Healthy Habits to Follow

- Eat lots of carbs.

- And sugar. Daily.

- Watch porn.

- Masturbate constantly.

- Exercising is for self-conscious losers, unlike you.

- Energy drinks four times a day.

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- Three packs of cigarettes a day.

- Be nice, not kind.

- Unprotected sex with person or persons you just met but with consent.

- Buy alcohol and weed and [insert various types of stimulants of your choice here] even if you are low on money.

- Listen to people who want to [removed] the [removed]-prescribed [removed] family structure and foster a [removed]-affirming network on YouTube.

- Complain about life not going the way you want it.

- Blame all problems on other people.

- Wait until something good happens.

- The cleanliness of your room is ignorable.

- Keep waiting until something good happens.

- Learn the art of the bike lock.