I was dumb, oh so dumb. I had cast a curse upon myself by muttering that incantation last night. The hobgoblin standing before me was proof of that curse. Unlike the other goblins this one was a bone fide mama’s boy, black hair and all.

Apart from the items in the shed I had everything ready to leave, I even pulled my sword out of the closet. I would need to sneak back in later to get my mask and cloak but that was besides the point.

The hobgoblin opened his mouth, and four words popped into my mind, I, can’t, be, bothered. My effort was much better directed to thinking of insults, but I couldn’t intimidate this one. All of them run crying to mother when I beat them, which would normally not be an issue. Except that she actually cares about the hobgoblins.

“I heard you were trying to escape; well, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“And what part of you thought that I was running from MY territory.”

“No, no sweet kitten, this world is MINE”

On second thoughts It might be worth dealing with mother to beat this guy up.

“You call me sweet, or kitten again and I will splay your disgusting form across the pavement. Of course, that is after I remove all your skin and shove it up your ass.”

“Good luck with that, you are surrounded by a bunch of cats. Your efforts are futile, as solid as wet sugar, but it is cute to watch. We know that you are heading to town every day, there isn’t any knight in shining armour out there.”

The hobgoblin’s words turned my mind into a rabid squirrel, gnawing away at every thought. I was sure that my identity was protected, I took so many precautions, I, I, I.

At the sight of me freezing up the hobgoblin leaned closer.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. If you thought that a little birdy away from its cages would go unnoticed then you truly are foolish. More foolish if you managed to pick yourself up a knight.”

The hobgoblin was too insufferable to fear. With a crack of my neck, I brought my fists up and ready… the little shit was gone. Smart for a goblin, but still dumb as a rock.

I was at least certain that they hadn’t found out how to get into the shed. that much brought me some closure, but just in case I decided to not come back for my stuff.

I resumed the journey that was so rudely interrupted and headed out the main gate. The fact we had a gate that was guarded baffled me, the only fence we had was dense trees. It was probably there just for decoration, just like the head of a goblin.

In Cliffsin I wandered around a while pondering what to do. I had no mask, no cloak and the guild didn’t know who I was… ah fuck, I overreacted. The shame was definitely present as I walked over to a runner.

The little freckled boy readily accepted my coin and asked

“Where to, and what to say?”

“Do you know where all the old people live?”

“Yup!”

“Go there, it should be the one with the maniacal cackling, if it’s quiet then they aren’t home.”

“ahhh, do you know that weird uncle that moved in?”

I tried to hide my laughter, but a child was already referring to mark as a weird uncle.

“Sort of.”

“Are you okay, you don’t look alright?”

“I, KGH, I am fine.”

Laughter was still stuck I my nostrils, but I continued.

“Tell him that ‘Big Boss’ is looking for, ‘The Yapper’. Also tell them to bring some quite clothes.”

“On it!”

The little squirt darted off and I was left with stale, unfulfilled laughter.

The child didn’t take long and soon two people dressed in black, (one with a strangely plump belly) entered my sight. Instead of meeting up with them I wandered down a dark alley and they also moved away. The child seemed to know what was happening, but his business relied on integrity.

There was nothing more horrifying than a child. They could keep a secret or share one depending on their mood and they knew it. some children were normal, but normal also meant horrifying, just not to you.

The two old farts eventually entered the same alley as I and one opened their robe. Thanks to Mark’s valiant weight loss efforts I was now covered by his stomach. Putting the mask on I was about to leave but curiosity got the better of me.

“Why are there so many alleys all over the place, not just Cliffsin, but Crypton too?

“I do believe we are poor.”

Mr Cedar was the first to answer, but he quickly corrected his mistake.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

“The barony does not like demolishing buildings, if it isn’t broken, we don’t tend to fix it. such a shameful thing was probably kept from you, we don’t want you running off to marry some count’s heir now do we?”

“And what made you think I would marry specifically a count’s heir in order to escape.”

“Two.”

“Two what, reasons?”

“Two counts”

“You old shit, you better not be pulling my leg!”

“Mark, help me.”

Mr Cedar flung himself at Mark like a little girl. The man who could cut a jagged bears legs like butter, was scared of a teenager.

Mark cleared his throat and decided to indulge Mr Cedar by playing hero.

“My lady…”

Stumped by something Mark looked dead into Mr Cedar’s eyes and spoke

“I think we are fucked.”

“Why!”

“We don’t know whether she wants to be engaged or not.”

“Good point.”

Mark and Mr Cedar brought their voices to a whisper and discussed something for several minutes. Once they were done, Mark cleared his throat once again and begun.

“My lady, is it, are you, what is your opinion on your status as a single woman.”

“Like it should stay that way.”

Mark swept dust off his forehead, Mr Cedar sighed in relief, and I, I rolled my eyes.

Once the children had recovered, we headed out of the alley. My questions remained unanswered, but I had enough info to guess. As unproductive as their drama was, it was entertaining.

We made it back to Mr Cedar’s house where I sat down. Mr Cedar only bought a small house, so it was a little cramped, but care I did not.

Looking at the duo once they took their masks off it was uncanny how similar they looked. One just looked older, and bigger. Mark’s hair was going white and the canyons on his forehead showed no signs of relenting.

Mr cedar finally asked a sensible question, one that should have been asked way earlier.

“So, My lady, why exactly did you come out here without a cloak?”

“mother”

“and why would she do that?”

“I don’t suppose you have seen any bandits lately?”

Mmark tagged in for Mr Cedar at the bewildered behest of the man’s face.

“There have been quite a few ruffians in the regions around here. The old coot is probably trying to save money by getting the young lady to take out the ones causing trouble. This is strange however since the woman never saved a dime in her life.”

It seemed that it was my turn to answer things timidly and I peeped out a quiet.

“Debt.”

“What?”

“I do believe we are poor.”

“Well, ain’t that good news!”

Mark seemed rather swell that the barony was in peril, his arms moved in the same curve as his toothy grin.

“it’s not good news, where in the fuck is that good news?”

“it’s good because the country ain’t falling to shit just yet. Give it a few more years before the federation comes knocking on our booty, but we’ve got time to be collectin debt.”

“Okay, so why would mother dragging me into this, save her money?”

“The shit the guards can’t solve gets thrown the way of us ere mercenaries.”

“Ah, well that’s just great.”

“Yeah, you probably weren’t told that either because it don’t make a lick of sense for the sky to fall on us. We were slated for a couple decades war free. but that just show, you should never trust what another man says bout da weather.”

Mr cedar seeing that Mark’s burst of usefulness was coming to an end tagged back in.

“Now we just got to ask, how are we going to make this work for us? Which reminds me, Mark you need to register at the guild.”

Mark was far from pleased with the reminder.

“Eh, I can just not get paid, can’t I?”

“Yes, but then me and Big Boss over there will get discredited, won’t we?”

“Alright, alright, I’ll do It tomorrow.”

Mr Cedar smiled at me, and I tagged in for him. this entire conversation was like a weird roundabout.

“Mark, do it today. The longer you wait the weirder people are going to think of you. An unregistered male walking around in all black while cackling looks more like a thief than a knight.”

“Alrighty then, I will be right back.”

Mark set down his cup and in the same motion stood up and was gone. It didn’t even take three steps; he even left the door open.

Mr Cedar shut the door and then asked me on his way back to the table.

“How did you know he hates thieves?”

“He hates thieves?”

“Oh, OOH. Oh no.”

“What?”

“You wanted info on the empire…”

“And?”

“Well, I may have accidently started an underworld guild…”

“Better we be the brokers than get scammed, I guess. So, you don’t actually steal shit, right?”

“Thankfully not, but we do indeed look the part.”

“Mark likes using a big sword, right? Just get him to carry around a massive sword when we walk around, it’ll clear up every misunderstanding.”

“Either that or we get a group crest and slap it somewhere obvious.”

“Good idea, but mine makes the living wall happy.”

“Mine will also make that boulder happy, he likes having an affiliation. makes him feel like his days in the order.”

“Then we should do both.”

“Now wait a second, we can’t have him be too happy, you know how he gets.”

“Yes, and every time we tried to stop him, he got the damn cupcakes”

“I meant the other times, but good enough.”

The boulder returned with a smile on his face much to our dismay. I took a deep breath and readied my ears for the incessant laughter… but it didn’t come. Instead the man broke my eardrums by just bellowing each word.

“AY, I NEED YOU OVER THERE, THE YOUNGSTER AT THE GUILD SAYS HE NEEDS YOU TO BE THERE FOR THE BINDING.”

“Yup, yup, I get it, now please shut the fuck up, and stay shut.”

“Ain’t gonna happen. So, we call you Boss in public right? The young fella at the guild called you Wee One though?”

The fact that Mr Hildegard was considered young was a shock to me. Hough it was not something Mark couldn’t say, he was just that old.

“Ignore them, I can’t stop them.”

“And I don’t want to!”

Mr Cedar’s comment was unnecessary, but the only way to shut him up was to beat him up. Mark could beat Mr Cedar up, I couldn’t.

Instead of continuing a conversation that would bring me pain I rose to my feet. The guild would be a brisk walk, and then I could sit back down.

Nothing is ever quick. Mr Hildegard couldn’t hold it in that I had gathered another old man to my team.

“At this rate you are going to have the whole of crypton following you around.”

I wanted to say so many things to the old man. I severely regretted choosing to be silent in moments like this.

Mr Cedar spoke up for me

“we were not found in Crypton, though I am pretty sure that’s where the boss first looked.”

“of course, of course you still have a lot oof pep in your step.”

“That is not a good thing to say, there are plenty of old freaks in Crypton with the strength to crush a few skulls. Though they may not be as good as me, they should still be better than you”

“Well, I ain’t much of a measure to go by, I am just the guild leader in some backwater town.”

These lunatics are just fucking weird. Mr Humble, Mr Loud and Mr yapper. Each of the three could snap my neck in a second if they felt so inclined. I needed to take the opportunity to grow from them. Now that Mark had returned, I should resume my lessons. Although the man may not be as good as the baron was, he isn’t dead.

In my internal ramblings it seemed that the other two had already set up the binding. Unlike last time Mr -Humble- Hildegard didn’t ask me to put the tag on the forms. We were now a binding of three, as simple as that.