Chapter 9: Even Fantasy Worlds Have Traffic Jams!?

Having returned to the tutorial path, walking side by side, are Diegi and Gloria. Gloria is pulling her grain cart behind her, looking the same as always, if not a bit more haggard.

Diegi, however, has undergone a miraculous transformation, looking much more civilized than usual as he struts along the road. Why, you ask? Probably because he’s finally put some damn clothes on over his underwear! More specifically, some of Gloria’s old spares. Supposedly satisfied with his appearance, he looks down and rates his new garments.

> They’re beautiful, they really are. The way the brown cloth blends with the darker brown cloth blends with the dirt-brown cloth… no, that’s actually dirt. And judging by how the many tiny little tears and frays build on to the overall look… oh, who am I kidding!? They’re rags, total rags! I feel bad complaining about something I got for free, but seriously: the only plus for me here is that Gloria seems to be predisposed to wearing pants rather than skirts…

Diegi shudders at the mere thought of a world where the inverse was true. And at that moment, as if in response to her name being mentioned in Diegi’s mind, Gloria decides to pipe up after a long stretch of mutual silence.

“We’re nearing the city. Are you doing alright?”

Diegi jolts a little before responding, not expecting to be shaken from his pondering. Putting a hand on his chin, he tries to come up with an inconspicuous answer.

“Uh- y- yeah, I’m fine. Why would you ask?”

“Because, sir, if I remember correctly, your maximum Stamina level is currently at ten. It’s not unfeasible that you could exhaust all those points from a simple walk, considering that your Strength and Agility attributes are also quite low…”

“Urk— I’d forgotten you saw that before! Uh… I mean… well, don’t worry about it, I’m totally fine.”

In reality, he’s starting to get fairly tired, but he’s not about to just come out and tell her that.

> Aw, man, I really wish she hadn’t seen my Stats and Attributes earlier. Didn’t she basically say that someone with an avatar status as poor as mine should probably be bedridden somewhere? I probably look super suspicious to her.

Gloria’s follow up question confirms Diegi’s unstated musings:

“Actually, somewhat relatedly, there’s a question that I feel compelled to ask again. Please be honest— How are you still alive after being killed by that odd monster? You previously claimed that it was because of an Illusion Skill. But… I’m sure I didn’t see you possessing any Skill of the sort while casting Appraisal on you before…”

> This again? Damn it, how many issues are gonna come out of one NPC having seen my avatar status? Gotta come up with a good cover-up lie… ooh, I got one!

“Yeah, it’s just that Illusion is at level 90. That Skill’s level is just too high for your Appraisal spell to detect.”

“Really, sir? Someone with such abysmal Attribute levels has a level 90 skill?”

“Yup. All those points had to go somewhere, right?”

“Hmm… I think—”

“It’s at level 90!”

“But—”

“Level!! 90!!”

> I’m sorry for lying, I really am— okay yeah I’m totally not sorry for lying haha. But it is true that I really don’t think you would take it well if I told you that I’d actually died and been revived. Excusing it as a skill is just so much easier.

Diegi scratches behind his ear and sighs. Really, can’t a guy just casually die and be brought back to life by an AI overlord in peace nowadays? For crying out loud! Good thing he’s always been good at lying on the spot— it’s a skill you pick up fast as an infamous internet troll.

Just to be sure that his secret stays safe, however, Diegi decides that a subject change is in order.

“Hey, you asked about me, so do you mind telling me about some of your levels? Like… your Agility, for instance.”

> I wonder if the Attribute levels mean exactly the same thing as how they were when I was just a gamer playing MYTH. Considering what I saw from Gloria beforehand and what I remember from all the MYTH human tutorial runs, she’s probably close to Agility level 20. That’s around, what, a decent track and field runner’s speed without stacking any movement Skills?

After hearing Diegi’s question, Gloria visibly recoils and stares at him with a wide-eyed expression, as if Diegi had asked her about her Social Security number or Credit Card information instead of her Attributes. Not that she would know what those were. Diegi, for his part, is taken totally off guard by her exaggerated reaction.

“What!? Come on, I can’t have said something that bad! No— I mean, I didn’t say anything bad at all! So don’t act like I did, pleasethankyou!”

> I’m right, aren’t I? No, yeah, that was a totally innocuous sentence. Nobody I know would find it weird… ah, that’s it. Maybe there’s some culture or something unique to this game-world around stats and attributes I’m not aware of. If that’s the case, I’ll have to back off—

But then an idea strikes Diegi, and he cuts off his unusually self-reflective line of thought with a narrowing of his eyes and the reemerging of his sleazy grin. If he knows Gloria as well as he thinks he does, then he’ll be able to make an argument she can’t refute. Because of course he’d know someone he met only a couple hours ago in and out. Not overconfident at all, right?

“Hey, hold on— you can’t go holding back info now. Aren’t you the one who cast Appraisal on me back then without my approval? So, if we wanna be fair, you’ve gotta share in turn.”

Gloria lowers her eyebrows and averts her eyes slightly when Diegi brings up that particular incident, apparently feeling guilty, but doesn’t back down.

“Well, sir… you were in a critical condition, and it’s only natural that I would want to help in such a dire case…”

> Oh. So it’s not taboo to check someone else’s status when the other person is seriously hurt? I guess that makes sense, it’s like how doctors can do emergency invasive life-saving surgery in real life. But, I still really wanna know…

“Okay, fine— It’s 43.”

Gloria, after a brief pause, briefly nods to herself as if bracing for something and spits out a short sentence. Diegi, caught by surprise, angles his head to look at her.

“Oh? I thought you weren’t going to tell me?”

> And, more importantly… She has an Agility level of 43 compared to my current 2… so are basic NPCs in this world all faster and more nimble than literal Olympic superstars!? God, if literally anyone wants to fight or hurt me in this world I’m so screwed. Damn that Automod—

“Your reasoning has some merit, so it’s only fair that I tell you. Just… I implore you, please do not share that information around. I wouldn’t like it if I was roped into any dangerous activities as a result.”

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

> Oh, so level 43 must be a pretty high Agility in this game-world. Much better than an average civilian’s, I’m guessing. Oh, thank goodness. So maybe I’m not that pathetically weak, and Gloria’s just super strong. But if that’s the case, why’s she so scared of monsters?

Diegi ruffles his hair with a flat palm, reflecting on what he’s just learned about the taboos surrounding sharing status information in this game-world. Not that he planned to stop asking people about their statuses, but still— It was fascinating to see that the NPCs he’d only observed before through a computer screen took on so many more lifelike traits when he interacted with them in person. In some ways, they seemed aware they were living in a game— with how they referenced things like Stats, Attributes, and Levels— but on the other hand, they weren’t familiar with terms like Inventory or Main Menu. Just how game-like is this game-world, really?

Well, only one way for me to find out… by continuing to play.

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#

“Huh? What’s that in the distance— Oh, finally! Better get ready for inspection!”

After another long stretch of silent walking, Diegi snaps out of a daze and notices that the path is getting wider and yet somehow more crowded. Looking briefly up at the sky, he also notes that it’s now more like the afternoon than midday.

As Diegi cranes his neck from side to side, updating his understanding of his surroundings, he notices that several other paths like the one he’s been walking on have been steadily merging with his path, both behind him and in front of him. This path-consolidation must have been happening for at least the past hour, but he’d simply been too distracted to notice.

Regardless; Diegi and Gloria are now only a couple hundred meters away from the huge fortified gates and imposing walls of Paxdom. Diegi can also clearly see the main branch of the rushing Jade River that Paxdom’s known for. Its waters are clear as glass, but also somehow tinted emerald green, like something out of a movie. It’s really quite the sight.

In order to prepare for the upcoming security check, Diegi scans his borrowed outfit for dust. He notices quite a lot of it, so of course he decides to promptly do nothing. Trying to brush all the lint off of his borrowed outfit would be like trying to rub all the mud off a pig: it’s just not gonna happen. So, he turns his head to peer at Gloria instead. She didn’t seem to be on edge. It makes sense; why would she ever be stopped by the guards? She was a regular denizen of the human region, probably just here to sell her grains and baked goods.

“I wonder, why do they even bother doing inspections in the first place? So inefficient and it’s going so slowly! It would be pretty easy to tell if any of us were monsters, right?”

Upon hearing Diegi’s sudden question, Gloria subtly sighs and shakes her head.

“It never hurts to try and ensure people’s safety, even if you can’t catch everyone. Besides, human criminals are as much a threat as monsters.”

“Well, still. Having a huge crowd like this is a liability— what would the guards do if a horde of monsters showed up at these gates? It would cause a total panic and someone could die if the crowd stampeded!”

> And by ‘someone’, I mean me! The one who loses most of his health from being scratched by a singular damn tree!

“Oh, you don’t know…? Monsters generally don’t approach large settlements. Sir, are you really an adventurer if you don’t even know something like that? Ah— no offense!”

> I… Oh, right, mobs only spawn outside of cities even in the original MYTH Infinite Fantasy game. The only time cities would be attacked would be for some server event. Well, nothing to worry about then!

As the crowd continues to thicken, both Diegi and Gloria are jostled from all sides. It’s almost reminiscent of a packed airport or a jammed intersection. Because of course, even in an alternate world, Diegi can’t escape rush hour traffic. Looking around, Diegi sees that the crowd is mostly human— they are entering a human city, after all— but he can notice a few pointed ears and faintly glowing eyes.

> I guess a couple of elves are caught in this crush too. Man, the sheer amount of people here is just insane! Do this many enter Paxdom every single day? In MYTH, it seemed like the only people going in and out of cities were players, and we higher-level ones would just vault over the walls or use secret passageways instead of bothering with the main entrance. Y’know, like normal people! Ugh, I guess I found yet another thing that’s different about this game-world…

The guards near the gates are calling for order and trying to sort the unruly crowd into neat lines, but aren’t having the best luck. Large groups of people, impatient to enter the city, are streaming around the guards’ security checkpoint stands and making their way through the gates without being stopped. Some of Paxdom’s guards, clad in armor and carrying weaponry, manage to stop a few of the rule flouters— but are ultimately powerless against the force of the human tide.

With how many of the morally dubious folk are managing to scrape by and make their way inside, it’s impossible that Diegi— the unproclaimed king of the morally dubious— would fail to notice. So, while fighting to escape being squeezed and pushed to death by the crowd, he decides to make what he thinks is a funny remark to Gloria.

“Hey, look at that. If we just follow those line cutters’ example, maybe I won’t have to be checked by the guards after all. Foolproof plan, am I right?”

Gloria, trying to protect her cart from becoming unbalanced by the many people brushing against it, responds quite dryly:

“You’re free to try by yourself, sir. But please, if you do so, remember our arrangement. Once we’re inside the city, we will go our separate ways, correct?”

> Ouch, I was only joking. I feel like the more time we spend together, the more she wants to get rid of me. I wonder why…?

It takes a while, but eventually Diegi and Gloria are practically crowd-surfed to the front of the line. Given Gloria’s lawful nature and Diegi’s unwillingness to risk being caught by the guards alone, both of them stop at one of the security checkpoints. Upon their arrival, a guard wearing a strange mix of robes and armor asks them to state their name and purpose.

Gloria gestures to her cart as she speaks: “Gloria Flaxen. Farmer, here to sell my produce.”

“Diegi Martinez. I’m a hired hand of hers.”

> It’s not the real in-game name I chose during avatar creation, but it’ll be fine. The guards don’t have a way to verify that, and it would be embarrassing to be addressed with a silly gamertag like ‘Diegi Trolegi’ anyways. Eugh.

First, the guard opens some sort of directory and pages through it until he comes to a certain entry. He looks up at Gloria and her cart as if to confirm her appearance, then nods.

“Returning visitor, I see. Great, that makes the rest of this real simple. I’ll skip directly to marking your arrival.”

The guard scribbles down Gloria and Diegi’s reasons for visiting in a large logbook and then pauses for a second, staring at a particular spot in the book. He then looks up at them and sighs, picking up a staff from behind his checkpoint stand.

“Sorry, you two. You’ve been selected for deeper inspection, happens randomly to around one in one hundred of those who enter. Please remain still and I’ll cast Status Project on you two to make sure there’s no funny business going on. Nothing to worry about, just verifying your names, classes, jobs, and skills.”

> Wait, what!?

As Diegi looks on in horror, the guard holds out his staff and a field of glimmering orange light surrounds Gloria. It’s much more complex than the visual effect for Appraisal— dancing lines of light form prisms in the air as they shift around her, sometimes seeming to arrange themselves into letters from some ancient script before dispersing again. Gloria simply closes her eyes and waits for the spell to take its course, apparently entirely at ease. After a few seconds, the guard nods and says “Right, nothing to worry about here. Sorry, it’s just procedure, you know? Give me a little while to mark everything down.”

Gloria smiles and responds “Yes, I understand.”

> You understand, huh? Well, good for you. But what about me!? Gloria, do something!!

Not only was the guard going to see that Diegi had lied about his name, but they were going to be able to see his absurdly low stats and attributes. From what Gloria said, people with stat and attribute levels as low as him weren’t supposed to exist. The guard hadn’t said that he would check stats and attributes, but it’s still a worrying prospect.

Just to make double-sure of his current avatar status, Diegi discreetly traces the ‘cross-box’ menu motion in the air with his hands at his sides and glances downwards. It seems like the game windows don’t interfere with physical objects, because the resultant menu panels sort of phase through the people around him. Still, Diegi can see all the information on it clearly. Even better— it looks like no one else in the crowd could even see his main menu. He already had an inkling of that because of the whole tutorial-monster incident with Gloria, but it was nice to confirm.

> Wait, bad Diegi. Now is NOT the time to be geeking out about how my menu system works. Come on me, let’s do this before the guard finishes whatever he’s writing!

After scrolling a few times with slight finger motions, he arrives at the Statistics and Attribute windows, and the semi-transparent blue screens that appear show him what he already knows…

[

-Attributes-

Strength: 1

Agility: 2

Toughness: 0

Dexterity: 0

Wisdom: 0

Charisma: 0

-Stats-

Max Health: 10

Max Mana: 10

Max Stamina: 10

]

…that when it comes to blending in with the crowd, he’s pretty much screwed.

> What would happen if the guard sees this? He’ll totally get suspicious and check my name only to see that I lied! Would he deny me entry? Or worse, let me enter— but trap me in an infirmary for the rest of my life?

Contorting his face in a variety of ways, Diegi tries to send some nonverbal signal to the still-oblivious Gloria. He even performs some sort of robot-chicken dance as discreetly as he can in a last-ditch desperate bid for her attention. But it seems that she’s either forgotten all about Diegi’s status predicament already, because she simply gazes vaguely forwards with a relieved expression on her face.

> Man, she must have been really excited to get to Paxdom. Good for her… Wait, no— worry about myself. What do I do, what do I do??

Giving up on contacting her, Diegi begins to look around himself wildly, but all he sees is the constantly shifting crowd of Paxdom visitors. There has to be some way for him to get out of this inspection, but—

“Okay, Diegi, was it? Your turn.”

In the end, there’s nothing Diegi can do. Before he can even react, a field of shimmering orange light surrounds him and he has no choice but to let the inspection happen. Fiddling with the sleeves of his rough brown shirt, he waits for the inevitable damning verdict to come.

> This sucks. What if these guys arrest me and put me in some kind of jail? I’ll never complete the two hundred quests then. Hell, if I can’t get to the Guild Hall, I won’t even be able to complete the tutorial! Please, Automod, anyone, help me out here, send some kind of distraction— wait, what’s that noise? It keeps getting louder.

*!!!!!!!!!!!*

*ROARRRRR*

“Woah, what the hell!?”

Just as he completes his thought, the crowd erupts around him and a sudden deafening cacophony reaches Diegi’s ears. As a result, he opens the eyes that he’d been squeezing shut in anticipation and slowly blinks. Why was everyone panicking, and why was the panic spreading so quickly? The guard that was supposed to be checking him had cancelled the Status Project spell and is now looking around in bewilderment, attempting to yell over all the noise in order to communicate with the other guards.

Had Diegi’s impromptu prayer worked? But even if it did, it was more like a monkey’s paw than straight divine providence— if he’d thought being pushed around by the crowd was annoying before, now it was positively dangerous. He’s in real danger of being crushed! The lines of waiting people that the guards had worked so hard to organize have quickly turned into a single roiling mass. What on earth could be going on?

There’s some sort of commotion a few meters away in the ground. People jerking to the sides rapidly and clearing a channel, as if roughly forced apart. Then, he appears: someone in guard’s armor breaks through the crowd, using his strength to force a path open for himself, long black hair disheveled, eyes wide in panic— and he begins to yell as he approaches the check-in stands:

“MONSTER! MONSTER ATTACK!!”

Even through the chaotic hodgepodge of voices, the particularly shrill shriek clearly reaches Diegi’s ears. Next to him, Gloria’s face pales. Her breathing, previously relaxed, begins to accelerate. She even lets go of her cart, the one she’d just been expending so much effort for in order to protect it from the crowd.

> I can’t believe this. Monsters attacking the city— this isn’t an event in MYTH’s tutorial! And didn’t Gloria say it’s unnatural for this game-world as well? Has something gone wrong in the system? That means… Does that mean… if I still haven’t completed the tutorial, but these attacking mobs aren’t part of the tutorial… then if I die to these mobs, will I still be able to come back to life!? This is bad. With an avatar as weak as this, I don’t have a snowball’s chance of surviving a freakin’ monster attack!

Desperately wanting to know the answer to his questions, Diegi cries out: “Automod, come back! I’m sorry I called you all those names before! Start working again and help me!!”

But his Diegi’s desperate shout is lost in the racket of the crowd, and no robotic voice appears in his head. No in-game tutorial notifications pop up to give him healthy advice on how to deal with the new event. He has no previous experience with this particular attack, no helpful game knowledge to draw from. In other words:

For the first time since he’s arrived in this world, Diegi’s totally out of his depth.