55

Alayna

Thursday 1st October, Year 828

“What the hells is the matter with you?” Mum bellowed, her voice ricocheting off the walls like a rogue bullet. Her tirades had shifted from accusatory to downright disgusted as she flung words like ‘murderer’, ‘lunatic’ and 'terrorist' at Ben. “I always turned a blind eye to your mindless obsession with vigilantism because of how damaged you were after Hayley. We thought you were making a difference. Your Dad was right; we raised a murderer. Is this what you’ve been teaching Alayna? That it’s okay to kill innocent people? No wonder she’s fucking demented!”

She had continued to shriek and swear at Ben for nearly half an hour, and although I wasn’t in the room, I might as well have been. The walls were paper thin as Ben had demonstrated earlier by eavesdropping on me and Tiv. I did try not to listen but it was pretty pointless. She cycled through screaming and sobbing, demanding answers only to drown them out with more shrieks whenever Ben's lips parted in an attempt to speak. Not that he did much of that. Defending himself was pointless, especially when his hands were stained with blood that came long before the war... Taking the life of the woman who saved us. The woman who, had she lived, might have made a positive change to Outer Harroworth.

Out of nowhere Leesa danced into my room, apparently oblivious to the screaming. Completely unfazed. No concussion in sight.

"Need something?" I asked, arching an eyebrow when she picked up a book and held it upside down, pretending to read.

She shrugged, “Nope, just tired. Ben kept me up all night. And not even in a good way.”

“He told me you were concussed,” I said, not reciprocating her humour.

She pulled a face, “I’m fine. A little concussion can’t keep me down.”

Emotional blackmail was not a tactic I had ever seen Ben use before. He warned me he’d done it the previous evening but it didn’t take the poison from the sting.

“He’s a lying bastard,” I hissed.

Her grin was undeterred by my irritation. “Or maybe I’m made of steel.”

“Who else did he lie about?” I snapped.

“Charlotte was in a pretty bad way but she’s conscious now. Yalma is up and about though. We still haven’t heard from Ghost but, like, that’s pretty usual for her. That terrifying psychopath will probably show up with someone’s head in a couple of days.”

She almost brought a smile to my lips. Ghost was terrifying but for Leesa to call someone a psychopath–well, it spoke volumes.

“Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?” I sighed.

“Probably,” she shrugged. “Aaron told me you screwed the gorgeous Hawes man?”

She spoke like several people hadn’t died in the last day and she was just catching up on the latest gossip. And Tiv… well, now wasn’t the time for that conversation. Even if I wanted to chat, another wave of screaming from Mum interrupted us. All of it was nasty and hateful, but—wow—she was shooting to kill with her next breath.

“I lost the wrong son! Give me him over you!” she bellowed at my brother.

The house seemed to go as still as I did, lungs constricting. Even Dad intervened then, shouting over her and telling Ben to get out. After that all that could be heard was her sobs.

For the first time, Leesa actually looked uneasy as she muttered, “Well that was a shitty thing to say.”

“I know you live here, but you don’t have to stay while my family is having a meltdown,” I grumbled.

She responded with another shrug, brightening instantly, "This lot might not be my blood relatives, but they feel like family enough." She paused then added with a crooked smile, “Kinda reminds me of home actually. All that yelling... Weirdly comforting. Your family is sane compared to mine.”

“Wanna tell me about them?” I asked for what must have been the billionth time.

“Not even a teensy bit,” she grinned.

Leesa was odd. Funny odd. She was pretty much Ben in a skirt back when he still knew how to crack a smile… And if you could get Leesa in a skirt.

The sound of my Mum's cries came to an eventual abrupt end, and a long, horrible silence settled in its place. During the hateful silence that filled the house, Leesa took it upon herself to pick up the guitar and play it badly. Mum had sat in her room for an hour refusing to speak to anyone. Dad finally wandered in and wrestled the guitar off Leesa, but did not ask her to leave. He never did; Mum and Dad had loved her just as much as me and Ben. Maybe not Ben anymore.

“So who has the bigger cock? Tiv or Aaron?” Leesa chirped the second Dad left the room.

“Leesa, so help me…” Dad grumbled from the hallway.

I buried my disgustingly pink face in my palms with a muffled groan that came from so deep in me, I didn’t realise such a place existed.

She giggled at my misery before uncharacteristically stilling. “Are you going to patch things up with Aaron?”

“Probably not,” I grimaced.

“How come?” she asked.

I was getting under my own skin. Three-plus years of what I felt for Aaron got wiped out in a single night with Tiv. It wasn't supposed to be that simple. What did that make me? Heartless? A slut? Aaron deserved better than that. I knew I loved Tiv but I didn’t want to, I also knew there was no way to just forget about him. I had learned that the hard way. I was going to die because of him, at least indirectly.

Ben might murder me, I thought comically, before the unsettling realisation that he actually might felt like a lead weight in my gut again.

Nausea washed over me.

“I’m not that interested, sorry,” Leesa mumbled when she saw me slump over, head cradled by my arms.

"Leese, Ben's going to wipe them out, and I can't let him," I blurted without even thinking.

“I’m not taking on Ben,” she fired back. “I love you but he’s scarier.”

“I thought you lived to annoy him,” I tried to smile past the dread. It was pointless; the attempted smile died on my lips as I sighed. “How many of Tiv’s people did we get?”

“Apparently you killed a redhead called Regan.” My toes curled at the name. “Aaron got someone called Justus and Riley killed someone called Jakori. Our captives were called Demetrius and Eddie. Eddie was the one who killed Riley. We killed three more but we didn’t get their names. Demetrius and Eddie said there were fifteen of them all together and they’re in the old library in Central,” she summarised. “They’ll have about eight left now.”

I hated that she’d taken the time to learn their names. I didn’t want to know they had identities or lives or that they meant something to Tiv.

“They were called Demetrius and Eddie?” The names felt heavy coming out of my mouth.

“They are dead now,” she replied, cold as ice.

I shuddered and shook my head to rid myself of the thought.

“Did Ben or Aaron kill them?” I whispered.

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“Do you really want me to answer that question?” she smiled unsympathetically. After no response from me, she carried on, “Ben let Louise have Eddie.”

I didn’t dare even think about the state of the man when Louise was finished with him. Regardless, a shudder rippled through me and I let out a heavy breath.

“We think they had one familiar; there was a black cloud of fear apparently that engulfed the room I was unconscious in. Aaron said it didn’t fuck off until the last of the Lambentians escaped,” she continued.

They had familiars too. A tic started in my jaw as I realised how bloody the battle could have gotten very quickly today. It seemed we’d gotten off lucky for once. If any of this shitstorm could be considered lucky.

The air carried my words in a whisper, "It's us or them, isn't it?"

“Course. People call me the kid but you’re the one who wishes naively for a happy ending,” Leesa joked.

A pang of desperation fluttered in my chest; Tiv had been right about Mayrina. What if he had been right about everything? If he had, then I had spat venom at him for nothing. If I was wrong, then I was going to get him and all of the innocent people he’d brought with him killed. If I was wrong, then letting him leave without me would no doubt be the worst mistake I’d ever made.

“I need to talk to Mum. I think I have a stupid idea but I want to be sure of something first,” I said suddenly.

“Ah, I love a stupid idea!” Leesa said enthusiastically, jumping up.

“Alone, sweetheart.” I managed a half-hearted smile as her anticipation fizzled into disappointment.

Her face dropped, “Fine.”

“You’ll be the first one I drag headfirst into this mess if I decide to do the stupid thing though,” I added quickly before she could sulk off. “Also, go get Yalma. I think she’ll be useful. And give Louise a thousand pointless jobs; I want her nowhere near me today.”

That coaxed out a grin and smoothed the wrinkle from Leesa’s brow before she flitted out the door.

Mum's door groaned on its hinges as I pushed it open without bothering to knock. The room was draped in shadows and silence except for the soft crinkle of tissues and whispers of sobbing from where Mum sat curled up on her bed. The blue pillow clutched in her arms couldn't soak up all of her tears. For a woman who had spent the last decade of my life telling me Jamsons didn’t cry, she’d spent a lot of the last day contradicting that statement. The bare floorboards creaked under my weight alerting her she was no longer alone.

"Get out," she choked out between cries without casting an eye towards me.

“Mum, I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

She seemed surprised that I was the one who entered the room. Her bloodshot gaze met mine and she sighed, her mouth pulled down in a heavy frown.

“Sweetheart, I can’t really think straight at the minute, can you come back later?” she asked.

No. It needed saying now.

“When Tiv spoke to me it seemed that he had had his head filled with lies from Marco and Anthony. But one of the things he said was that Ben was responsible for his Mum’s death… That got me thinking, what if another thing he had said was true?”

"What are you on about?" Her voice had an edge sharp enough to slice through steel.

“One of the things Tiv had been told is that you were having an affair with Anthony.” The words felt like stones in my mouth.

She looked up slowly, red-rimmed eyes narrowed. “Anthony?” she spat.

Her face was closed off like a locked door–I used to know Ben’s expressions like the back of my hand, but Mum could be an unsolvable puzzle sometimes. It reminded me how little she let her guard slip; made me think about all those times feelings clawed their way up my throat only to be shoved back down into silence because Jamesons don’t show weakness. Except that rule wasn't standing up too well today.

“Please don’t lie,” I plead in a whisper.

Mum rolled her eyes and scoffed, commanding me to sit with her. She held me close and spoke quickly. “Anthony was always strange around me at work. I thought he fancied me, but he was a chauvinist showoff. He basically slept with all the female staff and wasn’t quiet about it. He probably paid me more attention because I didn’t say yes. When he visited Harroworth he always made a point to see me. On the night of Mayrina’s death, he acted inconsolable until your dad left us alone. He said he was leaving and he wanted me to go with him. I said no. Alayna, I love your dad, there was never any question… But Anthony threatened me and tried to… Well, you don’t need to know the gory details but I was scared to be alone with him. After I threw him out, he followed through on his promise to ruin our family and get me fired from my job. Umbrith started showing up regularly, as he had promised if I didn't go with him. When I told your dad what happened, it solidified his hatred towards them all.”

“Anthony can control pretty much everything but I think even the Umbrith are beyond his reach,” I scoffed.

“I know. But it felt like he could. He wanted to destroy my family and they were always there from the second he left. I see instead he sent his sons to do it for him.”

“Anthony sounds like Marco,” I pointed out. “They really don’t handle rejection well.”

Mum smiled and squeezed my hand, “I remember me and Mayrina used to gush over you and Marco ending up together.”

“You picked the wrong brother for me,” I smiled sadly.

“Tiv was always too quiet. Too shy. You’re… not. We figured Marco would be able to handle you a bit better,” she smirked cheekily before she sighed. “We just thought we were being nosey mums. I did not think for a single second everything would go this badly wrong. Anthony is the worst thing that could have happened to those kids.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes and she hugged me tightly.

“I’m glad Tiv was wrong about this,” I whispered.

“Sweetheart, I would never leave your dad or you and Leesa… or Ben. Anthony could not understand why I would not want to leave my family for what he could offer me. But my life is better than his and it always will be. Money is not the means to all ends. Ben’s proven that. But Anthony still wants to rule the world and it probably hasn’t gone down well that we Vakosians have overthrown an entire government and run our own land. These rebels are the biggest threat Lambent has faced in generations.”

I sighed, “Why does he want land infested with Umbrith?”

“Now that is beyond me,” she smiled feebly.

More silence followed as I mustered the courage for my next words.

“I think Ben is going to kill all of them, and I think they’re innocent. Tiv told me the truth about everything. He told me… he said he loved me. He said that the people he was with were only here because he is. He said he was forced here. Tiv didn’t even know he was in Harroworth. I’m betting the others didn’t too,” I whispered.

She didn’t say anything.

“Do you think I’m mad?”

Her arms stiffened around me. “No love. I think you’re right. I think you need to make Ben see sense. At least he sometimes listens to you… Make him see sense or leave him to his slow suicide. There’s nothing else we can do for him. He’s been lost to us for years now.” She spoke as if he was dead and sobbed again, “I never thought he would become this. I’ve completely failed both of you.”

I hugged her and gave a small laugh, “I don’t know what you mean. I’m perfect.”

She attempted a smile, “Ah, my beautiful baby, you absolutely are.”

Eventually Mum released me and I left her to mourn another son she’d lost. I left the room and went to Ben’s old bedroom. He was not there. Terrified he had already given the order to kill Tiv and his people, I rushed quickly down the stairs and out of the house, almost tripping over him as he sat on the porch step muttering into his mobile phone and rubbing his eyes.

“I’m glad you didn’t leave,” I murmured.

He looked at me and ended the call immediately.

“I’m scared in case Mum changes the locks… or moves,” he breathed back.

I sat on the porch next to him and eventually sighed, “What were you thinking?”

“Some rich Lambentian woman in Thruck offered us money, guns and explosives to kill Anthony Hawes. The car we blew up was meant to be his,” Ben explained, not looking at me.

“Mum could have been in that car,” I whispered.

He was rigid, “I would not have risked it at all if I thought that was even a possibility.”

“But you did risk it. And the only reason it didn’t happen is because Mayrina let Mum go early. You could have killed her,” my voice was hoarse.

“I just wanted Anthony dead,” he said simply. My hands itched to slap some sense into him; he did not sound remorseful. “Mum's fine, so what's the use crying over what didn't happen?” he added after a beat.

“But this is the problem, you act in anger without thinking about it and then deal with the consequences afterwards, but usually you just hope there are no lasting consequences. You can’t do that forever. It’ll catch up with us eventually,” I pressed, my words tumbling out.

“We are going to blow up the library this afternoon,” he said emotionlessly as if he hadn’t heard a word I’d said. “If they’re gone, good. If they’re not, it will stop more coming back.”

“They won’t stop coming for us,” I whispered.

“Then I won’t stop fighting.” Ben's eyes turned steely. “I haven’t even called on the rebels yet. I’ll have to now half of the main group are dead or out of action. Anthony doesn’t know what’s coming for him if they try to stop us.”

We were in too deep. There was no way to win. It was hopeless. It felt like clutching at straws–waiting for an end that would only come when Ben lay cold and lifeless, taking our cause to the grave. It ended with Lambent shoving their puppet government back into power, ready to keep us under the boot again… But it wouldn’t end with Ben. They'd make sure our family followed suit. Leesa, Mum and Dad would all be killed. Aaron and Charlotte would be too. Probably Paul for good measure. If we didn’t stop Lambent, they’d kill us all.

“He tried to slit your throat. To get to me,” Ben said darkly.

“You shouldn’t have been listening,” I snapped.

“Do you honestly think I’d blow up a building with you in it?” His voice was low and dangerous. “You think I’d torture you?”

“Absolutely,” I said remorselessly. “You don’t care about us getting hurt as long as you get what you want.”

He shuffled as if to move closer then froze, thinking better of it, "If that's what you reckon about me... Then I've screwed up. I would never do anything to intentionally put you in harm's way. You know, apart from letting you join a militia who kills Umbrith and Lambentian soldiers on the side.”

A smile cracked my frown, “I’m glad to hear that.”

There was a long, stagnant pause before I broke it again.

“Are you really going to destroy the library with them inside it?”

He stiffened slightly, “We’ve got no choice Aly.”

He had no idea how glad I was to hear that. I was ready to do the stupid thing.