When I wake up I feel a bit more balanced than yesterday. Looks like they weren’t the only ones that could use a day of rest, I chuckle. Kalea stirs on her bedroll, as I go to check up on the bandit’s condition. I’m pleasantly surprised to see how well they are doing. It appears that I have severely underestimated how much a simple long rest can restore a person’s health in this world, even without channeling magic. Ready for round 2? I ask them with a grin on my face. Even though I don’t truly feel it anymore, I’m pretty sure they won’t notice the difference.

By then, Kalea had joined me. And she happily agrees when I ask her if she would be ok with assisting me a bit today. I take her with me, where the bandits can't hear us, and ask her to keep an eye on me. To stop me if she thinks that I would kill any of them or damage my own body too much. I can almost hear her feelings of joy drop after I explain what I would like her to do. She was looking forward to a more active involvement in the proceedings. But once I mention that I would be fine with her helping me out more actively in the last days, just not for now, she perks up again.

Why do you need my help to control yourself? She asks. The combination of restraint and cruelty you showed yesterday was masterful.

I will be trying out something very different today, I tell her. If it goes the way I think it does, I might be regressing to a rather primal state. With no real control over my actions.

And how do you propose exactly that I stop you if you enter such a state? I cannot do anything that would harm you, remember. And it doesn’t sound like you would listen to reason.

Indeed, I reply, I will very likely not. I will probably attack you if you physically try to stop me. No, I just need you to say ‘red’ out loud, and keep repeating it if I do not stop what I’m doing.

That’s it? She asks incredulously. You’re telling me, that you plan to bring yourself into some sort of bestial primal state. And that simply hearing the word ‘red’ will pull you back to your senses. You can’t be serious.

I nod sincerely, it’s a response that I have conditioned myself to in the past. And I hope that it will work in this case as well. Remember that I told you before that I’ve never hurt someone who wasn’t willing and enjoying it? This is how we ensured that it stayed that way. Even if they had agreed beforehand, if they would utter the word ‘red’, I would stop, release them, and we’d cuddle and talk about it. No matter how much I would have loved to continue.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

She looks at me suspiciously, you mean to tell me that wasn’t a joke? I’m not sure what is more unbelievable, that this is truly your first time enacting vengeance, or that there would be people who willingly allow themselves to be tortured and enjoy it.

Yeah, it is quite hard to believe, I reply. It also took me a long time to believe there were others like me. But once I found them, I found a whole community. Hidden in plain sight from the rest of society, with their own values and norms. A place where I didn’t need to hide my darkness. Where respect and consent replaced society’s expectations about how relationships should work. Where kindness and cruelty were not opposed, but walked hand in hand. A place where kind infernals as you’ve called us, can live in peace and harmony.

Kalea just stared at me blankly. Others? She finally asked. Do you mean to tell me that you are one of those who enjoys getting tortured? And that there are entire communities of people like this around? That I could smack you on the head and that you would enjoy it? And that when I crush a city, some of those in it would get pleasure from their demise?

I facepalm, of course not, that’s not what I meant. Well, that’s what it sounded like, she rebuked. I sigh, as I do my best to explain it to her better. I can enjoy pain under certain circumstances. I need to want it, desire it, and that isn’t always the case. I need to trust the person who’s doing it to me to not cause permanent harm and respect my limits. When those conditions are fulfilled, it can be the most amazing experience. However, when they are not, it would be pure horror. That is the basic premise of our entire community, consent is key. Just like sex, which can be amazing between two consenting adults, or horrible when you are being raped. It’s not the action itself that defines if it is good or bad.

Kalea looks lost in thought, as she tries to wrap her head around the concept. I think I get what you are referring to, however it seems needlessly complicated to me. If you’d just focus on growing stronger instead, you can do whatever you want, and fulfill any desire you have. Why would you even bother with anything else?

I smile a real smile at her as I answer that question. Because seeing other people happy makes me happy. Because seeing other people suffer makes me suffer. It is something we humans call empathy. I assume that dragons don’t share this trait with us. But I am curious to see if you’ll pick it up as well, now that you’re living in a human body.

Kalea looks horrified at the thought. I sure hope not, she exclaims, the very idea is … disturbing. Why don't we focus on something fun instead? I’m curious to see this primal side you mentioned. Why don’t you show me what you can do?