You bury me.

Nera

“Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they’re born.” Absurd, this is how I felt when I read this quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald, On the contrary, this quote had my face twisted in some sort of way I couldn’t make out if I liked it or I hated how much I can like it. The chances of this love of soul realm were silver in this soul-sour world.

I never believed in love at first sight. It was a stupid idea. An incredible idea, incredulous. How can I comprehend this complex emotion of love with just one glance? I am supposed to love them on unknown ground. I could never. Maybe. Nevertheless, who could tell? I believed in fate and an afterlife, if so this absurd idea of living may brew itself.

And it did.

I fell. I fell with a glance. A glimpse of him and I was a goner.

I was transferred to another school due to some unexpected stance of life. I lost my little brother in my mother’s womb, he didn’t get to see the world and we didn’t get a chance to pat him with love. He was my long wish, I was 5 when this loneliness started choking me. I asked my parents for a sibling.

Some unfortunate happen for no reason. We don’t get to blame it on anything, not a person nor the time nor anything, except fate. A mere chance of joy was taken away from us when we lost my brother. We were smiling we were happy for a future that was a mere promise. A lie we live every day said to be tomorrow. One day, we slept with the glee of being four, and the next morning it was us, three; with the heaviness of being three again. I lost how to feel things there, I knew happiness, I knew sadness, I knew anger. They stopped visiting me, leaving me with nothingness and myself.

I befriended grief there. We got along a little too much. He clung to me every night and pacified me to sleep early. I started waking up early. And soon, this grief left me at peace. And I started dreaming at night, and my days were like dreams.

And we moved on.

We moved; moved into a new neighborhood for a fresh start and to our luck, my mother’s casual high school friend lived the street opposite ours. I lived alone there for a while when I transferred to school. I met this boy there, and the absurd idea of love started making sense: Cielo, as pretty as myth and mellow as a delicacy. I denounced my ideals when he sat by my side. He was flustered and stuttered his name Smitten before I could do anything else he corrected himself, “Hi, I actually am Cielo. I had a little you know rusty morning aahahhahaha. Let’s get along.” Cute, I was blushing inside, he word out his laugh like an idiot and I shamelessly named him an idiot. I remember it all. He reminded me of cupcakes and I couldn’t even reason why.

I was shy and I didn’t know how to approach him. During the lectures I saw him asking our classmates about a good chicken place, I took quite an interest in it and lured him into lies that I couldn’t live without chicken and took him out on an impromptu date to the chicken place my parents met. A blunt stupid lie took out a chance on me of life. It was a tickle I felt in my chest. My cheeks were cherry, I could feel it. After nights, I felt something sparkle in me; this time, it wasn’t white. My empty canvas found its colors maybe. Maybe, he was my canvas I could let my colors out on, or maybe that’s what I thought. His face twisted in sulk, he seemed cute. The date was a success. I came home content with my day, I was happy with life, it’s not that bad.

Cielo looked like life gave me a gentle hold. He was a fairly tall guy, enough to stood out among others, sharp features; a high bridge button but sharp nose which scrunched everything he smiled and lord bless, he never talked without that smile politely sticked to his face. He was sickly sweet of talker, extremely polite; His parents were fine of people, they were humble and kind, He was raised to be a gentleman. His eyes had shimmer in them, something I couldn’t make out. A rimmed glasses jock nerd, Cielo was easy talk. He had many stops at hallway. I could look at him without awe, as much of best of both worlds he was rooted to be annoying. I couldn’t complain, he ceased my loneliness with him. He was comfortable with my silence. I could hear him rumble all days long. The moment of silence were the serenity drawn for us. This how I fell, I fell in his brown eye which rooted me consolation of love at first sight.

When there is something to live for. Life feels bearable at least.

Cielo is a dream, reality feels nightmare now. My Cielo, my sky. We stuck around each other every possible time, we were friends, maybe that’s what we thought. All the cliché quotes started making sense. I couldn't even deny when it was right in my face and that’s all I could see. A doom to denial.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

I saw him.

On Monday, we decided to meet up at a gas station to get some tea together, Cielo was true to his roots, convincing me we should switch up to coffee, insufferable. He didn’t talk a lot yet not quite most of the time. He makes sharp snickers remarks once in a while, he is a witless fool. He walked down the street and had tea. Rerouting on our way home, he couldn’t stop talking about the rich smooth taste of tea, he always had some interesting philosophical reasoning for everything however he kept it at bay today, For some reason.

“Cielo” I called out his name seeking his attention, he nodded his answer. “What do you think love is?” We kept walking; he said with a faint voice “When; in this fast-paced world, a hold of hand never changes.” His hand made its way to intertwine our fingers and we talked our ways. My heart swelled; I loved him. I love him.

The following morning he brought me a philosophical stance, he taught me how Arabs have different ways of professing their love they say “Amoot feek” which means “I die in you”. Amidst this lingual romanticism, he made me practice sincerity and how to say it. He looked me right in the eyes and said “Nera, amoot feek; Ya’aburnee” I could see something in his eyes and before I could name it he turned away. I hmed in agreement with him, his lesson was taught well. Tearing attention away, I had this selfishness in me; that unnamed gaze has gripped my selfishness, maybe if it wasn’t just a glimpse, he would love me too.

Yesterday, Cielo and I had a moment. We were getting back home in the August rain and walked in the drizzle. We stalled at a small tea corner, a time of small soft smiles and I noticed something in Cielo, something I could name; I was sure of him. We had spent our time there admiring the beauty of falling and rain. After a tea, it started raining drizzle, we could go home now so I shook him, “Hey, let’s go home.” He smiled at me, we thanked the couple and made our way out.

We started walking home and he was having a walk of his thoughts. Eventually, we got home, we had to part here. I jolted him out of his thoughts “We are home.” He repeated, “We are home.” I was ready to bid my farewell, “Could it get better” he whispered to himself “Only if you were mine.” I, my heart swelled. I walked away home in the hope he’d stop me only to come down to nothing yet he didn’t walk away. I could feel it. A damned fool, this life was worth living; with him.

When there is something to live for. Life feels bearable at least. Life is bearable with Cielo. A life worthy of him. the leaps of time, the missing heartbeats, missteps. Living is worth for life, that is what life is.

I slept like a mad of love this night.

I woke up at usual hour to Cielo shouting my name at the window, nosy bastard. I loved him though. I smiled to myself. I had slept in love last night. My chest tingled with his name, and a small flutter brushed in my chest every time I saw him, I let myself be deluded in denial until. I was handed the luxury of love and let alone the thought of him, had a small smile of love on my face. I loved him, I love him.

I rushed to the window keeping my cool, I couldn’t let love crack me before I could tell him. I waved at him and gestured to wait. I changed my clothes and went down to him. The street lights brightened our faces, and Cielo looked beautiful, beautiful like love.

“Morning to you,” he said somewhat glum, I limiting myself to read more into him. I’ll let myself be a little selfish and relish my heart to the fullest. “Do you want to go to the beach today?” I question him knowing the answer is going to be yes, he has never denied my request since day one; and isn’t that how we met? This flutter in my chest has made a girl homed to be more feminine, I started to like flowers, smiling more, being silly, and laughing. I grew gentle and warmer. When he answered yes. We started walking, to the beach or maybe to a new beginning. After the 10 min walk, the salty breeze wafted our hair strands. Being in love is comical, everything starts feeling like movies, and things start feeling nice for no reason. Ice-creams are sweeter, pizzas are delicacies, and spending time with him paints my heart red in affinity.

Grounding ourselves on the cool sand, we stood there soaked in ourselves until I couldn’t keep myself, a little impatient to die. My reign of self-restraint was loose, on the edge. I finally called for him.

“Cielo” I call his name, I call him. a call for him. “Do you believe in love at first sight?” and braced myself for his philosophy and he answered in a breath “I do.” My eyes widened in surprise; a chuckle left me. “Sparing me of groundbreaking interests today? , The concept of love, at first sight, is flawed. I didn’t believe it” I paused; it was finally time. He will know, he shall know. “Until, until after that single sight, my heart kept asking for more. Growing unhealthy dependency on it. I am in love, Cielo. It homed in me and I admit it has grown on me to be fond of it.” I said with a smile, this time it displayed love into it. I turned myself to face him and finally broke my fetters, “You bury me, Cielo.” Adding to it “If it’s not love at sight, it’s love at every sight. The more I look at you the more I want to look for you.” I braced myself “You are all I know about love. You stopped my heart Cielo.” I grew afraid, nervous that it may he might have changed him, the love I saw in him might vanish overnight.

“I don’t know what makes love love. I lost my awareness of everything, that’s all I see. My heart is entangled in your thoughts. My happiness is rooted in you, the luxury of love is handed to me and I can’t deny it; no more This sensation has pinned my heart at the softest point and it can’t help but melt”. A smile softened his face and he intertwined our fingers. And my heart had burst there and we knew, it was us in love. Not just him, not just me. It’s us. His face stretched into a smile mirroring mine moonlit his pale skin and his gleaming eyes; he looked embody love, “ This time this love will not float away like a dream. Nera, I don’t know what’s coming but if I am with you; I’ll walk again. I love you infinity. You bury me nera, you bury me”

My love had longed for him and it worth it. He rested his head mine and I smile confession, “You bury me,Cielo you bury me.” I lived through live and found love. A soft ground, a breaking, a deep caress gentleness, An act of living, dying.