Boss must have had it at Rank 2. But it would be the same as me at Rank 4, so I wonder what it got fully upgraded?
Only time will tell.
Next was some bottles, which turned out to be a Health Potion (Minor), Stamina Potion (Minor) and a Spirit Potion (Minor). Each one restored 25% of the max to their respective pools.
And finally, a whopping 10,000 Yen. Oh yeah, you know I'm all about that green! Maybe when I get the option to actually fix up my house, I can actually fix it up. Now, should I start with the bathroom or the kitchen? Decisions, decisions…
As I went to close the lid to the chest, I noticed something peculiar along the underside of the lid. It looked almost like explosives seen in movies…
Holy… was this thing booby trapped? I quickly scanned the thing to learn what I was dealing with, for future me's sake. That dude had enough to deal with already.
Booby Trap
An explosive trap placed inside of a treasure chest. If opened incorrectly, it will activate the trap and detonate the bomb.
Guess it's a good thing I found the key first, because my caveman brain would have definitely hit it with a rock. That being said, I bet I can use this… Closing the lid and re-locking it, I placed it in my Inventory.
Nothing wrong with having an explosive handy.
With that there was nothing left in the lair, so it was time to move on and continue the rescue operation. Something I was feeling much more confident about with my new gear.
As I neared the entrance, I saw the spike trap that I kicked. I stuck my tongue out at it, hoping the lifeless object could feel my irritation. But as I passed it, a crazy idea popped into my head.
Approaching the trap, I placed my hand on it and tried to put it in my inventory. Much to my surprise, it actually worked! Man… who knew having an Inventory was so broken!? I can't wait to abuse this! Hang on, weren't there more traps I left behind, some of which may have poisoned me?
I guess I can spare a few more minutes in this place…
Ok, so it took more than a few minutes, but eventually I left the Lair of the Shadow Ogres, returning to the house with the pervert ogre. Not my favorite place, but at least there weren't any enemies.
Now to return to my previous task of genocide. Don't worry, I won't bore you with all the details, just the highlights. Time to start the montage!
Ogre #11
Yeah, I one-shot him with Shadow Strike and Sneak Attack. Nothing really special besides getting a Level for it. Up to 7 baby!
Ogre #14
I stared at an ogre standing on top of a large tower. Unfortunately, he was a bit too high for me to use Shadow Strike, so I was forced to climb a ladder to get close enough. Once I was within about 90ft of him, I dropped from the ladder, using the technique as I fell towards my death.
Boy am I glad that worked. After the severing of his head, the body fell to the ground, conveniently landing on another ogre, squashing him good and proper. Talk about two birds with one stone.
Now to climb down and recycle the goods. Looking around, I noticed something missing.
"...Where's the ladder?"
Ogre #21
I was in another building grappling with another ogre. Big surprise there. I was trying to sneak up on him, but the last step just had to be an asshole about it and creaked loudly, like it was mocking my attempts to be stealthy.
Which led to the wrestling. But seeing as I am much stronger than the ogre, it wasn't much of a contest. I rolled backwards, bringing him with me, and kicking him over me and down the stairs.
He landed on the railing, with the wooden post going through him. It was a bit gruesome, but the important thing is I won and painted the post a lovely shade of red.
Two birds again.
Ogre #28, #29, #30
Now this is a case of three birds and one stone. Talk about an effective use of your tools. The first step required me to have some kind of bait, in this case, a legless ogre calling for help. How did he lose his legs you ask? Well…
Sword. Yeah, just cut them things right off.
His friend came rushing to help, and I hid myself on top of a roof. Once they were all gathered together, I opened up my inventory and selected a nice big boulder I shoved into it.
God I love my Inventory.
Next I needed to get above them so I could properly drop the boulder on top of them. To do so I used my good old Kusarigama, using one end to hook to a massive cherry tree branch, swinging above them like Tarzan, scream and all.
Once they were looking up at me, wondering who could be screeching like that, I opened up the Inventory and released the boulder, dropping a two ton rock on their heads.
"Woo! Suck it! I am the king of the wor-"
I started out like Tarzan, but ended up like George of the Jungle. Oh well, at least the ogres couldn't see it.
Watch out for that tree!
…Ah shit. Never living this one down, am I?
Ogre #42
I threw rocks at his face until he died…
I have a reason! Let me explain!
You see, I've been wanting a ranged attack for a while now, and until I get my Big Iron, I need something in the interim. So I decided to experiment a little. The first thing I did was pick up a bunch of fist sized rocks and placed them in my Inventory. Next I tied up an ogre using Chain Trap to a tree. And lastly, I began to chuck them into the ogres body.
After the tenth shot, I was rewarded with this.
Power Throw (Rank *)
Throw an object with extreme force. It must be something you can reasonably throw. Try not to break any windows.
-Damage of thrown object increased by 50%
-Increase throwing range by 25ft
-Cost 10 Stamina
Neat huh? The damage a rock does isn't the best and decreases the farther it's thrown, but this is still pretty helpful, especially as it increases my range. Normal effective range of thrown objects is about 50-60 feet, so adding another 25 is pretty good.
All that I had left to do was test it out. And wouldn't you know it, I had an unwilling participant right in front of me.
Ogre #49
The last of the common ogres. Guess the boss does count towards the total. Time sure flies when you're having fun…
I watched this one walking down a path as I stood on top of a beam going across the street. Good thing they never look up. But they do look down, especially when there's a big juicy slab of meat there.
You might be asking… "What's that doing there?" Well let me tell you in the words of Admiral Ackbar, "It's a trap!"
You see, I needed to make sure he was right below me for my next assassination. Once he was right where I wanted him, I used Chain Trap once again and wrapped the chain around his neck. Once that was done, I hopped over the opposite side of the beam, dragging him up as I descended, nice and easy.
All I had to do after that was hold the chain there as I hanged him. Once his Hp hit zero and he stopped squirming, trying to live like the selfish asshole he is, I dropped the chain, allowing him to plummet to the ground.
After that murder, there was only one victim remaining in the Red Ogre's District, the Red Ogre himself. Honestly I'm kind of excited to see what this bad boy looks like, as I steered clear of him so far.
But first, let's take a quick look at my Stats, shall we?
Stats
Level: 8 (235/800)
Health: 820/1026
Stamina: 412/576
Reiryoku: 578/728
Strength: 61 (103)
Agility: 21 (63) {79}
Vitality: 32 (74)
Intelligence: 15
Wisdom: 25
Spirit: 42
Charisma: 8
Unused Points: 0
All that murder really paid off. I gained two whole levels baby! After putting the points into Spirit my Strength officially passed human limits. Hell yeah! I also gained a few levels in Stealth and some other Skills, like Street Fighter. Which doesn't count when using a sword or a club, it was purely for fisticuffs. Which is fine and all, but still a wee bit disappointing.
Also while making my way through the Dungeon, I managed to find a couple of treasure chests as well. One had 1,500 Yen and an Antidote, which is good for when I inevitably get poisoned again, and the other had 2,500 Yen, bringing my total to just over 18,000, and another Minor Health Potion.
All in all I was sitting pretty. Now to find the last remaining thing I need to kill. Luckily I knew where he was, as I found him while Scanning the area, I just ignored him till now. He was the extra large red dot on the Map.
Making my way over there at a casual gait, I admired the town one last time. After this, it's unlikely I'll ever be back, and I wanted to remember it, seeing as it was my first Dungeon.
Several minutes went by before I reached the boss's arena. I jumped on top of a roof, because I can do that now, apparently, to get a better vantage point to Scan and Observe my opponent.
Crawling to the edge of the roof, I got my first look at the bugger, and let me tell you, he was fucking big. I remember thinking the same thing about the Shadow Ogre Boss, but this guy had him beat in spades. He had to be at least 15 feet tall, and looked like he ate gyms for breakfast. Dude was yoked out of his mind!
He was also nice and red, as you might expect, wearing a golden colored loincloth with a snarling lion buckle. Not gonna lie, he looked pretty intimidating.
But that wasn't the most concerning thing. "Why does he have a flamethrower?" I asked myself in disbelief. Yeah, that was the real issue. The nozzle portion he carried in one hand, with it going underneath his arm, and a massive fuel tank sat on his back.
But while it was slightly concerning he had a weapon like that, it wasn't the end of the world. Flamethrowers were cool and all, but they had one glaring weakness.
Tubes.
In order to utilize the fuel to make the flame, the nozzle had to be connected to the tank on his back. And how do you think he did that? That's right, tubes. So to prevent him from using his weapon, all I had to do was cut them, and bam! No more flamethrower.
And I just so happened to have a technique that lets me teleport into his shadow. His nice, big shadow.
Now to see what I'm working with. Scanning the Red Ogre revealed to me his stupidly high Hp pool. Because why wouldn't the boss be a damage sponge?
Red Ogre
Level: 15
Age: 36
Health: 2,750/2,750
Stamina: 1,385/1,385
Reiryoku: 1,160/1,160
Description: The Red Ogre, Boss of the Sunlight District. After he took it over, everyone started calling it the Red Ogre District. His favored weapon is a flamethrower he named Molly. Flies into a rage if anything happens to her. Immune to fire and explosions, he loves the heat of the Sunlight District. When his Hp dips below half, watch out! His other weapon, a rod named Gertrude, might just turn you to paste. Defeating him is required to obtain the Red Orb to enter the Tower of the Ogre Princess.
Yeah… not the most ideal situation. His Hp is about 3 times higher than the last boss I faced, and I don't have any way to make him fight a bunch of minions. But I do have a way to piss him off, and while certainly dangerous to me, dealing that double damage to him might just tip things in my favor.
But first, let us Meditate. Nothing I have is dangerously low, but it never hurts to be prepared. And this time, I won't fall asleep!
Moving away from the Red Ogre stalking around its area, I sat Indian style and began to Meditate. A couple of hours ticked by and I felt that was good enough. I wasn't full up, but I should be fine.
I hope.
Now, to begin the battle. I started by using True Double, bringing out my shadowy doppelganger. Isn't he a handsome fella? The first attack belonged to him, the one that would sever the tubes of the flamethrower. Even with only a quarter of my Stats, he should be able to do that much.
Waiting on top of the roof until the Red Ogre meandered close enough, my double, whom I shall call Shadow from now on, activated Shadow Strike, disappearing from my sight and reappearing behind the boss.
His sword lashed out, and did what it needed to do, cutting the tubes. It sprayed fluid out all over the place, dousing poor Shadow in its flammable liquid. I'm sure glad it's not me down there right now.
The Red Ogre immediately knew something was wrong, as he tried to stem the flow of lighter fluid. But he would be unable to, and before long, Molly was empty. Turning to see what had happened to his precious flamethrower, he must have seen Shadow, put 2 and 2 together, and flew into a rage.
Just as I'd planned.
With the Red Ogre facing away from me now, it gave me the perfect opportunity to use my own Shadow Strike. Disappearing and reappearing in his shadow, I swung my own sword, activating Sneak Attack as I did so, aiming for his legs.
I cut deep into his tendons, and I watched with satisfaction as his Hp bar dipped down. Thanks to the double damage from the Rage, it did over 10% of his max. A pretty decent chunk of change if I do say so myself. But that wasn't the only thing it did. It also caused him to Bleed and Crippled him.
The lumbering giant fell forward, and Shadow swung his sword at his neck. He wasn't able to cut deeply, his Strength just wasn't high enough, but damage was damage, and he was probably close to 85% now.
Take that you damn sponge!
Now it was my turn. As he slammed into the ground I charged at him, ready to bullshit my way to victory by pinning him down with a big ass boulder, but he did something that surprised me.
He roared. And not just any roar, one that sent Shadow and I tumbling backwards. I rolled around the ground a bit before coming to a stop. It didn't do any damage, but it sure knocked me for a loop. Worst of all, it interrupted my plan!
Shit, that's not good. I was really banking on bullying a defenseless opponent. Now it seems I'll have to find another way to win this.
The Red Ogre stood up, stumbling a bit as he did so due to his severed tendons. He began lumbering his way towards Shadow, slower than ever, intent on squishing him. But even with his Crippled Status, he was still faster than Shadow. Not by much, but it meant my little buddy wouldn't be escaping.
Not without help.
Taking a poison dart out of my Inventory, one of the ones I stole from a trap, I rushed towards him to get within range before using Power Throw and chucking it at his head. It did fuck all damage, but it did get his attention.
It also poisoned him, which was my real goal. Saving Shadow was nice and all, but I could summon another one if he died. No, what I really wanted was to stack more Status Ailments on him and slowly whittle him down.
He turned to me and let out a roar, but just a normal one this time, before he started towards me, allowing Shadow to escape. Now it was time for some hit and run tactics. I was much faster than the ogre, so I was in little danger of him catching me. This would allow mine Shadow's Shadow Strike to finish their cooldown.
But the Red Ogre had other plans. As I was running, I noticed a shadow around me, getting smaller and smaller. Wondering what it could be, I looked up and to my shock once again, there he was, falling right towards me.
He must have jumped. There are tons of bosses with a similar mechanic, especially the slower ones. Not exactly what I wanted to see. Who expects an ogre to act like a bullfrog?
And no matter where I ran the damn thing kept following me. It was like he was a homing missile or something. So I came to a stop, knowing there was no point in running. I would have to time this just right.
Waiting for right before he would land, I activated Sprint and ran to the left before diving out of the way. The extra speed from Sprint gave me just enough oomph to get out of the way.
The giant of an ogre landed with an equally giant crash, sending dirt and debris flying everywhere. Some of it hit me, doing a few points of damage, but the more important part was that it prevented me from standing up.
Something that a big ass ogre would be taking advantage of.
Seeing that I was on the ground, the Red Ogre took this chance to try and crush me underfoot. He began stomping his huge fucking feet at me, and it was all I could do to roll out of the way. After this happened a few times, I had had enough.
"Alright asshole, let's see how you like this?" I growled. This time, as his big ass foot came towards me, I pulled out one of the spike traps I also stole, and placed it right where I was as I rolled away.
His foot came crashing down right on it, and he let out a roar of pain, stumbling and falling backwards. It didn't do the most damage, but it did increase his Bleed time, which was the plan.
Shadow also used this moment to Shadow Strike him as he fell, cutting into his leg once more. I'll take it. More damage is more damage, and after that strike, he was down to about 80% now.
But now was my chance to trap him under a boulder, so I started running towards him once again. The ogre, who was writhing in pain, yanked the spike trap out of his foot. He looked right at me with pure hate in his eyes before throwing the thing at me.
I yelped as I rolled underneath it, but the damage had been done. I missed my chance once again. Damn he's a squirrely bastard. So I hurled another dart at him to up the poison counter.
At least he should be more wary about jumping around now, so that's something. Or maybe not. He was pretty mad after all.
The Red Ogre made his way towards me again, each step thundering like a t-rex. I wanted to see what he would do this time, so instead of running, I held my ground. My opponent brought his foot back, the same one that had some spikes go through it, ready to kick me to the moon.
Too bad for him, I have a counter. He wants to kick something, I'll give him something to kick.
As the foot came racing towards me, I opened my good old Inventory and brought out the big guns. Also known as The Rock. I placed The Rock right in the path of the massive foot coming towards me, using it as a shield.
And it worked. He kicked it with the force of a hurricane. Judging by the yell of pain, I assume he broke all of his toes. Poor guy was not having the best luck with his legs today. But with how big he is, they were the easiest things to target.
As he was falling I wasted no time, thrusting the boulder back into my Inventory and rushing towards him. This time, I would trap him.
He hit the ground hard but I would allow him no respite this time. I was already on him, boulder ready to deploy, all I had to do was hit yes.
And that's exactly what I did. I placed my hand over his chest and dropped the boulder right on him. He let out an "oof" sound as he was trapped. Finally, it was time to bully him.
As I walked around the giant stone the Red Ogre lashed out at me, trying to grab me in his massive meaty hands. But I stepped out of the way and immediately drew my sword, slashing at his hand, severing his index and middle finger right off.
He screamed in pain, bringing his hand back to himself, leveling another hate filled glare my way. It was about the only thing he could do at this point, I've made him too afraid to do anything else.
"Now, what should I do with you?" I asked, approaching his head. He growled at me threateningly, but I ignored it. It was too bad I didn't have another boulder I could use and just drop it on his head. Oh well, guess I'll just have to do this the old fashioned way.
I brought my sword up, ready to remove his head, "It's been fun, but it's time to end this," I said, staring right into his eyes. He seemed to realize what was about to happen, and sort of just… went limp. Guess that means he's accepted his fate.
I brought my blade down, aiming for his neck, but that sneaky little bastard surprised me yet again. I'm getting pretty sick of being surprised, you know!
As my blade was nearing his neck, he brought his head up and bit it. No, seriously, he bit the fucking thing. The edge dug deep into his jaw, and I'm further surprised it didn't just cut it off. Must be those big fucking teeth of his.
Pretty sure I did cut his tongue off though, if the amount of blood was anything to go by. I'm also pretty sure he would just bleed to death at this point, as his Health dipped below 50%, and he had about 12 hours of bleeding left.
Yeah, he would definitely Bleed to death. But it turns out my astonishment was not over, as he violently turned his head, and with my sword lodged in his mouth, and me gripping my sword, he ended up sending me flying.
Right into his fist.
-230 Hp
"Gah!" I let out, as I was sent ass over backwards away from the Red Ogre, tumbling across the ground like I was a tumbleweed. I came to a stop, but I didn't move, which makes sense once you realize I was now Stunned.
For 15 seconds.
But that wasn't even the worst part. No, the worst part was my sword was still stuck in his jawbone. I watched, helpless, as the Red Ogre let out another shout, which somehow sent the boulder flying as well. How the hell does that work?
He then stood up, blood dripping down his face. His severed tongue flopped out of his mouth, landing on the ground with a wet splat. He then reached into his loincloth and pulled out his massive rod.
Not that one! I mean Gertrude!
The thing was huge, easily bigger than me, with thick, metal rings colored bronze circling the cylindrical shaft. Studs popped out of the rings, making the weapon even more dangerous. The wood of the shaft was painted a deep red color.
Well, I guess it's time for phase two, isn't it?
He gave me a look and started to walk towards me, but good old Shadow blocked his path. He jumped at the hulking beast, sword raised and ready to slice into him once more.
Unfortunately for Shadow, the Red Ogre simply swung his club with his good hand and battered him out of the way, never breaking his stride. Shadow evaporated into nothingness, the blow having killed him.
And now there was nothing left between me and him. The Stun had just a few seconds left, but would it run out in time? I swear I could hear the sound of a clock ticking away mockingly as the ogre stopped in front of me.
One second…
The ogre lifted his rod.
Two seconds…
The ogre gave me a savage grin.
Three seconds…
The ogre swung down.
Four seconds…
I moved.
The Red Ogre's rod smashed into the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust. Which was lucky for me, as it hid my movements. As the dust cleared, the smug ogre looked confused, probably expecting me to be a smear at this point.
"Yoo hoo," I whistled, getting his attention. I may not have had my sword, but I did have a club. I gave him a smile as I used a Power Smash on his abused foot. He let out another cry of pain before backhanding me across the field.
I knew I couldn't dodge the blow, but I could make him suffer for it. Dropping the club, I pulled out another spike trap and held it like a shield, so when his fist bashed into me, he got a nasty little surprise as well.
-245 Hp
Ok, that one rung my bell. And possibly gave me tinnitus, because all I could hear was this annoying, high pitched buzzing. That can't be good. I also couldn't see straight and everything was blurry, so a possible concussion on top of the tinnitus.
What was also not good was my Hp. That last hit dropped it below half. Good thing I found those health potions. Removing them from my Inventory, I immediately downed them both. It restored my Health just a bit more than what I took.
Note to self, do not get hit by giant monsters. It hurts.
But with my Hp recovered, my vision and hearing cleared up, so that was good. I'm just glad this second hit didn't Stun me. Looking over at the Red Ogre, who was ripping the spike trap out of his hand, I noticed that last hit brought him down to about 30%.
So close. Just a bit more and his goose is cooked. I could just avoid him until he bleeds to death, but that would take a couple of hours, even with the poison.
I stood up, ready to end this. I used True Double again, bringing Shadow back from the dead. Only this time he was equipped with a Kusarigama, rather than Zannkimaru. Not as useful, but still pretty good. Maybe he could use Chain Trap and tie his legs together, tripping him Star Wars style?
Something to think about. The Red Ogre gave us a look and snarled, limp running toward us. It was pretty slow, and I think even Shadow is faster than him now, but that didn't make him any less deadly. I could only survive a few hits from the guy.
Shadow and I ran in opposite directions, hoping to confuse the Red Ogre. Not sure if it worked or not, because he came right for me. Not what I wanted, but I'll make due.
I turned and Sprinted towards him, and he raised his club in response. I dodged to the right as it came down towards me, swinging my own Kusarigama in a circle before launching it towards his face.
He tried to move his head out of the way, but his head wasn't what I was aiming for. Using Chain Trap, I aimed for my sword lodged in his mouth. I grinned at seeing it wrap around the handle, and gave it a hard yank using all of my strength.
It ripped out of his mouth, causing him to bellow in agony, and part of his lower jaw fell to the floor, dropping his Hp to 25%. I grabbed my sword, sending the Kusarigama back into the Inventory.
I sheathed the blade, and activated Shadow Strike, delivering a powerful strike to his leg again. He yelled as his HP dropped to about 20%. Just a little more and I got this.
Unfortunately, he didn't fall this time, twisting around and swinging his rod at me. I jumped into the air, managing to avoid it by the skin of my teeth. He then brought it above his head and swung it down at me. This time I rolled forward, coming to a stop right below him.
Giving me the perfect target.
"Sorry about this," I said, before thrusting my blade up into his crotch. At least it wasn't a rock this time. His shriek of pain almost deafened me and I think my tinnitus is back, but seeing his Health drop to about 10% made it worth it.
I ran out from under the Red Ogre, who remained standing, much to my surprise. He was just full of those, wasn't he? I stood there, panting, trying to regain my breath. We were in the home stretch now.
The Red Ogre turned me, holding his bleeding genitals. If I thought he hated me before, it had nothing on the look I was getting now. He lumbered towards me once again, each step sending a twinge a pain across his face.
Poor guy, it was past time to put him out of his misery, and wouldn't you know it, my sword's Special Ability just reset. But with his shadow right in front of him, it wouldn't do me much good.
But while his shadow was in front of him, mine was behind him. And he seemed to take that thought about Star Wars very seriously. As the Red Ogre went to take a step, he suddenly found a chain wrapped around his legs. His eyes widened in shock as he fell forward.
This is my chance! Shadow you beautiful bastard, I love you!
Activating Shadow Strike for the final time, I appeared in front of the falling ogre. I gave him a smirk as he stared at me with dawning horror. My blade went out, creating a brilliant arc of purple and black, as the edge struck the Red Ogre's neck, right in the same spot Shadow struck earlier.
And went right through it.
I stood there for a moment, not believing it was over. But it was, and once the realization hit, I thrust my arms in the air and let out a victory shout.
"Ahhhhhhhh!"
I did it. I won. I conquered the Red Ogre's District.