“Hnghhh! Are you sure that it’s supposed to hurt this bad!?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“For the last time, yes. We are regrowing libs from scratch here, not simply speeding up the normal healing process of your body, which I don’t think I need to remind you that your species does not include the regrowth of missing mass, especially when it includes nerves”, a frustrated [Healer] explained again in depth, while professionally keeping up with the procedure.
“I know! But do I-Ack! Do I have to be awake for it!?” I barely manage to speak through the spasm of pain, and only the soft shackles anchoring me to the operation table stop me from actually jerking away from the glowing hands that are [Regrow]ing my flesh and bones.
I knew that I liked getting bound, but this was neither the place nor time to appreciate the furniture… I could definitely save the design in mind for later.
“Again, none of your [Body Statistics] are at [Tier 1] yet, so we have, together, to consciously guide the regrowth of every tiny part, because your physical meat shell has yet to be saved onto a metaphysical template that is managed by both you and the [System].
And before you ask again, you also need to be able to tell us if the pain feels somehow different, meaning no pain-killing methods either.
Now stop talking or you’ll bite your tongue again, and all that’ll accomplish will be lengthening the time you’ll need to be under my care”, the [Healer] responded so casually that you might think he was talking about the weather, but a suspiciously harsher spike of pain made me suspect that he might be getting close to resenting me and my constant stream of inane questions.
“Ok, shutting up now-Argh!” And I bit my tongue again.
A hint of mirth from the [Healer]’s [Aura] told me that, this time, it was almost probably on purpose.
I can’t even tell why the Goblin had initially inspired in me some sense of professionality and trustfulness, I’m not even sure those are a thing, but what I came to discover after accepting his care was Efficient, with a capital ‘E’, to the cost of empathy, with a lower-case ‘e’: If suffering was the only cost for healing faster and better, it was his opinion that you ‘sucked it up’, his actual words.
One of his assistants, who kept helping with minor things, like misshapen skin or my bitten tongue, had initially explained that his inability for flexibility was the main reason why he wasn’t [Chief Healer].
…That, and the already mentioned lack of empathy.
Not that he seemed to care: It was my impression that as long as he was allowed to [Heal] to the best of his capabilities, he could be shunned into a dingy clinic that could barely allow more than the [Healer] and the patient inside the operation room.
Still, his [Class] was [Sorcerous Surgeon], and his [Sub-class] was [Savant Surgeon], so I had to believe that he knew what he was doing.
And, to be fair, while incredibly painful, I had everything regrown down to my talons in less than two hours, which I was told was incredibly fast.
Also… come on, he was a Goblin, How could I not trust him!?
Millimeter after centimeter, agonizing second after excruciating minute, my legs, and then feet, were slowly, but surely, making their painful way back into the real world.
If I were flexible enough, I would probably be kissing my feet as soon as they were done. “Although, given how much higher my [Body Stats] were now, I was probably dexterous enough to do just that, but I don’t want to look too weird in front of the [Healers], so I won’t even try to.”
“What insanity are you thinking about now?” A tired and bored voice came from my right, and when the assistant moved a little my current roommate came into view: Cherry, with both hands folded on top of her chest.
Naturally, we were brought to the same place for our [Healing], and since she had lost less mass than me she was done sooner; still, they forced her to remain on the table and rest, since [Regrow]ing body parts were supposed to be exhausting on the owner of the body; a fact that I could conveniently avoid thanks to the special procedure I was under, although I would have preferred to not undergo the painful endeavor and be done already, but I guess we're both supposed to suffer in our own different ways.
Still, again, I would have preferred to be suffering from boredom, instead of actual pain.
“Whether it would be weird if I hunched over to kiss my own feet once they are back”, I honestly replied, uncaring of the looks I was receiving.
Which weren’t ‘weird’, per se, instead they were almost ‘understanding’, in some way. But maybe that was just their training taking over, keeping them from looking at a patient like the obviously deranged madmen they sometimes obviously were.
“Huh…” She seemed to be seriously thinking it over, “Well, I could let you kiss my knuckles, forcefully, in the meantime”, and she raised the newly regrown fist in the air for emphasis
“I don’t think you’ve thought-“, I started telling the Elf just how weird that sounded out of context when she beat me to the punch.
Pun intended.
“Yes, yes, I figured it out as soon as I said it. I regret it already”, by the tone alone I could tell she honestly wanted to eat those words back, as literally as she possibly could.
Before I could tease her a little more the curtain separating us swung shut once more, and the [Nurse] on the other side started chastising Cherry for disturning a patient still undergoing his procedure, so I guess I could still count this outcome as my win, technically.
Pain washed over my legs anew: It seemed like the [Healer] had done me the courtesy of letting me talk for a moment without being constantly interrupted by terrible wracks of pain.
“Whoever said that this man lacked empathy can s-SHIT!”
A stronger bout of pain forced the assistant to magically hold me down, otherwise I would have madly spasmed, probably harming myself in the process, and definitely disrupting the healing process.
But fuck that noise, because all I could think about was that it fucking hurt!
“Ah, the plantar facilities. A particularly sensible spot, it’s normal that it would cause such a reaction. Honestly, I’m more surprised that a similar thing didn’t already happen when working on your Achilles tendon. Fascinating terms, by the way: One merely factual and direct, while the other purely out of fiction and myth.”, the Goblin casually muttered while not stopping for a single moment, continuing his unending campaign of torture that he was inflicting on me.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“If you like that- huff, huff, -You’ll definitely love- huff, huff,- how we named our damned animals- ffffffff!”, the pain was barely bearable, and I put it my all to push through it with a bit of comedy.
“Oh? Can’t say that I’ve had the time to pursue subjects outside of my expertise, especially when talking about your newly brought-over culture. Why don’t you tell me more?” He inquired with idle curiosity, his work slowing down a notch, to the point that breathing again became easier.
And I don’t want to think any deeper about my held breath or the fact that he was actively asking me to speak after warning me about the tongue-biting.
“Look at birds for example: We have things named like ‘rock dove’ and ‘Turdus migratorius’, for self-explanatory reasons, but then others are like ‘drab seedeater’ or ‘booby’, seemingly out of spite, but then there are still overcomplicated things like and the like ‘red-rumped bush tyrant smew’, that nobody asked for!
And don’t get me started on how we classified ourselves: To the day before we got here we were still debating whether we could determine if there was an actual difference between ‘homo sapiens’ and ‘homo sapiens sapiens’, a definition literally created just so we could differentiate ourselves from the cruel actions of our ancestors.”
There, I managed to get it out, only flinching every once in a while but without stopping.
A brief pause later, in the discussion, not in the [Healer]’s work, he finally responded.
“It seems, to me, that your [Race] never bothered with creating a unified code or system to name things the proper way, and everyone involved in the creation or discovery of something could just name it whatever they fancied: Now, while someone with a scientific mind could create and give something a reasonable name that made sense, most would just call what they saw, and others still use it as an occasion to have fun.
That isn’t inherently bad, but you recognize that there must be a constant, albeit humorous, confusion as a consequence. But, as you kind of seemed fond of repeating at nauseum, ‘if it’s not broken, don’t fix it’; a way of life that many adhere by even without knowing the phrase by heart, but one I could never live with. After all, I’m always trying to improve things while fixing them.”
I could stop and consider that he didn’t sound like he found what I said as funny as I thought he would, or the fact that he was casually using and understanding Latin, but what made me finally fixate all my attention on him was that last part he said almost to himself.
“You’re doing what to me now!?”
Your [Body] has been cleared of imperfection and impurities:
You gain +2 [Strength], +3 [Dexterity] and +5 [Reflex]
“Huh. That’s not a lot, but free [Stats] are free [Stats]!”
I wasted only a second or two looking at the screen, fantasizing about having a team of different types of [Healers] that could just give me free [Stats] every once in a while, before I was back in the real world, not really knowing how to express my gratitude to the Goblin.
“Look, man: Thank you, really, for the [Stats]; but why did you go so far above and beyond what was required?”
The [Healer] gave me a long look, squarely in the eyes, and I felt his assistant behind me trying to hold back a snicker.
“Were you not listening to me? I do not take half measures: If I am healing someone of something, they get the full extent of my capabilities, no matter how many ‘extra’ things they might require.
In your case, specifically, I saw remains of overuse of [Purifying poultice] in your [Body], and took action.
If you want to thank me for a job well done, though, I won't stop you from praising me and my work.”
And ‘praise him’ I wanted to, but the moment I went to call him by name my thoughts turned elsewhere.
“Of course, thank you a thousand times, [Healer] Ripp’er; but I have to ask: Does your name have any particular meaning in your home language? Because, for how it sounds in mine, it doesn’t have particularly good connotations, like ‘ripping people apart’ kind of bad”, I asked my question right after thanking the man, naturally.
“It does? One of the weird coincidences of the universe I guess, because in what was the common language of my people it meant ‘he who rends harm asunder’, so you could say I was named with the idea that I would become a [Healer] to begin with, a sort of extirpator of pain”, the Goblin explained, a sort of fond smile gracing his lips, letting a few of his saw-like teeth peek through.
“I suspect that isn’t why they called you ‘Ripp’, but maybe that’s just me.”
“And we’re done!” Ripp’er said enthusiastically, his hands leaving my healed foot alone, and their comforting glow quieting into nothingness.
I stared at my toes with mixed emotions. I twisted my toes once, twice, and then any energy I had left in me seemingly left my body all at once; I dropped back on the slim bed and it reclined on its own, letting me rest more properly.
It was done: I was whole again.
The sheer relief I felt was immeasurable, and I probably would not do it justice if I were to try and put it into words.
But I still went ahead and said it:
“If I swung the opposite way I would already be french-kissing you, Ripp. Fortunately for you, I have a girlfriend, so I’ll just thank you again for a job well done.”
“I don’t understand what you mean by ‘swinging ’ but- oh, I see now… how weird. Well, to each culture their own bias, I guess. Just now that I was just doing what I’m paid for, but you’re welcome in either case”, the [Healer] was a bit confused by my opening salvo, but the [System] eventually fed him enough [Information] to understand me, probably giving him a bit of context on the troubled relationship my [Race] had with sexuality.
Weird how that keeps popping up as strange… but maybe it was just us [Humans] that had a weird relationship with the subject… about relationships.
Oh well.
“Now, you’re whole, but not healthy: I suggest at least two days of full rest while avoiding tiring yourself for a week after that. Aside from that, good day to you, and I hope to never have you in my care again”, the Goblin said with a happy wave, turning away from me, to which I responded in kind.
“Finally done, are you? About time: the [Nurse] kept looking between the doctor and you. If I were the best kind I’d say our friends were pestering the staff about when they visit us. But you know how it is: No visiting patients while under [Healing]”, Cherry said from the other bed, the parting curtain having been pulled open when I wasn’t paying attention.
As if they had been waiting that moment, Sheeno a the [Sky Gnomes] triplets burst into the room, almost running over poor Ripp’er, who was trying to make its way out, but he got out of the way with practiced ease, and for all I knew about the Goblin, that might have been true.
“Darwin! You’re healed!” An enthusiastic amazon bounded by my side, and promptly landed a kiss right on the lips that I had tried to use to respond.
Sounds of happy greetings came from the other bed, but I was mostly occupied with trying to not get smothered to death.
“Sheeno! Don’t squeeze so hard! I’m still convalescent!” I grunted once she showed no signs of stopping her ever-tightening hug.
I’ve had and heard about bone-braking hugs, but Sheeno was taking it to another whole level.
“Sorry, sorry. I had underestimated how worried I was for your health!” She quickly realized me and apologized, almost in the same breath.
“Well, I don’t really know how to interpret that now”, I said with an impish chuckle.
“Oh, shut up… can you walk already? I wanted to take you home”, she asked with uncharacteristic vulnerability in her voice.
She loves you, you dingus.
“Yeah, I can move no problem”, to demonstrate the fact I pulled myself over the edge of the bed, and while my first step was a bit wobbly, and my feet felt a bit numb, I got myself moving quickly enough.
But not before saying my goodbyes to Cherry and her [Team].
Who, long story short, were mostly glad that the misadventure was over, and the Elf apologized again for the uncooperative showing.
‘Water under the bridge’, I said, and we separated more friendly terms than I ever thought possible, even though we all knew that once we were back at 100% we would be all called back for questioning, together.
“Maybe I’m the only one who thinks of myself as some kind of ‘misfortune’s magnet’.”
But boy, was I wrong.