39

Alayna

Monday 14th September, Year 828

We no longer had the ammunition for target practice, we hadn't for a while; we used it for when soldiers from Lambent attacked. Luckily we were in the mountains so it didn't happen often. Instead, I held the string of the bow to my lips, losing the arrow with a whistle through the air. It hit the middle of the target. I jumped up and down in excitement before curtseying towards my audience.

"You are too cocky," Ben said automatically.

"She's amazing," protested Aaron, putting his arms around me and spinning me to a dance with no music.

I grinned and kissed him.

"You two are disgusting. You don't see me and your Mum acting like love-sick puppies all the time," Dad mumbled.

"You absolutely act like love-sick puppies all the time," I smirked at him.

He gave a sly wink.

So much had changed since I first joined the Harroworth Rebels. Primarily, I could shoot like a pro. Hunting came naturally to me, animal, monster and human, however annoying a bow and arrow was to haul around. I was better than people who had twenty years of experience… I was better than Paul. He did not take kindly to this and reminded me of it constantly by putting me on my ass when we trained. I was still shit at that.

Ben had relaxed a lot towards me; he wasn't as smothering when I was out on rounds or on night shift at the base. I had learned quickly the way he did things was the way to get things done. Rebel factions were few and far between now. He just hung anyone who tried to stop him. Or anyone who tried to hurt us. Or anyone who stole from us… Anyone who inconvenienced Ben was strung up by the neck in the middle of The Grange as a warning to any other traitors. Nobody was beyond Ben's anger anymore. He got the job done and did not care how much blood was split to do so. At first he terrified me… Now it was normal.

Dad still took every opportunity to complain about my involvement in the Harroworth Rebels and spent a lot more time at the base compared to before he found out about it. He did not do much apart from hanging around and modifying the weapons in the armoury. My parents voiced their worry loudly. I went looking for trouble apparently. They weren't exactly wrong; I had no choice. Society had taken a nosedive since everyone found out the Umbrith could shapeshift. My parents probably should have been more concerned by my brother who had slowly lost his mind and killed everything that disagreed with him.

There were still some rebellions on occasion but more people were killed trying to access their own houses, dodging their own traps put in place to stop Umbrith. The Grange thrived; currency had no meaning so the rich now lived like the rest of us. Because Lambent cut off all trade and supplies, there was no such divide between Central and Outer Harroworth anymore. Everyone lived like destitute slum-dwellers who had to live day by day to survive. When a few of my Central torturers from college tried to join our faction, I pointed out Rob to Ben. My brother wasn't much for forgiveness. He turned Rob into a human bonfire while I watched. My lips curled in a smirk that felt a bit too comfortable. If I thought nobody messed with Ben before the war, now he was untouchable.

The electricity grid Ben had blown up had been somewhat haphazardly fixed meaning the hospitals received electricity and we could light our homes sometimes. It also allowed us to turn on the television and watch Lambentian propaganda. We didn't get any other TV. Lambent just decided to broadcast their crap to Vakoso every so often.

But Ben wasn't one to just sit back and take the punches. He rolled up his sleeves and got in on the action, fighting alongside other leaders of the rebellion. That was another thing that had gone right for us: the uprising of riots had created an increase in groups like the Harroworth Rebels and I encouraged Ben to know about all of them. They supplied us with food and ammo, both of which kept us alive. Instead of trying to boss around a group of misfit fighters, Ben trained an army. He made deals and traded favours, sending Katie—who had gained the affectionate nickname Ghost—if people needed convincing. Her ability to blend into any scenario was superhuman, bringing Ben information from rebel factions who wished us harm. She was still terrifying and made a good little spymaster. She still brought us the occasional body part.

Charlotte was Ben's second. I was his third. Paul and Aaron commanded his armies. Everyone had a role. Everyone worked together. With Ben's sway and cunning, he kept the Harroworth Rebels from surrendering to Lambent.

As for the Umbrith, they had taken it upon themselves to hunt for sport instead of food. The creatures began to break into random houses during the night a lot more frequently. My parents' house was a hotspot for Umbrith attacks for a while. We had seriously underestimated their intelligence. We assumed they wanted me and Ben gone as we oversaw the rebels who were destroying them, however they didn't follow Charlotte around and she was also in charge. It was odd to say the least. Luckily, Ben had such a large following, he was able to send rebels hunting daily. We managed to kill several Umbrith a day which reduced the number of attacks somewhat. The hunting parties also managed to bring back game from the forests which was basically our only way of sourcing our own food anymore apart from what we got from Thruck and sometimes Garth.

We had two new inductees to the inner circle of the Harroworth Rebels. Syndey, Ghost's mate had a calm demeanour that contrasted sharply with Ghost's terrifying aura. He hadn't brought us any heads yet at least. Then there was Louise, Riley's Fated lover. That was cool–it was like they shared a mind. She was also a familiar who could ironically summon lightning. The opposite to Riley but together their intrinsic magic was lethal. Louise's quietly fun nature added warmth that matched Riley's; her eyes lit up like the lightning she could conjure when she was happy. It sort of reminded me of Jo. Riley told Aaron he'd dreamt about Louise for years until they randomly ran into each other in the street in Harroworth. She was from Stelduke up north and had actually come looking for him, also sharing similar odd dreams. It was weirdly romantic. That and the fact it was hard to part them. Ben once sent Riley south to Thruck and Louise managed two days before she ignored Ben's order and left to follow Riley. They both returned a day later after Riley decided halfway to Thruck that Ben's wrath was worth it and turned round, meeting Louise halfway. Ben wasn't even angry, he just rubbed his temples in exasperation, muttering about how he'd have to change plans to keep them together in future.

I was enjoying the new female addition to the group. Louise made up for the fact Renée was a pain in the ass, as Leesa pointed out constantly. Mum and Dad had basically adopted Leesa and she slept in Ben's old room. It was great fun having her around, not like I ever stayed at my parents anymore. Regardless, Leesa was the most optimistic pessimist I had ever known and lived to wind Ben up. It was like having a little sister. She was a Jameson through and through.

It was a dreary Monday afternoon and I was enjoying my shooting practice. I went to collect the arrows but Ben stopped me.

"That's not why we are here. I need to talk to everyone," Ben explained.

I complied and we moved to the training room which was big enough to fit all of us in.

At the sight of Ben, Leesa sprinted at him, throwing herself on his back, which was pretty normal for her. He braced himself for her lighthearted attack, catching her deftly and flinging her over his shoulder onto the mats in front of him.

She grinned up at him, "One day I'll get you."

"No doubt, you little gremlin," he scoffed jovially.

With Leesa's chaotic little habit fulfilled, Ben started talking to the group, "As most of you will be aware there is some kind of disturbance down south. I'm assuming it's more rioters but I can't be sure. All I know is there have been a lot of casualties. The group is heading north and will probably reach Harroworth within two weeks. They'll definitely go to the Thruck first; there's rumours they're sending more Lambentian soldiers in five days."

"More fodder," Paul chuckled.

A ripple of laughter echoed around the room. I grinned at him. Once killing people painted my insides black, but Ben was right. They had come for us. They wanted to take everything. We'd destroy anyone who tried. That made me hold a gun steadier. Made me unflinching at the sound of gunfire.

"Pretty much," said Ben. "It doesn't matter whether this rebel group is on our side or not, if more Lambentians come, they will arrive at the harbour. Alex and Ghost have reported it's the only part of Thruck still intact. We need the supplies they'll bring with them on their ships. It's been too long since we were sent anything and I'm having to scale back Umbrith hunts because of our lack of ammo."

"Imagine if they set something on fire in Thruck and you're not there to revel in Lambent's misery," I scoffed.

"That won't happen. I will be there," Ben replied simply. "I've decided to take a few of you there to find out what's going on and hopefully nab some of their stuff. We need the supplies."

My face fell, "We give enough of ourselves just to survive in Harroworth. Thruck does not need us."

"There are a few other rebel groups around the country meeting me there. We either quash a potentially dangerous uprising before it gets close to Harroworth, or we join with whoever is causing trouble and kill some Lambentians," Ben reasoned.

It made sense.

"I'm not going alone. I'm going to split the group down the middle and take some rebels too. Who wants to come?" Ben asked.

Whispering and muttering broke out within the group. We were very rarely separated. Usually, if we needed supplies from Thruck we would hike in pairs or threes while the majority of us stayed behind. Aaron, Michael, Charlotte, Leesa, Dan and Riley raised their hand to go with Ben.

Ben raised an eyebrow at Leesa, "Yeah, you're about twelve. You're not coming."

"I'm twenty-three," she said.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"You're absolutely not," I grinned.

Leesa was still an enigma. She did not let us know anything about her. Her real age included. She elbowed me for siding with Ben.

"Alayna, you will be in charge here," Ben said.

"Is that the best idea?" Dad protested.

"Definitely. Dad, you can stay here so you can watch her like a hawk if you feel the need to. Alayna knows best here, Paul will be her second," Ben said.

I looked around the room with a beaming grin as nobody had any objections to me leading them. Dad stood grumpily in the corner with his arms folded.

"Why are Lambent sending more troops so soon? I didn't expect another meat drop for a while," Michael asked.

"Anthony Hawes is sending them," Aaron said.

Ben glanced momentarily at me as the taboo name was mentioned. Dad scoffed, a nasty glare on his face. It was no secret that Anthony Hawes was now one of the most powerful men in Lambent, basically running their armies, but the thought of him or his family still made me feel like I'd been punched in the stomach. Every time he was on the news, it always felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

Ben replaced Tiv's mobile with my very own which he had stolen. He did not know I still kept the silver phone switched off in my memory box with my other very limited memories of Tiv. If Ben knew about it, he'd want to use it. Tiv was probably still paying for it, completely forgetting he was giving away fifty ven a month and had been for almost four years.

Imagine living somewhere that still dealt in currency.

Finalising his plans, Ben had decided to take Aaron, Charlotte, Michael and Riley with him. That obviously meant Louise was joining Riley. Ghost and Dan also agreed to go too. This left me in charge of Paul, Alex, Renee, Leesa, Lucas and Sydney. That meant he was taking seven and I was taking eight. Ben also counted Connor and Yalma in with my lot. We were arguing about why I thought it was a good idea to keep more people at home, rather than sending them to Thruck, when the tiny black and white television that stood in the corner of the room flickered to life.

Louise sighed, "Let's see what they've got for us today."

"I've got a bottle of moonshine on it being Hawes," Aaron said.

"You're on. I think it's Beckett," Michael chimed in.

"My money's on it being neither, just some patriot shit," Leeds chirped.

"You'll die if you drink two bottles of moonshine," Lucas smirked.

She grinned back, "Shut it, asshole."

"My booze is on Hawes introducing Beckett," Lucas continued.

Michael whooped as Roory Beckett appeared on the screen and Aaron chucked him a bottle of clear liquor. However he immediately snatched it back as Anthony Hawes was unveiled to speak, jaw cocked in arrogance.

"Damn it! Wrong way round," Lucas complained.

The guys descended into jokes and taking the piss out of Anthony but I was barely listening. Shock ricocheted like lightning, burning me in its wake, as I saw his sons standing on either side of him. I gasped, pushing past Dad to get a better view of the screen. Tiv stood there in full military garb. Lambentian colours. Black and gold. It was him. He had an arrogant smirk on his tired face. He looked older, more muscular. He looked ill. His eyes were black and his face was pale. I told myself he looked miserable despite his nauseatingly smug smile. It almost didn't look like him.

What has his dad done to him?

I used to dream about his dad hurting him. Nightmares. He was strapped to a chair writhing in pain as some unknown darkness sapped the life from him. Sometimes I still had those nightmares. I'd wake up gasping and crying, trying to explain to Aaron about nightmares I had no business having—it was easier to lie. Regardless, deep down I always knew he'd never been safe with his dad. And one look at the flickering screen in front of me proved as much.

My breath caught in my throat at the thought. I was so preoccupied with vicious daydreams of the life Tiv had led over the years that it took me a second to notice the woman standing next to him. He was holding hands with her. She was absolutely stunning. Not a flaw on her golden skin. Perfect. Tiv's gaze met the camera for a fraction of a second before he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. The rock on that woman's finger was so big it could have been used as a weapon. Her response was to nestle into his shoulder in the most disgusting display of affection I'd ever seen as he kissed her head. His eyes were hollow. It made me want to cry. Blondie however had a look of besotted love on her face. My stomach rolled over uncomfortably and I gasped before remembering I wasn't alone, freezing in place and concentrating every ounce of effort I could on breathing like I wasn't staring at the woman Tiv was in love with.

I listened to the Lambentian president telling the crowd that the Hawes sons would be fighting on the front line for Lambent.

Against us.

The thought felt like sandpaper to the brain.

I continued to stare at Tiv's face, uneasy. Something wasn't right. I didn't know what it was. But it was wrong. He was wrong. Everything was all damn wrong. Then they announced he was marrying the woman and the room tilted slightly. I didn't even hear her name; blood had started pounding in my ears so hard I was shocked my brains didn't start leaking out of them. Tiv gave another saccharine sneer, pulling the woman closer and kissing her deeply. The woman he was going to marry.

It was cliche and I didn't give a fuck; my heart broke.

I hadn't noticed I'd stopped breathing until I got dizzy. The propaganda ended and the screen went black. Everything went back to normal. Sound returned, laughing and joking around me continued. None of my friends' worlds had just ended. Only mine. I couldn't speak. I was completely aghast not at what I had just seen, but at how much it hurt to see. It had been three and a half fucking years. What in the hells was wrong with me?

I didn't move as Lucas leaned in, "Pull it together, Psycho. Aaron's staring at you."

And that was why Lucas was my best mate. He was the only person in the world who knew anything about Tiv beyond my family—I didn't even bother telling Leesa; she was a serial gossip. But Lucas—he was a damn magician keeping me together on the bad days. He gripped my shoulder hard, pretending to laugh at something I didn't say, turning me away from the crowd and giving me a pull your shit together look.

"Just imagine if we got to kill them," Aaron grinned, dancing up to me and shaking the bottle of booze in my face. "Wanna go get drunk?"

"I'm going to Thruck. You can stay here," I responded immediately, failing miserably to pull my shit together.

Both Ben and Aaron burst into an argumentative discussion, disagreeing with me and telling me resolutely I was not going south. I pressed my lips together to keep in the hurricane of emotions inside me that was threatening to spill out. Threatening to make tears fall.

"What's wrong?" Aaron asked seriously.

He always knew what I was feeling. When I was freaking out. I hated it. I needed to be away from him. I needed to be away from everyone.

"Erm, I.. I don't know. I don't feel right. I think I'll just go back to my parents tonight," I stammered.

That was the wrong thing to say; I hadn't slept without Aaron for years. Blinking, I remembered I had a damn boyfriend.

Get a grip. Do it quickly. Do not fall apart.

"Why?" he whispered quickly. "What's wrong, Birdie?"

"I'll take you home now," Ben interrupted, giving Aaron a 'she's lost her mind again' look he thought I didn't see. I couldn't even care—if looking insane was enough to get me away from Aaron I'd win a fucking award for it. Not like it took much acting at that second.

"I'll help you get drunk, Az," Lucas grinned, taking the bottle out of Aaron's hands and distracting him for me.

I didn't look back at them as Ben marched me out of the building without another word to anyone. We did not speak until he sat me in his car like I was fucking catatonic.

"Do not start this again. Take whatever stupid thoughts are going through your head and get rid of them because I'm not leaving you here to look after this lot if I think you'll go mad and lock yourself in your room for weeks again," he scolded.

"Yes sir," I barked, sarcastically saluting at him

"You're so annoying," he sighed. "I mean it, Alayna."

"When do you ever not mean it?" I groaned. "Just take me to Mum and Dad's."

For the entire car journey, we sat in silence and Tiv kissing that woman's perfect face played over and over again in my head. It wasn't until I went to get out of the car that Ben spoke to me again.

"They're an evil family. You shouldn't waste your time thinking about it," Ben said.

"Did you see that girl he was with?" I whispered.

"Yeah, the guy's a lucky bastard," Ben shrugged.

I wished he'd hit me. It would have been less painful. Scraping my hands down my face, I sighed roughly.

"Aly, you knew him for a month, nearly four years ago," he pointed out.

"How long did it take you to decide that Hayley was forever? Was it a month more than four years ago?" I hissed.

I had pressed the Hayley button and recoiled for the backlash but it never came. He just put his hands on the steering wheel and stared forward.

"It took me about thirty minutes, eight years ago," he said. It was the most honest thing he'd said to me in years. "But she wasn't a spoiled waste of space whose brother beat me up and whose dad is destroying our country."

"Aaron constantly beats you up," I huffed a pathetic laugh.

"It's about fifty-fifty," he smirked back.

I went to get out of the car but he grabbed my wrist, pulling me backwards. "Please, Aly. Get him out of your head. I need you at your best," he commanded.

"Consider him gone," I lied.

I jumped out of the car and went straight to my room. It felt odd to be back; to not be with Aaron. He lived with Ben so we had spent a lot of our time hiding in Connor's unused house when he was at the hospital. I thought about our nights cosied under blankets, wrapped around each other. I thought about him bringing me a bottle of Solaire on my twentieth birthday which he'd won in a card game, betting his car to get it. Singing stupid songs on guitar. Dancing with no music. Putting up with me when my head when to bits... He was probably wondering what the hells was wrong with me. I was wondering the same thing. I pushed Aaron to the back of my mind and went to my closet, retrieving my old memory box with a thousand different trinkets collected over the years that I felt held importance to my life. I took Tiv's old red scarf off the top of the trinkets, draping it over my shoulder before picking out a folded-up page from an old magazine, unfolding it gently, and ignoring the nasty headline. I stared at Tiv's face. His pretty smile looked nothing like the sneer I'd observed earlier. His eyes were bright and golden. His tanned skin wasn't sickly pale. I needed to see the picture to know I wasn't making up what I had seen on the TV… Tiv wasn't well.

Tears streamed freely down my cheeks, blurring the image of Tiv. His hand was in mine. He looked happy. I took the brown, stone beads I had not worn for over two years from the box and rolled them through my fingers. He was wearing them in the magazine photo. I had never noticed before. Attaching the beads around my neck, I pretended for the first time in a long time that he missed me. Screaming into the void between us, I begged him to feel me. My only response was despondent misery.

I had pushed Tiv out of my mind for so long, I had forgotten how he had made me feel. How much that wound bled. I thought of the stunning girl on his arm. She was so perfect it hurt. The pain was reinforced as I looked down at my heavily scarred arms. There wasn't a single part of my body now not mottled with disfigurements. My eyes fell to my wrist—the barcode tattoo was long gone. Ben convinced me to burn it off years ago. None of us had the scab mark on us anymore. It now just looked like someone had melted a grey crayon onto my skin, haphazardly covered by a tattoo of the Harroworth Rebels mark. A noose with two crosses in the middle, symbolising dead eyes. A reminder of everyone who had been hung unjustly. A reminder of everyone who would suffer the same fate if they crossed us. The ink twisted up my wrist in an array of made-up stars and flowers—snowdrops—that haphazardly covered the bite marks beneath it.

I liked the tattoo, Lucas did it for me years ago, but it was still a reminder that I had once shined. A reminder I didn't now.

I imagined Tiv's huge, lavish wedding, inadequacy crushing me and lay on my bed. I had every intention of sobbing until the sun came up knowing that when it did Ben would expect me to push the pain down. There was no time for depression when you were running a city.