A gentle rocking, the waves, the sky, the gentle breeze. The world is so peaceful so calm and quiet. To truly find a fault in the world would be foolish, fault lies within ourselves.

“What a load of shit”

I sat in the underground of the shed surrounded by a pile of books. Half the books were covered in vines and dirt, but other than the threat of my torch they were fine. The book I had been reading was one of many that I didn’t agree with, and I set it down.

The pages did indeed contain the methods to make medicine, but they also housed unending quantities of superfluous fluff. Even more insufferable was the days it took to transport all the books back by hand. Hiring a carriage was a wise decision, but wise I was not.

my body was stuck in place, so I decided to mull over recent events to pass the time. Mark had returned to the barony, at Mr Cedars behest of course. The ancient relic wanted his name to be whippersnapper, but chuckle-nuts would be a far more fitting.

Mark’s reason for coming out of retirement was that Mr Cedar seemed to be “having fun”. I knew that people didn’t just follow randomly, but their reasoning was absurd. Just because they wanted to have some fun, they were now aiding a teenager on a journey to kill.

I wanted to think that it was just a front, but they did seem genuinely interested in the work. Mr Cedar seemed more interested in the absurdness of what he was doing. Mark on the other hand, and based purely off his chuckles, needed someone to talk to. Blabbermouth wouldn’t even fit the man since most of his time was spent laughing not yapping.

I raised my hand to my mouth, I, I seemed to be smiling. The light grin at the silly old men brought warmth into my heart. Maybe the solution to all my problems lay in getting the fuck away from mother. It seemed plausible.

“WAHOO”

I shouted in glee, I could feel. It was not a brief moment of happiness that occurred from the actions of others. I was thinking alone, even better I was dwelling on memories. The feeling had yet to fade from memory like all the others, it was truly blissful.

A wetness pooled in my eyes, and I thanked everything in existence that I knew of.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

With renewed Vigor I plunged into the books. The marvellous contraptions and recipes within the pages igniting my brain.

(Yeah, no, things didn’t go well)

When I returned to my annex for dinner there was a little green goblin waiting for me. The stubby little shit looked confident, his dull ginger hair and his pale white skin all seemed to glow.

I took one large breath before letting my mind have it’s way.

“What the fuck do you want… was it… Alejandro?”

“Oi, it’s Stephan you little shit.”

“say’s the shortass”

“You are only taller than me because you are older.”

“Yeah right, what do you want?”

The goblin fixed his hair while moistening his lips, just to start with:

“Mother wants you to…”

I immediately blanket at the thought of her getting me to do something. the goblin queen had two legs, two arms and a head. Although the contents were dubious, I knew she had one, so why couldn’t she use it?

“Oi goblin three, repeat what you said.”

“You weren’t listening, were you?”

“Pickity uppity the pace and get to the point.”

“go to town.”

“why”

“…”

The goblin crossed his arms and turned his nose up at me. He wasn’t the most punchable person I knew, but he sure was putting in some effort.

“You no say, me no go.”

“Mother want’s you to get some wine.”

“No, that’s what you want, hurry up before I just throw you.”

“Try and see if you can get some people to fight some bandits?”

“Why are you saying that like a question?”

“For free?”

The sight of the goblin now cowering gave all the answers I needed. The crazy woman wanted ME to go fight the bandits. Whether I got other people to help, all she cared about was the result. Just perfect.

I didn’t even know there were bandits in our tiny barony, but then again, I wasn’t exactly looking for them. No commission had come into the guild, and all the villages I visit are unaffected. This led me to a horrible conclusion; the bandits aren’t idiots.

“And what made mother think that I would be best for this?”

The goblin reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll. I walked a step closer and looked over him and at the contents. He tried to stop me, but his efforts meant nothing to me. The content of the parchment was instructions, mother knew what I was going ot ask.

“Typical.”

“Uh, ah, uh… well mother says you go out a lot already and you can use a sword… uh, ah”

“Spit it out, preferably before I turn five hundred.”

“Ah, yes, okay, yup, Mother says that you are the heir to the barony and…”

“I need to pull my weight, got it.”

“Did you read it?”

“No, the world’s just an asshole that can’t let me be happy.”

“What?”

“Shoo, skedaddle, get lost, and quickly.”

After that escapade I skipped dinner and headed to bed. There wasn’t any way that things could get worse right?