(Note: This is a work of fiction. Nothing described is based on objective reality and may be somewhat exaggerated. Any resemblance to a real person or event is purely coincidental. The story contains themes of depression, betrayal, toxic work culture, and suicidal ideation. Reader discretion is advised.)
Shattered Radiance
‘Daiki-kun! Daiki-kun!’
The young boy wearing a high-school uniform was sitting at his desk, staring blankly at the door, until he heard a sweet voice call out. He turned his head, eyes widening, stunned by the mesmerizing sight before him.
The young girl, standing at the window, pointing at something below, her bright smile lighting up the room. Sunlight shone, casting a dazzling halo on her figure, accentuating her youthful beauty and creating a breathtaking image for the beholder.
‘Ahh, this must be the moment I fell in love with her’, Daiki thought to himself.
He smiled back and stood up, putting his hands in his pockets to hide his nervousness as he walked up to her. Looking out the window, he asked nonchalantly, while avoiding the gaze that sent shivers down his spine, ‘What is it?’
The girl parted her lips, but before she could answer, a piercing sound came out shattering the scene.
‘Beep beep beep!’
The sound of an alarm resonated through the room, pricking the ears of the blissful man in a deep slumber who was lost in a beautiful dream.
The sudden noise jolted him awake. He scrambled, stuck in his blanket, causing him to fall off of his single bed, hitting his head on the side table on the way down.
(Good thing no one saw that happen, it would’ve been embarrassing…Damn you author! Why’d you have to write that…Hey, why do I get to break the 4th wall when the Lin girl didn’t?ㄟ( ▔, ▔ )ㄏ, Oh, you forgot~, you do realize that considering the direction her intro headed in, she needed this more to lighten up the mood, stupid! … Fineee, I’ll shut up now but I’ll take charge of narration for now then.)
Rubbing the back of my head, I muttered, ‘Ahh, what the hell!’
I glanced at the clock, excitement rising within me. ‘Oh yeah, its my first day at work.’
I got up, had breakfast, and dressed in a grey suit. According to the salesman, it perfectly highlighted my tall and lean figure. Admiring myself in the mirror one last time, I adjusted my cuffs and tie before leaving. I strode out the door, making my way towards the first step of adult life.
Well, while I’m on the train, let me introduce myself.
My name is Sugiyama, Daiki. My parents named me that so I can be bright and successful in life and so far so good! (/≧▽≦)/
[Sugiyama (杉山) – “Sugi” means cedar tree, symbolizing strength and durability, while “yama” means mountain, which can sym bolize stability and resilience.
Daiki (大輝) – “Great Radiance.” It suggests brightness, brilliance, and success.]
I’m currently 24 years old, and as I mentioned, it’s my first day at work. I’m super excited; I graduated last year and, after an arduous job hunting journey, I finally landed a job!
Right now, I’ve got everything working for me. I mean, I’m handsome, 6ft tall, fit, smart, and, other than the stuff I’ve been blessed with, I have a beautiful girlfriend, a 1DK and even a job now. So, yeah, life’s great, and I bet my job will be too!
Oh, who was I dreaming about? My girlfriend, of course, Sakura-chan.
Let me tell you about us. Hoshino Sakura, that’s the name of my love. We’d been in the same class for all three years of high school and the same friend group. There’d always been a spark, but neither of us ever spoke up. I’d always thought that these feelings would remain buried underneath, left to be noting more than a beautiful memory, as I remain stuck in eternal winter.
But she changed it all. After our graduation ceremony, she came up to me and asked me for my button. Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised and shocked. I asked her quite like an idiot, ‘Uh…what do you mean?’
To which she kindly replied, ‘That I like you, idiot! Ugh…you seriously made me say it…’
I was stunned stupid and couldn’t react, I felt like I was floating, making my way to ascension, but what she said next sadly brought me back to Earth. She told me that she’s leaving to continue her studies abroad in a few days, and before leaving, she wanted to confess.
I couldn’t just let her go, so I grabbed her hand and told her I feel the same way. We lamented that we wasted our high school years when we both liked each other but decided that we’ll be in a LDR, until she comes back and we’re still going strong!
The Sakura bloomed as winter melted away, Bringing with them the arrival of a beautiful spring.
Ahh, we’ll have to pause, my stop’s here. (Handing the mic back to the author now)
He got off the train and walked nervously to the company building across from the station, clutching his bag.
Taking a deep breath, he entered the building and headed straight for the planning department. Peeking his head in through the door, everyone seemed extremely busy bustling about in and out with people working on their computers accompanied by mountains of files. He said softly, with reluctance, ‘Excuse me…’, afraid of disturbing them
An employee passing by took notice and asked, ‘Who are you looking for?’
He straightened up, feeling a little proud as he said, ‘I’m a new employee, today’s my first day…’
The employees’ eyes brightened as he pulled him by the arm and patted him on the back, saying, ‘Great timing, we’ve been waiting. You’ll love it here; we’re all like a big family but don’t mind if you don’t receive a grand welcome, though we’re going through a busy time. I’m the team leader, by the way.’
Then, taking him to the front he announced, ‘Hey everyone, this is our new employee who’ll be joining us from today.’
He gave Daiki a nudge, to which he stood at attention saying aloud, ‘Nice to meet you all! My name is Sugiyama Daiki, I’ll be starting work from today. Please take care of me.’
He looked forward expectantly after saying his piece, at everyone looking up from their desks, fingers still on their keyboards.
A middle-aged man raised his head and said, ‘Welcome, I’m the department head,. You’ll be sitting across the team leader for today. Come here quickly; we have a deadline coming up and a lot of work to do. You’ll find the files on your desk; enter all the data and print out the spreadsheet by lunchtime.’
‘Eh?’ Daiki said confused.
‘Well, don’t just stand there staring like an idiot. Come here quickly’, said the middle-aged man.
‘Yes, sir!’, he shouted enthusiastically, rushing towards his desk saying as he sat, ‘I’ll complete it on time for sure, sir!’
‘Yes, yes’, the department head responded and continued with work.
Daiki sat at his desk, organizing his belongings. Then, he stretched his fingers, turned on the computer and opened one of many files thinking, ‘Okay, I have about three hours to get this done; gotta hurry.’
As his fingers flew over the keyboard, he quickly typed and entered data while simultaneously cross-checking for mistakes. He managed to complete his task on time, his fingers now red, sore, and throbbing.
The team leader patted him on the shoulder, ‘Atta boy, good work. Now, you just have to keep going like this, and you’ll fit right into our family. In fact, after work we’re all going for a team dinner for your welcome party. Be sure to complete everything on time.’
‘Yes, thank you, sir!, he said enthusiastically with a bright smile, before continuing in confusion, ‘But sir, didn’t I just complete my work?’
The team leader looked at him with a dissatisfied expression, ‘You call that work? Don’t get cocky just ’cause you finished a task on time kid; we’re not near done. I tell you, back in my day, we would work all day and even overtime without a single complaint, not even daring to expect any praise. Seriously, kids these days are just lazy.’
Waving his hands and shaking his head in a panic, he hurriedly said, ‘Oh no, no, I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean that. I just wasn’t assigned what to do next so I assumed…I’ll get started on whatever work you tell me to!’
‘That’s more like it. It’s your first day so I don’t suppose you’ll need a lunch break; you can eat at the welcome party anyway, so get started on the files on my table’, said the team leader.
‘Uh…yes, sir I’ll get right on it’, Daiki said awkwardly but energetically as he made his way to get the files and started working on them till it was time to clock out.
He stood up, feeling a shiver down his spine as all the others were staring at him. The sight was a bit creepy as for some reason they all looked like lifeless zombies, pale with sunken eyes who just worked like emotionless robots. He asked in puzzlement, ‘Did I do something wrong?’
The department head asked raising an eyebrow ‘Surely, you, a newbie, aren’t leaving before your seniors who are working hard with overtime, now are you?’
He quickly sat back down, stammering as he hurriedly replied, ‘Of course not, I was just stretching my legs.’
It felt unfair, as he had been lazing around and wasting time all day while ordering everyone else around after bringing up the “Back in my day…” speech
Then, continued with his assigned work.
After about four hours, the department head was heard letting out a deep sigh as he stretched his arms saying, ‘That should be enough for the day.’
Everyone else immediately stopped working and packed up, but before they could leave he said, ‘Well now, lets all go straight to a team dinner for our dear new recruit’s welcome party…I hope no one’s thinking about going home tonight!’
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The others smiled awkwardly as they made their way out together to head to a nearby restraint.
[Department head – bucho Team Leader/Section manager – kacho]
When there, the bucho ordered BBQ and drafts while the kacho poured drinks for him; it seemed this place really valued hierarchy as everyone sat according to their positions with the Bucho, Kacho, Senior Planners, Planners and Assistant Planners sitting from left to right, leaving Daiki at the bottom of the foodchain.
By the middle, he was introduced to everyone and made to take on the responsibility of poring drinks for everyone while accepting all the toasts. He was barely able to eat, feeling his liver might not last a year here.
They wrapped up as the Bucho ended up dead drunk following which the Kacho put him in a taxi. Then, asked Daiki to come with him, as they made their way back to the company.
The kacho pulled out a stack of files as said, ‘Get this done before going home.’
Daiki sobered up from the shock and asked confused, ‘Eh, but weren’t we done for the day?’
The Kacho looked at him annoyed, ‘Yes, your superiors were, but not you. Being the youngest, you have to help us out. This is the work we weren’t able to get done today, so get to it’.
Before he could protest, the kacho turned and left, leaving him alone with a mountain of work.
He slumped down in his chair, thinking aloud, ‘What the hell is this?! Is this even allowed? But I guess this is what they mean by the harshness of the corporate world. I should stop complaining and finish my work so I can go home and call Sakura-chan.’
He got fired up, and he quickly finished all his work. He rushed to the station but was too late as he missed the last time. Then, he went out and ordered a taxi, finally arriving home in the dead of the night.
He collapsed on the bed, not even bothering to change. Just as he was drifting into sleep, he jolted from the sound of his ringtone. ‘Ahh, It’s Sakura-chan! I forgot to contact her! She never contacts me first; I’m sure out of consideration for my schedule so this is the first time since after our 1st year.’
He fumbled around to pick it up, shakily accepting it. He heard a loud, upset voice from the other end, ‘Daiki-kun, why didn’t you call? I was waiting, you know!’
He hurriedly coaxed, ‘I’m so sorry, Sakura-chan, It was my first day at work today, and I just got home. I was so tired, I just fell asleep as soon as I got here.’
She continued, ‘Couldn’t you have called me from there or at least sent a text so I don’t waste my time! Hah, no, I shouldn’t be so unreasonable I know. Its okay, Daiki-kun, I understand. I’ll let this go since this is the first time. You should get some rest; we’ll talk tomorrow, I’m busy now.’
‘He said a bit disappointed, ‘Ah, yes, of course, thank you, Sakura-chan, and I’m sorry again, I promise to be careful next time. Good night.’
She hung up as soon as he finished. He thought, ‘Agh, how could I do something to upset her, and she was even kind enough to forgive me.’
The thought kept him up as he barely went to sleep at daybreak, when not long after he was awoken by his alarm. He looked at the time and found he had unconsciously snoozed his alarm a few times. He rushed to change as he stunk from last night’s dinner and went out barely reaching on the dot.
‘I made it’, he thought. As he entered the bucho reprimanded him for being late. He was confused when the Kacho continued on how he should’ve arrived before everyone else being the youngest.
He tried to explain, ‘I got home too late yesterday as I missed the last train because of all the work…’
The Kacho scolded, ‘You have the nerve to make excuses?! That’s your problem anyway…no matter what you shouldn’t let anything affect your work. Seriously kids these days…’
He hurriedly said while bowing, ‘I’m really sorry! It won’t happen again!’
The Kacho stopped and said contentedly, ‘It better not, now get to work.’
Daiki stood up straight and said with his usual bright smile, ‘Yes, sir I’ll get right to it.’
The following days weren’t any different from the first. Every day he would work from morning to night non-stop, taking a brief lunch break on some days if he was lucky. Every day, he would work overtime before going to a team dinner, until whenever the bucho wanted. And every day he would go back to continue working on until the last train, which he missed more days than not.
There would be days when a colleague would be grinding with him, but being the youngest, he would take on most of the work and be alone.
He understood the term ‘corporate slave’ a little too well. As he slowly wasted away, the life and brightness draining as he looked like something more akin to the undead. Becoming sick and pale from the exhaustion, even his mental state deteriorating as days went by. The only thing holding him together was that he had Sakura-chan waiting for him at the end of the day.
Sometimes, he would find time in the middle of the day to contact her, but usually he would send a text to inform her he’ll be late. She would wait on somedays and on others she would say she’s busy. He often fell asleep in the middle of a call, after which he would spend the next few days coaxing her and asking for forgiveness.
He’d collapsed from exhaustion and overwork many times over the span of time he had spent there as well, ending up hospitalized. His work would ease up a bit, but everything would end up the same after a few days.
And this is how 2 years went by…
(What the hell is this torture! (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻)
(That’s enough of you now author I’ll narrate my miserable state after those two years. Who knows what embarrassing words or scenarios you use to explain! Give me that- *snatched mic* , hmph)
‘Ugh, damn it all’, I thought while being reprimanded.
The kacho threw a stack of files at me, yelling, ‘How could you make such a careless mistake! get out of my sight and fix this, immediately!
I replied with a bowed head, ‘Yes, sir’, then picked up the files and went back to my desk.
He didn’t get the promotion he was waiting for so he’ has ‘s been looking for reasons to lash out at anyone. I picked that timing to make a typo and he took his anger out on me. He’s just an incompetent brute, which is why he didn’t get the promotion. He doesn’t have any capabilities and the only reason he even got this far is because he bows his head to his superiors, while lording over his subordinates.
I’m used to it anyway.
That’s just how it’s been. There’s nothing to really expect, since that’s just the reality of this world filled with misery at every corner.
Sometimes, I feel like just leaving everything and running away without looking back or just shutting myself in my house, never coming out. Everything feels meaningless and burdensome. I just want to end it all.
I hate this world, where I don’t feel like I belong.
The only thing which keeps me going is still her. I wouldn’t have endured for as long as I did otherwise. Because I know that at least by the end of each hellish day, I get to hear her voice.
But, I’ve really begun to wonder…is the reason because I love her or is it because being in contact with her reminds me of those golden years of my life when we met. Is it really a mistake to think I’ve escaped from winter’s grasp when it has actually been long since spring came to pass. Am I merely surviving off of memories of a lost spring. I don’t know anymore.
The Sakura wilted, taking away the warmth of spring.
As a chill crept in, bringing with it winter’s icy breath of wind.
With winter’s endless grasp,
Comes longing, for the days now past,
The memories of a lost spring, brings in hope of winter’s end.
The memories carrying whispers of a warmth, intervene,
Through the seemingly never ending white scene.
No, I’m sure I’m just overthinking it. In my life filled with darkness, she’s my only light. Yes, that has to be it.
Even though I feel numb, her thought is the only catalyst that can give rise to any trace of emotion within me, albeit sometimes, negative. That’s okay. Yes, its okay.
I do love her. I’m sure of it. Because, I know…I know that the moment I lose this light, I’ll be lost in endless darkness.
The moment I lose my spring, I’ll once again be stuck in winter’s endless grasp. There will only be one escape from this miserable life. Only one. That is why I know I still love her. Because without her, I wouldn’t still be here…
(Foreshadowing much…)
I was doing overtime again as usual, when I heard the sound of a message. I checked to find its from Sakura-chan.
I hurriedly opened the text but was shocked by its content which read, You’re not the man you used to be, and I’ve fallen out of love with you for a while now. I tried but I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry. I’m getting married to someone else so I’m breaking up with you. Take care.
My hand’s trembled as I thought, ‘I can’t believe this…She would do this to me, not her. I shakingly called her, after two missed calls, she answered but before I could say anything she gave an explanation which finally submerged my whole world into darkness, taking away my only light.
‘Daiki-kun…Sugiyama-kun, I apologize for breaking up with you over text, it was because I was afraid but it seems I’ll have to give you this explanation. The truth is, I got engaged to the son of my father’s business partner when I was five. I never intended to have any form of a relationship with anyone.
But, in high school, you were someone who was always shining, always the center of the crowd. You were like a prince out of a fairytale, both by looks and temperament. And the young high school girl back then couldn’t help but be attracted. But, it wasn’t love, just infatuation and admiration.
When I confessed to you that was supposed to be it as my leaving for abroad was because my fiance lives here, but when you reciprocated, I couldn’t help but be tempted so I decided to give in to my selfish desire and as LDR’s are gradually lose contact. But you, you’re always so sweet and accomadating. You’ve always tried so hard to make it work that i couldn’t completely cut you off, even if I wanted to.
But, now I’m getting married in a few days, and I can’t keep this up anymore. So, I’m sorry and Goodbye. Take care and have a good life. I’m sure if it’s you, you’ll easily be able to find someone nice who can truly love you, Thank you for all your time. That’s all.’
She finished what she wanted to say, so coldly trampling on my heart, crushing any hope for me and hung up.
I tried calling her back but she had blocked me.
It’s over.
I covered my eyes to stop the tears and sighed.
Ugh, damn it all.
I left, without finishing my work and went to the station. It was time for the last train and the station was deserted, except for a few people like me standing far apart.
I felt numb. Nothing mattered anymore. What do I even have left to continue for. I lost her. No, turns out I never had her.
As I stood at the platform, feeling numb and broken, the world around me seemed to blur into a haze of despair. The darkness and lonliness was consuming me greedily, preparing to devour me completely. I wondered, ‘What did I have left to live for now that she was gone?’ I was lost in my thoughts, drowning in the darkness of my own despair, wondering where it all went wrong.
No, apparently it was wrong since the beginning.
I’ve felt the signs but I always ignored them, deluding myself into thinking we were Romeo and Juliet, meant to be together. But, I’d forgotten the ending. So, maybe since I’m Romeo I’ll do justice to his story even if my Juliet betrayed me, because in hindsight we both had lost her.
I thought this as I heard the train approaching. Just one step, and this’ll all be over. Just one step I can finally escape this hell.
And I jumped.
But the pain never came, I opened my eyes to see the train was gone as were the other few people. Everything was dark. That’s when one spot in front of me was emanating light. It gradually grew larger until it was a rectangle. Then, like a door, it starting opening as a figure stepped out of it,
but it bore no resemblance to a human. Instead, it appeared as a humanoid fox-like creature with sleek, white fur covering its body. Its form was lithe and graceful, reminiscent of a fox on the prowl. It was a kitsune?
The kitsune was dressed impeccably in a formal black 3-piece suit, tailored to perfection. A crisp white dress shirt adorned its torso, complemented by a neatly tied black tie. Its attire was completed with polished black boots, adding to its distinguished appearance.
Silver chains adorned its neck, draped diagonally across its chest and extending to its belt, accentuating the creature’s enigmatic presence.
Despite its formidable appearance, the kitsune carried no visible weapons.
I asked it, ‘Did I die? Are you like, a Shikigami or something? Or is this going to be some manga-like plot about saving me for a greater purpose, like sending me to another world?’
‘How did you know? Did someone come here before me to inform you?, It asked in wonder. It was a female voice, carrying an air if elegance and authority, smooth and melodic like the gentle flow of a stream whose captivating depth would draw you in.
Its voice shook me up for a bit but I regained my composure, ‘Be honest. Why are you here? Am I dead or did you save me?’
It smiled and said, ‘Ah yes, I apologize, I was a little late in arriving to world2020, though it seems the plot has deviated quite a bit from the original, more so than the others. You have quite the will, I suppose, to cause this. You aren’t dead, by the way, though you were close, so I suppose I saved you. My reason for being here is as you’ve guessed, I’m am what they’re calling a collector to you and you’re selected as the perfect person to be ‘player 4′ to the team.’
I looked up and thought aloud while sighing, ‘The world won’t even let me die in peace now.’
Then I looked at it and said, ‘And what makes you think a guy trying to escape from the trouble of life, would do as you say?’
It said looking down, seeming annoyed, ‘He told me that I should collect them at the brink of death, but it seems there’s a difference on whether the death was willing or not…’
Then, it looked up at me, ‘You don’t really have a choice though, so resistance is futile. You won’t be allowed to die either, at least not yet. But don’t worry you’ll get plenty of chances for that in the future, though I guess you won’t since its you.’
Then it smiled dangerously while continuing, ‘Anyway, we don’t have time to waste, the door will close soon so let’s go.’
It quickly grasped his wrist and pulled him with strength, his body which till now seemed immobile, to his surprise moved easily but in the direction he was pulled as he thought, ‘Well, I gave up anyway, so might as well go with the flow.’
He didn’t struggle and let himself be pulled forward in to the door where he too disappeared into the nothingness.
His existence, also being erased from his world.
To be continued…
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Player 1, 2,& 3 : We’re glad we have a new member to join the club, but what about our appearance? w(ﾟДﾟ)w
Author: Wait.
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