“I wouldn’t push it on the tassel thing,” Joan advised. “You’re not supposed to customize the cap and gown too much.”
“Harley got her entire ensemble in scarlet red.” Lee protested. “You’re trying to tell me I can’t wear a purple tassel?”
“Harley’s a force of nature,” Joan said. “I’m pretty sure the gown just turned red as soon as it touched her. Nobody’s going to bother trying to stop that. They might try and stop you.”
“I have saved the dean’s unlife on multiple occasions,” Lee said. “If anyone tries to stop me, I shall refer to him.”
She attached the purple tassel to her cap defiantly and posed in her full graduation regalia. Joan raised no further protests.
“Well, you are clearly more powerful than me, so I’m done fighting this battle,” Joan said. “You win.”
“Another triumph in a long list,” Lee said. She removed her cap and then undid her gown before setting it aside. Joan took a good look at the suit she was wearing underneath for the first time, and raised an eyebrow.
“My god, you have thighs,” Joan said. Lee rolled her eyes.
“It’s barely above the knee, dear,” she said.
“Frankly I’m shocked about the knees too,” Joan said. “I have distinct memories of you wearing a wetsuit to the beach.”
“Yes, well, I had aggressively conservative parents and a lot of self-image issues,” Lee said. “I’m working on it. One of these days I’ll wear a bikini.”
“I’d like to see that,” Joan said. She went red in the face as soon as the words passed her lips.
“Excuse me?”
“Because I enjoy seeing you grow as a person,” Joan said. “And get more comfortable with yourself.”
“Oh.”
Joan wondered why Lee sounded so disappointed. On the other side of the room, Lee was also wondering why Lee sounded so disappointed.
A few months ago, that would’ve been the end of it. Lee had not been the type to stop and think about her own wants and needs. Even now it was still a struggle, so Lee took the time to consciously stop and think about what she wanted. It wasn’t the hardest moment of self-reflection in her life, especially since the answer was literally standing in front of her.
Just as the red was starting to fade from Joan’s face, she realized Lee had been unusually silent and turned to face her. Lee was watching her intently, staring up at Joan’s face with a look of delight like she had just solved a puzzle. Something about the sparkle in Lee’s bright green eyes made Joan start blushing all over again.
“Lee,” she mumbled. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Joan felt her heart start to pound as Lee leaned in a little closer.
“Do you want me to stop?”
With nothing but Lee’s green eyes and playful smile in front of her, Joan’s heart started to pound like cannonfire in her chest.
“No.”
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“How did you get a red graduation robe anyway?”
“I just asked the Dean,” Harley said. “There’s no dress code, they just order these things in bulk and nobody ever asks for a different one.”
“Huh.”
Only Harley was committed enough to a single-spectrum wardrobe that she would wear a red graduation gown. Vell examined the shimmering red gown for a second and then draped it over his arm again.
“Maybe I’ll keep that in mind for my graduation,” Vell said.
“I think everyone should keep it in mind for your graduation,” Harley said. She grabbed the door to her dorm. “I come back here for that graduation I want to see a rain-”
Harley opened the door, and she and Vell took exactly one step into the dorm. They froze in place immediately, as Lee reacted to the sound of the door opening and pulled her lips apart from Joan’s. The two tilted their heads and stared up at the sudden intruders. Harley and Vell stared right back at Joan, who was lying on the couch with Lee straddling atop her. Joan very slowly tried to slide her hand off of Lee’s butt, which only made things worse.
Nobody moved. Nobody blinked. The standoff lasted exactly eleven seconds. Vell was the first to break.
“I- uh-”
Harley uncoiled like a spring and slammed her hand over Vell’s mouth.
“Vell there’s nothing you can say that can fix this,” she hissed. “We have to leave!”
Without a word, Vell took off at top speed and sprinted down the hallway, with Harley just behind him. As the door slammed shut behind them, Lee’s stunned shock wore off.
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“Well that’s rude of them.”
“Uh, Lee,” Joan mumbled.
“Yes?”
“Could you get your hand out of my shirt now?”
“Oh my god,” Lee said, pulling her hand back so fast she nearly gave Joan rugburn. She pulled away from Joan entirely and sat up straight. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, it was entirely above the bra, I swear to god.”
“I know, Lee, it was my boob you weren’t touching,” Joan said. She sat up and adjusted her shirt. “I just don’t think they had the same perspective on, uh, you know...”
“Oh god…”
Lee shrank in on herself and let out a soft moan of sheer cringing embarrassment. Joan slowly scooted to the far end of the couch.
“I can’t believe this,” Lee groaned, as she held her head in her hands.
“Maybe, um, this is for the best,” Joan said. “I know we both got a little caught up in the moment, but maybe we shouldn’t-”
Overcoming any and all embarrassment in and instant, Lee snapped up to grab Joan by the shoulders and give her a gentle but firm shake.
“Don’t you dare finish that thought,” Lee scolded. “Any shame I feel is just on the general principle of being caught making out with anyone. Especially by those two. Harley will never let me live it down.”
Lee was already mentally reconciling herself with the fact that this incident would almost certainly follow her for the rest of her life. Every time Harley opened a door there would be the risk of a snarky comment about knocking first. But that was a different problem.
“It has nothing to do with you,” Lee insisted.
“Are you sure? Because me having dated Vell alone is pretty…eugh,” Joan said with a nervous chuckle. “And, you know, after everything else I’ve done…”
“After everything else you’ve done,” Lee said, as she let go of Joan’s shoulders and took her hand. “I love you, Joan Marsh.”
Joan’s stomach felt like it was doing somersaults, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of guilt, love, or both. She took a deep breath and steadied herself by focusing on Lee’s hand holding on to hers. If the words “I love you” were coming from anyone else, Joan wouldn’t have believed them for a second. But they were coming from Lee.
“I love you too,” Joan mumbled.
Lee pulled in closer and gave Joan a kiss. She pulled away a second later.
“Mm, sorry, nothing personal, just, you know, the door,” Lee said.
“Oh yeah the mood is one-hundred percent dead,” Joan agreed. Getting barged in on had completely killed any desire for physical intimacy. “Yeah, for sure, I’m a little uncomfortable even holding hands with you right now.”
Joan and Lee immediately scooted to opposite ends of the couch.
“So, I got to stay in Germany for the job, you know, healthcare, keep my sister alive, all that, so it’s going to be a long-distance thing,” Joan said. “But I’ll call you, we can make this work.”
“Absolutely,” Lee said, with a bright smile.
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As the graduation crowd filled in, Joan got increasingly nervous the longer the seat next to her remained open. Seating was assigned, and Joan had a very clear nightmare scenario in mind for who had been assigned to sit next to her. Eventually, that nightmare scenario came to pass as Vell Harlan filed into the seat next to Joan and awkwardly sat down.
“Oh boy,” Joan said. “This would not have been a good idea an hour ago and it’s even worse now.”
“Yeah I’m not going to pretend this isn’t super uncomfortable,” Vell said. “But we have to get through it eventually. Apparently you’re dating my sister now.”
“I really appreciate that you see her as family, but, just for the next couple months or so, could you stick to calling her a friend?” Joan pleaded. “Just around me. This is already really awkward with me being your ex and everything, the idea I’m dating your sister makes it so much worse.”
“Oh, that’s not the problem,” Vell said. “The fact I walked in on her fondling you is going to haunt me for a while, for sure, but not the fact you’re dating. I am on board for that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I want you to be happy, I want her to be happy, this is just an efficient outcome for me,” Vell said. “Why would I have a problem?”
Though it took a great deal of effort for Joan to look Vell in the eye, once she finally did so, she saw no trace of dishonesty, hesitation, or doubt. He was, in every way, completely sincere in his happiness for them. A few years ago, Joan might’ve chalked that up to simple, foolish naivete. Maybe it was naive, but Joan could no longer call it foolish. That understanding and patience had been part of what saved her.
“Thanks for everything, Vell,” Joan said, as she put a hand on his shoulder.
“Please don’t touch me right now, I don’t know where that hand has been,” Vell said.
“What do you think I was doing to Lee in there?”
“I don’t know, and I never want to find out!”
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Lee put on her cap and gown, adjusted a purple tassel, and braced herself. No amount of preparation would ready her for what was coming, but she had to try. She took a deep breath, bit her tongue, and headed for her seat -right next to Harley.
Harley, eyes gleaming up from beneath her crimson cap, had somehow invented an entirely new variety of coy smile to permanently enshrine on her face. The teasing expression was worse than any verbal mockery Harley could give.
“We are not talking about this,” Lee hissed.
“Oh don’t even bother, Lee, you know this is inescapable.”
“I. Am. In love,” Lee grunted through gritted teeth. “And I do not want you making fun of that.”
“Making fun? Who’s making fun of anything?”
Harley leaned over and gave Lee’s gown sleeve a sharp tug.
“Lee, when I met you four years ago, you were so stiff and repressed I got worried I’d have to be the one who gave you ‘The Talk’,” Harley said. “Half an hour ago, I walked in on you trying to finger a former supervillain on my couch.”
“I was not trying to-”
Harley didn’t let her finish, and instead leaned over further to give Lee a hug.
“I’m so proud of you, you dumb bitch,” Harley said. All the tension Lee felt melted away in the warm embrace.
“Thank you,” Lee said. “You whore.”
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Even with all the warning Leanne had given her, Lee was still unprepared for just how quiet the graduation really was. She could hear a crowd cheering and applauding, but it felt like background noise overlaid on emptiness.
She had the diploma in her hand now. Her life, as she had known it for four years, four years that had redefined her existence and reshaped every dream for the future, was over. She was no longer a student. No longer a looper. She looked down at her diploma, which was plainly emblazoned with one word and one word only. Lee.
Four years ago, Lee had meant nothing -just a random syllable borrowed from the name of someone she’d just met. Now it was a name. The name of someone who’d traveled time, space, and dimensions, someone who’d slayed dragons and demons and every other monster under the sun, someone who had saved her friends, saved the world, and saved herself.
Over four years, Lee had become a lot of things, and now at the end of those four years, she was no longer a looper. In the face of everything she’d become, that one loss felt incredibly small. She was still Lee. That was enough.