Chapter 12: Greedy Guilds and Battle Junkies, Oh My!

*DING DING, DONG DONG*

“All sanctioned Adventurer’s Guild members, please report to the Guild Hall. Your assistance has been requested. Repeat, all sanctioned Adventurer’s Guild members, please report to the Guild Hall. Your assistance has been requested. If you cannot access your gear, weaponry and support items will be provided free of cost at the Guild Hall.”

*DING DING, DONG DONG*

“All sanctioned Adventurer’s Guild members…”

_

Even as Diegi sprints through the roughly paved streets and over the small stone bridges, an incessant tintinnabulation as well as an accompanying announcement continues to be projected across the city of Paxdom. Though, the rhythm of the bell has finally changed a bit from what it was only a few minutes ago. Not only that— the message has shifted too. Before, it was warning citizens to evacuate and get to ‘protection centers’, whatever that means. Now, it’s calling adventurers to gather at the Guild Hall.

“It’s just a monster attack, right? So why can’t the guards handle it alone? If I remember correctly, the few mobile monsters that do live in the area around Paxdom aren’t even that strong. Just some grass-themed rodents and shit like that. Are all of the guards as weak as me, or is something else going on here?”

Drawing on his game knowledge of MYTH, Diegi continually tries and fails to imagine what kind of attack could possibly require a gathering of seasoned adventurers to deal with.

> Ah, well— what does it matter to me? I’m sure as hell not planning on helping fight the monsters off. Or even getting close enough to see them.

Eventually, he gives up and decides to focus on his current goal of registering at the Guild Hall and finishing the half-baked tutorial that Automod had forced him into.

“Now that the adventurers are running towards the Guild Hall, I just have to find some guy who looks strong and follow them! Guild registration, here I come!”

Diegi had already gotten pretty close with his memorized in-game map layout, but he was having trouble pinpointing the hall’s exact location in this strangely upsized version of Paxdom. But now the pressure’s been taken off his memory. In a way, even if it bodes badly for the citizens of Paxdom, the monster attack is a godsend for Diegi.

> Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t think that way. I’m a lowly internet troll, not a monster… eh, who cares, it’s just a video game. That a rogue AI trapped me inside of. Y’know, no biggie— Oh, there’s someone who stands out! Is she an adventurer?

His gaze flits around, briefly resting on each person he sees, and comes to rest on a tall woman dressed in heavy purple gear and carrying a wickedly sharp battleaxe. As her scarlet hair tied in a neat bun bobs up and down, he ponders how she can run so fast with such a heavy getup, especially since she’s going in the opposite direction of the stampeing general public. But then he remembers:

> Of course, of course, video game logic, she probably just has a high Strength or Toughness attribute. Oh shoot, I can’t let her get away, gotta run!

As he begins to pick up his pace, Diego cries out:

“Hello! Ms. Adventurer, are you heading to the Guild Hall? Wait up!”

She briefly turns around and looks in Diegi’s general direction, but then quickly turns back and continues running just as fast as she was before. No— she might even picked up her pace.

“Huh? Did she not see me, or is she just ignoring me!? Rude!”

For the second time in as many hours, Diegi pushes his way through masses of fleeing and panicked cityfolk in order to try and catch up to the redheaded adventurer.

The further Diegi goes, the more the crowd thins, and eventually— huffing and gasping— he manages to catch up to the adventurer woman. Granted, she’s also slowed from a run to a walk, so the last part wasn’t too hard, but he’s still proud of the effort he put in. Here’s his chance to finally ask her:

“Excuse me, are you… headin’ to the… guild…? Okay, woah.”

As he asks the question, the woman slows to a complete stop in front of a truly impressive building. Diegi, even as a city slicker who’s used to seeing skyscrapers, can’t help but be impressed by how grandiose it is. And not by its size— to be frank, it’s not more than 4 stories tall— but by its material and sheer presence. Unlike most of the wooden residential and commercial buildings of Paxdom, its walls are made of smooth gray stone and inlaid with gold. To its side, a giant water wheel constantly turns while half-submerged in one of Paxdom’s signature waterways. In front of its ornate mahogany doors are pillars and even a couple statues of intimidating-looking people that seem to be made from copper or bronze. Standing alone, it would make for a rather extraordinary postcard.

But unfortunately for Diegi, he can’t send any postcards home; and even if he could, he doesn’t have a camera; and even if he did, the building’s pristine image is being disrupted by the smattering of tough-looking people walking into it. Well, not all of them look tough per se, but they all stand out in some way or another, enough to detract from the view.

“Well, there goes my cinematic memory. But hey, looks like I’ve found it— the Adventurer’s Guild Hall! Man, it definitely wasn’t this detailed in the original game.”

Diegi throws his arms out in celebration and begins to move forward, only to run into someone’s armored back.

“Huh? Hey, watch where you’re walking, kid.”

Oh, right. He’d been so excited about the prospect of finishing Automoderator’s tutorial and leveling up that he’d forgotten about the woman he tailed to get here in the first place. Embarrassing…

“My bad, my bad. Hey, just to make sure, this is the Paxdom Guild Hall, isn’t it?”

The scarlet-haired woman, who at first seemed briefly indignant about being run into, puts on a slightly confused expression as she responds.

“You don’t know? Yeah, it is. Well, the Adventurer’s Guild Hall, to be precise. But if you’re not here to respond to the emergency, then what’re you doing?”

“Well… I’d like to register!”

No tutorial prompts (in the form of flat blue system windows) had popped up in a while, probably because of how he’d abused the Human Tutorial Skip-Warp to get to Paxdom, but Diegi’s played through the MYTH tutorial countless times. It ends, always, with registering at each species’ respective First City’s Guild Hall.

The woman, considering his response, eventually chuckles softly and shakes her head.

“You want to register during a monster attack, now of all times…? You’ve got pretty shit timing, huh. Ah, who cares, they’ll welcome the extra help. I assume you can fight?”

As she talks, she begins to walk through the door of the Guild Hall, holding her axe loosely. Diegi notices that most of the other people entering the Hall aren’t openly carrying weapons like the redheaded woman is. Their clothing seems slightly more durable than an average civilian’s, but their weapons are either sheathed or not present at all (probably inside of the guild, now that he thinks about it). Uh oh… he hadn’t chosen a battle-hungry berserker to follow, had he? That trope was pretty common in MMORPG NPCs… The thought makes him clutch his getaway bag of food a little tighter and carefully consider his response.

“Can I fight? Well, actually, nooooo… oh ho! I mean, yes! Yes!”

Diegi ironically tries to weasel his way out of the conversation (that he initiated) by giving a completely true answer, but quickly changes his tune once the woman’s glare intensifies.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“You can or you can’t? Kid, we’re dealing with a monster attack that even the city guards can’t handle, I’ll be damned if I let a total rookie through these doors in a time like this. If you’re not ready to fight, come back later.”

Later, probably meaning in a few years. Or decades. Yeah, Diegi gets the subtext.

“I can, I can! Just let me register and I’ll show you!”

Diegi, anxious for a reason he can’t entirely put his finger on, enters the Guild Hall while trailing slightly behind the woman clad in her purple armor. It’s getting late and the sunlight is starting to fade outside, so he has to briefly rub his eyes to adjust to the more brightly lit indoors.

“Damn it, not again. We’re having a citywide emergency, and neither Fardall nor Golden decide to show up. Ugh… some top ranked adventurers we have…”

> No clue who Golden is, but wait— did she say Fardall!? I remember that guy from my playthroughs! Yeah, the big one with the mustache and all the wicked tough hand-to-hand Skills. Man, he was a cool-ass NPC. I never considered it, but of course— he was a resident of Paxdom, wasn’t he? That’s it, I’ve gotta see this place with my own eyes.

The woman’s grumbling only accelerates Diegi’s desire to view the inside of the Hall. When he opens his eyelids again, however, he’s somewhat surprised at what he takes in. On the one hand, it’s the Paxdom Guild Hall he’s seen a million times, full of people cut from all sorts of different cloths. There’s the big burly Berserkers in all their cumbersome plate armor, the tiny-but-mighty folk in lighter clothing who probably choose speed-oriented classes like Thief or Assassin, the well-rounded swordsmen with scabbards hanging from their hips. There’s even the empty couch that’s always left free for when the infamously powerful but exceptionally lazy Count Fardall showed up. Yes, it’s the Hall he knows and loves, even if this game-world version lacks the presence of the other sapient species. But on the other hand—

“Woah, did it get a renovation? This layout is way more convenient!”

Diegi, when playing MYTH, had occasionally wondered where the NPCs who hypothetically ran the Guild would make announcements or keep all of their items. Then, the building had basically been nothing but a couple of tables, a bulletin board to accept quests from, and tons of player-specific features that really didn’t mesh with the fantasy world. But now, Diegi can spot a raised stage designed for public speaking, a couple stalls to purchase food or drink from, and a large door marked ‘STORAGE’. He’d never given it this much thought before, but given that he’d be a resident of this game-world for a while, he’s seriously glad that—

He’s abruptly nudged from the side by the scarlet-haired woman.

“Oy, cut the daydreaming, this is an emergency. What, too daft to hear the bells? I thought you wanted to register?”

> Forget about the emergency? How could I, when the damn citywide announcement blares every two minutes? No chance in… why is she looking at me all impatiently like that? Wait, that wasn’t a rhetorical question?? Shit, come on brain, spit out a response!

“So… nice weather we’re having, eh?”

The woman looks at him incredulously. One of her eyebrows begins to twitch.

> Fuck you, brain.

“I MEAN… yeah, I do! So, um, where do I sign up?”

As Diegi cranes his neck, he can’t spot a clear registration stand anywhere. There’s always the main desk as a possibility, but that area is currently being occupied by a small pack of rowdy adventurers. Given Diegi’s abysmally weak avatar, he doesn’t want to go near anything that could have even the faintest urge to harm him. Actually, the whole Guild Hall was unnaturally full. Just how big of a monster attack did there have to be for this many people to need to show up!?

> Well, it doesn’t matter. As soon as I register here, I’ll just leave town and that’ll be that. All that matters right now is completing the tutorial. I just hope registration isn’t at the—-

“Where to register? At the main desk, of course. Where else?”

> Sigh.

Diegi resigns himself to his fate, and dejectedly walks over to the front desk, bumping into a few adventurers along the way. The whole Guild Hall is a hotspot of activity, with people running to and fro gathering weapons and supplies. Diegi even overhears something about “delayed instruction” and “state of emergency,” but he doesn’t pay much attention to the passing words. As far as he’s concerned, the situation surrounding Paxdom really isn’t his problem to deal with.

> I’m so close. Just gotta wait for these guys in front of me to be served and then all my problems will be solved! End of tutorial and oh-so-sweet level up, here I come! Oh, and I’ll be able to leave the guiding barrier! No more living the rest of my life inside a dome!

Diegi squirms with excitement as he waits, despite the sounds of ringing bells and general cacophony coming from outside. And ego add on to that good mood— the three rowdy adventurers in front of him aren’t causing him trouble like he expected. Instead, they’re completely laser-focused on tormenting the poor receptionist sitting behind the desk.

“Our weapons! Where are they? Come on, I know I left my greatsword here! It’s Uncommon, you know? Don’t tell me you lost it!”

This tirade comes from a fellow who appears to be the leader of the adventurer trio, a rather short middle-aged man with green hair styled in a faux-mohawk. Gold rings hang from his ears, and though Diegi can’t see the man’s face he suspects that the man is missing a couple of teeth from the slightly garbled way he speaks.

“As I told you, we’re in the process of gathering everyone’s weapons. This is an unprecedented volume of requests we’re getting, so please allow us time to accommodate—”

The receptionist, a young man currently sweating through his crisp white shirt, attempts to respond, but alas.

“What is this!? You call us here on a dime to work for free protecting this city, and now you’re holding us up??”

“You will still be paid. It’s just that the payment will not come from the Adventurer’s Guild Hall, but rather the city of Paxdom’s financial—”

“BULL!! Everyone knows the bigwig nobles in these cities are always greedy with their coin!”

And so on and so forth. Diegi’s about to lose hope of the receptionist ever getting this aggressive adventurer to calm down, when his interest is piqued by the sound of a gong reverberating throughout the entire guild. Everyone stops moving as soon as they hear it, even the less well-behaved individuals.

> Huh? Is this the signal for everyone to shut up? Thank God, I was starting to go deaf just by standing here.

As Diegi eventually hones in on the raised stage as the source of the gong noise. On the previously empty platform now stands a woman with shoulder length brown hair and a pretty fancy getup consisting of something similar to the top half of a suit and a frilly skirt. It’s a professional outfit, but dated— like something you’d see rich ladies wearing in the 1800s. Or at least, that’s what Diegi (with his very limited understanding of world history) thinks. Judging by her outfit and the confidence she carries herself with, it’s easy to see that she’s somebody important within this Guild Hall. Even as he watches, she begins speaking loudly and smoothly without the aid of a microphone or even a horn:

“Adventurers of Paxdom, we thank you for heeding our call for aid. Despite certain delays in relaying information due to chaos on the frontline, we have received word of the situation. Paxdom is being besieged by what appears to be a small army of monsters.”

> Yeah, I knew that already. That was in the announcement, wasn’t it? Can you just get to the good part already?

“They are mostly concentrated directly outside of our main gates and appear to be hellbent on entering our city. Even our finest guards are having trouble dealing with the influx. As such, the evacuation protocol has been established to clear the streets and buildings of civilians. Furthermore, we have blocked the flow of the river leading into Paxdom’s eastern side in order to begin draining the canals.”

Murmurs start to build through the crowd of listening adventurers.

“Wait, is she going to say…?”

“Really? Are we really doing this?”

> Hmm… Wait, is something big coming?

Diegi cranes his head to survey the reactions of the crowd, only to snap it right back when he hears:

“Based on conflicting incoming reports and the struggle of our guards, we are evaluating the current situation as at least a Griffin Level threat. As such, you will be given free reign to fight off the monsters as you see fit— this includes destroying private property, to an extent.”

At that, a massive cheer arises from the crowd. As in, truly deafening— Diegi has to cover his ears to keep his eardrums intact.

> No clue what threat level griffin means, but more importantly— Are these people really so excited that they can destroy things!? I mean, it’s not like I’ve never played demolition games or kicked over a sand castle before, but it’s different when it’s, y’know, real!!

Though, he seems to be the one of the only people in the crowd who feels this way. Even the lady onstage, who had seemingly expected this reaction, allows for a few moments of uproar before raising her hand with her palm open. Almost immediately after she does so, the song of a gong once again rings out, and the rowdy adventurers go silent almost immediately.

“Now now, I know you’re all very excited. But we ask that you wait only a little longer. Even as I speak, the last of your equipment as well as the Guild Hall’s stockpiled resources are being retrieved and distributed. If you’ve noticed, the bells ringing across the city have ceased— when they soon resume, that is your signal to rush to Paxdom’s four gates and take up your stations.”

> Huh? Oh, wait, she’s right.

Diegi hadn’t noticed it before, but the constant annoyance of the bells was really gone, even if only temporarily. He briefly cups his ears in order to hear better, but the action is quickly rendered futile as the adventurers around him start to excitedly murmur to each other about the upcoming mission. He’s pretty sure he even hears the redheaded adventurer mention how long it’s been since she’s “bashed some heads and seen some guts.” How ironic— after a full day of travel, he’s finally made it to his destination, but…

> …this really isn’t the life for me. Forget simply leaving the city; As soon as I register, I’m gonna quit the whole Guild as fast as possible too. In ten seconds at least. No, one. In fact, can you register and quit at the same time? If not, I’ll pioneer the method.

As Diegi continues his cowardly contemplations, the woman onstage brushes her hair to the side and prepares to finish up her speech, raising an arm high in the air.

“So, does anyone need clarification on what to do? If not, I’ll step down and allow a high-ranking member to give your customary pre-battle address.”

Some distance away from Diegi, the axewielder woman scoffs and shrugs her shoulders, causing her violet armor plates to collide and make clunking noises. She grumbles to herself, making sure that her voice doesn’t carry as far as the onstage woman's ears:

“Come on, you ask this question every single time, and every single time nobody asks anything. When we’re all riled up like this, if anyone tried to break our flow—”

“Ooh, me, me! I have a question!”

Once the loud voice yells out, the adventurers all start swivelling their hands in order to locate the unexpected questioner. It doesn’t take long to find him; interrupting the woman’s suppressed complaint is Diegi, standing up taller and waving his hand around like a schoolchild. Which, in his defense, he is. Without waiting to be called on or acknowledged in any way, he attempts to continue with his question:

“So, I’m new around here, and I was wondering if I could register for the guild…”

The adventurers in the crowd around Diegi shift so that their piercing gazes rest on him. Even the woman onstage peers down at him with professional curiosity. Upon seeing Diegi’s eager grin and wide eyes, however, the glares soften somewhat. The adventurers are annoyed, but not angry; it is a valid question for a newbie in the area, and they’ll gladly accept another helping hand in the upcoming battle. At least they hadn’t had their time wasted by some asinine demand—

“...but without having to do any fighting during this whole emergency thing. I’m pretty strong, but I’m pretty easygoing too. Maybe I could, like, just chill in this awesome Guild Hall instead!”

Spreading his arms wide and giving his best, million-watt smile, Diegi stands and waits for a response.

“You know, just like everyone’s favorite, Count Fardall— uh?”

Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that he tries to spread his arms wide. They don’t get too far from his body before they run into something hard.

Diegi, confused, looks to his sides only to notice something fairly strange.

> Hold on. Is it just me, or have these guys in the crowd gotten a lot closer?

The ‘hard things’ Diegi’s arm ran into turned out to be the well-trained bodies of the adventurers surrounding him and looking at him very intently. His left hand had even run into some muscular swordsman’s exposed abdominal area, and the impact had hurt his hand. Talk about a cliché.

> They look kind of mad. Are they kind of mad? Are they REALLY mad!? I’m not sure what I’ve done, but I should probably say something to diffuse the situation.

So he keeps the smile going, and blurts out the first thing to come to mind:

“Hey, guys! I totally appreciate all the attention, but you don’t all have to answer my question at once. How about you form a nice, orderly line, eh?”

…

It’s as if all the air has been sucked out of the room. The resounding silence is palpable, and everyone stops moving, even the Guild’s couriers who were running around trying to get each adventurer their proper equipment. The woman onstage freezes with an incredulous smile on her face, and everyone’s eyes are trained on Diegi, and Diegi kind of just really just wants to go home. The tension builds for 10 seconds, 30 seconds, one minute, two minutes, and then—

*BONG, BONG, BONG, BONG*