47

Alayna

Wednesday 30th September, Year 828

"No major damage. The leg wound is deep but not so deep I'm concerned. Just a bit of a shock to the system overall," Connor smiled mechanically. It didn't touch his eyes. "Just give the Venenum a few minutes to work its magic on your leg. You'll need a fair few doses over the next few days. And please do not do anything strenuous until it's fully healed."

I looked at my calf where a deep pink gouge shone angrily. Another cool scar to add to the collection. It was nearly midnight. I didn't know who was alive or dead and Connor had kept his lips tightly sealed, obviously on Ben's orders, who had not returned from his Tiv hunt. I kept the uneasy feelings inside but couldn't stop myself worrying about what would happen if Ben caught up with Tiv. The thought sat like a boulder on my chest, making it hard to breathe; who was I kidding… I knew exactly what would happen.

Connor left me alone and my thoughts spiralled quickly. Three hours ago Tiv's embrace had been warm and real. Now, the possibility of losing him to Ben's psychosis gnawed at me. What would I do if Ben killed him?

I'll annihilate that vicious, psychotic bastard.

Intrusive thought of murdering my own brother caused the panic in my lungs to rocket. My heart beat too fast. I thought it might explode as I gasped for air. Holding my pillow tightly over my face, I squeezed hard. In that suffocating, pitch-black space, I struggled with the thoughts I didn't want to have—nothingness—an escape.

Thoughts I had not had in a very long time.

I heard someone enter the room and did not move. Waves of nausea rolled over me as Ben ripped the pillow off my face, his expression murderous. Ironically, it steadied me. A jolt of clarity in the abyss. Aaron followed him into the room, his stare hard and emotionless.

"Two sets of footprints and a blood trail all the way to the river," Ben snarled.

Relief flooded through me, numbing the pain like Venenum would; he had not found Tiv. But I noticed Aaron almost jolt in my peripheral and I wondered if I’d given away the relief on my face.

"I'm fine thanks," I said bitterly, failing miserably to steer the conversation away from Tiv.

"You lied to us," Ben spat.

I locked onto a spot on the wall ahead, silent. What was there to say?

"Ben, your Dad is here and asking for you," Connor interrupted from the door.

I felt Ben's angry gaze burning into the side of my face as I continued to stare straight forward at the white hospital tiles.

"What does he want now?" he growled under his breath before he stormed out of the room.

Aaron did not follow. I wish he had. But instead, he said, "You lied."

I couldn't look at him either. I continued to stare silently.

"You have nothing to say at all?" he barked. I remained silent. "You never don't have something to say, Aly!"

If I admitted what I did out loud they would question me about something I never wanted to speak out loud. I knew the interrogation was coming but I hoped my silence would delay it, scared I would break into a million pieces before I could stop myself. I wondered if Ben would torture me for the information causing ice to grip my stomach.

"That's why you went cold with me when he came to Vakoso. That's why you freaked out when you saw him on the TV," Aaron said, letting the puzzle pieces fall into place. I felt like I was going to throw up but continued staring forward. Infuriated with my silence, he left the room, his parting line feeling like a slap across the face, "I'm done with you."

My eyelids fluttered and took a deep breath, trying to hold the tears back.

Put it in the box.

Ben was back at the door the moment Aaron was gone and I knew I was not going to get another minute of peace until the day I died. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too far away. Hopefully Ben wouldn't do it.

When he did speak, I wasn't expecting the question. "Are you the spy for Lambent?"

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

I shook my head incredulously, "You're kidding, right?"

He wasn't close to kidding.

"Everyone was there tonight. We're never all there at once. But somebody knew we would be and told the Hawes brothers. Somebody in that room with us was feeding them information." He spat the words. "Seeing as you've lied to me once already tonight for the sake of a Hawes, I'll ask again. Are you their spy?"

"Course I'm fucking not," I snapped. "Are you for real? Is that honestly where your head is at? What the hells is the matter with-"

He interrupted speaking each word slowly and clearly with acid drenching every syllable, "Charlotte had her head smashed in and is probably going to die. Leesa has a severe concussion and is probably going to die. Dan got shot three times and is probably going to die. Yalma is probably going to die. Ghost's missing and is probably dead. Sydney is dead."

He paused after he told me a friend's fate to let each bullet pierce me.

"Ben, stop it."

"Riley is dead."

"Stop it."

"Michael is dead."

"I get it!" I screamed.

"No! You don't!" His reply came as he slammed his fist against the door, sending tremors through the room. "They want to kill us all! They almost succeeded. We're crippled because of this. Because of you-"

"Listen to yourself for a single second!" I cut in.

"Where are they?" he demanded.

"How the fuck am I meant to know?" The pitch of my cry spiked with desperation and disbelief.

"Hawes trusts you."

"When people would tell me you've lost your mind and I would actually defend you… But if you think I saw him and had a cosy chat spilling all your secrets, then yeah, you've lost it," I snapped. "I didn't even know he was there until you told me."

"Nobody here trusts a word you say now," he barked.

"And whose fault is that, Ben? You told all of them I screwed him and I'm spying on their side! What is wrong with you? Aaron finished us-"

"Your happiness is not the topic of this conversation," he shouted.

"It never is!" I screamed. Tears I could no longer hold back split down my cheeks. "You haven't cared about that in years. I'm nothing but a weapon for you to use in your rebellion. All of us are. Can you remember when I was little and we'd sit in your room for hours and watch movies and you'd teach me the guitar? I can. But now I've sat here for the last three hours wondering if you'll torture me before you string me up by the neck."

Gritting my teeth against the jab of pain, I leapt off the bed and limped past him. He was still stiff with fury but didn't stop me. I found Dad in the waiting room and he hobbled to my side, wrapping my arm around his shoulders to support me as he pleaded with me to stay in the hospital.

"I want to be in my own bed," I begged childishly, still crying.

What I really wanted was a room with a lock that Ben could not get in.

Dad looked at me, clearly terrified by my broken state and guilt surfaced again that my parents were so burdened by me. If Ben had told him anything, he did not let on.

"Did Ben do anything to you?" Aaron asked stiffly.

I wanted to ask him why he didn't come straight into the room and help if he thought that but I didn't get a chance before Dad cut in.

"Move," he barked, pushing past Aaron. Dad's frame trembled slightly with anger and I kept my arm rigidly around his shoulder, too scared to move it in case he lashed out.

"Nate, she-"

"Ah fuck off," Dad spat, pulling me from the ward and out of Aaron's sight but not before his parting line. "You and Ben keep away from her. You've done enough damage."

Dad helped me into bed where Mum hugged me and let me cry into her until I couldn't cry anymore. For once, she didn't get angry. She didn't tell me to stop.

"Look at you," she whispered, running her thumb across the purple blooms on my skin.

"Ben…" I breathed out.

A choked gasp was her only reply.

"I don't know what's happened to him. He frightens me, Mum. He's going to kill us." Kill me.

She wrapped her arms around me again and this time we sobbed together. I didn't know how I managed to find fresh tears. She apologised for Ben over and over. I wish I hadn't opened my mouth. Seeing her that sad made everything worse. For the first time in a very long time, even the burning pain of hunger did not register. I felt empty. Numb.

I braced myself at the sound of Ben's heavy footsteps on the stairs an hour later, thankful for the locked door between us. He did not make it that far, however; angry stomping hammered down the hallway before he reached my door.

"Out!" Mum shrieked.

"Ma-"

"Get out!" The words propelled from Mum with a force I didn't know she had in her.

Dad's low murmur rumbled through the tension but his attempt at pacification was drowned out by Mum's howls and subsequent slam of her bedroom door.

When Dad spoke again, his interjection was quiet but laced with an icy disdain that bordered on loathing. "Away from Aly… now. You've done enough."

Ben muttered something too soft to hear.

"You should see the state of her. Your Mum has spent the last hour calming her down." There was no anger in Dad's tone when he spoke. It was cold. Disgusted. I had never heard him speak to Ben that way before. "You hurt her today. Not them. You. I swear kid, if you ever give your sister so much as a fucking paper cut in the future you will never get in this house again. You're not one of us. You haven't been for a very long time."

Ben said nothing but I heard him storming down the stairs and the crash of the front door a few seconds later.

Curled into myself on my bed, I rocked ever so slightly as waves of misery lapped at my insides. Despite Ben's stormy exit, I couldn't stop missing the guy who used to cheer me up with his guitar playing. His singing. But now he wasn't that—the person was gone. Struggling to catch my breath, somewhere in my brain I registered that I'd fallen backwards in bed; the suffocating blackness was too much and I was swallowed by it.