53
Alayna
Thursday 1st October, Year 828
Tiv froze in place, his golden-brown eyes widening as they reflected the rising sun in the dimly lit room, casting shadows across his anguished features.
“Is it true?” I hissed.
“Please Aly…” He swallowed hard, his throat bobbing as he grappled with the thick words stuck inside him. “I didn’t realise I was in Harroworth until I saw you, let alone remember who Michael was-”
“Don’t say his name,” I begged, desperation tearing at my voice.
He clamped his lips shut, lines etching into his forehead as he watched me. I clawed at my skin with my free hand, feeling the little locked box of depression and reasons why Tiv was a terrible idea burst open like a toxic explosion.
“I can’t believe I let you near me. I feel unclean,” I confessed, scraping at my neck where the scab from his knife burned like a brand.
He straightened up, muscles tensing as he pulled on his shirt, bracing himself for invisible blows. His trembling fingers reached out tentatively towards me in the dim morning light. But when I shook my head with force, he quickly pulled back, as if he had been burned, and stood still once again.
“You took Regan. I took him. I’m sorry. We didn’t know. Neither of us knew.”
“You killed Michael because you think you’re better than him. You killed him because he fined you,” I spat out through gritted teeth.
His face twisted up like crumpled paper, tears welling up but refusing to spill over.
“You know that is not the truth. Please… I had no notion of who he was-”
“Get out,” I whispered with the ferocity of a snake.
“No Aly, please don’t! I had no clue who he was. I swear it,” he pleaded again, hands outstretched.
His eyes locked onto mine, searching for truth and emotion, but he didn't quite manage to break through the darkness consuming my thoughts. Ben's warnings ricocheted like a bullet in my head; there was no escaping Lambent.
“I love you,” he whispered.
The first time I heard those words from his lips almost broke me. I almost cried. But the sensation was swiftly extinguished with a violent jerk of my head.
“The sooner you leave, the sooner you can tell your group of murderers that we’re coming for them. It’s more than you all deserve.”
Even saying the words tightened my chest as I remembered the hollow look in Louise’s eyes. She’d destroy them all.
“Alayna, they’re not bad people. They’re following orders. You can stop Ben from hurting them,” he pleaded, desperation dripping from each word as he implored me.
A rough laugh escaped my lips, bitter irony echoing off the old walls around us. "Ben would burn the building down with me inside if he thought he could take out the rest of your group. We’re both damn lucky he didn’t torture me for information on you."
Tiv's face fell and all hope drained from him. He looked defeated, like a fire that had burned out.
With a glassy stare, he muttered brokenly, “You can’t stay here; you’re not safe. Let’s run—let’s go now. We should have gone years ago.”
I could have screamed. It was all I wanted: to escape my shitty life and be with the boy in the meadow. Slowly, against my body's will, I shook my head.
Tiv moved swiftly, going from leaning against the wall to standing in front of me in an instant. I couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger–I never would–I hadn’t even bothered to take the fucking safety off. He snatched my body towards his and our lips collided in a clash of teeth and tongue. The gun clattered to the ground.
His kiss stole the breath from my lungs and I clung to him, fierce and desperate, as if he was a lifeline in an ocean. All the walls I’d built, every barrier I'd ever put up, crumbled beneath the weight of his kiss. It flooded into me, pure honesty and raw emotion, drowning out the chaos in my head.
He broke away, panting heavily, his forehead resting against mine. His voice came out rough, each word a plea. "Come with me, Aly."
Say yes. Open your stupid mouth and say yes.
The corners of the room blurred as tears threatened to break free from my stinging eyes. I wanted to so badly it hurt my entire body. But then the world snapped back into focus. We were in Harroworth, not Lambent; it wasn't safe or fair. Dreams got dragged down dark alleys here and strangled silent.
"I can't," I choked out, my voice cracking like old pavement.
"Because of Aaron?" Tiv’s words whispered against my skin.
Fresh agony twisted up inside me. "Because of me. You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve done."
His hand caressed my cheek gently, “I know you. I’ve always known you. I love it. I love you. Do you love me?”
My heart ached at his words, and I could do nothing but nod.
“Say it,” he whispered.
My voice was surprisingly even as I said, “I love you.”
His eyes slid closed as if the words were enough to change anything.
"You're not what they made you do," Tiv said fiercely, his hands cupping my face to force our gazes to lock.
I scoffed, pushing his hands away with gentle firmness. "It’s not like that."
"We can run together," he insisted stubbornly.
"Run?" A half-hearted bark of laughter escaped me. "To Lambent? Live off daddy’s money in a big house?" A wave of grief overtook me momentarily. "Would I be your carefree little scab wife, pretending the blood on both our hands never existed? Leave my family here while your dad kills them all?"
He winced at my words but held firm, searching my eyes for something—maybe hope.
"I can’t go back there. I won’t. Not with you here," he whispered and the real pain in his voice almost broke me again. A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed hard against it.
He wouldn’t go willingly. And he’d die for it—Ben would make sure of that. So instead of letting him melt me and agreeing that he was the best thing I’d ever had, I destroyed it.
"You always lived in a bubble but this is deluded even for you. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. Not now. Not with Michael. Or Regan. Or last night when you almost carved out my throat just to get to Ben." My words faltered for an instant, and I took a breath that tasted of ashes of memories I was setting fire to.
Before he could respond, an odd sensation shuddered through me. Danger. Instinctively, my eyes darted to the door where pressure built–an all too familiar feeling that screamed Ben on the other side.
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“Run,” I hissed, pushing Tiv with urgency.
Tiv dove for the window just as my door flew off its hinges with a crack that echoed like thunder. Ben charged through, his body filling the splintered doorway with urgent violence. He threw himself with such force that we both crashed to the floor. The gun skittered away across the uneven floorboards. White-hot pain shot through my neck and my hand flashed to my neck, thankful the wound hadn’t reopened. Through blurred vision, I looked up and saw Aaron rush into the small room, shooting his gun as Tiv flung himself out of the window, forcing it shut behind him. Aaron lunged toward the old wooden window frame, throwing it open again and firing more shots. His shrieks split the air in a way I had never heard before. He had never raised his voice in front of me in three years. Tiv had ruined everything. I had ruined everything.
Ben's once familiar grey eyes burned with an icy fire as he noticed the fresh wound on my neck.
His voice came out calm, with an underlying venom that sent chills down my spine. “I’ll kill him.”
Lucas appeared in the doorway, wilting under the force of Ben’s rage like a flower in winter.
“Come on Luke!” Aaron bellowed, dashing for the door.
“No!” I shouted.
All eyes snapped toward me; Lucas froze as if caught between two storms.
Ben's next words emerged in a low rumble that seemed to shake the foundations of the house. "Lucas, find him and bring him to me alive," he ordered. “Aaron, stay and calm down.”
Ben's command had an edge that sliced through the air, demanding obedience. “Luke, please,” I begged.
But Ben was the boss. Not me. Lucas threw me an apologetic look before he quickly scurried away, while Aaron stood frozen in place, not daring to disobey. Mum rushed into the room seconds later in her dressing gown, rubbing sleep from her eyes.
“What the hells are you lot doing? It’s six o’clock in the damn morning!” she seethed.
She took in the scene that was my room: the bedroom door gone, me and my brother sprawled across the floor and bullet holes all over the bedroom wall.
"What the...?" she sputtered, unable to voice complete thoughts.
Dad charged in behind her, his ginger beard bristling with alarm. He took in the same scene, eyes wide. Both of our parents glared down at us with abhorrent rage, making me feel like a small child again. Ben, a rebellion leader accountable for an army, shrank under Dad's gaze.
“Get. Up,” Dad growled at my now subservient brother.
Ben jumped up like a soldier. He might as well have saluted.
“What the fuck happened here?” Dad snarled, pulling me to my feet.
Like children, we both burst into rapid speech, trying to get our sides of the story across first. Dad's head darted from side to side between the two of us. We used to do this often as kids; Dad could gather information without having to listen to two separate stories. I would have found it funny if it weren’t for the circumstances. I told my Dad everything apart from the fact that Tiv had stayed the night; I wasn’t that brave. And the fact Anthony had told his son he’d slept with Mum; I didn’t think that would go down well either.
As we finally ran out of steam, Dad's brow furrowed further before turning his attention to Aaron, who stood still as a statue.
"Nate..." Mum's voice was now filled with worry rather than anger, and she reached out to touch his arm tenderly.
Dad's expression softened briefly as he looked at me. I felt small under the weight of his disappointment and concern. "We raised you to be smarter than this. There’s clearly something wrong with that kid."
“But Dad-” I started to argue.
“Zip it!” Dad turned to Ben with a decisive nod. “What’s your plan?”
He was siding with Ben. My jaw dropped as I realised how on my own I was.
“We make them think we’re off guard. Send in a small group that they’ll spot easily. They’ll retreat into the building and we blow it. Alex has already planted the explosives in the night. The Lambentians will expect desperation; we’re not giving them that advantage. Louise lost Riley and she’s gunning for them–if all else fails I send her in.”
The room tiled slightly and I used every ounce of strength I had left to stand still and not react. Dad’s face didn’t change when hearing the news of Riley’s death. Mum’s did–she ranked a hand down her tired face.
“Good,” Dad nodded.
“No,” I finally whispered.
Ben’s jaw tensed, “Will kill them and we’ll have a month to prepare before they come for revenge.”
But I knew it wasn’t true. I was damned either way. Tiv would be killed or my family would be killed.
“You’re wrong,” I whispered. “Tiv told me Marco has already called for more soldiers. They’ll be here by tomorrow unless Tiv can convince Marco to stop them.”
I held back the number Tiv had told me. Three-hundred soldiers was nothing. The Harroworth Rebels would annihilate them; we were almost five-thousand strong. I hoped that my omission would be enough to make my brother think twice. It seemed to work; Ben's anger resurfaced, mixed with fear this time.
But Aaron's brows furrowed, his lips a hard line as he turned his snarl toward me. “How long have you been keeping that useful information to yourself? I’m honestly surprised you didn’t take him up on his little running away offer. You can have just left us all to rot.”
They had been listening at the door the whole time. Course they had; it was always Ben’s favourite trick.
Mum positioned herself in front of me and raised her eyebrows at Aaron, who realised where he was and composed himself. Ben, on the other hand, continued glaring at me with nothing but hate.
“Tiv isn’t what you think he is,” I snapped. “He was sent here against his will and lied to about all of us. He just wants his people to be safe. He didn’t try to hurt me yesterday, not after he figured out who I was. He took Blondie and left. He didn’t even realise he was in Harroworth.”
“Are you for fucking real? I’m not entertaining this shit Alayna. Do you want this entire rebellion to die? You get your lovely little life being that Lambentian asshole’s whore while we all burn?” Ben fumed.
Dad smacked him across the head hard enough for a mighty crack to resonate through the room. “Control your temper or you’ll regret it.”
“My temper is the fucking issue here?” Ben raged with balled fists, towering over Dad. “He's manipulated her! Her head’s already upside down and he’s taking advantage of that. He’s the son of Anthony Hawes-”
“And Mayrina,” Mum interjected. “He wasn’t a bad kid. Aly hasn’t been right for a while, but she’s never been completely delusional.”
“She once begged me to turn back time, Ma!”
As I listened to my family discuss my mental state as if I weren't there, I thought about Mayrina. I thought about Tiv's accusations… I thought about the fact that my brother went missing the day she died and didn’t come home until late. How he said he had gone hunting.
Looking directly into Ben’s eyes, I spoke to get his full reaction, “Did you actually kill Mayrina Hawes?”
His eyebrows shot up and his eyes bulged. Silence. Complete silence. Then his throat bobbed, the motion rippling through his body like an electric current. And for once, the man who led an army trembled ever so slightly on his feet. His fists slowly unfurled as he shot a quick glance at Mum.
He did it.
“Why would you say that?” Mum shot at me.
I ignored her and pushed forward, “No. You stupid… You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t?”
“You see? That bastard has brainwashed her against us!” Aaron snarled bitterly.
Nausea swept over me.
“Were you in on it too?” I whispered to Aaron.
Aaron was not an easy person to read. He never shared anything he didn’t have to. He hid it well behind jokes and boyish grins. That was how we were. We never spoke about his mum and sister dying, just like we never talked about my bouts of depression. But with those six words, he crumbled. His angry gaze faltered and fell to the floor.
“You… idiots…” I whispered in horror.
Mum's voice was hollow as she spoke, “Ben, tell me you had nothing to do with Mayrina’s death.”
“Mum, it’s not what you think-”
“Yes or no?” Each word hung in the air like icicles.
“Yes.”
All air seemed to leave the room with Mum’s sharp inhale. The exhale was worse. It felt like being dragged over shards of glass.
“How we raised you to be like this is beyond me!” she screamed through her tears.
Then she was gone. Dad rushed after her, pushing Ben away from the doorway when he tried to follow. Ben stood like a statue for a few seconds before he followed them out, leaving me alone with the only person I never wanted to be in a room with again. Aaron turned to me, and there was a heavy, horrible moment of silence.
“You would have let me think Tiv had brainwashed me and made me feel crazy,” I whispered through the ache in my chest, “when in reality, you are just a murderer. You were trying to make me feel crazy.”
Aaron brushed off my words as if they were nothing. “You screwed Hawes last night, didn’t you?”
Gritting my teeth and fighting back bile, I managed to force out a single word: "Yeah."
“You-” he didn’t finish the insult. “When I first met you, you were fucking heartbroken all the damn time. I asked you about it and you lied every time… What a way to waste three years. You could have saved us both the trouble if you’d just been honest from the start.”
I watched him walk away and hated myself. My chest hurt.
How could I do this to him?