“We want to help!” said Maroon.

—

I had a nightmare about a grinning monster with conical teeth threatening to bite my nose off. Then I woke up, and the nightmare was real.

“Get. Up!” said Needles. The green-haired fairy maid was hitting me with a purple pillow. “I swear to, to, Yukari that I’ll bite you!” She whumped me with the pillow again.

“I’m going, I’m going!” I said, pushing her away.

The fairy backed off as I sat up. I glanced around the room. I was still in Patchouli Knowledge’s bedroom, but the witch herself was nowhere to be found. She’d told me the night before that she only slept a few hours per month, so that made sense.

“You’re gonna be late for work!” said Needles. “Get dressed already!” The fairy was staring at me. I pulled some extremely soft blankets up to cover my exposed arms and chest. The room was surprisingly cold. Needles hovered in place.

“Mind giving me some privacy?” I asked.

“Piracy is illegal,” she said.

“How’d you get in here, anyway? Isn’t there a ward?”

“Patchouli gave me permission,” said the fairy. She stuck out her tongue. “Now get your junk in gear!”

I frowned at her. The word choice made me suspicious that the fairy wanted to sneak a peek. At the risk of having a naked danmaku battle, I blasted Needles with vectors and compelled her to leave.

It worked, but I couldn’t help noticing half-a-dozen curious fairies and demons waiting just outside the door before it swung closed again. Our secret was ‘out’ already, at least to the youkai of the mansion.

I quickly got dressed, and when I walked outside the youkai were gone.

I made my way to the library, and carefully avoided the dangerous corridor. Nazrin, Patchouli, Arnold, and Sasha were already there. I saw wide eyes, averted eyes, eyebrows waggling, and eyelids narrowing. There was also a box of donuts. It was mostly empty, except for a few with chocolate sprinkles.

“Donuts?” I asked.

“Yeah,” said Nazrin through a full mouth. She swallowed. “I heard it was a reward of some sort. For work well done?”

“I wish I was rewarded for sleeping in,” said Arnold.

“For working late,” clarified Patchouli as she gestured toward the box. She had a donut with a single bite taken out of it in front of her. “Please, Jake. Help yourself.”

“Thank you,” I said. I turned to Arnold. “So you were rewarded for being my friend.”

“I suppose it is pretty rewarding, sometimes.”

“What kind of work?” asked Sasha.

“Classified,” said Patchouli and I simultaneously. The librarian went on: “I predicted you might be hungry, Mister Thorne, and that you also would not have time to eat.”

“Absolutely right,” I said as I took the third-to-last donut. Damn, I thought as I ate it, Patchouli is good at attending to human needs. “This is excellent.”

“This will not be a regular thing,” she said. “Plan better next time.” Donuts: not regular. Me spending the night: next time!

“Thank you,” I told her. “And all of you, too, for saving some for me.”

“Sure thing,” said Sasha. “It feels bad eating these when the human village is starving. This reward is almost too valuable.”

“Bad enough to give me the last donut?” asked Arnold.

“Not that bad,” she said. “Let Jake have the last two, he’s been… ‘working hard.’”

“That’s fine with me,” said Arnold.

“Me too,” said Nazrin. “I hate the ones with chocolate sprinkles anyway.”

“That’s surprising,” I said between bites.

“Not if you think about it,” replied the mouse. The donut tasted amazing, like I hadn’t been eating enough for days. They smelled like nothing at all. I had to concentrate to slow myself down.

“Where did they come from anyway?” Sasha asked Patchouli. “If there’s a café in this mansion, I need to know about it immediately.”

“That’s an idea we’ve floated before,” said the librarian. “We certainly have the prerequisite maids. But no, these came from stasis. Observe.” She put her mostly-uneaten donut into her extradimensional space.

“Oh, so that’s also a refrigerator,” said Arnold. The glowing light on the edge of her dress reminded me that I’d seen under it, recently, and that it indeed contained more than you’d expect. I shook my head and tried to think about something else.

“It is just a location that is outside of time and space,” said Patchouli. “Nothing so complicated as an electrical pump and heat exchanger. Now let’s get to work.”

—

Sasha followed Arnold to the Fantastic Blowhole. Their movement was hindered by the snowfall, which was several inches deep. They flew as much as possible. We were all getting better at flight and they didn’t have to trudge too much. It was Arnold’s run, but Sasha had promised to provide backup in case Rumia attacked.

The flesh-eating youkai was waiting on the road for them. Arnold easily defeated her, and Rumia seemed to be playing by the rules. Sasha stuck around for a few minutes to make sure that the monster didn’t come back.

Eventually she set off back toward the human village. We followed Sasha’s crystal instead of Arnold’s, while he waited in the ‘potty port.’ Half of it was avoiding exposure, half of it was hiding from any youkai.

“Even though it’s daylight, I worry about people travelling alone,” I said.

“Wise,” said Patchouli. “In these days of widespread hunger, one cannot be too cautious.”

“Why did you guys bother coming all the way to the mansion?” Had they heard there’d be donuts?

“I’ll admit that we were coming to check on you,” said Sasha. The crystal transmitted her voice. “Wiki thought a demon could have eaten you. Arnold thought everything would be fine. I thought it was unpredictable, but that Arnold shouldn’t go alone.”

“Smart,” I said. “Maybe someone should wait at the potty port for Arnold to return?” This started a discussion, in which my position was that caution was warranted, and Sasha’s position was that her ass was cold enough.

Eventually we agreed that with a crystal, nobody was really travelling ‘alone’.

“Waiting at the potty port for others’ runs to finish would introduce its own dangers,” I admitted. This got a laugh from Nazrin.

“Are you listening to yourself right now?” asked the mouse youkai with her mouth covered.

Sasha made it back to the village without incident. When we switched channels Arnold was doing handstands in the plastic outhouse. That was less dangerous than you’d think, given that it was completely unused and he had walls to lean his feet against. He continued his run.

Arnold spent some of the time telling Nazrin about macronutrients over the telepathic connection, and the mouse humored him while she read a book about flying mammals. My roommate was resisting hunger better than most: Arnold had only lost a little weight since we’d reduced rations.

Arnold told Nazrin about how a workout could be completely nullified by a bad diet.

“That’s why I keep eating the grubs,” he said. “I think I’m finally getting used to them.”

“Food is food,” said the mouse youkai. “It sucks that you humans struggle so much. Just take a little taste, and if it doesn’t make you sick, you can have more later. Or you can make a winter store.” She turned a page. “It’s too late for that now, though.”

“Most of the humans in the village are used to all their food being trustworthy,” I said. “Clearly labeled, cleanly made, and… well, relatively-easy to come by. Available at all times.” From grocery stores, or delivery drones.

“How luxurious,” said Nazrin.

“Humans remade the entire Outside World to feed themselves,” I told her. “It was a primary economic driver for millenia.”

“So too have youkai made Gensokyo for their own purposes,” said Patchouli.

“A shame that everyone is starving right now,” said Arnold. I wondered if it was a dig at youkai planning. Surely not?

“If only you all were like mice, and better at planning for winter,” said Nazrin. “I actually do have a buried food cache. In a few months, I’ll share it with you if there’s anything left.”

“Anything left of the cache, or of Human Town?” asked Arnold.

“Both, I suppose.”

Patchouli read her book silently. I frowned; it wasn’t really the humans’ fault they were unprepared. Arnold blasted another rock golem.

My roommate made it to the oni and entered battle against Suika and Yuugi. The two oni had some cheerful and lascivious banter for him, but he deflected it with a smile. Arnold lost, but we took some good notes.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

—

When we reconvened at the dorm, I had to explain to my roommates that I couldn’t tell them everything.

We sat around our dorm’s wood stove. We kept it burning low; fuel was starting to become an issue in Human Town, as well, as though our lives weren’t difficult enough.

“I did learn a few secrets,” I said, “but Patchouli made me promise to avoid discussing things that demons aren’t supposed to know,” I said. “If you really really want to know the secrets I learned at the mansion, she can tell you at the mansion. I’ll tell you right now they probably aren’t worth the effort.”

Saying that demons were the reason for secrecy implied that we weren’t also worried about tengu or youkai of the rebellion. It was a bit of a misdirection, but not aimed at my roommates.

As for whether Sakuya’s plight was something they should know about… probably not. Knowing about another sword of Damocles wouldn’t really help anyone, especially if they couldn’t do anything about it. When I’d been an alignment researcher, at some point I’d had to stop telling my family about how the machines advanced and were getting increasingly impossible to understand or control. Humanity was fucked, but what good was belaboring that fact?

So I didn’t feel bad about not telling them about Sakuya.

“Information is entangled,” said Wiki. “You have no idea if our learning these things would be worth the effort.”

“I have a better idea than chance,” I countered.

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t go to the mansion, so I can’t even check to see if there are implications you missed.” He shook his head. “Still, staying on Miss Knowledge’s good side is wise, so I suppose I can accept this.”

“Any other news?” asked Arnold, giving me a raised eyebrow.

“Oh yeah,” I said. “I learned from Raghav’s girlfriend yesterday that you can go up Youkai Mountain whenever you want, as long as you are willing to pray at the Moriya Shrine.” I explained some of the things I’d learned from Miss Kari: that the tengu had plans for ‘helping youkai’, that they wanted a policy of non-interference, and that praying was a fundamental right for pilgrims in their eyes.

Arnold had more questions about Raghav’s girlfriend. I told him about her weird shoes and camera, and he seemed disappointed that I didn’t provide more details about her (admittedly beautiful) appearance.

Wiki’s eyes narrowed.

“What was her name?” asked Wiki. I told him. “‘Kari namae’ means ‘false name’ in Japanese,” he informed me.

“Did you hear ‘false name’ or Kari Namae when I said it?” I asked. The translation spell must have been smart enough to know the difference between a name and an idiom.

“I heard each once, just then.”

“Huh.”

“Anyway,” said Wiki. “I’d bet you a hundred rin that this Miss Kari is actually Shameimaru Aya, the famous tengu reporter and fastest youkai in Gensokyo.”

“We shouldn’t be discussing their secrets,” I said, somewhat belatedly.

“Oh yeah,” said Wiki. “My mistake.”

“How fast is she?” asked Sasha, who was looking out our window.

“Possibly faster than the speed of light,” he said. “Given that she’s faster than Remilia, who can reach the moon in a few seconds, although neither of those facts are likely to be literally true.”

There was knock at our door. Arnold opened it, and the tengu in question was standing there with a smile. The blood drained from Wiki’s face.

“Hello, um…” he stammered.

“Miss Kari, if you know what’s good for you,” said the red-eyed, brown-haired youkai. “Don’t mind me! I’m just here for an express delivery.” She handed him a letter, and disappeared with a cracking sound, like the air had been vacated from the space occupied by a small Japanese woman.

The letter was addressed to ‘Mister Winston Sloan.’ He opened it in front of us.

If you wish to discuss tengu secrets, please do!

But know that, if you do, a representative will be with you shortly for a brief conversation in which you may reconsider your desire to discuss sensitive tengu matters. It will undoubtedly be too late by then, but we do take your reconsiderations seriously.

Alternatively, you may throw yourself from the nearest cliff, and save us the trouble.

To demonstrate that you understand our commitment to secrecy, please burn this letter upon reading.

Regards,

Lord Tenma

Wiki folded the letter up neatly and threw it into the fire. “Alright, Jake, I’m starting to hate your debriefing sessions the most.”

“Sorry!” I said.

“What, does he just have letters like that prepared?” asked Sasha.

“Let’s not talk about it,” said Wiki.

“Dang…” said Arnold. “Raghav’s a lucky man, isn’t he?” Wiki nodded, but Sasha wore a flat expression. I tended to agree with Sasha: Arnold was missing the point of her sudden appearance.

“Miss Kari was pretty,” said Wiki, “And she looked cheerful, forgiving, and like someone I’ll never talk about again in any capacity.”

“Alright,” said Arnold. “So, Jake. Any other, other secrets?”

“Not that I can think of,” I said. Arnold frowned.

“Didn’t you have designs on Patchouli?” asked Sasha as she idly pet our chicken, Emeff. “That’s what he’s really asking about.”

“Oh!” I said as my face reddened. “Um.”

They all stared at me.

“He doesn’t look as sad as an outright failure would imply,” said Wiki. I gave him a look. “Hmm, anger at my speculation is expected in a wide range of circumstances, so that doesn’t tell us much.”

“She wants to date?” asked Sasha, her eyebrow raised. I shrugged. It was kind of true.

“You made out,” said Arnold excitedly. I looked away. His excitement only grew.

“Wow,” said Wiki. “Won’t that turn you to a youkai?”

“Not if you use mouthwash,” I said. He wrote it down. “Or vodka.”

“Hold the fucking phone,” said Sasha, “What the heck kind of night did you have at the Scarlet Devil Mansion?”

Before I could decide whether I really wanted to tell them, there was another knock at the door. This time it was Raghav. He was breathing hard, but was forcing himself to stand up straight.

“That’s weird,” said Wiki. “Did your girlfriend tell you we were gossiping or something?” He spoke louder, and to no-one in particular. “Because we weren’t!”

“I should… hope not,” said the police chief of Human Town. “I’m actually here for Mister Thorne, Mister Thatcher, and Miss Conti. Come with me right now, there is an emergency.” He hadn’t caught his breath, but was turning to leave already.

We moved toward the door immediately and began pulling on our coats and boots. The police chief wanted danmaku users who could fly–it could only be another attack. But when I asked him, Raghav’s explanation surprised me.

“A train car full of supplies appeared at the Great Hakurei Barrier,” he said. “Miss Hakurei is afraid to leave the village and abandon her guard duties, but we need to send someone there right away. It’s already under attack from fairies.”

“Fairies?” I asked. “Why?”

“It’s full of food,” he explained.

—

Sasha and Arnold flew ahead to the barrier while I stayed behind with Raghav to get more details about the situation. He ran toward the Hakurei Shrine, while I fluttered beside him. My flight abilities were superior to my roommates; I’d be able to catch up, hopefully.

Raghav explained how the full railcar had been discovered by ‘barrier maintenance personnel’ (it wasn’t right to call them ‘mikos’ when they were male, nor ‘priests’ when Reimu was above them in rank). It had been sitting in the snow unmolested for several hours, and was full to the brim with military-grade rations. They were mostly prepackaged nutrient bars.

“Yukari heard our prayers,” I said.

“It seems so,” he replied, breathing hard. “I was putting together a retrieval team when a new report came in that fairies had already started to pilfer the food.”

“We’re probably too late,” I said. I remembered a day by the lake in the summer, in which a cloud of fairies had proven to be less like birds and more like piranha. “There are thousands of fairies in Gensokyo. Once the feeding frenzy starts, even a whole railcar of food won’t last very…” I trailed off, because while the fairies had eaten several crates of vegetables on that day, railcars were huge.

Maybe there would still be something left when we arrived.

“The barrier maintenance personnel are fighting them off,” he said. “One of them ran to get backup, and I in turn ran for you.” He gasped for breath. “I regret not trading for the ability to fly.”

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty.” Getting everybody the ability to fly was one of the things on my stupidly-long list of things to do.

Hopefully my roommates would be able to find the train car, and the ‘mikos’ who were there already. I found myself wishing we’d learned the layout of that part of Gensokyo better. If we went on patrols, or spent time getting the lay of the land, we might be faster when responding to emergencies like this.

But there just wasn’t enough time in the day to achieve everything I wanted.

“Go now,” said Raghav. “I’ll send more backup if I can find it.”

“Through the snow?” I asked as I lifted higher into the air.

“I’m searching for Miss Konpaku or Miss Kirisame,” he said. “Or any allied youkai. They are surprisingly difficult to find, these days.”

He probably wasn’t searching optimally. I bit my lower lip. “Have you tried asking your girlfriend? She could probably help in a hurry.”

“Our relationship isn’t like that,” he said. “She likes to keep work and personal matters separate.”

I reeled. It wasn’t like she’d step in to save human lives? I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who would let innocents die through inaction (and starvation). In a brief flash my mind went to Sekibanki, but I shook my head. Even she acted to protect people, in her own way. She walked a fine line between peacemaking and rebellion.

Shameimaru Aya was a youkai. On the other hand…

I pulled out a comms crystal. “Patchouli, are you receiving?” I asked as I flew toward the Great Hakurei Barrier, leaving Raghav behind in the snow.

“Miss Knowledge is currently unavailable,” said a koakuma. “Would you like to leave a message?”

“Please tell her that we are fighting fairies at the Hakurei barrier, and would appreciate remote assistance,” I said.

By the time I’d caught up with my roommates at the train car, I had Patchouli on the line.

–

Arnold, Sasha, and I watched from the trees.

The scene was chaos; fairies were fighting fairies, like a cloud of riotous bees. Danmaku of all kinds was bursting from the small creatures, like they were individual bottle rockets and roman candles.

The boxcar had landed on its side, and a few crates of protein bars had spilled out onto the snow. The horde of fairies were already tearing open the packages and devouring them while fighting and screaming amongst themselves. There were thousands of the youkai ranging in size from an eraser to a football. Although they were smaller than the fairies of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, they were still enough of them to give us pause.

The only reason we didn’t rush in to save whatever scraps we could was because we knew that most of the food was still in the rail car itself. Two or three barrier maintenance personnel had barricaded themselves inside, living up to their name. Every once-and-awhile a fairy would go yank on the door handle, which was sideways with the tipped rail car, but none were able to get inside. The door was too heavy for them and there was food available outside anyway.

The fighting went on as we watched. I could barely see the car when large numbers of fairies took flight.

“So we’re just going to wait them out,” said Sasha. “Anticlimactic.”

“Depends,” said Arnold. “If the fairies teamed up, they could probably break down the door.”

“It’s obvious you haven’t worked closely with fairies,” said Patchouli. “They can no-more team up with each other, than they can fairly distribute what is an overwhelming boon.”

“Score one for humans,” I said. “Still, I worry about the personnel. What if they’re cold in there? Or injured? Are they holding that door shut with muscle power or a latch?”

“If you can approach the rail car, I can contact anyone inside,” said Patchouli through the crystal.

“Nose goes,” said Sasha, her finger on her nose. Arnold copied the gesture. I sighed. It was an obligation-deciding game that Sasha had taught us the first time someone had to clean Emeff’s cage.

“I think you made that whole thing up,” I said.

“Doesn’t matter, you lost,” she said.

“Fine.” I took a breath, and prepared myself for verbal and magical abuses I’d have to face if I wanted to go anywhere near the railcar. My will faltered a bit; fairies were nasty and mean, and there was an awful lot of snow around for them to dump on my head.

Then I saw that a few larger fairies were yanking on the car door in defiance of Patchouli’s characterization of their coordination abilities. A third fairy joined them in pulling, shouting ‘heave’, and I stepped out to do battle before they could figure out how to work together.