After a while, nothing changes anymore, so I open my eyes and end my meditation. A quick body scan reveals no remaining injuries. Not even any of my usual stiffness. I hope I left that behind with my old body. Ok, priorities check. I’m healthy, but still in the wilderness. Without clothes, tools, or any idea where to find the nearest settlement. So, my short-term goals should be water, food and shelter.

Despite the precarious situation, I smile. Even considering how good life was before my death. This is heaven. Untamed nature, a healthy youthful body, and above all, real magic. That makes the rough trip over here worth it. Now, time to find out how much of my magick practice translates into effective magic. Sitting in a cross-legged position, I chant.

I close my eyes, to help me see.

The feelings deep inside of me.

I feel my power, I feel my soul.

And let it guide me towards my goal.

I cast this spell to help me see.

The road towards a better me.

Guide me now, to what I need most today.

Give me direction, so I won’t go astray.

I feel something moving inside as I chant. When I finish, it flies out and disappears into the forest. I couldn’t see it, but I can feel where it is. I get up and follow that feeling. Doing my best to suppress the urge to whistle cheerfully. It’s hard, but there might be predators out here I cannot deal with right now. Better to move quietly till I have a better grasp of my newfound powers.

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This proves to be prudent, as after an hour, a shiver crawls down my spine. The same way I knew the squirrel wouldn’t harm me. I know whatever is coming will attack on sight. Hiding under a bush, I cover myself with leaves and retract my aura. My heart races as I consider my options.

I’ve always considered myself a white witch. I would never use harmful magick. But now magic is my only option to fight. And I will not let this new life slip through my fingers. Besides, I laugh silently. Was I ever truly a white witch? When I dreamt about darker spells, even though I never used them. No, I’ve been a gray witch all along. I just never faced a challenge that required dark magic. I will not use it thoughtlessly, or if there is another option. But Goddess, I yearn to unleash destruction through the sheer power of my will. I just didn’t realize how strong this desire was. Right now, with an enemy threatening my life nearby, and magic as my only weapon. I’m actually looking forward to the confrontation. Rehearsing the words of a spell I made long ago. I prepare to unleash it as soon as I can see whatever is coming. But slowly, the feeling of danger moves away. And I’m left with an overwhelming feeling of disappointment.

What the hell is wrong with me? How can I feel disappointed over not having a fight to the death? Over not doing something I’ve been against my entire life. Do no harm, but take no shit has been my creed ever since I learned to stand up for myself. But this … I wanted this. I looked forward to the violence. If I was more confident of my powers, I would chase after this thing.

I sigh and feel a gentle pull into the forest. My spell is still active, guiding me to what hopefully will be shelter or a town. I can use a safe place to rest, so I set out again. Doing my best not to attract attention. As I strengthen my resolve to not start unnecessary violence. No matter how much I want to.