ALIVE

And my eyes widened, a nerving ending shock. A horrid scenery was painted before us. I looked over my dad’s face and then again to the road. How can this happen? He was paralyzed in the moment the dense air seemed to return to the chilled night, a film of sweat and his arm wide open. His eyes were of dread and red; Red like my blood smeared on the road pooling before the truck that had hit me. My eyes closed and my nose oozed out all the blood in my body. With every new second a new streak of blood colored the road. The streets were silent, I was alive. I felt the cool wind, I felt the light. I headed my attention again to my father, I hugged him with all my might, I hugged him so tight that the next second he would vanish. I whispered “Dad, look at me. I am here, Alive. Dad looked at me” My lungs started to constrict and my head shallowed, I was getting desperate. I held him and shook my dad, he was unmoving and unfazed. I shouted my heart out “DAD LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME I AM HERE. I LIVED. I AM ALIVE. ALIVE.” And he was looking at me, dead, cold, red.

I looked around for help, I went to the vendor who had sold me the cigarettes, he had acknowledged my father and had to be seen on the call with police and medics. His eyes were sad still had braced himself. I felt like throwing my guts out. He was too in agony that he closed his eyes and got on his crying the phone to police to just come because a young poor soul was dying. I ran to my body, I touched my face, cold and red. I checked my pulse I was not dead yet. I was dying. The moment was still, I did what I could. I performed CPR on my bloody mouth, I could feel my body but nothing made a difference. I held my hand checking for a pulse, they fainting in my body and I was feeling myself a little more. My soul was leaving my body, bit by bit. I crumpled down on the ground and cried, I cried. I had died. I screamed all with what I had.

The street felt salient as it was grieving, the lights dull yet the moon was full and daunting as it was angry for me, furious. I looked over my father again and he had broken down. My father sitting on the pavement with white skin and pale eyes. He looked over my body and a tear left his eye then another and another and another. After a moment of rundown, he stood up hastily and ran to my cold lifeless body. He took me in his arms and stuck his head on the wound in the hope it would prevent life from draining out of my body. He held me tightly, trying to seize my soul within. He cried like a child, shouting for help with my icy body on his chest. My ears buzzed from his screams and anguish. He cried, he sobbed, he wept then he said “I am sorry my son I am sorry my son. I loved, I love you. Don’t leave just yet.” I saw it unfolding in front of me and I died. I cried, all my sins, all my deeds nothing made sense. Is god this cruel? He unlived me and kept me alive to kill me. 10 years of ignorance cold and harshness of my father melted in a moment and I had just died. My Nera my daughter how will they live? My Nera she…she will die. I can’t die. I can not die. It’s a dream, a dream, a reverie. I needed to wake up, I had to, I wailed to my dad, help me help me, to the sky, to the moon to anyone listening. Everything ignored my plea, I was begging and crying. Please for my wife, my daughter, my mother, and my father. Please someone save me. Please save me for myself. Nature was cruel, it had put me in the realm of shadow, a veil between me and the world and everyone.

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The medics arrived, and they peeled my dad away from me. He yelled to oppose and it didn’t work. The time numbed. They told him, he should stay put. They checked the truck and informed the driver died too. He tried his best to save both of us. Brakes failed and the emergency hack was a laughable amount shy to save us. The truck stopped after it had hit me and the impact was forceful enough to smash the driver on the steering, puncturing his lung with broken ribs and a lethal dig in his heart. We both died. He died and I am still a soul, a bodyless life. They took our bodies and dropped my father home. He insisted on not telling anyone, just yet. Everyone went back, and I sat on the pavement alone and sobbing for life. I could think of anything and I couldn’t think of anything, I was thinking of everything. Nothing made sense and I was just by myself, dead and red; alive. Nera, I missed her. I didn’t even have time to say goodbye. A last love you or kiss. My daughter might grow fatherless and my mother childless and My Nera, with life. A lone tear left my eye and it wetted the solid concrete under me, a mockery of nature and the divine. I became a mist of memories and cold nights.

I was alive. I wish I just had died.

I wished I had died.

A collection of deaths is life.

I wish I had died.

A hope and lied;

and I stood myself and I had died.